You're only lost because you haven't thought up a plan of action to replace his false love, false happiness, and false friendship, with the real thing. Start with family, and friends, and activities that you enjoy, and work from there.

I can't believe he is the only person you are close to in your life. If he is, then thats your problem, and it needs to change.


We have all been telling you this through out this posting, but you have chosen to sit and feel so sorry for yourself, instead of listening, and trying. That's your fault. As well as the misery and pain.

What are you afraid to work for your own happiness? Sorry, no sympathy for you if that's the case.

Once again, stop the self-pity party.

You are making a choice to hold on to the pain and hurt as a way of holding on to him. Make the choice to let him, his abuse, his drama, etc. go. He can't make you happy. He isn't making you happy. Just wanting to be with him is making you miserable and depressed.

Show me where there is 'happiness' in being used as a punching bag or door mat.

You and you alone are responsible for your own happiness,you can make a choice,right now, to start moving forward, to build a good life for yourself and to end this misery.
Most of us here have gone through breakups, we've cried, lost our appetite and sleep mourning relationships that went wrong, and we've got back on our feet again and found happiness and have matured through the experience.
You too can do this.

I understand all your advice and it is true.the problem is to go in action.But one thing TALANIMAN said is you can whine and beg all you want.but things can not go back to the way it was.what you mean buy that?can you explaind to me.what you were thinkig when you said that.before I decide to move on I want know every things.thank you ALL .if you have any idea why TALANIMAN said so give me your idea.thank you so much for every thing don't live on the cold alone stik with until I heall.I need you to clear my soul for all problem I have because of this situation

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TALANIMAN said is you can whine and beg all you want.but things can not go back to the way it was.what you mean buy that?

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Leave the past alone, and stop making excuses why your so miserable, and hurt, and embrace a better future for yourself. Got it?

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Originally Posted by lisa27

I understand all your advice and it is true.the problem is to go in action.But one thing TALANIMAN said is you can whine and beg all you want.but things can not go back to the way it was.what you mean buy that?can you explaind to me.what you were thinkig when you said that.before i decide to move on i want know every things.thank you ALL .if you have any idea why TALANIMAN said so give me your idea.thank you so much for every thing dont live on the cold alone stik with untill i heall.i need you to clear my soul for all problem i have because of this situation

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You already know everything. You know that he abused you. You know that he lied. You know that he charmed you just long enough to get in your bed. You know that he made you miserable. You know that he has hurt you emotionally. You know ALL the reasons to move on.

You need to get over the idea that anyone can make your life easier for you. WE can't. We can't make the decision to move on for you. We can't make the pain go away. We can't make the pain hurt any less. We can't make you stronger. We can't 'clear my soul' of anything. Only you can. Only you can take responsibility for your life and your well-being.

All we can do is be here to give you support for your decisions and advice on what works for self-healing. All we can do is let you know that you aren't alone and that there is hope for the future.

You are the one who has to look into what resources are available to give you help where you live. Counseling, battered women's shelters, clergy, therapy, support groups, etc. are places to start. BUT you have to want to start. Until you make that decision and take that step, we are just keeping you company while you run on the treadmill. We might as well be the radio or TV.

Thank you guys,what else can I say.I am not getting any support to talk my ex.you all agree for me to go to NC.I guess I will fallow the advice and start NC.But it is so hard I will try again starting from now till manday.But it is so hard it feels the end of the world.:confused:

Lisa,you start today and you don't stop-ever. You stay NC FOREVER and heal.

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But it is so hard I will try again starting from now till Monday.But it is so hard it feels the end of the world.:confused:

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That's what we all feel at first, but we do get on to better things.

My god how I am going to be strong when I can't stop thinking about him.I just called him severl times until he gets mad and stop answering me.I am dying.I am cring so hard with no one to hear me.o my god what have done wrong to suffer like this.I didn't eat nothing for the last 2 days and I did not go to work for 3 days.I am suffering because of this man.I don't want to end my life I am too yong to die.but I am suffering I can't take it any more.I try every thing I fail.why I have to feel this way?like he is the only person on the world.for me he is.my goodness it a weekend I am all alone.with all this sad sad feelng.what else left for me?I try all your advice.nothing but

Go see your doctor Lisa, your way over the line. You need more than advice.

You need to see your doctor asap. Which country are you in? Call the Samaritans or Befrienders. Do this now.

:):):)
Hi Guys,I am back with a big smile on my face.it been a long time since I visit this page.I am here today strong than ever before.I hope with help of and you guys I will continue. And I believe there no way back to that situation.things get bad before it gets better.the last day I felt like I was relly going to lose my mind for that abuser.I hate myself and felt unloveble.and I was going also to lose my job for him.I did not go to work almost 2 weeks and I finally decided to go to see specialist.and he gave me medication anti deprassiton.just at that moment I realize how far I am going to destroy myself by taking the medication and I asked myself what the hell am I doing?I am the who help people not to depend on medication and here I am planing to take it.wow wow stop lisa you deseve better than this.u did not lose nothing but one abuser who put me in this situation.and I found some how stength in me and I did not even buy the medication.and I decided for the first time a real N.C I delete alll his connetions.and I stop answering his calls.I have done almost for 3 weeks and helps a lot.but it drive him crazy.he keep calling and asking a friend about me.even I block some of our friend.so that I don't have to hear any thing abut him any more.now thanks God I am living a normal.all it takes is to decide not to want him. And also time is the healer at the same time.now I am not here to be all that strong .you guys know how I felt from the beging.now the advice you me about N.C is great.you we are deuring and christmas and new year.I was thinking a month ago how I am going to spend this days with out him.But now I don't even give $#@& a but him.I already plan my to spend my newyears eve with friend and family in onther country .now I left the pain for him.he regret for he put me through and he keep calling but no reply.and thanku guys for your great advice.now what I have learn about myself is that I can be so weak when it come to love but I have so much strength to get out of it after all that sad and lonely depressed life.and I am with help God I will continue.

That's great news keep being the strong woman you are. Your news made my day. I wish you all the best for the holiday season and A HAPPY 2010.
<cyberhugs>

:)
The same to you my dear amicon.it is because of you and the people in this site who gave time and advice.there is no way to thank you enough by words.wish you all the best 2010 and years to come.for sure I will keep in contact I will advice people who are going through the breakups.like you guys did with me.love you all and a big hug and kiss:)

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Originally Posted by lisa27

:)
The same to u my dear amicon.it is because of u and the ppl in this site who gave time and advice.there is no way to thank u enough by words.wish u all the best 2010 and years to come.for sure i will keep in contact i will advice ppl who are going through the breakups.like you guys did with me.love u all and a big hug and kiss:)

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Lisa, welcome back to living. :)

I am so glad to read your update and that you are getting yourself back. May you have a great Holiday season and a wonderful time bringing in 2010. :)

Thanku my dear cat1864 you are great advicer.here I am smilling.by the way I like your dog:) merry chirstmas and happy new year.

Wow, I am so impressed, and thrilled, that you found the right path to happiness.

I love Happy endings and it certainly gives me a personal buzz to know that the time we take to try and help people comes to fruition in the end , makes it all worthwhile.

Great news Lisa and I hope you have a great Christmas and your New Year brings a lot more happy times ahead :)

:)
Hi talaniman and friend 4u178 thank you for investing your time to read my misery and giving me a great advice.I know you all happy for me to shut that abuser out of my life.thats why I have to come back here to tell you all and the people in site thanku for all that great advice.have a happy christmas and new year 2010:)

Hi Guys,it been a long time since I log on here.as you guys now I was op N.C almost 3 month.my ex he keep contacting me calling sms, e.mail.but iwas refused to reply and I felt like he is not the one who is abused me but I am the one who abusing him because he want to be a friend and I completely ignor him.and also as much he keep contacting me now like I feel I miss him want see him or lessen to him for what he has to say. Guys can you help me?I don't know what to do.why he is coming back sevral times I gnore him but he don't want give up.and I forget to mention.over a month I chat with him on the internet and he ended up getting angry and he did not contact me for 2 weeks.because of accused him by saying that he still see his baby mama.and he gets mad. He says no it is not true and he was very angry.he said you never stop talking about her and you never trust me.and I hate to talk about he say and he was so mad. But he called me back again after 2 weeks .I don't know what to do.I have love for him because he was also my best friend.I also have anger.what can I do help me.I want keep as a friend but I don't want hurt myself again. And I don't want lose him forever.thank you guys for all the help you been giving me.now I need to show me the way to move for word.

Well he is still getting angry with you so he would just most likely still abuse you
Stay away , he hasn't changed

Hi dynocompe,thanks for the advice.but the reson he is angry is because he hate to speak about his baby mama.I know he hates her.but I all ways talk about her because he share a child with her.I am jelouse of that.

Hello Lisa-you know what we're going to say-AVOID him.
Don't go back to square one or two by letting him get to you again.
You should not even consider keeping him as a friend.
Do yourself a favour and go back to NC proper.

Use your head,not your heart,your head knows he is a complete waste of time and space.

Don't make excuses for his actions! Move on. That is what women who get abused always do. They think it's there fault and make excuses for the Monsters actions. They lead them to believe it's there fault they get so mad. Don't get brainwashed. Move on.
I heard there is lots of people still single out there, that are better than you have ever dated!

It's really quite simple , you contacted him and the drama's begin again :rolleyes:

Don't contact him , and if he tries to contact you ignore it , he'll soon get the message.

Life's too short to be living with all this drama in your life and your promoting it by letting him back in with the contact.

Lisa, not talking to him is not abuse. His continuing to try to contact you after you have made it clear you don't want his attention is. It is a way to control you and get what he wants.

You are stronger than the person who was in the relationship with him. You are a lot stronger than you were when you first came here. You know you can go No Contact and keep it.

DON'T allow him to coerce you into another abusive relationship with him.

Good luck, Lisa.

Thank you guys you all are wonderful advsers.but ike CAT1864 says I am much more stronger now than in relationship with him.N.C is un answer when you really want shut the person out of your life.but with me is like I want keep it cool and stay friends with him.I want you guys to understand he was my best friend for 4 years before any thing else.the abuse begins when we became more than friends.maybe was my foult or his but before that he was the best friend that any girl want have.I am really confused.I have learned with N.C I can get over his love but I really want keep his freinship how do I do it? I when I get over him and want tobe friends maybe it is too late for him and really want keep him as friend how do I do it please advice me.Thank you all

You can't be friends with someone when there has been and still is so much emotional involvement and shared history.

You need to understand why you can't free yourself from this attachment,why you can't see how a person who is capable of abuse is not someone you allow to be your friend.

That is why I still think you should find a therapist to help you understand why you can't let this whole thing go.

Hi amicon,thanks for your advice .the sitation is not that bad to see a therapist.I am just confused about having him as a friend.and I am still confused.I know he is abuser when he bcame my boy friend.before that he was v.good to me.I think that freindship that I miss:confused:

Make new friends.
Socialise-this guy's not the be all and end all of your social life.
Get out there and get to know other people.

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Originally Posted by lisa27

i can get over his love but i really want keep his freinship how do i do it? I when i get over him and want tobe freinds maybe it is too late for him and really want keep him as freind how do i do it please advice me.Thank u all

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Lisa, right now, I don't think you can be friends. For one thing, I don't know if that is all he wants. If it isn't, can you say no to what he wants? Will he put up with you saying no?

There is also the matter of you and the mother of his child. It sounds like you are still harbouring some anger towards her. It also sounds like it is still an extremely touchy subject. You don't trust him not to lie to you about seeing her and if he is a 'friend' not a 'boyfriend', then he should have no need to lie and you shouldn't feel the need to question him about her.

Keep up NC for a while longer. Let yourself get over him AND the baby mama drama. Allow yourself to fully HEAL.

Thanks all you guys, I agree with all. I guess I am not yet 100% over him, because just today I saw him across the road, and I froze. I learned I am still attached to him emotionally. I felt the loss, and the pain again. So like u guys advised me, I will keep N.C for some time. Thank you guys for giving me more advice to keep me strong.

Edited

Keeping complete proper NC is what will get you through this.
And,again,make new friends.
Come back and update us.
Take care,Lisa.

Even if you don't give updates, if you feel like you are weakening reread the thread. Good luck sticking to full NC.

Hi guys ,I just have a little qustion which is confuses me.latly I was letting my ex to contact me.because of that I come back here to ask your advice if I can take him as friend.but now you all advice me to keep N.C how could I just stop answering his call and ignor him? Because we start taking as friend when I answer his call.can I find a reson to make him angry then I stop the connection or how do I do it?I am really confused how to start N.C again and what he will think of me when I cut him off again?it crazy qustion help

Lisa

If you want to stop all the confusion stick to NC as we have all advised you , the problem is your still worried about how he feels , Forget about what he feels , he obviously doesn't care how it affects you.

The sooner you realise that the only way to really stop all this confusion is to stop putting this guy on a pedestal and start worrying about yourself.

I would bet after your over him you probably won't even want to be friends with him.

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Originally Posted by lisa27

how could i just stop answering his call and ignor him? because we start taking as freind when i answer his call.can i find a reson to make him angry then i stop the conection or how do i do it?i am really confused how to start N.C again and what he will think of me when i cut him off again?it crazy qustion help

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Do not play games with trying to make him mad or anything else. Just stop taking his calls. Ignore his messages. Delete texts, messages, etc. You shouldn't care what he thinks. If he gets upset and doesn't contact you because you ignored him, does it really matter?

You guys are wonderful.I am so happy to come here and tell my worries and get support from some body I never seen.guys because of you. I am stronger today and at least I can control my emotions.now I feel like I have a big familie here that I can count on.Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will take your advice I will start N.C again. Until next time with a good news Hopefuly :)take care

Good luck, Lisa. Take care of yourself.