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Thanks, I tried to socialize on Sunday but was so preoccupied that it really wasn't fun, actually made me feel worse about being absent emotionally 7 mentally given my friend's effort. But I guess that's just in my own mind. I will certainly try... I've made the decision to go NC. Hard to imagine what I would have done or said if it wasn't for everyone here.
Just keep trying it'll get easier in time.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Thanks, one thing I'm doing right now, is deciphering her text message that rocked me today and writing my translations line by line. Words can revael some much, as in these threads. It may sound messed up or I'm hanging on to it, but its really helping NC. Im starting to see what she is all about amongst the pain and hurt and trying to look at who I really am & how I could be so naïve and try to fix things.
Im just venting, but I hope it helps me & others in the process.
As waivering about NC, I got this text message from my ex and broke it down. Please take it for what its worth & know its coming from someone that is week or more into my breakup.
"Hi, Im not sure if youre working"
(Translation: I hope you are still making$$ even after I did this. I don't really care if you are damaged, get over it.)
"I'll be at home tonight"
(Translation: That's when I will be available for you. My time is way more important. Keep waiting until later. I haven't taked to you in days cause it didn't serve me. Where are you? Im so used to you being there to take my B.S.)
"and would like to say hi"
(Translation: You just did remember the first word that you typed? Im not really calling to say hi, in fact this for my closure not to benefit you. I am not calling to reconcile.
And lastly...
"Can I call you"
I kind of feel crappy, was my Birthday yesterday & got your card, just spend a few days with my messed up family & really have no one to talk with. Plus I want you to get the impression that I care, but for my benefit to cause I know my narcissism is in jeopardy and flux.
Whoa, boy what a difference a day makes. Thanks for listening...
Lol, I got a big kick out of your translations.
How old are you both?
Im 45, she's 33. Its funny that you say this cause I was just worrying about the rationale for her friends and family. "I want someone my own age & career path" "It might be too late for kids" "He couldn't make a plan & wasn't driven enough' etc, etc, etc... But actually, I don't care what she says to others. I don't really play that & never have, the few friends are real & love me, and truly know who I am.
You are in a lot of pain. I've been through that with only four years but a couple months ago I got back together with my boyfriend after I told him I needed time and I did because my parents are divorced and just got back together. It's a real mess... Give her time she'll come back focus on good times together she misses you too! I know. You are very smart and will give her time she'll come back with open arms. UNDERSTAND HER!! She'll be sorry and believe me I'm only11... Be good. Understand. And keep being a good friend. Good luck! And the secret does work!! She'll come back.
-Woxmie
Thanks, but now this about me, not her. She needs way more help then the secret or any other general method, she needs someone that can help her with her personality disorder. She is incapable of true love for her mate, or anyone else, she practices self love for sure, but to a damaging and destructive degree and stuff like books or courses that she chooses fuels her and helps justify her. She is not spirtual at all, she just wants everyone to think that. I guess now, its not about wanted her back now, or to try to fight for my love, but, for me to pick up the pieces and move on. To try & become truly aware and let her live with herself. Because that is the only person she truly loves.
At the end my night & whirlwind day, I'm sad & teary. I feel sorry for her and me. I still feel love for her for so many ways. I feel so sorry for her & I wish things could be different. I wish she had the tools and power to love me. Thanks to everyone today, It really opened my eyes & reinforced that NC is the right thing to do.
Still feeling pretty crappy & can't seem to get her off my mind despite being strong yesterday with NC and not responding to my first message from her in days. In some weird way I want her to keep trying to hear that she misses me or cares, only to try & see if I can be strong.
I can't help wondering if there is someone else she is chasing and if that person is with her. I know none of these feelings are beneficial in any way, but its hard for me to stop feeling for her after 5 years. I can't stop wondering if she feels she made the right decision or realizes how much I'm hurting or even misses me at this point. The thought of her not caring is torturous.
I wonder what she is feeling after my no response from yesterday. I keeping that she thinks that I hate now if that helps her to forget about me...
You will probably never know. But don't worry about her just worry about how your feeling. Besides so what if she thinks you hate her. If she really really wants to know how you feel she'll ask. But if she doesn't really care she's not going to ask. She'll do what she wants.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
I was with my girlfriend for 7 years... and she first told me the same thing as you. And I have been feeling the same things...
In my case, there was another person in the picture.. but this is what I am trying to tell myself to do.. "I am worth it to be happy with or without this person in my life. I need to live for me and not for them or anyone else because they are doing it for themselves."
When I went NC with my ex at first she kept calling and calling, until I broke down and asked. She thought she lost me, that's why she kept calling. But you should not worry about what she is thinking. Take it from me, it will mess you up beyond anything you can imagine..
For your sake, stick to the NC. Because I did NOT and I truly wish I did. I am 100x more hurt than before I going NC. So do that for yourself and stick to the NC.
Thanks. I guess what I'm feeling now is devastated and still feel love for her & I miss her so much. I'm sure you know, but can't to seem to keep my mind off her now as hard as I'm trying. I try to get angry even, but that fades immediately. I can seem to stop wondering. I don't know how she can be void of feelings after 5yrs. Like I mentioned, when we were apart we talked 20x a day.
Sorry guys, I feel like I going backwards & saying the same things over & over
Since she is the kind of person that doenst admit making mistakes. She may feel regret, but it is usually fleeting and stays headstrong to prove she is making the right decision regardless. Worries me that she will latch onto the first person she is anamored with or the first person that shows her interest in order to feel sexy or that she can show love to. To have that initial passion when you first date someone.
This is all possible. And sometimes people can justify the most horrible actions. I've never understood it myself. But some people have the ability .Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
You just got to do your best and work on yourself. Trust me I know how tuff it is. But it's what you have to do. If she wanted to be with your she would. And why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.
I guess because I feel so blindsided. She was professing her love right to the last week. But you are absolutely right. Its just hard to see & fathom right now, as you can tell from my posts. Thanks.
When my jealously creeps up, I try to think about all the victims past, present & future (as hard as that is) But I revert to thinking that if & when she finds someone (even if it doesn't last) that she can validate her decision and think "Boy why did I waste my time with me" I feel like Im losing my mind sometimes.
You can't worry about that crap. I just chalk it up to fate. Learn something from the time with her. If you got something good out of the then it was worth it.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
I was at your spot and I messed up and had to start over. What you described is exactly how I feel and its normal... I guess. Lol like what everyone... time should help.
She will do to another, what she has done to you. Poor guy, he doesn't know yet, so pray for him, and be glad its not you.Quote:
she can validate her decision and think "Boy why did I waste my time with me" I feel like Im losing my mind sometimes.
I realize that. But fell in hell right now. I am a pretty rational guy and feel this is so beyond my understanding. Not sure I believe in fate, I think more about conscienceness and making decisions rationally.
Thanks, that's a way I've been trying to look at it. She prides herself in making sure everyone knows how successful, loving and what a good person she is. I feel pretty deceived in a way & its not helping to mend my heart right now. I guess it the jealousy of the unknown.
Yeah, lonely&broken, when I called her on how she can say she loved me right to the end, she said " I dont know how the heart works sometimes"
I was floored.
I think that saying just becomes a routine. I always get crap over not saying I love you that much. But at least I have said it I've meant it with everything I am..Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
Yup, and I truly believed that from her. Makes me feel pretty insecure and blind in not recognizing.
I had photos & love notes from her posted around my place. It helped in times we were apart. I even carried the first note visabally in my wallet that said "I Love you so much, you are amazing, i want you in my life". During our breakup discussions, I was blubbering and said "What am I supposed to do with all of these" She said crying, "I dont know, whatever makes you feel better" I just couldn't believe how cold that was & how much that hurt. (since then, I have put them all away) But still blows my mind of how callous.
Sorry, Im still venting, but on a similar note, a couple days after she dropped the bomb, I had texted her (because I felt so scared to call) that I wanted to talk. Its was too late in the day & she said that she would call me that eve. Got a text that read "I can't talk right now, but want you to know that I am thinking of you & I hope you are getting some support, i know hard hard this is..." I know how easily emails & texts can be misconstrued, but I was so freaking hurt by that. How can she be so cowardly and cold & give advise as I was falling apart. Im sure she didn't want to know how much pain Im feeling, but c'mon, to start to give me advise in getting over it. I keep running this all through my mind...
If you think that is bad.. read my story randomness...
Just don't fall into my path because you feel like you do now... please stick to the NC
Dude you really really need to throw yourself into something else. Go run until you pass out. Do something to destract yourself from thinking about all of this. Your mind needs a rest.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
OMG, just read it & Im in tears & sobbing. I don't understand how people can be so cruel. Im so sorry. I, in no way wish to compare, I'm just lost. Please know that.
You I totally know that... I see that some of your situation and feels are very similar to mine... I just posted that so that you can avoid being where I'm at...
And I thank you for that. I truly appreciate your dedication here and reading that, as hard as it is for you to share & me to read, helps. A liar is always a liar, I guess.
You know it's weird. I read that and I see something I hope you can see. The one with jealousy, and I don't mean temporary until the pain goes away, but real deep down psychological jealousy is your ex. She's so jealous of how good everyone else appears to have it that she's got to make sure everyone knows how successful and great she is. Confident and well adjusted people don't care enough to worry about what others think. Only jealous people go so far out of there way to let others know how successful they are. Success comes from with in and the definition is different for everybody, but to have to constantly shove "success" in the face of everybody else should not be confused with success itself, and it stems from jealousy.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
I agree Chuff, Jealous minds will always try and compare to other people. They try to tell everyone their accomplishments and what they are working on rather than being humble.
Thanks guys, she used to get so heated of how other people were rocking it and why I wasn't, and then turn around and praise me. She cut a lot of people out of her life because of competition, in whatever form. And made a point of crying about it to me.
She actually despises people that do the same things she's doing. And puts on a façade and makes believe, and lets people know in one way or another that she is humble, yet rad. And she allowed me to believe that
I think this just validates my point.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
It does, was just thinking my ex has this friend from high school and they were inseparable. She was the one that traveled to India and elsewhere while she was escaping. They from what she's told ne had some wild times & lived pretty freely. She is now cut that person out of her life with the exception of a casual drink. She always confided in my that her friend was always trying to steal away her boyfriend and how she used her good looks to do that. I guess I believed that too.
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