I won't run after her. Yeah she tortured my mind, psychologicaly drained is how I feel.Quote:
Originally Posted by lennore
I promise to let go, I accept what happened and I am not fully responsible.
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I won't run after her. Yeah she tortured my mind, psychologicaly drained is how I feel.Quote:
Originally Posted by lennore
I promise to let go, I accept what happened and I am not fully responsible.
Okay... wow this was a long thread of 8 pages but overall I think by going no contact you regain your sense of thought and self confidence. You perceive this as being the most wonderful relationship which you'll never be able to experience with someone else, yet you argued all the time???!!!! DENIAL
We all need people to sometimes drill sense into our heads. In my case I broke up with my ex. 2 weeks later I missed him... thought maybe we could find ways to work it out. He was more than hesitant... He got angry and vented his feelings out on me. I gave it my all including 5 months of on and off contact. Waste of time could have been healing... NC)And he continued to call only to give me the same round about confusion, so I ended all contacted in order to move on. I also think the if he wanted me back, he would do anything in his power to find me. Anyway...
If she were to ever change her mind of wanting you back she will find you. If she doesn't no your address because you moved, she'll Google you or something... get my drift. Nothing will stop her. But this isn't the case so for now just try to relax... forget about her being the greatest cause she obviously was not appreciative of you. Lay out under the sun and enjoy life. Listen to songs that help you heal>>>>Kelly clarkson- breakaway>>>>Anna Nalick- breathe>>>>These will bring you back to reality. But try to focus more on upbeat songs if you can.
!! MUSIC HELPS A lot!!
Yeah we agued frequently, she was controlling and wanted aalways her way. I like to be equal. Compromising, which she did very little or at all.
Lovestoned, you say if he wanted you back he would do anything in his power to find you. Maybe he thought since you are the one who ended it, that you would do the first steps to get him back?
Because that's the way I am feeling, I don't want to run after her.
The feelings your feeling are normal especially after someone emotionally bankrupted you. It can leave you with contradicting feeling but know no matter what you will survive and that was my favorite break-up song by Arthea Franklin.
Take it day by day. Sometimes our mind can play tricks on us because we think of the good times instead of what lead to the end. So when this happens you have to immediately change your thoughts. It's like when your watching TV or listening to the radio. When you don't like what your watching or listening to are you just going watch or listen to it? No, you change channel. Well, at least, that's what I do.
I like this way of thinking. If you don't like the thoughts you are having, change channel, think about something else, or think about all the bad things the other person did to you.Quote:
Originally Posted by liz28
Another way for me to forget is to talk about it with female friends. Last night I met some new people we went out and ended up talking all night of relationship stories. All the girls who heard my story asked me how I could stay in a bad relationship like that. It really helped to go out and have fun and not stay home and torture myself.
Now it is Saturday and got to find something to do tonight to avoid falling in that state of mind again. How do you know when you can start dating someone new and not go in a rebound relationship?
I did do everything in my power. I spoke, practically begged, told him I loved him and even went to talk to him several times( I drove 3 hours to and back from his house) and the best part... ready... the last night I slept over his house, I woke up to him talking on the phone with another girl he had met two weeks after we broke up. Now you tell me if I tried enough...Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
If you already told her how you feel the ball is in her court now. But in the mean time DO NOT HOLD BACK FROM ANYTHING leave that thought on the back burner
You don't start dating until your over your ex and right now your not even half way there.
It isn't fair to become involve with someone when your uncapable of giving your all.
I know some people that jump from relationship to relationship because their afraid of being alone but there is nothing wrong with being alone getting to know yourself. Before you go out looking for someone you have to know what you want and don't settle for less.
So when your over your ex you can start accepting resumes.
True, I am not over her yet, but I feel it closer and closer. Almost 2 months now that it ended.Quote:
Originally Posted by liz28
I am not ready to date that's for sure, but I can hang around or spend time with some female friends and it's totally OK. Maybe a few casual things won't hurt. Is going to take time to go back in the dating scene, I am not ready for that. Like you said, being alone and being happy is the most important thing right now.
I want to be happy in my next relationship, so I am starting to focus right now on that, and one day at a time I will focus on what I want and I will not settle for less than I deserve.
I decided I will continue moving on with my life, I will not hold back from meeting new people, I don't have to write her a final e-mail, it will just push her away even more. I don't have to tell her that I am moving on, I am just going to stick to no contact like I been always doing, thanks to this I am healing faster. I am going to leave it on the back burner and let it simmer nice and slow or like a young bottle of wine that needs to mature.Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveStoned
If I e-mail her one last time, I am giving away my power again. I have to resist. Whatever I say in that e-mail is not going to change anything. I am doing much better thanks to NC and the things I been reading here. It's been helping a lot, I want to thank everybody that is giving feedback. The stories you have shared with me and the advice are priceless. I have learned an important lesson and it will serve me for the rest of my life.
I feel I will be going through big changes in my life in the coming months and I am not afraid of the future. I am eliminating negative thoughts and having a positive outlook on life everyday that goes by. You can't make a non functioning relationship work, as much as you try, as much as you put effort, if you are alone doing it, in the end you will be left alone. In the end I was drained, no more hope that we could save things, as much as I tried, she just would not put the effort. It felt like I was alone and trying to save her from slipping away...
No more trying, no more time wasting, enough is enough. I did enough, I did all I could.
Time to heal and forget.
Good for you and glad we could all help :)
If you do feel like writing that email just to get it out of your system there is a thread on here where you can post it (link below)
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-154321.html
Keep strong... we're here:) You have great will power which is key to healing. And if she calls, don't give in like I did once to many times before as you see where it gets you... No where good. I felt like he was letting me slip away too. But he didn't care. He has his rebound girl and that's all that matters to him. I can't believe he fell for the next girl which came to him. It sickens me when I think about it. Yuck:p
I don't think she will call because she has a very big ego, and I told her to never contact me again unless she wanted to come back. So I highly doubt she will ever call me again. If she does try to contact me I will just tell her if it's not for reconciliation don't bother. She ain't getting any friendship from me. She knows when I say something I am serious about it and she won't even try to reach me. Don't think about the rebound girl. I don't even want to know if she has a rebound. None of my business anymore.Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveStoned
Yup yup but the thing is that if she really decides that she loves you, no matter how big her ego is, she will call you and ask for reconciliation, but by that time you would have already completely healed and either you won't allow yourself to be hurt by her again since she did it once before she can't be trusted anymore or you have found someone else who appreciates you and not take you for granted and stick by you when things get bad.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
As for the rebound, my ex has her rebound now and whenever I think of them together, either holding hands, kissing, sleeping together, it gets me sad though but at the same time I don't care anymore. I know I am not going to take her back anymore. She left me for that guy. I am not going to be his left overs if things don't work out between them. She does seem confident that it will though. Anyway we're single now and we can do whatever we want with other girls/guys that we like without worrying about anyone.
But it seems like we're all the type of people that won't want a rebound but a loving commitment filled relationship because most of us were left by someone us when we were willing to work on things. That tells us something doesn't it? We were too good for them in the first place and deserve to be treated better not just something that can be tossed away after years of commitment. Hang in there buddy. We're all here and we are all going to get through it together ^_^
Now I have big dilemma. This Friday I have an apointment at the dental clinic where she works as receptionist. I have no choice to go for my apointment and pay the last bill I owe the clinic. After that I will ask the dentist if she can see me at her other clinic.
Am I breaking the no contact rule by going there? Because I know she is going to say ''hello, how are you?'' again. And I don't want to say anything. I don't want her to think that we are friends by talking to her.
What should I do? What should I say?
Send them a cheque in the mail
YES YOU ARE BREAKING NO CONTACT!! >_< Don't DO IT MAN!! Find another way? Send a cheque or pay online through your bank or something. Keep NC dewd. Not till your completely ready and she is a stranger to you and you have no feelings attached anymore.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
I have no choice, I have to be there. But if I block my feelings I will be OK. Like Tal said before: just be like another person, polite, and brief.
She will see me in a better state than I was 3 weeks ago when I was all weak and depressed. It's an opportunity for me to show her I am doing quite all right on my own and I have willpower and nobody stop me from living my life and achieving success.
She cannot get personal with me anyway there is other patients in the waiting room. So I don't feel it's breaking NC. It Also shows that she has no control on me and I can decide if I want to continue going there or not. But it's definitely the last time I will go there.
Okies. If you feel like you're going to be okay. Just don't want it to bring back the pain and stuff let us know how it goes.
If I am strong and if my feelings are gone I think I will be OK. This is a test for me. I will know Friday if I have moved on. There is a good chance I have, you can see in the posts I have written recently, much different than the first ones.
I did my grieving and crying and I have accepted reality how it is.
The countdown has begun, 48 hours till my apointment Friday. I am starting to feel a bit nervous, but I am taking deep breaths when I feel anxiety. I say to myself, I am a man and I have cojones and I must face any obstacle in life. I already have a girl smiling to me on my dating website and she is italian just like me. Maybe we are a match who knows. I might chat her up if I feel ready.
I watched swingers last night, thanks to none12345 who posted the link to the movie. I watched it 4 years ago at my last break up. I love the end part when the ex girl calls back and he's got the new girl on the other line, so he hangs up on the ex when she says I miss you, I love y... great movie!
So guys it's OK to be depressed, and eventually you move on, it took ''Mike'' 6 months, and he met a great woman that probably he would never have met if his other relationship didn't fail. See your break as a spark to a new combustion, a new beginning, this will most probably lead to a new relationship and who knows maybe the next one will be your wife and you will have kids and your kids will say, dad I am glad you met mom and you broke up with the girl before mom.
It's funny the more time passes, the more I feel I would not want to go back with my ex. I am getting over her quicker than I thought. I am starting to see the light, I am getting further away from the dark side, I have the force, thanks yoda. I did not need to get drunk or take drugs, I did it with willpower. Thanks to all the tips I learned here and some tricks I already knew.
It is possible guys, do not give up on yourself. Read, Post, and read again. Watch break up movies, find what is your passion in life, besides your girlfriend. For me my passion is 3D art. I am a 3D artist, and I love creating stuff. During my depressed weeks I could not find any crativity or imagination. It's like my brain was locked up and stuck on one thought. Now my brain has unlocked and I started to create again. It's an awsome feeling guys. Free your mind, find the way to unlock it from the pain and misery of that break up. Chances are the girl that left you, moved on a long time ago, probably a week after the split.
Lift your head up and look ahead, you still have a long way to go, you have a lot of people to meet, projects, goals, etc...
Now you are free and you got nobody to rain on your parade.
so true so true. After all I think we deserve a girl that can actually appreciate us, love us, be loyal and committed even when times get har and not bail out on us for someone else at the last minute. Do I still have feelings for her? Of course. Do I want her back? Maybe but things have to change if she wants me back. If she doesn't I'm fine with that ill just find someone better and doesn't treat me like crap. I know man, the more time you go in NC you don't feel as close to them anymore and you don't need them anymore but of course you still think about them from time to time but it does get easier. Yet it is still hard when I think about her being intimate with some other guy... grrrrrrrr...Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
As for swingers, I just need a friend like Trent to help me pick up new girls =P but besides that he was always there for mike and helped him through it. We can see the importance of friends and how getting yourself out there again can be a big help to how you move on. Right now its about you guys, its not about her anymore. She made a decision for herself and you should too even though it still might be hard. Just yesterday, I picked up my guitar which I haven't in ages and t was pretty fun lol but yah hope things goes well on Friday =P
Thanks man, I think if you don't have a friend like trent, take some of Trent's attributes and some of Mikes and some of yours and mix them all together and you will have a recipe to try. Who knows maybe you will pick up a hot babe you thought impossible to meet.
This is what I would like to tell my ex:
You seem to find the dark when everything is bright.
You look for all that's wrong instead of all that's right.
Does it feel good to you to rain on my parade?
You never say a word unless it's to complain.
It's driving me insane...
If I were you, holding the world right in my hands,
The first thing I'd do is thank the stars for all that I have.
Look what surrounds you now more than you've ever dreamed.
Have you forgotten just how hard it used to be?
So what's it going to take for you to realize
It all could go away in one blink of an eye?
It happens all the time...
If I Were You,
Holding the world right in my hands,
The first thing I'd do,
Is thank the stars above,
For the ones I love,
Take a breath and enjoy the view,
Live the life that I wanted to.
In the end we will all be like ''Mike'', Happy with our new significant other. Believe it, it will happen.
So it shall be written, so it shall be done.
What if you don't find someone else? You ll just end up growing old alone? >_<Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
I never think what if, and I never think negative.Quote:
Originally Posted by none12345
I will find a better woman and more compatible with me, I will grow old with her and we will share everything and go thtrough good and bad times together and strong.
NONE,Quote:
Originally Posted by none12345
If you think this way... you will end up this way. Be optomistic about things. Its like staying alone in a dark room instead of taking a walk out on the beach. Its hard leaving something you know so well. Its like losing your eyesight. One minute you have sight on where you're goingand then... boom... all of a sudden your blinded to which direction to go next. I know how you feel, but don't let this feeling drag you down for long... Its very unhealthy. Explore other things life has to offer. Try something thrilling. Like parasailing or something. That'll take your mind off things for sure.:D Plan things to do with family and friends and try not to isolate yourself from others. Although its part of greiving and all... longterm isolation is no good.
Beautiful!! :D You took my words right out of my mouth.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
As for Friday, Hmmmm... Be yourself and remain to yourself. She will be looking for your reaction. Even if its to boost her ego. Beware of this. And remember you already know what you want so don't let your emotions get the best of you... let logic sink its way through. :)
What kind of reaction you think she will be looking for ?
You think she wants to see me sad and depressed?Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveStoned
Cause I am not depressed anymore, I'm doing a lot better. I go out more, go to gym, eat more, and gained my normal weight.
You already agreed that acting like a "normal patient" was the appropriate course of action.
Go in there all mopey and you are giving her the power and she will probably think it's pathetic. I would as a girl.
No reason to be mopey anymore, enough time has passed and I have moved on. I have the power now. She got no power over me anymore. I am free and independent and enjoying being single again.
GOOD LUCK WITH TOMORROW =P let us know what happened =P - none12345
I think I screwed up, she called me tonight around 6 and I went to her house. We talked in person.
She said she was dissapointed I did not make any effort to try to get back with her. She is not seeing anybody else, and still has feelings for me, but she said she has mixed emotions. She wants to be with me, but she is afraid of the draining arguments, she doesn't want to fall in the argument zone again.
I told her I completely understand and I am willing to be supportive, I told her to take some more time apart to sort things out in her mind. She is thankfull I am understanding.
She suggested we see each other slowly, without family and friends knowing. She wants to take her time.
I made it clear I'm not going in the friend zone. Cause if I want to kiss her or hug her, as friends we can't do that. She completely understands. So now only time will tell, what's going to happen.
OMG >_< DUDE!! Is this a good thing or bad thing? O_O you might just be getting what you want from the beginning? Or your going to go back to square one with the pain and all >_<Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
It's hard to say, I am taking a chance, it could be a good thing or a bad. I hope it's good.Quote:
Originally Posted by none12345
But now I got to back off or ill appear needy and clingy again.
I don't think I can feel anymore pain, as I did 4 weeks ago. I am comfortable around her now and she saw it tonight, I was in a good mood, she was laughing, we kissed. It was awsome. Of course there was also some weird moments when we talked about the past and trying to find a solution, and she cried. So yeah lot's of mixed emotions. It did not appear like she had moved on. So it's really hard for me to know what exactly she is thinking. Im trying as much as I can.
Oh please be careful and aware of her mixed emotions. I understand every situation is not the same. Maybe you guys can talk about things or maybe she just wants to string you along to accompany her confusion. My ex's last question to me was "Are you happy?" After realizing I still wanted him back he backed off once again... Just to make sure I was in pain.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
Just be very careful. Don't fill yourself with false hopes. I personally would not get intimate with her until you guys can talk as friends and once she decides she wants to get back with you then you do whatever. But until then you are still able to become emotionally attached from being physically involved.
I was there too!!!!So please take things very very slow.
Is it dangerous if she wants to be just casual for now?
What's casual? Casual as friends? Than yes. And don't expect it to ever be more than that. If she wanats friendship that means she wants you in your life but not as her boyfriend and don't expect that to change.Quote:
Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi
How can you talk as friends and then become lovers again? I hear you can't fall in the friend zone, you will be trapped there if you fall in that zone. What I want to know is, is it possible to be in a casual relationship and fall in love again and go back to serious relationship?Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveStoned
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