Be honest, and ask her.
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Be honest, and ask her.
I've talked to one close friend about this, and he has made the same remark, 'maybe she feels the same/is confused' I REALLY know that I should just go for it. I go to a school with 8000 people, and I have other friends so if it went badly, I'd be fine minus feeling "let down"Quote:
Originally Posted by artlady
Then GO FOR IT!Quote:
Originally Posted by KillerInstinct
Its not like you are asking for her hand in marriage!
Live up to your screen name :D
Maybe I will.. but how/where/when (if that even matters)?Quote:
Originally Posted by artlady
And :D my screen name should have been "IwishIhadKillerInstincts"
I would call her,not text and ask her if she wants to catch a movie with you.Be specific on the day and time.Quote:
Originally Posted by KillerInstinct
Ask her if she has seen(insert movie) and tell her you have been wanting to see it.
After the movie,go out for a bite to eat and discuss the movie.
One step at a time :)
Hm. Sounds good. I really want this work
Anyone else have any imput or insight into the situation? Sometimes she seems closer or maybe interested, whereas sometimes she acts like just some random guy.
Does she have a friend who you could talk to ,to sort of feel out the situation?
Is this your first time asking a girl out?
I think that the only friend of hers who I could talk to might still say something to her :SQuote:
Originally Posted by artlady
And no, not really.. but its been a while. I was with my last girlfriend for two years.. So almost 2 years since I asked her out, and another 9 months for the girl before
Geez guy, just take a breath and just ask her out, without anyone else in your business. If she says no, then that avenue is over and we move on.
Amazing how fear of whatever just complicates things.
Honestly, that's really the worst that will happen, it will be awkward and she will say she's not interested. You're not going to die, awkwardness can be fixed- if she's that great of a friend you guys can recover if you get denied.
I wouldn't ask her out before asking her feelings on the matter. If you jump into asking her out on a date, she could see that as you just trying to push it without her consent. You guys are friends, respect the woman, tell her how you feel (honesty, it's an attractive trait for a man or woman.) And give her time to process if she needs it. If she says she'd like to pursue a relationship, THEN ask her on a date.
This isn't exactly jr. high where you have a crush on a girl, and just ask her out. It's a more respectful approach to ask the person about their feelings first.
Clearly you do not know the rules for a disagree.Quote:
jaime90 disagrees: So if you're not in it for "her hand in marriage" you're in it for "her heart to be broken?" Are you in it for "her emotions in a saw mill?" Or is there another option that I don't know about??
I did not give any factually incorrect information.
In the future keep your reddies at bay until you understand the protocol!
Killer, is this the same girl?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ew-401823.html
As long as you are not using dating her as a rebound and both of you are free, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't ask her out.
As Artlady said, you only want a date to see where it goes from here. If you were asking for marriage or children, that would be awkward. :)
Dating is for having fun getting to know each other. How else can you tell if you click enough to risk more. Dragging it out too much has all kind of weird things going through your mind. If she says no your still friends. That's why keep it simple. Don't think love, romance, and feelings, think Starbuck's and roll. Mickey D's and fries, but with company. " I'm hungry, are you? My treat." Not rocket science. Fancy plans say romance, just spending time says friends.
Then you get to have the time to pay attention to the personal dynamics.
Hey it's a date, not a proposal. If she says NO, asks someone else.
Never know, your fixation on her, may be distracting you from other options, and opportunities.
I disagree with your opinion: Um... why should he pour out all of his feelings and ask permission to ask for a date? Why not just ask for the date (nothing big, maybe lunch or a campus event like a 'fall fair' or Winter concert) and see where it goes from there? His feelings may not be what he thinks they are and finding out is a part of dating.Quote:
Originally Posted by jaime90
'Don't put the cart before the horse' is very appropriate in this case.
Just come out and ask how she feels and if it would maybe be worth it to be more than friends and see what happens! =D
The worse she can say is no and guess what that isn't going to kill you.
May make the cunones shrink for a second but the good news is they perk right back up :)
I think if you have known someone for as long as you have and been spending time with her then asking her out would be no problem, so keep it simple, and just ask her. Then you'll know how she feels and if you should pursue more. Your making this way to complicated than what it need be.
1- No not same girl as the other thread.
2- Lol yeah I am scared, but I'm going to call her tonight and ask her to a movie or something. I might as well get this over with, it is killing me trying to figure out how she feels even though I'll never know unless she tells me which requires me making a move.
Good for you but I get the impression you sound MAD.Quote:
Originally Posted by KillerInstinct
The way you sounded was Maddlike. Taking the bull by the horns,do that gently.
Be yourself sweetheart,your seem pretty cool to me :)
I sound MAD? :PQuote:
Originally Posted by artlady
You did sound like you were about to shout, "Charge!" :)Quote:
Originally Posted by KillerInstinct
Just be yourself and stay calm. You'll be okay.
Ahaha, yeah ill try to be myself. Apparently people seem to like it when I do.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat1864
Keep that keeping you real :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by KillerInstinct
UPDATE:
I called her last night, we were supposed to go to a party together, but plans got screwed up and she ended up going to a friends. Anyway, I called her and told her I had something important to tell her. She said that she could text, but not stay on the phone. So I said OK and texted her, telling her that I like her. She told me that she likes someone else. We agreed to still be friends, etc.
That's the way it is sometimes, no biggie!
Yup. Im happy I know. Its better than dragging on something hopeless foreverQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
So, Ive been seeing this girl for the past couple weeks, and things have been great.. but I'm still left with a "scar" from my past relationship that is affecting the way I am thinking. My previous girlfriend went to parties without me which was fine, but she was WAY too close to other men to say the least. This was a huge reason for our fighting that ultimately led to our breaking up. Now, this new girl, who from all indications, is VERY into me, and I would say there isn't even a 0.000001% chance that she cheats on me (we aren't OFFICIAL yet, but we are exclusive) but when I found out she was going to the party and wanted to get smashed something inside of me reacted and I felt like crap. Of course I showed no signs of, told her to be careful, joked about not wanting to hear she fell asleep in some ditch, and that was the end of that. But Im here still, feeling a headache and chest pain (stress-like symptoms). What can I do to get past this kind of feeling? I don't want to be the paranoid boyfriend I was in the past. I've always prided myself in being the best I can be, but this is something I need to get better at.
Thanks,
KI
Let me know when your tired of jumping from girl to girl and want to work on yourself so you can have healthy adult relationships. After merging all of your many threads, what is noticeable is that you never listen to the advice any way.
I will give you credit for trying, and you are not shy around females either.
Talaniman, all due respect, I am not "girl jumping".
Here is my timeline:
I was with Girl A (the ex who left a scar on me) on-and-off for 2 and a half years. I dumped her last summer; for good. I followed AMHD advice, and have been in NC with her since. It's worked wonders for me.
I was interested in Girl B (my longtime friend) for about a month and a half. I followed AMHD advice and I am over her. I also overcame my fear of asking a girl out.
I am now seeing a third girl. Both of us are very interested in each other. And also, this third girl just happened. After girl B, I had decided to work on myself and stop looking, but she found me and it clicked.
I want to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread. You've been a big help, whether you see it or not.
Thank you for merging all my threads. I will stick to this one thread from now on.
Let me define girl jumping, which is going from one female to another and hoping it works. I mention it because the flaw with moving from one female to another destroys the whole perspective of dating for fun, as attachments are easy when the focus is narrow.
Talaniman Rule-Date them all, short, skinny, or tall. 18-80, blind cripple or crazy.
That's dating for fun, and having a good time getting to know someone well, and keeping a healthy perspective while you take your own sweet time evaluating yourself, and others, without pressure.
Despite time between relationship failures, we all fall to fast for the next thing to come along, and repeat past behaviors, and attitudes.
That was the point I was making, save commitment for the right time. Especially the commitment of exclusive dating, or official relationships.
Who needs that pressure?
Yeah OK, I understand this, and believe me, I do try and follow the advice I get on here.
So my question is what do I do when I feel for a girl, and they go party and hang out with other guys and it bothers me?
If you were doing the same it wouldn't bother you. It's the choices, and detachment that gives you a healthy perspective on the situation, since you really have no stake in what others do, and can see things from a distance.
When you do see one that stands out, it's that healthy perspective that allows you to get beyond the petty feelings that cloud our judgment, and make us dependent on the actions of another, and stay above the game playing that goes on.
The best part is being able to see more options, and opportunities, we often miss when our focus is narrow, and the "needs" of others take a more prominent role in our thinking, and behavior, than our own needs.
Lastly, you are less likely to fall for what is unreasonable, and out of bounds, as far as bad behavior, because you have no reason to put someone on a pedestal, and you keep the very healthy balance in your life that's crucial to any human interaction.
That's a win-win situation, without drama, and confusion. Both of which healthy people avoid.
Talaniman is so right. You need to build a life of yourself before dating someone else. It`s important that you are complete with yourself so that you don't get any jealousy when you date someone. It`s really hard but once you get it, or close to it, you get a great human being.
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