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Yea, most probably she is going to contact you. Just to warn you, DO NOT LET HER STRING YOU ALONG. It is super important that you keep your head and be cold and brief with her. You need a lot of time alone after 4 years and a half, you need at least 1 to 2 month. Now I am not saying there is no chance, but most likely it will never work. It may look hard from my part but take care of yourself and everyday that passes you will feel better.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
Everyday I feels better. Why does the kiss make you think she will contact me? If she contacted me, my thing would be that she contacted me for a reason, so I wouldn't do a lot of talking. That's smart right?
Well not really. See you are still hanging in the thought of her contacting you. As per experience, ex will most likely call to see how you doing ( this is to see if they still have the upper hand ) and it depends on the person, it can be days or month. The kiss itself will not make her contact you, it's just the whole process of breaking up that will make her contact you. And basically she will just leave the question hanging like: "how have you been", "what are you doing lately?". So if she calls, tell her you're doing fine and that you have a date or somewhere to go to and close the phone as fast as you can. You'll be proud of yourself after a while ( man pride :) )
I think if she contacts you it will be just to see how you are. I don't think there will be any other motive.
She is gone. You need to accept that.
But if it will make you feel better to think she is a conniving person, do that, but you will be doing that only for your benefit and it would not be fair to her.
Take the high road, be the adult you are and move on.
Serious question, what does a girl mean when they say,
"I love you more than anything, but I'm not in love with you"
They like you as a friend, not as a lover... pretty much what it means is BYE!
Romantic feelings are gone... game over.
It means, I think of you as my favorite lamp, but I will never sleep with you
Idk about, but I don't love any of my friends. There good friends, and I'm there if they need something, but I wouldn't say I love them
Why did you ask for advice, and when you get an answer, you rebut it? Look, you are nothing more than a person she cares deeply for... once she finds another boyfriend, your a$$ is in the garbage can... truth my friend! I love all my friends like family, for the record.
It is basically a nice way of saying I am not attracted to you anymore...
I think I'm already there, her caring for me deeply is great, but not needed. I made it without her before her and have always been an independent person. I always try to help my friends, but I never expect them to help me. (this is a little different, cause she has been there for so long) for some of the things I was going through with my family and in my own life, I wouldn't go to her, never wanted her to think I had any weakness, but I don't think I ever completely trusted her(really bad)
It means I love you are person, but not as a mate. I'm not in love with you as a woman would be in love with a man she is with.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
I dated a guy all through H S we grew up together. When I was 19 I met my husband. I knew I wanted to be with him, it made we realize that what I felt for the guy I dated was comfort and love and friendship, but what I felt the passion I felt for the man who is my husband. I broke up with him because I knew he was not "the one" for me. That was 36 years ago.
Ok, but when a girl is re one tar brings up the marriage talk, would that mean she knows "he is the one"?Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
We talked about marriage too. I did love him.
It was not until I met my husband that I knew I loved him as a friend, I was comfortable with him, he was my best friend, but there was no spark, no passion.
He was heart broken, just like you. He got over it and later married. He has had a happy life.
Girls need to stop give communication with fine print, plain and simple.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
I loved her and cared about her deeply, but wasn't ready for marriage at such a young age. I wanted I more stable life(outta college, a career with some job security, and the money to be able to start a life on our own) before I wanted to get married. She just wouldn't wait for that. Sad thing is, that some of my friends and my boss, told me, what are you waiting for, you both love each other, living together, etc. just get married. Part of me says I shouldn't have listened, the other part of me say, wow did I dodge that bullet. She might have done this same thing after we were married, then what? I have never been one to run back home when something goes wrong, I'm stubborn in that way. She is the complete opposite, difference was, that I was the one that she ran to when something went wrong, or I was there to always protect her from bad situations, with her friends or family, or money.
She was not playing with you, this was not miscommunication. She is young, you both are very young. Marriage was what she thought she wanted as did I. She realized she did not want to be with you and left. Who knows later you may have realized the same thing.
It is what it is. This happens all of the time with young love. You grow out of each other. You realize you don't have the kind of love for each other to marry. Maybe she was too dependent on you and realized it was not good. And maybe you thought she owed you something because you were always there, maybe it made you feel good, maybe like you were a little better than her.
Don't blame her, just realize it's over and move on. Maybe you both were dependent on each other for different things and it is time to grow up.
I don't think marriage is the reason she left. I think she realized that she did not love you that way. She grew out of you. It happens.
You may have been wonderful, a wonderful catch, but you are not the one for her.
I would say that marriage is what she wanted, when you ask someone if you proposed to them 6 months ago, would it have worked out, and they say yes. (who knows could have done this and the same thing would have happened.) all she ever said, was that we weren't going any where with our relationship, though I laid out what my plans every time the conversation was brought up, and she would never give what her plans were. I never expect other people to help me out with my situations, I always think I can handle everything, but if it get to out of hand, I will go to someone. Like the time I almost died from my lunge collapsing, I needed someone there, and she was no matter what.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
I didn't say marriage wasn't what she wanted. I don't think it was the full reason she left. I think she was not feeling the same about you.
I think you both needed each other for that time in your lives.
You can place all the blame on her if it makes you feel better, but I'm sure you were not probably Mr perfect either.
The relationship is over, it has run it's course. Be angry if you must, but you need to lose it so you can move on.
Yeah I would agree with that. No one is mr or mrs perfect. As for reading between the lines, is the day before she left and weeks before that we talked about future plans. No joke, I didn't see it coming.
Your in shock, that's understandable, and a common human reaction, to a suddenly changing situation.
I'm sure you couldn't see it coming. Maybe she didn't either. Maybe she met this guy and knew she could not be with you, maybe there were things going on between the two of you that to you was no big deal, but bothered her. You said you had anger problems she was not happy with, I don't know. But whatever the reason, she is gone and you are hurt and angry, but you must let go. Maybe if you stay angry long enough you will be able to just let go. That's what we do sometimes. We place blame so we can be angry, subconsciously thinking this will ease the pain.
I wish you well.
Yeah, my anger problems came from the depression of the three life thretening surgies I had I had, which she was there for, and I was glad for that, and she knew that. I never thought she would stay with me, after my body had beenso battered and broken. Either way the anger from those had gone away, after I had healed and rebuild my life and body.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
I would like to think there was nothing going on between them behind my back, I see it as next to impossible.
Maybe there wasn't. The point is she is now gone. If there was, there is nothing you can do about it now it won't change anything.
And if there wasn't, it still does not change anything. It is what is it.
You said she told you that she has problem with your anger, you also said that you never felt she did for you what you did for her, but yet you say she stuck by you when you were ill.
It could be there were things going on you just paid no attention to. At any rate, she left now you need to move on.
You are only 22 you have a lot of growing to do you have a future ahead of you. Take this time to learn about yourself apart from her.
Day 7
I'm going through my basement and the rest of my stuff, and collecting the last of my stuff, and sticking it in and box. The driving to her parents house and leaving it in the drive way. Should I put the cards she has given me in the box? With a note that says, "change your address, whatever mail comes, will be sent back to the post office. Also close the bank account, if it's not closed on a week, I will close it and mail the check.
Bye"
Anything need to be added to the note?
You don't need to give back cards, that is a dig. Be bigger than that.
Tell her in a note "don't forget to close the account and change the address on your mail"
What ever mail you get, forward it.
Well I don't want her to take her sweet little time, that's why I'm gibing her a timelineQuote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
Well then give her the time line, just don't be rude about it. But can't you just take your name off the account?
Nope, both of us have to be there for one of us to take one I our names off re account, and I really don't want to deal with her right now. No steps backwards!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
Ok. Do what you got to do.
I think I'll just through them out, seal then in a envelope and write a year later date that I can read them.(if I remember them)Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
Well like I said, do what you need to do to get through this.
I wish you well
I know that you are hurt, but there is no need to be rude. She felt pain from this too. She is a human with feelings. Breaking up with someone you have been with for so long is not an easy decision nor is it fun process for either party.
Like Homegirl said, be the bigger man, and treat her with some respect and politeness. That will have a greater effect than being a jerk.
My suggestion would be, take care of the all of your business with her now while everything is fresh. That way later on, when you are starting to heal, you can continue the process and not have it interrupted by something that could be easily taken care of now.
If I may ask what is rube about my plan, so I may try to avoid it...Quote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
She hasn't tried to contact me, and I won't be the haven for her to run back to when this turns out bad. I want to be the one she comes back cause she wants to
If she came back to you cause she wanted to, how would you know that was the reason?
Things would not be the same. If it did not work out with this guy, I don't think she would come back though.
I think the rudness would be sending back all the cards she gave you and "telling" her what she needs to do. Just the attitude.
Your right she could just lie to me about the reason. Then what would be the reason for her coming back? If she came back, my wish is that it was because she wanted to be with me, not cause this new guy wasn't what she thought. My thing is, I would have to see something that told me she is serious, that she wouldn't pack up and leave every time the road wasn't covered with roses. I want someone who is willing to fight through the hard times, knowing that things always get better, it just depends on how much your willing to work.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
I understand about the rudeness, my thing would be, "don't forget to change the address and close the account. i can do it if your not able to(she works at the bank the account is at) i will close it and mail you the check" as for the cards, I'm either going to toss them, or seal them up, and write a date 1 yr from the date it is sealed
That sounds better than your original plan. I would go with what you just outlined above.
ThanksQuote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
You think anything else should go into the note? (feelings about what has happened, don't contact me, I know we'll look back on this and laugh one day, etc.)
But you said she did stick by you through your illness and depression and your anger problems. You are hurt and forgetting that. I think she left because she just was not feeling you anymore and that was her right to do. You don't have to stay with someone you are no longer happy with.Quote:
Originally Posted by AKeagle
You are assuming the worse about her and I think you are doing it because it makes you angry and helps you deal with the pain. I think this young lady has moved on, whether it is with another guy or not, she has moved on and you should too.
Send the note you said you will send and get out and do something for yourself. Try something different. Put her behind you.
I know it is hard now, but it will get better.
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