I can bring flowers... I just want to say sorry and that I miss her and I will try harder to trust her more... althought I did text her this and she said she needs time to get unpissed. But its been a while... should I go to her job now?
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I can bring flowers... I just want to say sorry and that I miss her and I will try harder to trust her more... althought I did text her this and she said she needs time to get unpissed. But its been a while... should I go to her job now?
Go for it. At this point I don't think you're going to stop thinking about it until you actually have some contact. You might as well have her say whatever she needs to say in person, rather than avoid your phone calls.Quote:
Originally Posted by emopunk7
I don't know what to do... I haven't called or text her since Tuesday... should I text her... "are you mad baby? can we talk?"?
Dude, can you not think for yourself? Or do you have to have everyone tell you how to do things step by step? Make up your own mind, at this point, I think people are sick of hearing about it.Take whatever action you feel is necessary, If you botch it, it's your own fault for screwing up in the first place. Losing sympathy, really.Quote:
Originally Posted by emopunk7
OK so I went to her job... I saw her working and I said hi... she said hi... then I say are you still mad and she says yes... and she was crying... she says she had to wait an hour and a half outside and I was at a bar. Yet this time she didn't deny tha she was in one the day before... so she lied to me! She says her dad was drunk and if something would have happened to him she would have been mad. I asked if I can wait for her outside because she said I can't stay long and she said no because her friend (that same one at the bar) is going to pick her up to watch the fight tonight at her friends house... she said she will call me. I asked her if we are going to break up and she said yea and that she will give me all my things. Then I said I was really sorry and I shouldn't have done that and it won't happen again... n I said so are we rele broken up and she said she will call me tonight. I'm so sad.
Emo, Is this the same woman that Talaniman mentions when he brings up the past? Did you go through this before? Have you learned anything?
It hasn't even been a week. 7 days. You can't hold yourself in check for 7 days without crying, "I have to contact her because she might not contact me."
A fifteen second supposed call had you texting her three times in how many minutes?
Then you decide it must be payback, are we even?
You are supposedly a grown man. Act like it.
Give her space and TIME. Let her make the first move. SHE ALREADY KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL!!
Edit to add: What now?
Cat... this is the same female... and I thought it was OK to go see her? She called me once and I called her back 3 times... not text. She said we are breaking up so what do u mean let her be the one to contact me... plus when she does call... I should tell her that I sent her a text telling her I don't think I'm going to be able to pick u up... so I didn't plan to do that. Plus y can't she feel bad that none of this wouldn't have happened if she didn't do what she did behind my back? Do I want to be with a woman that does things behind my back? Isn't that the question?
Emo, I was writing my last post while you were posting yours.
So what now cat, oh so happy?
It doesn't matter why she did it. It's done. You keep telling us that she betrayed you and none of this would have happened had she been honest. So if you can't trust her anymore, why are you still trying? No trust = No relationship
If she's the one who broke your trust, then she's the one who should be making the effort to win back your trust. But instead, you're the one at her knees begging her to take you back.
You really need to work on your sentence structure. Have you ever heard of commas? I had to read this 3 times before it made any sense. If you don't know how to do this, use spell check.Quote:
Originally Posted by emopunk7
I am sorry that you are going through this.
You move on.
You take time to get know yourself. Learn from this relationship so that you don't make the same mistakes again.
You work on your control and trust issues. Think about how to deal with issues like these in the future.
Get to where you have a life that isn't dependent on one person always being there in person or on the phone (including text).
Tell me some constructive ways that you can help yourself. Try to list at least three things.
Gees girl,why has top cat been hiding you?Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat1864
You are doing a great job and I love your suggestions for this guy.
Can't rep you but I am :D
Well I spell checked it and let me tell you, it edited the words, but it kept telling me to fix the sentence structure. It does more of a reminder thing then actually edit it. But when I edited it where it told me to, it left it alone. Here's what I translated it toQuote:
Originally Posted by ;
"Cat...this is the same female...and I thought it was ok to go see her. She called me once and I called her back 3 times...not text. She said we are breaking up, so what do you mean “let her be the one to contact me.” Besides, when she does call, I should tell her that I sent her a text telling her “ I don't think I'm going to be able to pick you up”....So I didn't plan to do that. Besides, why shouldn't she feel bad? None of this would have happened if she hadn't done what she did behind my back. Do I want to be with a woman that does things behind my back? Isn't that the question?"
Just in case anyone who read that post was just as confused as I was, I still have a hard time making sense of the part in red. I have no idea what that part was supposed to mean in the slightest.
I think he was referring to what I said in my post that ended up being too late. :(
Sounds like too much work for me.I will stick with my often bad spelling and sentence structure and punctuation and hope that someone the message and the wonderful advice :rolleyes: wins out! Thanks hon!Quote:
Originally Posted by ohsohappy
You're welcome. :) My main problem is, if I can't read it. If I understand what someone is saying without proper punctuation and sentence structure, then it's no big deal. I'm guilty of it too at times. But when it's unreadable, that's whenyou know someone needs to go back to elementary school to re-learn this crap.Quote:
Originally Posted by artlady
Can't rep you.I tried but I agree,Quote:
Originally Posted by ohsohappy
You are a pretty smart cookie for a 19 yr.old :cool:
Thank you! :) I try. Someone in this world has to have common sense, I might as well be one of them.Quote:
Originally Posted by artlady
Cat, that was an amazing post! It really inspired to me and gave me a lot of strength to stay strong. I will answer the questions tomorrow. Good night and thank you!
Well I had so much strength yesterday... today I woke up not feeling so good. I ended up going to her job again today before going to work. I had to tell her face to face that I sent her a text message saying I couldn't pick her up and that her waiting for an hour and a half was not intentional. It was a mistake and I didn't mean for that to happen. She said she is just frustrated and will call me on her break... I said to her that she said the same thing yesterday and she didn't call. So I'm waiting for a call now to see what's going to happen. I feel so lost and confused and hurt
In the mean time, just leave her the heck alone. She'll take her time and contact you when she's ready.
Where's the list? :confused:
Time to show what you have learned that will help you get out of this rut.
Well she called and we spoke calmly. She said she didn't go to a bar and that I should have spoken to her and that she doesn't want to deal with these things anymore. I told her "yes I shouldn't have done that but since I have spoken to u, but I have spoken to u several times before and you knew not to do that and u ignored me and made me suffer. I asked her if we can make this work and she said no. she doesn't want to try and that I just make her miserable which is a lie. We were happy a lot but of course went through some issues... Just that Friday we had a great day and she ruined it. I don't get it! Why!!
No, you gave ultimatums and didn't listen (Just like you aren't listening now) and made yourself suffer.Quote:
Originally Posted by emopunk7
Stop putting the blame on her for you being unable to think and act rationally.
Remember this has been going on for a lot longer than ONE week.
Why are you saying its my fault? I am listening. I know I reacted stupidly. And now she is upset about it but my point is that it wudnt have happened if she didn't do what she did.. which wasn't her first time. Isn't that her fault? I had spoken to her many times before and she said she will be more honest but she lied and hurt me again. Why are you saying I sudnt blame her... I tried with this problem..
You aren't listening to her now and I would bet you haven't really listened in the past.Quote:
Originally Posted by emopunk7
When you use phrases such as "I had spoken to her", it sounds like you told her what to do. Okay, she said she would be more honest. That sounds like she was trying to diffuse the situation more than anything else and try to make you happy.
You accuse her of lying. When did she first lie to you this past week? When she said she was going to bed, but ended up going out? Did she lie or did her plans change. Should she have had to call and get your permission to change her plans? When you "made her prove she was in her friend's car'? You're lucky she didn't break up with right then and there.
Emo
It doesn't really matter who's fault it was for anything. It's irrelevant now because she has told you that this relationship is finished as far as she's concerned.
This is a decision she has made over time and this last incident was probably just the straw that broke the camels back , so you continually bugging her and not leaving her alone is not only making you lose your dignity but it's also vindicating her decision to leave you .
Time to accept it and instead of wasting time trying to win her back it's time to start your healing process. So leave her alone and start NC.
I agree, it sounded to me like, the whole post, he had just DECIDED that she had lied to him. I'd be pretty pissed to. I mean, seriously, If something changed he should take her word for it. And when she left she was probably in a hurry and didn't feel the need to call. He had already assumed that she was in bed, and her friend needed her. Why bother her boyfriend when she’s trying to help her friend? It’s none of his business.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat1864
EMO
Going to point some things out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by emopunk;
WHY would you call if you thought she was asleep? And even then, if you thought she was in bed, why didn’t you just send her a text? She was going to sleep, why wake her up to tell her you were going to work, when you could have texted her and not disturbed her.
Once again, if she was in a hurry to get to her friend, why bother to call you? Her friend needed her. You TOLD her to prove where she was, and she did, and yet you still INSIST that she had to lie to you? What more proof did you need? I would have said it was done then and there and hung up. No need to talk to a guy that doesn't believe me, even when I've told AND proved the truth.Quote:
Originally Posted by emopunk;
First of all, if you're at work, concentrate on your work, she had already told you where she was and what she was doing, WHY the heck would you still pester afterward, especially when you're supposed to be doing your job. Not to mention, she was out all night with her friend, and she was mad at you. She was probably very tired and didn't want to deal with your childish behavior. I'm sure she had enough to deal with helping her friend out, and you added a heap of bulls*** to the mix. I'd go to bed too.Quote:
Originally Posted by emopunk;
Did she even know that you were going to work until you called to tell her? If she did, she was helping her friend anyway, no problem with that, she told you what she was doing. And in bold up there she told you she was in her friends car, and she PROVED IT, how did you catch her at a club scene? Cars have radios, and radios play music, sometimes loud music. Probably why she didn't answer her phone in the first place, I would have waited until I was in a quieter spot too.Quote:
Originally Posted by emopunk;
You were not her main priority that night, her friend was. YOU were at work. Now she's ending the relationship. Do you still insist that it was HER fault?
OK to make everyone happy it was my fault. Ill take all the blame just like I always did in the relationship. Thanks a lot. She might as well be here... ur more of her friends anyway. Bye.
Actually, I am your friend.Quote:
Originally Posted by emopunk7
Sometime, when you read this thread again, maybe you will understand that it is your mental and emotional health I am concerned about.
Ok I will not contact her again. I said everything I needed to and I have no excuse to contact her now. This is what I believe. I believe that she is a woman and has every right to do as she pleases, but she's a woman in a relationship. Sadly, it's different now. In a relationship there are rules of appropriateness n she should respect me and at least let me know hey babe this is what's going on. There are different types of relationships and that was our key. We told each other where we are going when leaving to hang out. That was our respect towards each other especially to help build the trust and especially when we were having trouble in that area. Do you understand this?
Quote:
Originally Posted by emopunk7
THis sounds like you're playing the victim card again. Is this all you know how to do? Can't you just take some initiative and fix things instead of whining about them?
Believe it when I see it.Quote:
Quote emopunk7;
Ok I will not contact her again. I said everything I needed to and I have no excuse to contact her now
So what, she is still her own person first.Quote:
This is what I believe. I believe that she is a woman and has every right to do as she pleases, but she's a woman in a relationship.
I can agree.Quote:
Sadly, it's different now. In a relationship there are rules of appropriateness and she should respect me and at least let me know hey babe this is what's going on.
Sometimes that's not possible or necessary, but you still over reacted and made a bigger deal out of something you could have just let go of.Quote:
There are different types of relationships and that was our key. We told each other where we are going when leaving to hang out.
According to her, you made a lot of issues out of everything, and don't forget, I have read all your posts. Your very excitable and emotional, and get carried away easily. That makes you hard to talk to. That something you can do something about, with some self control.Quote:
That was our respect to wards each other especially to help build the trust and especially when we were having trouble in that area
I understand, but what you fail to see, is its not what others do, or why, its how you deal with it. You have dealt with this badly. Maybe she did to.Quote:
Do you understand this?
Thank you T-Man... believe it or not, she made everything a big deal. I don't get mad easily so she must have done something bad to get me mad. And I usually get over it fast... I like that about me. Its what kept this relationship going. If you think I'm bad, she was mad at me because I asked her at what time she gets out of work. I asked so that I can make plans for us or do something but she thought I was asking just so that I can go to six flags with my PARENTS! While she worked. Yet she can do what she did? That's why I'm even more upset at what she did - that very same night too! And blieve it or not, there is a part of me that wants to be alone and build my trust level. I want to explore more of life and enjoy other people. I want more of life and maybe if in the future we are meant to be then we will be.
Any responses? By the way... thank you everyone for helping with your wonderful words. Great help.
We have tried giving you ideas. How about you give us some?
What are some ways that you can help yourself? Let's see what you can come up with and we can work from there.
Remember that you are looking for proactive (not reactive) and constructive ways to move forward. Take your time and really think about it.
I messed up. It hit me that maybe all this is my fault only. She probably didn't tell me because I would get mad. Then when I asked her to prove it maybe that's why she was mad all night. The next day she did say sorry but I just over reacted. I would get upset when she sometimes smoked. I sent her texts right now saying all this and that I'm so sorry and it won't happen again and I called but ignoring. And that I won't get mad about these things again and when we go out we can both call to say hey like every 2 hours to build both our trust. I messed us up it seems. I am super sad and miserable.
Emo, let's try a mental exercise called: "What can I do next?"
Now give me list of ways you can move on without this particular girl in your life.
What proactive and constructive steps can you take to get over this relationship that will help you in your next relationship?
Remember that for this exercise this relationship is ended and you are strictly keeping to NO CONTACT with her.
Wow, now I think about it and she did have a choice. She had 3. She could have gone behind my back or she could have told me she was going out n that she would call me every 2 hours so that I can be okay or she could have not gone. I actually don't think it is my fault anymore. Or she could have sat me down n we could have spoken about what to do if a situation arises even before a situation... She didn't have to do what she did even if she was afraid I'd be mad. She could have not gone and avoid all this but I guess a girls night out is more important especially when she did this before. What should I think? My fault or not?
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