I really appreciate all the advice, strong words of encouragement, and the slap in the face I need when things are looking a little hazy.

Well today has been a whole lot better. I've seen tons of improvement over the past few weeks and exponential improvement since NC was implemented.

I actually have a friend who on Wednesday had his heart crushed in a pretty similar fashion to mine. It has been helpful lending a hand to him and helping him through this. He even said "I wish I could fast forward time and get to where you are today." That's when it hit me that this whole process takes time, has many bumps in the road, but every day is better. I still sometimes wish I could fast forward 6 months to a year from now to be at a point where I have zero feelings towards her, but then I think of all the time I would lose from now until then.

She has no control over me anymore and life goes by too fast to just waste it over a girl.

It's been an inspiration following your thread and your progress! And your friend is lucky to have you around for support.
I hope you stick around here and help others by sharing your knowledge and experience! :-)

I agree. Helping others is a great way to continue to help yourself. :)

I, too, hope you stick around. :)

Hey Coffeepot- I'm glad to see you're doing better. My ex-fiance dumped me a little over 3 1/2 months ago so were in a similar spot. Even the whole myspace thing sounds like what I was going through.

I'm glad you haven't given in and responded to her at all. I did a week ago and regret it because our ex'es our doing it only for themselves and for their own ego.

In time you may be 100% over her- that's the only time that its OK to talk to the ex if you still wanted to be friends with her. I decided to never talk to mine again- really what's the point?

Good luck to you man.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by amicon

It's been an inspiration following your thread and your progress! And your friend is lucky to have you around for support.
I hope you stick around here and help others by sharing your knowledge and experience! :-)

---

And you guys didn't even see me the first 3 months. Wow those were bad.

July-August-September
What's this song lyric she posted, is it about me? Who's that guy she's with? Is it a rebound because she isn't over me? Why did she get a new tattoo? Maybe if I take her out for coffee I can get her back? Why does she seem so happy to hear from me? Does she miss me? Aghhh.

Haha how the tables have turned.

To quote the great Robert Plant: "It's fadin' away, can't feel you anymore"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Coffee Pot

And you guys didn't even see me the first 3 months. Wow those were bad.

July-August-September
What's this song lyric she posted, is it about me? Who's that guy she's with? Is it a rebound because she isn't over me? Why did she get a new tattoo? Maybe if I take her out for coffee I can get her back? Why does she seem so happy to hear from me? Does she miss me? Aghhh.

Haha how the tables have turned.

To quote the great Robert Plant: "It's fadin' away, can't feel you anymore"

---

Can't speak for everyone, but I know I have been there too. We are just glad to see you flourishing and helping others out. Our problems are sometimes trivial in the bigger picture. Kudos to you, and I wish you continued luck and success.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Coffee Pot

And you guys didn't even see me the first 3 months. Wow those were bad.

July-August-September
What's this song lyric she posted, is it about me? Who's that guy she's with? Is it a rebound because she isn't over me? Why did she get a new tattoo? Maybe if I take her out for coffee I can get her back? Why does she seem so happy to hear from me? Does she miss me? Aghhh.

Haha how the tables have turned.

To quote the great Robert Plant: "It's fadin' away, can't feel you anymore"

---

The # 1 thing I realized is once you accept the relationship is over you can move on. All those questions you had going on in your head is totally normal. Once the dumpee accepts it is over and accepts the ex has moved on (with a new man) we can move on.

Like all the experts say on here- it's the thread of hope that keeps us from healing.:cool:

Was doing better...

Had a dream about her, texted her to tell her that my sister had her first child. She replied within a minute with the obvious 'congrats I'm so happy for you.'

No idea why I did it, just couldn't stop myself and felt like she would want to know (even though she didn't deserve to know). I feel like I took a big step in the wrong direction. Back to NC, day 1.

Hey, uncle Coffee Pot, see it as a minor lapse and a very human one at that. Don't feel bad-you're back on track!

Why do you want to torture yourself on a regular basis by looking at the pictures and getting all those jealous feelings? I'd definitely remove her as a friend on My Space and move on.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by amicon

Hey, uncle Coffee Pot, see it as a minor lapse and a very human one at that. Don't feel bad-you're back on track!

---

Haha thanks amicon. Had some minor freaking out because for about 1/2 an hour I felt like I did a couple of weeks ago. It's no problem now, it's behind me. I didn't respond to her message to continue a pointless conversation longer than I had to. I am just upset with myself that I am now giving her mixed signals saying I would not respond and then of course I did contact her. Was just an important milestone in my life and I felt like she should know. She doesn't deserve to know, and she's no longer a part of my life. Stupid mistake, it's behind me.

Uncle CP.

This is completely off topic but completely on topic at the same time. Would love some insight particularly from the female mind.

This girl had always liked me throughout college (to the point where she was close to obsessed). I had a girlfriend and turned her down multiple times. Once I broke up with my girlfriend I had thought to contact her but found out she was now in a relationship and actually engaged. I immediately knew to stay away and let her live her life.

Now, I found out her engagement suddenly broke off. I haven't spoke to her in almost 2 years but feel the urge to contact. How long should I wait? I don't have a lot of the details of the broken up engagement (if it was her idea or not). But having just been through a break up I know my mind is very hazy shortly after. I don't want to contact her too close to the breakup and mess anything up. Thoughts?

How about when you don't even need to ask that question,if you see what I mean? When you've lost track of the number of days you've been NC? I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. With me it's just the feeling one day that-yes, I'm ready to date again. And I mean date. Does that make sense?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by amicon

How about when you don't even need to ask that question,if you see what I mean? When you've lost track of the number of days you've been NC? I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. With me it's just the feeling one day that-yes, I'm ready to date again. And I mean date. Does that make sense?

---

I don't even need to ask myself that question anymore. I'm actually at the point where I believe I am ready to contact girls and at least attempt to date right now. I am not looking for anything long term (wouldn't turn something down if it did fit me though, I do enjoy the single life) but my question was more for how long should I wait after her broken engagement. My buddies have known that we had history and are pushing me to contact her right now. I just feel like I should give her time for her own grieving and such before attempting to insert myself back into her life.

Sorry, I get it-but I can only say that people are different, and she was engaged so she might take longer to bounce back. What you want to avoid is a rebound,if you're sure you're ready to date again, date but maybe date more than one person.

Just keep your mind moving forward, not backwards.
Fish in new ponds.

The train just keeps on chugging.

Some small setbacks this weekend. Spent the weekend with the family and my new nephew. Led to my mind wandering a bit and for the first time in a while had a lot of dreams about her. Didn't help that she contacted my friends, who talk to me anytime she comes around. Basically she was hoping to go to a (once mutual) friends party that she knew I would definitely be attending. These friends told her they would rather her not be there and she told them 'I still care about you guys.' I started to actually have feelings of pity for her. Feelings of pity led to feelings of missing her. Feelings of missing her led to dreams and strange emotions.

I pushed through it but she seems to be on my mind today. Just a minor setback. Last week was probably the best week I have had since the breakup. One day I had realized I had gone about 8-10 hours without even thinking of her. Which seems like an eternity when you still think about someone every day.

For those following and in similar situations or who might be a couple phases behind me. The mind will still wander from time to time. It's how you accept these emotions and push through them. I still think about us back together (even though I know it would never work) I still hope she misses me. Every day does get easier and every day does get better. Just keep moving forward.

/useless rambling

Uncle CP

Also, I know many people have said they hope I can help others around this area. I read other peoples stories and I know what they should/shouldn't be doing but when hearing about guys/girls breaking up that I don't know and can't put a face too I almost picture myself and the ex in the situation. Really strange and sometimes leads to setbacks. Because of this I am trying to stay out of this forum while I am still in the healing phase. As things become easier for me I will be sure to get back in here and help others through this.

Without you guys I would still be months and stages behind in my healing process. I hope to soon help others as you guys have helped me.

Hello uncle Coffee Pot-I hope the latest addition to your family is thriving! Set backs happen but soon ALL your weeks will be good weeks. Just be patient with yourself.
Come back and help out when you feel ready for it.
Till then take good care of yourself.

Coffee pot you are not alone... im going through the same thing now with myspace, etc...

The weird thing is that I am not on the verge to call or text her, I always want to see what she is doing...

I already know what she is doing and who she is doing it with, so why make myself sad about it?

I am glad to see this thread, its helping me a lot!

Any contact isn't going to help you it will only help her, stay away from her, far away, it hurts, it was love when it was, but its over, your story has been great but keep moving on, date as many girls as u want, learn from your mistakes and love yourself enough to let her go.

So the ex, and the ex's best friends keep attempting to add me as a friend. I just keep ignoring the ex's requests but every time I talk to the mutual friend (ex's bff) she makes some comment like 'add me!' I usually just ignore that or make some funny joke about it and I never, not even once, have even mentioned the ex's name when jokingly saying no.

But it hasn't stopped, so now I feel like I should say something more.

My proposed message summary in bullet points(to the ex best friends not ex):
-Life is better without the ex
-I don't hate the ex, I just don't want her in my life
-Being friends with you on Facebook opens the door to her life and I have no interest in that
-Tell the ex to please leave me alone
-I will add you as a friend in the near future but for now I like life without Facebook drama

Should I send this message? Please don't advise to tell the friend (sorry, again) she is pushy and for some reason 'really wants my friendship.'

Deep down, I know what advice I am probably going to hear, but usually I need to hear it straight from the horse's mouth. So ladies and gentleman, give me the nay.

Nay,double nay and I think you know the reasons?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Coffee Pot

-I will add you as a friend in the near future but for now I like life without facebook drama

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It sounds like you already have Facebook drama (sounds like a TLC channel program :) ).

If you feel you have to say something, how about: I value our friendship, however, I don't feel that being friends on Facebook would be appropriate for right now. Please do not send another request. I will send one to you when I think it won't be seen as encouraging more drama.

I wouldn't ask the friend to tell the ex anything. That puts her more in the middle and would end up causing more drama.

If you really value this person as a friend I think Cat's answer is pretty good. However, if you don't care either way just continue to blow it off as you have been.

Or just screw it & stop wasting your time.
& stop letting her & her friends manipulate you.

Disappear.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Or just screw it & stop wasting your time.
& stop letting her & her friends manipulate you.

Disappear.

---

Well I do value this one girls friendship. I have known her just as long as the ex and we have always been close. I don't think I am letting her, or her friends manipulate me in the slightest. I just get these sh*t tests every once in a while and sometimes need the help of you guys to tell me how to handle it.

All points taken, thank you all.

One way of passing those tests is to get off Facebook, at least until you are over this.

The more drama you can remove, the faster you can heal from this.

Hang with your good friends & people that care about solely about you, not her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

It sounds like you already have Facebook drama (sounds like a TLC channel program :) ).

If you feel you have to say something, how about: I value our friendship, however, I don't feel that being friends on Facebook would be appropriate for right now. Please do not send another request. I will send one to you when I think it won't be seen as encouraging more drama.

I wouldn't ask the friend to tell the ex anything. That puts her more in the middle and would end up causing more drama.

---

Coffee Pot's Facebook Drama is brought to you by Folgers - The Best Part of Waking Up is Folgers in your cup. Wednesdays at 9PM on TLC.

So I basically told the friend everything you said Cat and she seemed slightly/jokingly upset but I think crisis averted for now. The ex will come a knocking again soon enough.

So it's been over 5 months and the ex has only tried to contact me through MySpace and Facebook, with one text in between. At least try if you actually want to contact me...

5 months and counting, each day is easier and easier.

I'm glad its getting easier-soon it will be just a memory.

Good.

Glad you have a sense of humor.

NC will bring more of that.

Just wanted to check back in and update the people in here who have helped me so much in this journey.

It's been like 2 months (amazing I don't even know how long) since I finally dropped her from everything. Other than a text to tell her I was an uncle and a couple of friend requests from her (all ignored) there hasn't been any other contact of any sort. Things have been great. I'm not even sure if I still think about her every day, I probably do but barely here and there.

There is actually a couple of other girls I am pursuing and they are really the only thing on my mind at this point. It's definitely good advice to not just jump in bed immediately after a breakup. You need the time to heal, and I can tell that I am ready to date again.

I appreciate all the help I have gotten from everyone in this forum, it's a testament to this community that so many people jump in here and reply so fast to my thoughts/confusion/questions. I would have made a whole lot of mistakes without you all, so thank you.

One final question here since for some reason today I was thinking about her. Her dog passed away. I heard from one of my friends and decided not to say anything. Then one of her friends brought it up to me and I said 'that's terrible, give her my condolences.' I haven't heard back from her and just felt like I should say something. I was close to this dog and I am sure it's hurting her. I should probably leave be but I feel like this is one of those instances where it can't hurt to just reach out say my thing and move on. Thoughts?

Great that you are doing so well! As for your question, you've already passed on your condolences so I'd say leave it at that. Sad though, poor doggie.
Happy dating and A Happy 2010!

Umm... so... yeah. Didn't listen to your advice. Texted her that I was sorry about her dog and it somehow turned into the closest thing we have had to a conversation since September.

Cliff Notes of Convo
CP-Sorry about your dog
EX-Thanks...
CP-?
EX-Surprised to hear from you, miss u, hope you are well.
CP-Yeah just felt bad about your dog, she must of missed me too. Hope u had a good holiday
EX-Thanks hope you and your family are doing well, especially your new nephew.
CP-Thanks, he came home last night. Cutest baby I've ever seen.
EX-I wish I could see him. So exciting for you. I really do miss u, your fam and the guys.
CP-Yeah part of the process though. Easier and better if we don't stay in touch or see each other.
EX-Kinda sucks... u were such a big part of my life, I can't never talk to you. I still care about you and think about you everyday.
CP-As were you a big part of my life. But I'm not going to risk the chance feelings return if I see you again. Not worth it to me.
EX-Not worth it? Why? What if it is mutual?
CP-I don't know, I never want to feel like I did a couple of months ago.
EX-I understand... I'm sorry just have missed you.

And I started feeling weird so I cut off contact after that. No idea what to do from here. I do still have feelings for her but I'm not sure that's a road I even want to think about going back down.

Hmm.. . So how are you feeling now? As if you took a walk in the wrong direction or can you handle it?

She's on my mind today but I'm not really sure how I feel. I reached a point where I know all the reasons she wasn't right for me (drilled them into my own head for 5 months) but at the same time I do know I still have feelings for her.

Just came as kind of a surprise. I knew she has missed me but it seems like she still has feelings. I'm not going to go towards her, she hasn't attempted to contact me (maybe out of fear who knows) other than trying to friend request me. This whole thing was just kind of a curveball.

Also, as one person previously called me the MySpace whisperer (which I thought was hilarious) it seems once I dropped her on Myspace and Facebook a friend last night told me her whole attitude changed. She stopped posting, stopped taking pictures, stopped really partying. Maybe I was the MySpace whisperer. Ha.

Good. Curveballs happen.
Enjoy next year.

You have so much time, and freedom to do your thing now, so do it!

The coffee is brewing...

So we talked again last weekend while I was at a wedding for my cousin. She was supposed to go (back in August) so we had a small text conversation basically both saying wish she was there. It then moved off to the fact that she was at the movies with her sister and I kind of stopped it there.

So now she is on my mind a lot. It's not like before where I am sad and hurt from the breakup. I feel like I am truly over the breakup but I still have feelings for her. I'm not sure how to go forward with this whole situation. I talked to her friend the other day who said she had told her she missed me too (which she thought was selfish of her) and was asking me pretty serious questions like 'do I still miss her' 'would I take her back.'

Basically this whole thing feels surreal because just 2 months ago this would have been a dream come true but now the whole thing feels tainted. I feel like I still love her, and I definitely miss her but I don't want to go back down that road again if it is just going to lead to me being hurt.

My thoughts are to just kind of sit back and see if she comes to me. If she wants it enough I would think she would seek me out and try and rekindle the flame, but with women sometimes it seems like they sit back and wait for the man to make the move. But this feels like a different situation.

So help desk, you've been there for me every step of the way. Do I sit back and wait, stay the f away, or take some steps towards her (if that's how I truly feel).

Stay away, but don't sit back or wait.

Do your own thing w/o her.

And go NC