You're just in denial still, you'll get over it buddy. I am just as stubborn as you are but you have to accept the facts. Stop yourself now. Be strong. We are here for you, just vent out what you have to say to her here.
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You're just in denial still, you'll get over it buddy. I am just as stubborn as you are but you have to accept the facts. Stop yourself now. Be strong. We are here for you, just vent out what you have to say to her here.
I am a denial. But knowing me I'm not the type of person that would just go out with anyone or date just for fun I look for commitment and love and she was my first love and first girl I have been with and the only girl I have been with. I don't know man. I believe in fighting for love till the very end and it ll be worth it if things work out you know? Is that a false idea or perception? I get how its time to move on and all so basically I understand that too but I feel like I want to fight I don't know why? Its just not me I don't give up easily.. but I need some self respect and all but does that all matter? I'm so confused ugh...Quote:
Originally Posted by heartbroke
You will gain that self respect by hanging up your coat and knowing that the war is over. I am just like you, I don't go out with chicks for the sake of being with someone I look for committed people. And fighting for love until the very end is OK but you have to know when to give up because you will hurt yourself the more you keep fighting with wounds. That is where you will get yourself respect, is knowing yourself and when to stop. Saving your dignity and keeping yourself together. This is your first love, you are still young.
Yah I think so too, if you keep fighting and hoping for them to return their love one day and realize how you were always there for them I don't know if that's true or not. At some point I do have to think about myself. She made a decision for herself and so should I? But dewd for some reason I see all the reasons to let it go but at the same time I don't want to and I want to fight. How do you know when the war is over? How do you know its not just the battle? I'm so confused...Quote:
Originally Posted by heartbroke
The war is over when you are the only one standing on the battlefield and no more reasons to be fighting.
What if there is a reason. The reason is you still love that person?Quote:
Originally Posted by heartbroke
And they don't love you back?. there is no more reason. You can fight all you want but the outcome will be the same, She still won't love you in the end and you will be emotionally and physically tired.
Oh okay. Is that really the case? No matter what you do the outcome will be the same? Can u try to convince someone to love you? Will they change their mind afterwards after thinking about it and stuff?Quote:
Originally Posted by heartbroke
You cannot convince someone to love you. Fighting for someone shows desperation, a weakness. Which is unattractive to a woman. Because you are hurt and you are fighting, you are showing all these qualities. So yes the outcome will most likely be the same. They can think about it all they want. PEOPLE in general always want to be right and never admit fault. If she changes her mind she will have admit she was wrong and put the control of the relationship in your hands, which nobody likes to do.
yah oh okay I understand that I think I see it now but there are some stuff I'm confused about though still. Ima think about it first den ill ask you here if you can help me. Thanks though I see things clearer now =PQuote:
Originally Posted by heartbroke
Let me know what you are confused about, then write it down here.
How are you doing with your situation heartbroke? What's going on I'm just wondering, anything new? How you feeling? O_O
I'm still dealing with it. Im sad that she's not here for me and that's the reality of it is that "shes not here". If she loved me like she claimed she did I wouldn't being going through this right now. Id be over at her house doing what we do. I can only move forward and look towards the next day. She's constantly in my mind but I try my best to push through. Yeah I loved her, but she doesn't love me anymore. I may have feelings for her still but she has none for me, so why should I waste my energy onto someone that doesn't recipricate.
Oh yah I'm in the same boat. Do you think its possible to win someone's love back?
You you can but its going to be twice as hard as you will have to work past what initially broke you up. I deal by keeping myself busy and surrounding myself with positive people
If you really love her are you going to try to win her love back? Basically the way I see it that this time you ll have to do it but next time she might be the one trying to win your love back right? That's how a couple works I think. When the other lose interest the other fights and than next time the other might be the one trying to keep you together. Neh?Quote:
Originally Posted by heartbroke
As more time goes by, it doesn't feel right anymore and I just can't be around her but there are some times when I'm willing to do anything for her and some when I don't feel like doing anything. Has anyone ever had that feeling before?
It's called being confused. The only way to end it is to take the source of your confusion out of your life, meaning taking her out of your life. You need to start doing things for yourself and not doing them with the intentions of trying to win her back or prove something to her.
You must be selfish and proceed forward with the mindset that it's all about you now, not her. This is a perfect time to get into a new hobby or take a road-trip somewhere with your friends. Join a gym or some sort of club. Do anything to keep you distracted and thinking of her.
Yes... it is part of learning to rid yourself of the emotional detachment you have with her. These feelings will come and go, change over time, and eventually subside. Just manage them as best as you can, and do what others have said, find a way to make YOURSELF happy! You deserve it!Quote:
Originally Posted by none12345
I want to try to win her love back and prove to her how much I love her though but I don't know if it's a good idea or not. That's the things, I know everyone tells me its not and it makes sense to me what everyone has told me but I don't know if that's how I want to do thing you know what I mean? Truth is I ll probably just end up with more pain than I am already in. But I guess you will never know till you try? I want to fight for my love for her but there are some days I just don't feel like doing that anymore...Quote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
Love is not supposed to be this hard, and once you go through a period of NC and get rid of the emotional cloud that is stuck in front of you, that realization will creep in. Nothing you do will change her mind my friend. If she wants you, she will find you. You must know that all of the romantic Hollywood movies that portray what you are talking about ARE NOT real life. You have to quit worrying about proving anything to her, and start proving things to yourself. You are a mere shell of who you once were... time to change that.Quote:
Originally Posted by none12345
Update~Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Hey thanks for posting. Today when I woke up out of no where I decided how stupid I have been. Everyone on here was completely right. They were always here giving me the same advice over and over again even after how stubborn I have been. I would just like to thank you all for being here for me.
Today out of no where I decided that its time for me to move on no matter how hard it is and even if she wants me back right now, I won't her back anymore. I learned a valuable lesson in this experience, never give everything you have to someone because you never know if they ll have a change of heart and take everything away from you. I gave her valuable time with my family, my best friends, spent so much money on her, dreamed my future with her and have everything planned out and now its all gone. My family and friends are still here for me, they have always been no matter how bad I've treated them. I feel so stupid for not seeing that and I'm so sorry of how I treated them.
She is a b1tch. I gave her everything and she took it from me leaving me with nothing. After everything I have done for her, she left me for some other guy. I felt all used up and stupid for all the things I have said on here. To think just yesterday I would go to the end of the world for her. Why would I do such a thing for someone who replaced me just like that, all the things she said was a lie. She was not the person I fell in love with, I thought she was loyal, I meant more to her than that and she just threw me out of the window without any hesistation. She told me she was better than me the other day... That was so cruel. She is definitely not the person I want to be with anymore and I've made up my mind for sure and I'm not going back on it anymore.
As for her, I am cutting her off my life for good. Even if she wants to rekindle things later on, ill be long gone. I deserve so much better than that. I deserve someone who is loyal to me to the end, appreciate me and love me for who I am. Well, this is how I feel today, if it ll change tomorrow? I don't really know. It still hurts me when I think of her with the other guy. I still love her but that was because she was once the person she was and now she's changed unless she was always this way and I never saw this side of her. It still hurts every now and then that things had to end up this way but now I actually think of the possibility that this might be the best for me.
Anyway, what's the problem now? Well, the thing is I'm ready to move on. But like I said now I'm left with nothing, I'm kind of scared of the future. I know what I have to do is spend more time with my family and friends and I'm so grateful for them. Im glad I haven't lose them yet. They mean so much to me now. I also have to study hard in school build a future for myself and find a good job to support myself. The thing is, about my love life? I don't know if I will ever find anyone to love anymore. I would like to have someone to love me back and spend the rest of my life with but I don't know if I would ever find that person. I don't want a rebound, just anyone to be with. I want to find my one true love and I don't know if I ever will and I'm scared I won't and just end up all by myself with no one loving me... Im scared of the future and I feel kind of lost right now.
What you're feeling is normal and natural. Don't beat yourself up. We've all been there... some of us, time and time again it seems.
None of us have a crystal ball. It would be nice if we could be enlightened with a vision of our future and pointed in the right direction... but that's not living. That's no fun, really. That's not what life is all about. We have to find out on our own. That's how we learn and grow and become who we are.
Some of the best advice I've been given over the years is to just be myself, be the kind of person that I want to attract.
In other words, for me, I am happy, content, fun, strong and independent and most importantly open to love... and if I am these things, and they're conveyed to others, hopefully I will attract someone similar.
I can say for sure, though, because of your young age, that, yes, you will find someone else, probably more than one...
I agree with you about the rebound. It's natural to want to fill that void up right away with someone else to temporarily ease the heartache, but rebound is not a good idea.
You need time to clear your mind and heart of this girl. You will be no good to anyone else until you do. Trust me, I've done it. I hurt someone and it's not right to do and it only made me feel worse about myself.
Rebound just delays the inevitable pain and loss you MUST go through to get to the other side. It will make you a stronger person and you will learn about yourself.
It's okay to feel lost. You will land. Hang in there!
Yup. She was my first love and it has been really hard on me. But at this point I don't think I could take her back even if she wants to but at the same time it would be awesome if all of this never happened you know what I mean? But the future is scary now. You ll never know what happen... if you ll ever find love again or not.Quote:
Originally Posted by Survivor07
Omg guyz >_< today I am so bored sitting at home doing nothing... I feel the urge to talk to my ex >_< and break nc!! But I know if I do it ll just lead me to more pain... What should I do??
Do you really need an answer or can we skip right to the sympathy since you know the answer to your question.
Get unbored, find something to do for you.
Call your friends!! Good job committing to NC. Time to fill up all of this free time with fun stuff. That fear you have will soon turn into excitement for the future and unknown.
Your finally stepping in the right direction. The road will not be easy at first, but the longer you stick to it, the easier it gets.
Yah pretty much I know the answer. Don't contact her at all no matter what. That's part of what no contact is. >_< And I know that is what everyone will tell me and I know it's the right thing for me to do.Quote:
Originally Posted by Justwantfair
Hmmm... get unbored? How? What is there to do?
Call your friends...
I know you have some. Play some video games, take a walk, go for a nice long drive, go fishing, just get out of your house for a while. Go to the mall and by some new clothes. Go to the book store and buy a book. Maybe go to starbucks and get a coffee. Just do something instead of sitting on the computer wondering what to do.
Wow its been a LONG time since I talked to her. I don't feel as close to her anymore. I feel like the feelings for her have changed and their not as strong anymore. Is that really what I should be feeling? Anyway wutcha up to?Quote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
Yes, this is how it works. You will have ups and downs. You're on your way. Breaking NC will take you backward and you'll prolong the agony. You want to stop the agony.Quote:
Originally Posted by none12345
The others are right on. The fear you have for the future WILL turn into excitement.
As soon as you find an outlet for all this "energy" you've put into her, it will be easier. Exercise always helps me. Also, reading. Getting out with your friends and forcing yourself to NOT talk about her while with your friends is good, too.
P.S. You will find love. Most likely when you're not expecting it. Don't focus on that too much. Be patient.
Guys. I feel all used up and thrown away like yesterday's trash. I gave this girl so much, did so much for her, sacrificed so much for her. I left my family, friends for her. I don't have much friends but I have a few really close one and I left them for her. I went to a closer university to study so I can spend more time with her.
Whenever I did things with my family I always rushed them home or I was never really there mentally so I can talk to this girl. Whenever my friends ask me out, I always blow them off for her. I spent so much money on gifts, dates, dinner for her. What did I get in return? A broken heart and a trip to hell and back.
I feel all used up. Kind of embarrassed now that I'm left with nothing. My family and friends are still there for me. They have been loyal and supportive of me no matter what I did and was always there when I needed them. As for her I thought she was loyal but she betrayed me for a new guy?
Basically I feel all used up and there nothing more for me to give to anyone including myself. What do you guys think? >_<
Feeling used and abused comes with the territory.
I think there is a lot to learn about yourself here.
Sounds like you gave too much. That's not anyone's fault but yours.
Don't repeat this. Love yourself before you can love someone else.
What happened to you, happens all the time. You pick yourself up and move on. Learn.
Whenever I did things with my family I always rushed them home or I was never really there mentally so I can talk to this girl. Whenever my friends ask me out, I always blow them off for her. I spent so much money on gifts, dates, dinner for her. What did I get in return? A broken heart and a trip to hell and back.
That is what happens when you give too much of yourself. If you lose yourself in someone, if you cannot maintain who you are in a relationship, this is what happens when it is over.
You need to be YOU and maintain your hobbies, interests, education, work, relationships with your friends and family----so when a love relationship ends, you aren't left feeling like you have absolutely nothing. She didn't take all of these from you--YOU did.
Yah... it is all my fault. Its just so hard for me right now. Sometimes I feel strong enough to get through it and sometimes it is just so hard. I just don't know what to do anymore. Actually I know what to do, but I don't know if I can survive it...
Stop feeding the guy on the pity pot. He is a loser who will keep you down. We support the other guy who is willing to work on himself and not be a big cry baby.
Yah I know but my feelings are everywhere right now but I feel stronger now to move on. I think I'm almost there. NC is working its wonders and I have nothing to do with her life ever since. I don't feel as close to her anymore, but sometimes the pain is still there like it hasn't completely disappeared yetQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Sorry, Tal, had to spread the love.
I agree with Tal. Get rid of the 'poor me' attitude, it will get you nowhere.
Lighten up, too This is not the end of the world here.
Tell us something positive about YOU.
That was pretty mean tal >_< what I do wrong? I can't help the way I feel...
The truth hurts my friend... the only thing you are doing wrong is always dwelling on this now instead of actually learning from it.. thus making sure it will never happen again.
What I found useful was to list all the things I had learnt from the breakup... i.e.. To see the red flags, to realise that actions speak louder than words, to have happiness within MYSELF... etc etc...
A persons character is judged by how they recover and react after a nasty knock back... show your strength of character... dust yourself off, get up, learn the lessons and improve yourself in every and any aspect of your life... it will be much more attractive to ladies and will be much more rewarding in the long run!.
Good Luck..
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