Ask Me Help Desk - Really confused on what to do.

My boyfriend was on a "break" when I first met him. He says he is happier with me than he ever was with her and he never went back to her.
My advice is that you know you ex. Would you rather go backwards and try to repair and cross your fingers that it sticks this time, or would you rather start with a new foundation from ground up?

Threads merged and edited to avoid confusion

So its been awhile since I last posted her but this is what has happen so far. I did the NC worked out wonderfully yea it was a bit of ups and downs. But made through and moved onto talking to another girl. Ok here where it makes a 180 my mother passed away 3 days after my birthday march 25. I called my ex and told her and she was really upset because that was like a mom to her. Anyway me and the other girl didn't work out because of her parents and the age diffrence. So that hit me pretty much at the same time also so I made the mistake of leanin myself towards my ex for comfort because everything me my mom and my ex has been through. At that time she was going through a break up with the guy she left me for so things just seemed to be leveling out at least.. I moved out of my house into a condo that my grandma is paying for ( jobs these days are near impossible) and so my ex stayed with me for a couple of days and everything was kind of smooth except for the fact that she was dealing with her ex going up and down. It just seemed like I was using her for the comfort of my mom and she was doing the same with her ex and my mom.

So she had a fbla trip out of county with her class which her ex is in and I knew things between me and her were going change. Because when she was about leave we talked to each other and I wanted to know where things were headed with us. ( I just wanted a foot through the door nothing like boyfriend girlfriend just kind of exclusive friends so we could work through our diffrences and see where that goes) well she came back today and they obviously made up with each other and today is his birthday so I found this out on myspace and went to her house to give her back the things she had and lets just say I had the macho attitude going there but I ended up begging her to get back with me to give us a chance... and I know it does the complete opposite.

So here I am alone and just knowing what's best to do but like I don't know she;s like the only thing keeping me sane and not dropping into a depression. I have friends and all but just right now in my life I having nothing to look forward to besides firefighting school which is in like 3 months... I know its wrong how to ask t get her back trust me I tried that in my past topic but like I also know I'm not ready for a new relationship either so I don't know. I guess you can say I'm just pouring how I feel onto here. But I will tell the truth I do miss her but I don't miss the games.

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Originally Posted by Dunkonya21

Anybody....?

You do not have to post more just to try to get a response. Anybody? Whenever anybody is around or knows how to respond to your question then they will, okay. Best of luck.

Joe

I know I just I don't know needed some feedback. Sorry.

I think the more in contact you are with your ex the more you will feel for her. I think you need to find another support post as the one you got now is not helping you with our emotional feelings.

The first thing you need to learn is how to deal with your own situation, in a positive way, and stop depending on others to be your emotional crutch, to get you through your tough times.

As you see that only prolongs the pain, and delays your healing, and overcoming your own difficulties.

Make a promise to yourself to grieve, mourn your losses, and get off the pity pot, and rebuild your life that you enjoy, for yourself, and no one else.

Till you start your firefighting school, learn to be good to yourself, and happy by doing things with family, and friends, and supporting them through what has to be a hard time also.

It takes time, and some work by you, so get busy, doing for yourself and leaving the g/f alone. There are no magic pills, or quick fixes, just how you handle yourself now.

You really need to find a different support system to take you through all you are going through at the moment. I understand you are going through a tough situation and I am really sorry to hear about your loss but you see your ex as a life vest whereas in reality she is dragging you down and complicating things in your mind. You need to start rebuilding your life. This will not happen overnight but now is the time to start accepting all losses and trying to lay the foundations for future ventures in your life

What will get you depressed is waiting for her to come back instead of accepting things for what they are and trying to move on. You don't want to be no ones back up plan, Im sure you deserve better

Well I wrote her a letter just telling her how I acted yesterday was pathetic and all that. And just that I love her and still care for her and if it's meant to be right now its not that time. I know she's really confused everyone is pushing her to be my support/girlfriend so after this letter I'm just going to be on my own.

I don't what it is but I was very close to my mom, you could say I'm a momma's boy and since she's passed I've been trying to fill the void with a girls attention I guess and I know that wrong to do.

I was able to get over her a month ago it was a lot easier having my mom there because she would understand what I was going through and every time I was feeling down I could go talk to her and now I really don't have someone to talk to about it and won't be fed up with it. I guess it's just part of growing up and becoming a man...

So last night she texted me saying she got the letter and didn't read it. I know she had to of by now it's 7am and the next day. I'm just disappointed I thought the letter would at least do something, I spent a lot of time on it. It wasn't a sappy love letter at all. It just pretty much said how I acted by begging her back and that I shouldn't of tried rushing things. And just I'll always care for her and love her. That I don't know if were meant to be and if we are right now isn't the best time.

It just seems whatever I do it just pushes her away. And I want to be with her. The reason why I do is because I can't have her and it's killing me. I mean it's pretty much day 2 for me since having to start over with getting over her. I just don't think I'm able to keep strong. I mean I'm hanging out with friends, I can't be with them 24/7. Last time I had my mom keeping me strong and hanging with friends to get my mind off her. Now it's like all I have is to wait for a friend to get out of work/school. Then be able to do something and by that time it's around like 6:00pm that day.

I stay in my condo by myself and ugh it just feels like jail because there's not really much I can do. Right now I'm finacially unstable and the only thing I can do is go to the gym during the days but I don't even have the energy to.

I just sick to my stomach thinking about them being together. The mother hates them together because she thinks he's a no good pos. Which is true but really that's pushing her towards him. Kind of like when someone tells you not to eat an apple, well what do you want to do? You want to eat an apple. It's just so frustrating right now and I'm being strong I'm not letting her see me depressed like posting my myspace status into letting her know I miss her. I see her status and it's just like " nothing can stop us now" and like I know damn well there not going to last.

When first started talking to her she told me that he was a rebound and that she would always talk about me and all this which pisses me off because it's like OK I'm finally here and nope she goes back with him. I know the girl is very confused on what she wants and I know I drove her away the other day and I know one day she is going to realize she made the mistake by just going with how she feels at the moment. I know if I was to get my own rebound ( which I'm not) she would be so upset and come running back.

I know this whole topic of mine I probably sound so pathetic but I just needed to get it out. And all I got is a couple of friends and this topic. I'm not to close with family so if I sound like I'm repeating myself it's just the emotional rollercoaster ride I'm having. I know after awhile my friends will get tired of hearing it. That's why I miss my mom I would talk to my mom maybe 2-3 times a day about the same thing about this and she would never get tired of it.

Just want to say thanks for listening to me vent I'm going to try to get more sleep later guys.

I'm hopeless I ended up calling her to tell her I don't want her calling me and everything and ugh... I end up finding out there back together and they have had sex... It's killing me inside and I know I'm just doing it to myself. I ended up seeing if they would work out ugh. Maybe I need to do what she did and get a rebound. Obviously she's doing way better then I am. I wish I could go back in time for when my mom passed away and just told her I'll we her at the funeral and let that be that.

I was over here so why is it so much harder to be stronger this time, I bet it has to do with my mom.

OK you are young, and it don't seem like it now, but you will get over her. Ive been there I think I was nineteen, I was heartbroken, he found a new girlfriend and it was hard, very hard. But I knew that I had to LIVE my life like you have to LIVE yours. So give her her space and you give yourself some space... try to not worry about it for a while, go out, talk to new people... dont get into another relationship right now, but give yourself sometime too... IF ITS MEANT TO BE IT'LL BE!! The first step is accepting that you might not get back together, but remembering that you two may be over, but it's a new beginning for something brighter, it took me a little while, and I found better... make her think that your doing just fine without her, she won't like that! Believe me!

... my ex wants me back to this day always writing me over the net sending me messages through friends, but now I'm over him... so its his loss!!

-good luck

That's makes a lot of sense what u said these past times me and her talked I've been sounding so pathetic. I need to keep my head held up high and not beat myself up and man up. It's hard espcially with these uncontrolable emotions. But I am sure going to do it. I did it before I can again.

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It's hard especially with these uncontrollable emotions.

None of your emotions are uncontrollable, you just have to learn how. That's the life lesson you need to learn.

Anyway of learning how to? I know I'm hurting myself by going on myspace to see if there's anything new or her status and that really gets me down. I know talking to her does not help at either. Regardless of me doing that when I don't I still get those emotions and when I get down it's hard to control my actions and I don't think before I re act.

I did find a way to kind of ease the pain by when I start to think about her or anything to do with her I revert my thoughts to schooling or sports or something like that. I don't know that's just not dealing with the pain and hiding it or I don't know.

I know I sound pathetic, I just wish I had the strength to be stronger but it's just hard mourning about two losses at the same time. My friend is doing everything he can do to help by hanging out and stuff but I can't depend on him because he can't be around 24/7. And my other best friend well he will end up going through the same thing that I am eventually but he's up is girl butt always hanging out with her. I'm saving this topic so he will be able to read it all. He's 3years younger then me so kind of looks up to me so I want to make sure to show him that I was able to make it so he can to.

Steps:

1. Get RID OF Myspace and/or Facebook NOW!!

2. Every time you think of her, get up and do something productive. Exercise, read, clean, whatever.

3. Set goals for yourself, and I mean tough goals. Volunteer, help others out who are in so much more pain and helpless situations than you are. Get another job, anything.

You have to train yourself to do this, it isn't some natural ordeal. It is a process of gradually getting better and handling your emotions and this will help you tremendously in future relationships.