Ask Me Help Desk - Can't stop loving my ex

Quote:

Originally Posted by kay13

His Dad wrote him a short note at Christmas saying that he was sorry mistakes had been made. My son's reaction was to say it wasn't about their relationship anymore, but about how he'd seen me treated. That made me feel quite proud.

I think you have every reason to feel proud of your son. He obviously has a good head on his shoulders and is able to judge situations well. Forgiveness is an important quality to have but he is obviously not ready for this and his decision to change his surname to your maiden name shows that he wants to stand by you regardless of his father's attempts to apologise. This is a good thing and I expect it was somewhat hard for your son to make that decision.

Here's looking at 2007 being a great year for you and your son and in fact for everyone.

Hi Geoff, yes I think it must have been very hard for him. I was very close to my father but he died at a very young age. I remember him supporting me through all my achievements and sorrows and I feel hurt that my son never had that from his own father.
He is a strong willed young man with the courage of his convictions, and for that I greatly admire him. Had I found a tiny bit of his courage, this situation would have died a death a long time ago.
2007 here we all come!

Hi all, just a quick question really, you've seen me through so many emotions can I ask just a little more help?

Is it normal to still feel a little resentment when I get to hear of some of the things ex hubby has planned? He's taking his new squeeze on a cruise in March. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous and I don't want to go back but when we were together I often asked if it was something we could do as a family and he always said that he didn't fancy the idea. So why now? Why couldn't he do it with his family? It seems that he is living all the dreams I had. Sorry for banging on, but I don't like this feeling and I don't quite know how to handle it.

Kay every time you hear that your ex has farted you will feel pangs of resentments. That is normal and human. Somedays will be better and some will be pretty damn bad , but know you will get over it. Let him fart all he wants.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Kay everytime you hear that your ex has farted you will feel pangs of resentments. That is normal and human. Somedays will be better and some will be pretty damn bad , but know you will get over it. Let him fart all he wants.

Very well spoken, let him fart until he turns blue... Kay, you must see by now that he is now, and has been for the last many years a miserable old fool who realizes he truly has nothing and has to pretend he has something, so he buys them. He bought a house, he bought a fancy tub, he bought a cruise and this is how he continues to buy his tart of a girlfriend... pathetic really. He will never fill that void, ever. You are rich in comparison with your son and daughter by your side!

T- tried to rep you, still rollin'

Tal, you made me laugh - yes I do resent him farting:D
Momincali - I do feel rich indeed, thanks for making me see what rich really means. X

With the relationship you have with your kids ,your ex will be spending a lot of money, and never have what he really wants. You think he isn't jealous of you?

Kay, you have so much to look forward to. First, the full realization of how pathetic and desperate he's being; then, the wave of relief as you realize that it has nothing at all to do with you, it's out of your life entirely, and you haven't thought about him in days.

It is normal to have little resentments pop up when he does things now that you would have liked to do. It has nothing to do with you. Nothing to do with this new woman. It is a different time in his life and he wants to do these things now. When he was younger and with you he did not, whether it was for financial reasons or that he was not ready yet, who knows. The fact is, he is still the same person inside. He may have bought a house, hot tub, trips, that is all superficial. He is still the person that rejected you and his children. We can all change where we live, the clothes we wear and where we go and what we do and even our hairdo. The fact of the matter is, we are still the same sheet of paper we started with. His children will never hold him dear to their hearts nor will they respect him or ever have a close relationship with him. You have a house full of love, warmth a hot tub could never give and memories of your children that a cruise could never replace. You are blessed. He is searching.

Tal, yes I think he is jealous of the relationships I have with the special people in my life, I only wanted him to enjoy being one of them, he didn't want to be.

Ordinary guy, does him living such a full life show he's pathetic and desperate, is he just trying to out-play me because I took our kids on holiday last year? You're right about one thing, he's out of my life for the first time in 20 years - it's hard to adjust to but it sure is an easier life.

K_3 - I certainly am blessed and yes he is the same person he always was. Perhaps he is still searching, I just don't know what for anymore.

Just bumping this up friends, I'm having such a tearful day for some reason.

A couple of us have felt low this week Kay. Chin up, keep as strong as you can : )

Yes, I have had a couple of down days but like Wap has said to me, I think it is o.k to have moments of weakness or down times, it is only natural. Keep your head up high and know that the down days will become few and far between the longer that time moves on.

We will all be in a better place soon : ) and be stronger for it

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Here's hoping that better place is just around the corner. X

Hmmm, does that mean its time to shop until you drop?

T- Was that a rhetorical question? It's always time my man!

I know my wife and daughter are so long gone.

Oh yes Tal, shop till I drop is definitely on the cards! Not only that but lots of plans for home improvements which should keep me busy until the next millennium! Feeling better already!

Kay, I hope things are picking up for you today and I hope you were able to shop until the salesman dropped. It's funny how that works for us.

I was kind of bummed out the other day cause I wasn't able to go to a school competition my daughter had been preparing for because I am recovering from gall bladder surgery. I felt so sad cause I wanted to be there for her. So, I put a nice note in her backpack and she called me when she got it. Then my hubby called me from time to time to give me a play by play and it helped. Well, I got my handy dandy laptop and shopped eBay until they came home. I didn't go nuts buying stuff, but I did find a really cool gift for my daughter and that really lifted my spirits. I also downloaded some itunes she'd been wanting on her laptop and surprised her that way. Shopping saved the day once more...

She came in 2nd place in regionals in a graphic arts design and engineering. Yaaaay!!

Yes Mom, I bought a pair of shoes (one can never have too many shoes :D ) that I'll probably wear once because they're too high! Some fab jeans for my growing up fast daughter and last but not least, a bathroom suite! So perhaps the DIY is a little optimistic and I'll have to hire a man that can.

How upsetting to miss your daughters competition, but you did have a real good excuse. Hope you're on the road to recovery now. What a clever girl, how proud you must be!

Hi,
Learn to love from far; you cannot change feelings. Life will be easier for yourself . I completely relate ; in a different kind of way!

I'm thinking of starting a new thread "Why does shopping lift a females spirits" Or "How come there is no evidence of a female ever dropping while shopping." or " Whats in your wallet.....................nuthin' honey"

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I'm thinking of starting a new thread "Why does shopping lift a females spirits" Or "How come there is no evidence of a female ever dropping while shopping." or " Whats in your wallet.....................nuthin' honey"

I'm reminded of the joke about the woman who was all excited about the dress she got on sale. Telling her husband about it, she said "Look, honey, I saved thirty dollars on this dress. What should I do with the money I saved?" He said, "Show it to me."

Come on lads give us a break, it's not about money, its about therapy :D

An odd thing has just happened. We are experiencing heavy snow in our area and as my ex was late picking up my daughter and mom wasn't home she asked him to pull up outside my house and sound his horn so that Meg could just go out to him. Not a great plan, but I was left with no choice.

Well, not five minutes ago he walked in my house uninvited as if nothing was wrong. Luckily I was upstairs getting ready for a night out. I don't know what he was trying to achieve but I'm so glad I didn't see him! Now I know why I don't trust him to come here!

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I'm thinking of starting a new thread "Why does shopping lift a females spirits" Or "How come there is no evidence of a female ever dropping while shopping." or " Whats in your wallet.....................nuthin' honey"

T- Come on now... when we're at home and you're sitting around watching basketball, baseball, soccer or whatever, and we can't stop talking about this and that, don't get much more than a "oh" and "aha" and then SUDDENLY we say we're going shopping you turn around, smile big:D and say, "okay babe, I'll see you later, have fun, oh and don't worry about comin home to make dinner, I'll order pizza with the fellas!" Hmmmmmmm...

Oh, and no, we don't actually drop, that's why we're supposed to "shop til we drop" cause this way we never have to stop... get it?? It's a retail therapy marathon worth every penny, for your sanity as well as ours!

Just one of my many talents Tal!! ;)

I agree with you Val.

Kay, self love begins with you. When you value yourself and hold yourself up as worthy of healthy and abiding love, you will give up on this man. You need to affirm to yourself that you are giving and beautiful and worthy of anything good that God has in store for you. Your life cannot get better without your full participation.

You made a good start by ceasing contact with the inconsiderate and unloving man. There is no decent defense for what he put your family through and he is most unworthy of you and yours.

Truly, when you start seeing your beauty, others will too. Beauty gravitates from inside all of us, when we allow it to flow. It is necessary to cut out the disease that we have before welcomed into our lives in order to make our lives better and for the beauty to show itself.

You owe it to your children to make better choices. If you have put up with garbage being slung at you,( not literal), then what chance will they have with their future relationships. The most important part of good parenting is example. All the words you tell your kids about their worth will mean nothing if you don't follow it.

Blessings to you sweetie, you are worth so much more than what your ex has valued you at. Reflect on this for a time, and your love may just slip away. I pray for your release from bondage. Blessings again.

Thank you sexy for your kind words.

I'm slowly being released from that bondage and am amazed at how differently I feel. The no contact rule has been my saviour, not as a punishment for him but as healing time for me. It truly works as a powerful medicine to allow body and soul to recover from trauma such as this.

Of course such wonderful advice from the people here is also a contributing factor. I am in a better place and am hopeful for the future.

It's my ex-hubby's birthday today. I've had 23 years of sending cards, presents and planning romantic meals... and this year I've done nothing. It's another hurdle I've climbed, but it has left me feeling really empty and down today. :(

Its okay to feel that way, because you know that the feeling will pass. To help it along, do something nice for yourself on this beautiful Sunday afternoon.

You are quite right Tal, the feeling has passed.

Now its raining here, thanks:eek:

Ah, I passed my mood onto the weather... the sun will be out again soon, I promise :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by kay13

Someone please help! I divorced my husband 10 years ago because he made me choose between my marriage and our unborn child. I choose our child and had a beautiful baby girl alone. Since then my ex has kept me on the back burner with promises that one day we will be together. Last weekend I discovered that another woman had been staying with him at weekends and he introduced her to our daughter, I'm devestated and don't know how to get through this. Our 18 year old son hasn't spoken to him for 3 years because of how he treats me, and he is giving this as the excuse for not being a family. We had a very bitter divorce and I went through pregnancy and birth alone just hoping that once he saw the baby he would change his mind but he has been dangling the carrot ever since. Trouble is I love him and can't see a future without him, but I also know I can't go on like this.
On my request we've not had contact for two months because it's worse when I see him, so he's picking up or daughter from my moms house. Help, I don't know where to go from here.:confused:

Give him time to understand that his life will fall apart f he does not give his family a second chance. His daughter will never have a dad and will not be able to wear those shirts that say "DADDYS LITEL GIRL" and his son wil never talk to him and a father uis supposed to be a role model for is sonm . He will look up to him if he gived you a chance. For you the best advise i can give you is that u need to let alll this comotion and mybe it will sink in

If you read these13 pages you will find the situation has progressed quite a bit.

Oh dear, another hurle to jump. Ex-hubby has departed on a caribbean cruise today. When I arrived home from work my sister-in-law called me to tell me that he will be getting married on board ship. He's not even told his daughter. What a silly fool I've been, how could I have not seen this coming. :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by kay13

What a silly fool I've been, how could I have not seen this coming. :(

There's no reason why you should have seen it coming if your attention is on other things, which is where it belongs. You're no fool. He's the fool. Let him be. Think elsewhere.

You may care for a minute but really what difference will it really make in your life? None at all!! Shopping anyone?? Spring clearance.

Come on Kay - I saw it coming from your posts. You had to have.

Let him go!! Once and for all!!