I guess. This guy is 50 years old too boot.

Well this is my little update. I blocked him on myspace and Facebook. We both share a love for Superman and it's a major hobby so we are both on a forum where we have made many friends.

He hasn't posted much but then about a week ago or so he posted to another mutual friend congratulating her on becoming an aunt. I was crushed. He was showing her kindness and humanity and here I was "the love of his life" and he showed me nothing.

I am ashamed to say that he has some pictures of me... you can imagine the kind. They aren't on a camera, they are actual photos. Some of the feelings with the assault from time to time are feeling icky and dirty and when I remembered those pics were out there, I felt more gross. I wanted them gone.

I don't think he would post them on the internet, but I wanted them gone... for me, for my piece of mind. So I sent two texts which went unreplied. So the idiot that I am, I sent two emails (days apart)... just saying that I would like those photos to be destroyed and somehow to let me know that they were... for my piece of mind. No reply.

So that was enough for me. I removed myself from the forum, deleted his email addy, deleted his cell phone number and sent him an email telling him that from his actions which was all I had to go by, we have been over for a while... but I was saying it for myself.

I also mentioned that no one deserves to be treated that way, much less after they have been assaulted and now it was time for ME.

A few days later, I got a box, filled it with everything he gave me. His ring, jewelry, clothes, lingire, pictures that he sent me, knick nacks... you name it. The box was 8 pounds and shipped back to his happy @ss in Texas.

I am still bummed. Sometimes it hurts a lot. Sometimes I want to call him, but I don't. I don't want to email him, I don't want to text him, and I won't. I did what I had to do.

I am surprised, but then I shouldn't be. I can't believe he couldn't let me know about the pictures... what a jerk!

Any thoughts?

I'm becoming one tough cookie!

Hi!
The guy s an idiot. And I'm sorry you had to leave a site that you enjoyed.
As for the photographs fingers crossed nothing will happen.
Good of you to return his things I think I would have just given everything to a charity shop but that's me.
You know you will get over this-with time.
Just keep looking after yourself and yours-take care.

I sent them to him to make a point. Not so much to him, but for myself.

In regards to the pictures, I would have been more than OK with a message from him.. or from him asking a friend to tell me "they're gone", that's all it had to say...

But no, he wouldn't do that much.

Yah it's a bummer about the site but after seeing him congratulate our friend when he can't show me that same kindness and I was the love of his life (his words) and was assaulted was a HUGE slap in the face...

So to save my dignity, I left.

I am glad that you got rid of his things. It doesn't really matter how you did it, just that you removed one more reminder of him.

How is therapy going?

It's going OK. I'm still bummed that I have no answers, but it's better than before. Tomorrow is my birthday, so I am a bit bummed.

I still can't believe that he didn't tell me a word about those pictures.

I think you may end up with his silence being the only answer you get.

If I don't see you tomorrow, I hope it turns out to be a happy birthday. :)

Don't worry.
You're doing great. Be glad that you are away from him.

Have an amazing birthday!

Van

Cat I know and it's such a low blow. It's down right cruel. Thank you for the birthday wishes.

Van I know it's the right thing to do, but I miss him so much. I hope this passes. Thank you for the birthday wishes.

I miss my ex sometimes, but honestly its only fleeting.

I think about her actions, manipulation and some of the hurtful stuff that came out of mouth. And how I put up with all of it.

To know at the end of the day that she didn't really give a rats a$$ about me.

We don't deserve that.

No we don't. He sucks dog turds.

Happy Birthday Just Law! You don't need the guy. There will always be someone else. Meanwhile, do you think your brother-in-law tried to sexually assault someone else before or do you think he will do it to someone else? If you have any concern, you may need to talk to the police. If you think you should keep your mouth shut so your sister won't get hurt or there's a chance that your sister will shun you instead, think about many others that your brother-in-law will hurt. If talking to the police maybe too difficult than talk to social service. Just because your brother-in-law says that he will never sexually harass you again doesn't mean he won't do it to others.

Yeah,
When are you going to tell your sister?

Thank you 2nd.

Van I already told her...

Happy Birthday!

May today be the beginning of a better year. :)

Have a good year you deserve it!

So today I get an email from him...

Janet

Happy Birthday

Jim

I'm surprised he even remembered.

The polite thing would be to thank him, however, I don't feel particularly polite where he is concerned.

I hope you are ignoring him.

And now it gets... I don't know what it gets...

But that forum that I was on that I left... well I got the strength to go back on yesterday and am OK.

So not only did I get an email from him today... he goes on the forum and starts a happy birthday thread for me...

What the heck is going on?

Weird.

Doesn't sound cool or honest.

Just messing with your head.

Don't let him.

Enjoy your forum and ignore him.

It sounds like he is playing some kind of game that only he knows the rules of. Don't get drawn in. Let him continue to play Solitaire.

Weird is right.

Just an update and a question.

Update... he's lost his marbles.

After that birthday email he went onto a forum that we are both a part of and started a birthday thread for me there. He later in the day posted "the gang at the bar wanted to know of my bounty from my bday" and then how his buddy Dave was passed out on his couch and right before he passed out he asked "What did Janet get for her bday" and again told me how the gang at the bar REALLY wanted to know what I got, if I had cake and ice cream, if I got what I wished for and if there was something I was wishing for... and then asked... "what are you wishing for?"

I attribute it to being drunk.


Ok the question. I had a dream the other night that really didn't have much to do with him.. but left me wondering about something he had mentioned to me before. Tell me if this sits right with any of you?

He told me that he has never hit anyone. I can believe that... but... he went on to tell me that his mom thought that he had hit his ex-wife and in turn called his sister and asked her to call his ex and ask her if she had ever been hit.

This was after they had already split.

I don't get that. How does a mom think that of her son? I know he had been hit a few times by his dad whenhe was young, so maybe that's where it stems from... but...

Neither his mom nor his sister brought it to his attention. They never said anything to him at all. For a mom to think that of her son makes me wonder. For the sister to get that call and not call her brother and let him know what their mom is thinking and immediately call the ex to see if she was OK, makes me wonder as well.

The only way he knew about it is when the ex called him to let him know what was going on...

What does that suggest to you guys??

His mother may have been trying to come to terms about why they got divorced and may have been watching too many talk shows about 'abused' boys growing up to be abusive men. It could also have been a reaction to medication or alcohol.

It may be his mother getting past and present a bit confused. Did his father hit her? If he did, then it could be that her mind decided to remember it as happening to someone else such as her ex-daughter-in-law.

Those are just a few ideas of what could have happened.

Maybe it's a warning, about him and his family.

I don't believe his dad hit his mom, but could be wrong. It just always struck me odd. It would take something HUGE for me to believe my son, if I had one, could do something like that, but I would confront him... not the sister, and have her call the ex wife.

Just strange why they didn't go to him...

Now I am seeing things differently and maybe this was a red flag.

I think it says a lot.

Be glad to be away from this madness.

The next thing is to stop wasting your precious time on dysfunctional people and reasons.

Its not worth it.

Think of the future

lilserenity, a word of advice, please read an entire thread before responding. In many cases, this one included, there have been developments since the original question was asked that change the advice that is needed such as she has already told her sister.

Sorry its all been said.. I will delete what I posted..

Someone recently told me that I was being unfair to the ex by getting upset that he didn't call till 6 pm. And that by calling so late, he wasn't blowing me off...

I was being unfair.

Don't worry about that stuff anymore. Its in the past.
Try to not let that occupy your time any longer.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by amicon

Hi!
The guy s an idiot. And I m sorry you had to leave a site that you enjoyed.
As for the photographs fingers crossed nothing will happen.
Good of you to return his things I think I would have just given everything to a charity shop but thats me.
You know you will get over this-with time.
Just keep looking after yourself and yours-take care.

---

We ended up doing a little texting and he told me he still had the pictures but I could have them back. He told me he didn't reply to my requests before because he "luvs" them and he didn't want to lie to me (about saying he destroyed them) when he didn't and he is sentimental.

So... basically he just let me sit and feel bad instead of doing the right thing and destroying them when I asked... why? Because he's sentimental. Yah right.

Van

Ok.

You can't fret about those. What's done is done.

Just have zero contact with him.
You will avoid any further manipulation.

And you'll avoid all confusion,time to go NC again and not have to worry about his thoughts and actions.