Go back to the beginning of this thread and read my post. Everything we said to help you has already been said.

It made you want to comfort her? WHY!?

Look who she was with... Her new man! Not you!

ITS OVER! Would you want her back anyway?? She's is probably at home right now with her new man cuddling and doing the nasty.

Sorry for saying that, but I said that to make you see reality.

Its over. Go workout right now. Call your friends up and do something else. She isn't worth it!

Dude. Don't you want to happy to be single again? You probably can't wait until the day where you're excited to meet new women. You really got to let it go man. Remember who you are, who you were when you met the girl. I bet that guy wouldn't let this break up get to him like that. Imagine the kind of advise he'd give you.

Move on. It didn't work. It sure as hell isn't making you happy anymore so don't punish yourself, don't wallow in misery. The relationship is no good to you anymore, so let it go.

Yeah man I'm moving on it was just a set back

How's everything going with your situation

I'm aight... NC, and fine with it. Although, I still run hypothetical conversations in my head ALL the time; as in how I'd react to her in future encounters.. what I'd say, what I wouldn't say...

At some point, I remembered who I am, and how I lead my life. And I remembered how and why I always look forward. Let it go, move forward, and be better because of it; that's the only way to go.

These things helped:
Good advise from friends; people reminding of what's really important, and that they care. My godsister had a dream that I disappeared and was later found dead (suicide... and she had no idea what was actually going on w/ the past few weeks); her telling me that kind of woke me up a bit.

Also:
Get off this site and occupy your mind with something absolutely unrelated to this type of stuff whenever you can! This place is depressing and kind of pathetic. Don't linger here for long. Come back when you have a set back, or when you feel strong enough to help bring other people out the sh*t.

So my stupid subconscious decided to give me a dream last night where we were together and REALLY happy again. And I wake up thinking about her and I can't figure out why she isn't begging to be back with me... I mean, I'm frakking awesome. LOL, my ego hates that people can get over me. A week ago this would have been a major set back.

I've been in NC with my ex for about a week and a half and it's amazing how much better I feel now than I did when I started. After the first maybe 2 days of NC, I began to focus my energy elsewhere, and started to think less about my ex.
If you don't know my story, me and my ex broke up, and then she jumped into another relationship about 3 and a half weeks later. But anyway, I've been feeling GREAT, confidence is back up, getting ready to finish out the semester strong. Don't really think about my ex too much unless something or someone reminds me of her. But last night I had a dream and when I woke up I felt like crap. It was a dream about me hooking up with her while she was dating her new guy and her telling me how much better he was than me in every way, while I know this isn't true, just the thought of that makes me a little bit upset.
I know we can't really control our dreams, but is there anything I can do? I don't want this to ruin my weekend

I tend to forget dreams when I wake up and have things to do, and look forward to.

I can relate. I've had countless dreams that felt like set-backs.

Notice my emphasis on countless. As I had more and more of these types of dreams, my recovery rate began to speed up. At first, the dream woud stick for a week. But as I had more of them, I recovered in less than a week. I'm down to 24-48 hours.

It's a very natural occurrence. Just remember that, regardless of how long it takes, you will recover from the dream.

It's not just the dream, in any recovery process you will have obstacles and setbacks. Dreams are just an example. You can't expect to have smooth salling the entire way. That wouldn't be any fun, would it?

I'm sure you will recover soon enough. Just keep focusing on moving forward!

Don't worry about your dream-you may have more of a similar kind along the road to complete recovery but don't dwell on your dreams -celebrate feeling better!

Well, I've been in NC for a few weeks now, my ex starting dating someone else right after we broke up, and at first I was very upset but I've been getting a lot better. My question is, is it okay for me to have a rebound? Will it help me get over my ex. I know a girl that goes to my college and we are both very attracted to each other, but she's told me a hundred times she's not the type to commit... perfect! If I ended up getting with her, and telling her that I don't want a serious relationship with her and she agreed, would it be okay, and would it help me get over my ex? Or could it make me miss my ex more? I know they say that rebounds usually end in disaster, and people catch feelings very quickly blah blah blah, but in this situation I don't tihnk we would catch feelings like that, just a cute face a warm body to have next to me... Overall my question is, if you're upfront in the beginning about what your expectations are, can a rebound help you get over your ex?
Thanks

Entire story merged

Do what you need to do to get over your ex, but keep in mind that a rebound is unfair to the other person, especially when you're not on the same page.

Thanks, I definitely understand that it's unfair which is why I want to be completely honest about what I want upfront, but like I said, will this really help me get over her, or can it have the reverse effect, because if it ends up making me want her back then I'l just keep doing what I'm doing.

I'd be very cautious,what people say may not turn out what they mean;even if this were to be a friends with benefits relationship,there's always the risk that one of you would start having strong feelings for the other one and that could end up messy.
Personally, I don't think using another person to get over an ex works. You get over the ex, then date to get to know others, and when you meet the right person you're ready to have a new relationship.

I understand that sometimes you need to find someone else to have feelings for to completely wash away your feelings for the previous one. But instead of jumping into a new relationship, just for the sake of being in a relationship, why don't you just get to know more people? You might find someone that you have romantic feelings for, but it doesn't mean you need to rush into a relationship with that person just to get over your ex.

If you find someone that you're interested in, just spend more time with them and get to know them. Just enjoy each other's company. You don't need a new relationship to get over the last one. You need TIME to recover.

Why limit yourself to just one person to date, and have some fun with? Then you wouldn't have to worry about becoming attached so fast, or replacing one person for another, and the same problems arising.

I think once you get out of the title of a relationship, or having someone as yours, you'll have a lot more fun.

Talaniman Rule- Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall, 18-80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

As long as your honest with yourself, and those you deal with, you can do most anything you want. But if you cannot seperate, and accept, the reality of a break up, with interacting with others, and having good clean, adult fun, then your not ready for anything partner. Get a hobby.

Dude, I'm facing the same situation too. Broke up with my ex last recently after a huge fight (I was saying something mean to her.. well, she did the same to me too) and she has been sharing our private conversations such as emails, texts with her friends! Nightmare! And whenever she sees me in school, she will put on such an awful facial expression as if I have just murdered her dog! Worse, she slapped me in front of her folks and showed me no respect at all! Believe me, it was bad! And yet, I still wanted her back even after she told me that she doesn't want me and love me anymore. I begged, pleaded and did all that I could (you name it) to win her back. She threw the gifts I gave her at my face when my friends were around hanging outside the school - how humiliating!. Yet again, I still wanted her back because I really loved her. I tried and tried and even lost my pride just for this woman! She cuts me off completely - Facebook, myspace, messenger... you name it. Weeks passed by, I decided to drop her an email to wish her all the best in finding love and I will always be there for her... things got even worse than volcano eruptions! Again, she humiliated me in front of my friends as well as hers! I told myself, enough is enough. I asked myself 'Why would I want someone who doesn't even love or want me?'... My friends been telling me that she ain't worth it. I was blinded at first and now I see it. I went on to delete her contact right away from my mobile. Trust me, it does make you feel good! I'm moving on now and don't even want to look or talk to her when we bump into each other. I may be mean, she is mean too. But she is worse than that, full of resentment and to some certain extend, I think she is cruel. There are better girls out there who can treat you 10000x better than your ex. Move on. I can do it, I'm sure you can! Besides, I'm starting to see this girl in school. She is wayyyyyy much better than my ex!

Good luck :)

Move on!

You should move on... why do you have to wait for her? I know it's hard.. I have been in a long relationship too.. we broke up yesterday (mutual too) and in the night he went out to dinner with another girl (so fast right). Well, those people (your ex and my ex) don't really know what they want... and people who don't know what they want don't DESERVE what they have.. I have gone back to him 3 times.. and during those breaks he have dated other girls and had a relationship.. yes he came back to me afterwards but only to realize it was always the same... like paxe said

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It usually never works to go back with an ex, trust me. It's much easier to find someone else and start something new.

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It's hard but you have to tell your heart to move on and kill all the hopes.. you are just hurting more by keeping all the hopes.. and please have NO CONTACT until you are ready to really be only friends... and don't worry time does really heals and when you least expect it you will find that special someone again who will correspond you and who is really worth it.

I don't know what it is about today, but it's like I'm back at day one, I had a dream that me and my ex were back together and it made me feel like crap when I woke up. I guess it's just a set back, still in NC, I just feel bad knowing she's probably doing so well and I'm still struggling.

Don't worry you're doing fine, it's only a minor setbacks and dreams are pretty normal. You will do less of them as time passes on. What she does or doesn't do isn't your problem anymore.

What goes around comes around... try to stay focus on other things.. put your mind in other things... try not to think about her anymore... dreams come from too much thinking... trust me it will get better as time passes

Yo, sorry I missed the latest updates. I decided to take a break from this type of stuff.

About the dreams... I've had a couple now that I'll never forget. One I mentioned earlier, and another that was more of a nightmare. It was like my subconscious was trying to crush me emotionally, but in retrospect, it may have just revealed to me some aspects of her character that I really don't miss.

I'd like to comment on the new partner thing and the whole "waking up and finding yourself back at square one" thing. But I'm kind of in the midst of a set-back myself... In fact, my ex is sitting right across from me on my futon. Needless to say, NC has fallen by the wayside (she started it, I'd say it's not my fault, but I'm not that delusional, I know that I let it happen). She's talking and I'm on my laptop trying to listen. I'll try to explain it later.

Keep your head up, stay positive, and try to stay strong especially when it's hard... That's about all the advise I can give tonight.

Yeah, that's normal.
But listen to the above posts. Especially Talanimans's

Whattya want to do? Feel like crap, or feel good?

That's the answer. How are you going to get get there?

By worrying about her & not you? She's out.

That isn't fun.

Go NC & rock it.

I mean I am trying to get over her, I wouldn't be in NC if I wasn't, but it doesn't seem like its working, I'm on day 2 of sleeping in and not really eating anything, I can't understand why I'm doing this to myself.
Whenever I feel good I always think to myself "How can I let that girl get me so down"
But whenever I feel like I do now I think "How can you forget about that girl?"

Its early yet. That's normal.

Just do some good things for yourself. Exercise, hang with friends.

Force yourself if you have to. Give it time.

You need to just take any kind of food and just shove it down. I mean anything... Give yourself a chance... its only day 2... time going to feel like an eternity but go do something that will take your mind off this for a little bit. I mean... for me I picked up call of duty modern warfare 2 and that kept me busy for 2 days. Just do something other then sitting in your room with your thoughts. The fight now is with your mind and your heart. I believe tal said it best... once the mind knows the answer the heart will eventually follow. I'm 1 month in NC but I slip up a few days ago and man... do I feel like I'm back at square 2 rather then 1.

I agree you have to force yourself -out of bed and into the kitchen-eat right-that's essential. Exercise -you will feel better for it.
Fake it till you make it.

Dude, you have to stop thinking about her! I had the same dream too weeks back. Trust me, loads of it - like being back together, hanging out, laughing and so on because she was always on my mind... every minute, every second. I can't get her out of my mind, got panicked when she went out on a date.. you name it. I know how you feel... it's like a blind fish living in the volcano... Heart aches, dissapointment... You will feel even worse when you got to know she's having a great time while you're sitting in the corner going through the pain and heart aches. I had been through these stages. I can tell you that you will get through this. You just got to stop thinking about her. No stalking on her Facebook, myspace, messenger etc. If not, you're going to be doomed! If she loves you, she will not do this to hurt you. If she loves you, she will hang on and try to work things out with you instead of leaving you! She no longer loves you, dude. Wake up! The most important thing to do right now is to put back your heart together and get over this girl. She certainly doesn't deserve you nor your love. Let go... Holding on to something that isn't meant to be yours will drive you crazy...

She's already having a great time. Why can't you? You need to reclaim back the power you gave her. You shouldn't put her on the pedestal again. You got to take charge of your life again. You got to learn to let go...

Went out last night, soooooooooo many gorgeous girls, my confidence was through the roof. To be honest I'm not looking for a girlfriend, or even a fling, I just want someone to date, to have fun with and maybe create a close friendship.
But when I got back to my dorm and I woke up this morning, I still felt just as broken hearted as a few months ago. I know time heals everything, but it's the hardest medicine to take, especially when you don't see the effects right away.

One fact of life your seeing now is for every high, there is a low right behind it.

But stay positive and think, for every low, a high is on the way.

Lows ain't no fun, but don't let them stop you from eating, and being happy. Rest up for the next high, you may need your strength.

Soon you'll have more highs than lows.
Plan more fun outings,make sure you have something to look forward to everyday.

So, I've been working on something called equanimity for some time now. Which in the case of this situation called for compassion despite any remnant of resentment. So when my ex called me and I could see she was kind of down and out, I resisted the urge to dog her, to let loose all my ill will, to make her feel like absolute scum; instead, I chose to offer her whatever sympathy I could muster. I chose to be there for her regardless of my personal feelings; there was no intention of getting her back or playing games. I just figured me not being there for her or mistreating her wouldn't make my life any easier, wouldn't make me feel any better; it would only serve to hurt her. So I decided I'd do whatever I could to make things easier for her, to help her healing process in whatever way I could...

Only, now I'm realizing I'm not as strong as I need to be.. maybe not as mature as I strive to be... Now NC is broken, and I don't particularly want it back. Now, she's almost all I think about again. Is wrong with me. When the hell am I going to learn form my mistakes... I wish I was stronger than this..

It's a good-hearted gesture what you are doing, but it is nonetheless the wrong one. I also have experience of that (It seems I received all the experience I need after my break up :D ).

I tried to comfort my ex without thinking of getting back with her. So I took her to date, I took care of her.

Unfortunately , it is all wrong, as much right as we would like to do. She broke up with you, so she lost all advantages. By breaking up with you she did a selfish act (understandable and moral but selfish nonetheless), so you should also reciprocate (think of yourself).
Secondly, it is YOU that needs healing, not her the breaker. The breakee suffers much more than the breaker and they need to move on, or else they will suffer much more.
Thirdly, she is feeling down because she doesn't "have" you when you applied NC (she can't keep you as a fallback and that hurts the breaker's ego enormously, as YOU are taking back the power).

As much good you want to do, you are doing only something that will get the situation much worse, for you, and for her. Leave her alone, don't contact her and let her be.

Still out of my mind in love, so tempted to text her earlier, the only reason I didn't is cause I didn't want to wake her up, this was my first love, my first everything, I've been in NC for almost a month and I'm stilllllll crazzzzzy about her, I see some guys up here who are engaged after a few months of NC, I don't know what's up with me, I know I can get plenty of girls, but rihgt now she is the one I want :-(

People are different , some of us bounce back more quickly than others,there are no hard and fast rules so be patient with yourself.
Don't break the NC,it'll only set you back.
Find something you really like doing to your mind off things.

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I've been in NC for almost a month and I'm stilllllll crazzzzzy about her,

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Not very long at all.

Dude.. It's almost finals week. DON'T BREAK NC. You don't need the distraction.. the drama. No matter what it is you're looking for, YOU calling HER probably isn't the best way to go about finding it.

That's my advise, for whatever it's worth.. Best of luck, with everything.

--Thanks paxe, but what exactly happened to make you say it was all wrong, when you took care of her?

I don't think its wise to ever put the needs of someone over your own, when there is no commitment, and doing so puts you in harms way, maybe not physically, or mentally, but emotionally.

Sounds noble but is it for the best? Are you really helping, or are you just playing through your own agenda, and not letting go and be gone.

Are you killing this person with kindness??

You may want the best for another person, but are you getting in the way of them being responsible for themselves?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ther4peuticH3at

Dude.. It's almost finals week. DON'T BREAK NC. You don't need the distraction.. the drama. No matter what it is you're looking for, YOU calling HER probably isn't the best way to go about finding it.

That's my advise, for whatever it's worth.. Best of luck, with everything.

--Thanks paxe, but what exactly happened to make you say it was all wrong, when you took care of her?

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Tal summed it up pretty well. I take care of my friends and family, but not of my ex. My friend and family I genuinely care about them, whereas the ex you still have feelings for her. They basically hurt you, why help them. They have been egoistic, why not you? She put herself first before you, so you should do the same.

For me, I took "care" for a good 2 week, just dating, hanging out... The problem was that I still had feelings and the more I saw her, the more hurt I was. I was trying to make her feel better, about the fact that she broke up with me. So basically I was trying to make her feel better of having hurt me.

What happened is that it hurt me more and more until I couldn't take it. You will create hope and hence more pain. She needs to get herself in shape and so do you. NC is the only way.