That's the thing I don't have a group of people I put everyhting into the relationship
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That's the thing I don't have a group of people I put everyhting into the relationship
What do you mean? Are you saying you lost touch with everyone while you were with her? If so, you need to reconnect with them. This should be one of the first steps to rebuilding your life.
I never really had very many friends to begin with and now the few I was friends with have moved away
No wonder your having a hard time, you had no life outside this relationship. But thats the task for you now. To build a life that you enjoy without her in it.
In the future never give up the things that make you happy, for a relationship. Being happy with yourself is attractive to others, and once we lose that, we lose everything else.
Get busy, and make a plan to get out, and find your happiness, through making new friends, hobbies, and activities, so you don't just sit, and be hurting.
Whens the last time you talked to your family???
I live with my family... I don't know how to make a plan to get out?
Hey lonelyman123- What Tal means is get out and do things and make a life that you can be happy with. This really is important.
You sound a lot like me- my ex fiancé was my life and she knew it. When she dumped me my whole world came crumbling down like yours is now.
Its up to you now to do some soul searching and try doing things to occupy your time. Yes you do need time to grieve- we all do after being dumped. But remember she is out there meeting new guys and enjoying her new life- you need to start doing that too.
Check at your local library for activities going on in your town. There may be co-ed volleyball or basketball leagues where anyone can play. (we have that in my town) Just don't put your life on hold.
Believe me it sucks big time. It's the hardest thing I had to ever go through. One day I'm planning our big engagement party and excited about the wedding in a year and entire future together and then bam- it all goes down the drain.
You have to understand just how important it is to have a life of your own. Try your hardest to make new friends.
You see my ex has tons of friends and activities and guys approach her all the time because she's seriously beautiful so when she dumped me it really was no loss to her but devastating to me. If I (and you) had friends of my own and a life of my own we wouldn't be struggling as bad right now.
Thanks but my ex isn't out meeting new guys and she says she wants to work on the relationship which makes things even harder... I was her life to so we are both struggling
You both need to get a life, besides each other! And why are you so sure what the ex is doing? Must be in contact with her still.
Do you not think it will work out?
Honestly- you never know. It is possible that things could work out. But right now she's not being very fair to you. You need to understand that this very well may be over. What's going on right now- is she contacting you still? If she is you REALLY need to stop responding. If you want any chance of getting her back she needs to miss you and know that you are no longer available for her.
Yes we are still in contact... we talk everyday... I just want to get up the courage to say you either want to be with me or you don't just decide? But I don't think that would be a good idea either
You talk everyday, but have not resolved your relationship issues? You're talking about nothing then.
How should I handle this then?
When you get dumped you at least have to have the courtesy to disappear, or cut contact or resign yourself forever to the friends zone, until something better comes along and she doesn't have time to be your friend.
No wonder you young guys can't heal, and move on. False hope has you hanging around hoping.
Very easy- you need to put an end to you being in limbo... simple choose when you're going to text her (no more than a week from now) and tell her you need to know if you are done for good or are getting back together. If she says she's still not sure/give her more time then Don't EVER talk to her again. That means she is just using you as her back up plan. Take it from me- I gave it one week after my ex said she wanted to go on break. She told me she didn't miss me as much as she thought she would and she thinks its done. That was all I needed to hear- it was over. Don't live in limbo any more- right now you are in friends zone- put an end to your misery asap:rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by lonelyman123
Should I tell her I need an answer in a week?
No that's to wimpy.
I don't care if its wimpy whatever works
Lonely man, I am sorry for you. I know it hurts, but you are allowing her to string you along, and being so available. She says she loves you, but actions speak louder than words. You are settling for a woman who now is offering you nothing, but just stringing you along like a puppet. I don't mean to be harsh, but why would you put your life on hold for a woman, who now is offering you nothing? She is dragging you along and you are allowing it. Go out and think of yourself now, and meet new friends. Good luck.
That's my point. You have tried everything and it hasn't worked. Take a few suggestions,
#Stop all contact
#Start doing your own thing with out her
#Make new friends and renew old friendships
#Be busy enjoying yourself
Then tell me how you feel in a month.
Are you man enough? Or do you have life and BS all screwed up!
Well said, Tal.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
And after a month if I still want her back? Then what?
Go back & follow Tals list of rules.
Your worrying about her & what's going to happen a month down the road?
Just have zero contact from now on, save yourself the misery.
Stop being lonelyman & be happyman.
I want her back and that's all that matters to me right now I'll continue this misery until that happens or I am told she has moved on... I believe in my heart of hearts that true love never gives up and I truly love her... I already know that your going to say she's given up but I haven't so Im not giving up until she tells me to give up and that's that... thanks for listening to me guys but right now I'm not able to comprehend any advice.. maybe in a year from now ill look back and wish id listen to you guys or maybe in a year ill be back with her only time can tell but as of right now I'm not giving up!
DO NOT let her string you on any longer! I know you love her- I'm sure she's very beautiful and is perfect in your eyes. BUT her feelings have changed and she's just trying to put you down gently because she doesn't want to crush you! We all know you want her back so start no contact immediately and see how she reacts- not to be harsh but she may not even care anymore. Believe me most guys have all been through this (cuz 90% of the time girls are the dumpers) but don't let her string you along any longer. Tomorrow send her this text... " Hey We've been on break for a while now and I need to know are we getting back together or are we done for good?" If she gives you the run around then you know its over for good. Good luck and tell us what happens.
Bj I don't think you can do that over a text I'm going to meet her and tell her that
Me, I would just go NC & screw it. But if you need it from the horse's mouth, then go for it.
If she wanted to be with you, then you would be together & never have posted here.
Sounds like she wants you in the friend zone. A pal.
Stringing along? Yes. And you are letting her.
You leave her alone and if she comes asking to try again that's when you should consider may be getting back after thinking it over very thoroughly if its in your best interest. Why do you have to keep asking for another chance? She knows how you feel, its her turn to show that she is willing to fight for the relationship. Last time I checked, it took two to make it work. Constantly trying to make her change her mind is not going to work. She has to decide she wants a relationship with you herself without you convincing her. My guess is she will continue to be confused and not give you a straight answer because she herself does not know what she really wants. So until she figures it out you should live as if she's NOT coming back, that way if you don't get the answer your looking for u'll be well on your way to recovery.
OK meet her if that's what you want to do. Just be warned that you may be in for some serious pain. I was stupid and went to get my ring back and talked to my ex for an hour. She was cold as ice and distant beyond belief. Your ex may give you the same treatment.Quote:
Originally Posted by lonelyman123
Don't be nice- just be direct. Remember she's the one that dumped you. If she starts giving you the run around and asks for more time then get up and walk out. Do not say another word to her. Be man enough to do this.
I wasn't man enough when I picked up my ring and I ended up looking like a wuss. I'm sure my ex and her friends got a good laugh... dont make the same mistake as me.:rolleyes:
Plain to see your locked into your course, and won't be swayed. So the only advice I can give you is wear a helmet when your determined to run head first into a brick wall.
Good Luck, and I mean that.
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