Believe me... I can feel your pain all over... It sucks... I am at 1 month and a half of no contact... I still saw a photo of us kissing by mistake on my phone so I deleted it quick... feeling down now. I hate this feeling of missing her... just hang in there with me.

Emopunk, I had a look at your thread. I know exactly how you feel, I miss her something awful. I just came back from a party, and all I could think of was whether she was at a party tonight, how much I would like to have her with me etc. Life these days is mostly about passing time and trying to keep myself from thinking about her. I know it will get better, for the both of us, but it will take some time.

I've been majorly depressed lately. It's not like before, there's a different kind of pain, not as intense, but worse in a way. I can't help but to think that she may have moved on. I read this on here the other day:

Quote:

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From a female and from my own perspective, usually when a woman leaves a guy it usually means she has moved on.
I think women in general give their all when in a relationship, but will be willing to take it all with her and leave when she feels the need to do so.

---

I'm trying not to worry about it, but it's like the polar bear thing. I wish I could go away somewhere, but I have my exams coming up next week.

You are beginning to realise and accept that it is over. That underlying hope of getting back together is getting crushed as time goes by and that's why you feel the pain. The fear that she might have moved on is there because if she has then all this is definitely real and permanent. Don't fall into the trap of trying to analyse what the fact she might have moved on that fast says about your relationship. Believe me I have gone down that path and it won't lead anywhere. The truth is that she is no longer in a relationship and is free to move on as are you.

Just try and focus on your exams. I know its hard but you can do this

Yes, focus on your school work, try hanging out with your other friends for support, and soon or a later your hurt will be gone. You are still young and there are so many fish in the ocean that you can catch.

Busterite, I think you were pretty much spot on with your post, I guess I've been realizing that it is in fact over, and I've been truly desperate because it is. And 2ndTime, thanks, I know, I try to socialize and to keep my mind off things.

Well, just signed up for a climbing class tomorrow. Hopefully that will help me keep my mind off things for a bit.

Keeping busy and learning new skills help. Have a good time.

Well, in a move showing total lack of insight into my own abilities, I just ordered a guitar and a play guide. Hopefully I'll make something more of it than just learning the first 10 seconds of Nothing Else Matters... :p

Sometimes, you can turn a emotional case into a creative outlet. I think you are doing right by channeling your emotion into hobby.

Yeah just keep channeling that emotion in a positive way man, it gets easier trust me. The best motivation for me personally is people either not thinking I'm good enough, or turning me down, etc... nothing else lights a fire under me more. You just have to use it in a positive way, and then eventually you just start doing things because you realize that they make you happy. Hang in there, and just vent here if needed! :)

Well, here comes the venting. Why is it always hardest in the morning? It's like everyday I get up, it hits me again. I still cry pretty much everyday. I've become better at steering my thoughts over to other things, so that might be a sign of improvement, but I still frequently have moments where I miss her so much it hurts. I sometimes feel like calling her just to hear her voice. I know it would mess me up even more, so I'm not actually going to do it. It just sucks that she's got so much stuff going on in her life - and may be over me by now for that matter - while I'm stuck here because everyone's busy with their exams. I don't know, maybe I'm just feeling down because I've been sick and haven't had the chance to exercise.

Sorry to hear you've been sick that can make you feel a bit down,try not to dwell on her moving on but on YOU moving on instead.
Make plans to do something you really enjoy every day-you are getting over this ,it just takes time.

Thanks for the support, both of you, all of you. It really goes a long way.

I know I shouldn't dwell on it, and that's why I try to get my mind over on other things, and keep myself occupied. Maybe I'm being impatient, but I just didn't expect this kind of dip a month and half after the break-up. I think I mentioned it, but I spent a month abroad from her this summer with little contact, and my feelings had subsided quite substantially when I got back, so I was expecting to feel better by now. I'm having trouble letting go as well, but I'll just have to try to load up on happy memories and see where it takes me. Thanks again.

It's understandable that mornings are always the worst. I'm definitely past the grief stage, but I still say it's a 60/40 split between she is not the first thing I think of in the morning, to yes I do still think of her when I wake up. Chalk it up to the sleeping in the same bed 97% of the 13 months we were together I guess. Just keep staying busy and hang out with friends. My break up happened about 6 months ago... and then she waffled for about 2.5 months before finally calling it off that she couldn't be in my life at all... and me going NC. I've only just recently started noticing hot girls checking me out, and flirting with me... so it is definitely a process my man. Just let it all out, by I can tell you from experience IT DOES GET BETTER! Just take it one day at a time! :)

Yesterday, I got wasted for the first time in two months. Although it was too soon and I got a little depressed by the end of the evening, I still had a great time. And for the first time since the break-up, I saw this hot girl that I liked. Signs of improvement I hope.

Anyway, do you guys think it's possible to maintain a friendship with an ex without any undercurrents of other stuff? I'm not ready for it yet, not even by a long shot, but I'm not sure if I want her to disappear from my life completely.

Only after a complete, and thorough healing process, where the goal is acceptance, can you achieve any sort of friendship with the ex. Any efforts to be friends before that is a recipe for disaster.

Of course there is always a risk, your partner, or ex will not be as willing as you to be the kinds of friends you want them to be, for whatever reason.

That's why the acceptance is so important, as it still may not work out the way you want it to.

I sometimes find myself wondering if my ex is missing me, or even thinking about me. It probably sounds stupid, but I occasionally wonder how she's going to remember me. I'm pretty sure she had another boyfriend before me, so I wasn't the first, and she's so young. I'm worried I'll just be that guy she dated for a while in high school, a good memory of her teen days perhaps, but nothing more.

I'm afraid that's probably another one of those questions that you might never get the answer to.
Try not to overthink this,once you're over the breakup,she'll be a memory as well.

It hurts to think about, so I know I shouldn't and I try not to, but sometimes I have to face those feelings just to get rid of that nagging pain.

I understand,it's all part of the healing process,so long as it helps you move on.

Thank you-soldier on SH, you'll if there.

I'm sorry about your breakup. =/
Not sure if I'll be any help but here's my advice since I know a couple of people in the same situation as you're in.
I think you shouldn't start hanging around her until you've moved on for sure.
If you two decided to be friends and she starts seeing someone, I have a feeling it wouldn't cause very happy emotions in you.
Just focus on anything else and try not to think too much about her, I guess.
But I'm only repeating what many before me are saying. But good luck. ^^
I hope you'll feel better soon =)

Thanks for reading my post Dararamm. You're right, seeing her with someone right now would mess me up beyond repair, I'd have to sign up for the Army or something. I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to see her with someone, so maybe we can never be friends, which s*cks.

Thing is, I think the reason that I keep thinking about that is because I miss her so much, and I want to see her again. And I guess I'm hoping that I'll be able to win her back, but that's just false hope of course. When (if?) I've healed enough to actually just think of her as a friend, I have a feeling I won't really be interested anyway.

Today it's been 2 months since she dumped me, so I've been thinking about her a lot today. I just made the mistake of looking at her FB page for the second time since the break-up. She's updated her profile pic (which is all I can see, since I unfriended her), and she was smiling and looking all cute. Mistake on my part, a painful one. I just miss her so much. At least there's an upward trend, although I sometimes feel like a snail scaling Mt. Everest or something.

Facebook is the Devil when it comes to breakups , hopefully this is a lesson learnt and you don't go back there. There's nothing to gain by looking so it's a lose lose.

Curiosity killed the cat.

I just saw my ex. I was at my local supermarket, and just as I was getting my stuff, there she was, in the beginning of the line, waving at me and smiling kind of shyly. Her hair's a bit longer now, just the way I like it. She looked all that. I just gave her a nod and left without waiting. Maybe she thought that was weird, but whatever. I was barely able to make it home before I started crying. I miss her so much it's actually painful. I just want her back. Goddammit, I miss you so much.

I'm sorry for your pain. You handled yourself well if that helps to know. You'll get past this bump in the road too.

Yes, way to go.

Every time we jump one of these hurdles, we get stronger.

Just takes time.

I actually had a pretty good dip just because of that one short glimpse, amazing how fragile I am at this point. It almost seems a little unfair, I hardly think she was messed up because of it (not that I want her to be). I've spent the night at my mother's place, it helps to break the routine and get away a bit. I feel better now.

On a side note though, I just stepped on the scale, and I've lost almost 20lbs since before the break-up. I wasn't very big to begin with, now I'm downright skinny, and I can definitely feel the effects of it. Good thing Crhistmas is coming up :)

I'm happy you've recovered from the dip,now you won't have to go through that again. Make sure you put some weight back on over the hols-double helpings!

Sorry I read a few of your first posts, then the recent ones, did you say how long you dated? By the sounds of the healing process it was a while, and I'm very sorry its hurt you so deeply... im sure you have heard more than enough times that it takes TIME, some longer than others. You will heal. Surprise sightings of exes are rarely handled in a calm and cool way. Hell, me and my ex are decent friends, and I still get tongue tied when I unexpectedly see her... I don't know how attached you are to Facebook, but why not delete it? I deleted mine about 4 months ago, and you will be shocked and how little it matters if you do frequent the site. Its hard man, you are preaching to the choir, but we are hear for you, and so are your family and friends. Reach out to them if you already haven't. Don't keep this bottled in whatever you do. A great medicine to a hurting heart is letting people in... it feels good. I hope things turn around for you, man I really do. I wish you best of luck in the future... there are so many girls out there, you have no idea! How old are you by the way?

Don't let your body suffer brother, take care of yourself, and the rest will come. Don't let your grades slip(I assume your in school) you need to focus on yourself... harder than it sounds but getting rid of the physical evidence of her is a start: out of sight, out of mind

@aiyerrc: Thanks for posting, it goes a long way. How long did we date? This is going to be embarrassing... With all the b'ing and moaning I've been doing since day 1, you'd think we went to kindergarten together. My reaction has not been proportionate to the duration of the relationship. We first met and hooked up at a party last summer. There was some contact and texting through last fall, but it wasn't until early January that we really started dating, so we were really only a couple for nine months. That may sound ridiculous, but this girl really got under my skin. In the beginning I didn't care much at all, but over time I fell deeply in love with her, and her leaving me has been absolutely devastating. I've never felt this way about a girl before. Coming here was a major stroke of luck, I'm so glad I have you guys helping me.

I talked a lot with friends in the beginning, but not so much anymore. I talk to my mother about what's going on though, and I agree that spilling your heart out really helps. I really hope things turn around as well, and I'll have to work to make it happen, because I'm so tired now. My school performance has taken a hit. I keep thinking about how she's probably doing fine, but then I try to tell myself that if she's moved on, then so should I. I'm a grad student in business school, so I need to get my focus back. At least I can spend more time on school now.

I can't delete my FB account altogether, because I would miss out on a lot of social arrangements, but I will try to log on less frequently. Oh, and my age; I recently turned 25.

Merry Christmas! :) How's everybody holding up through the holidays? I volunteered at a church-run charity event today, best Christmas I've had in years.

That sounds great!
Its freezing cold here and lots of snow.
Merry Xmas!

I got a text from the ex. I was wondering if she would send me one. I figured I'd feel a little validated if she did, knowing that at least she hasn't completely forgotten about me, but still knowing that I would be better off if she didn't. I was right. Anyway, here's what she wrote:

"Merry Christmas... It's been a while since we've talked. I was just wondering how you're doing. Do you still want to avoid all contact?"

I thought maybe I'd write a short text back saying merry Christmas, hope you're having fun, and that I still think it's too early to meet. Any thoughts?

Yes. Don't do it!

SomethingHere... I was going out with my ex and after 9 months, I felt things change and she even said she doesn't feel the same anymore. I forced our relationship after that but still after another 8 months we really did break up. Then after 6 months she started contacting me and then we started going out and it lasted another year and 9 months. Then she broke up with me again. Don't do it man. I wish I didn't have to suffer right now. Just keep trying to be happy single and then your next relationship with another beautiful amazing girl will be much more special. You will see. It always happens. If it didn't work once, it won't ever work. Hang in there and instead just use her text as a strength towards recovery. She is still thinking of you. Use that and know that you are awesome and she lost out. Hang in there and you will feel great.