If I called her then that would break the NC rule.
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If I called her then that would break the NC rule.
Haha. True. I don't know. You say that technically you are still together. If you honestly feel that way, dumping her is a solutions, hehe.
I was sort of tongue-in-cheek though. It's not that easy to dump someone like that. She's the one that needs to do it. Right now just stick to NC and try to forget she exists. Assume you were dumped, but don't go after other women. Not until she really dumps you or you've been waiting for so long you will feel like dumping her.
All right everyone... I have made a decision... I am sick and tired of crying over this woman. She probably thought that it was a game, like she has always done this with me before many many times!
I know for a fact that she is probably wondering what is going on since I didn't RUN back to her and text or call or email...
Well I read the post earlier about all the break up lines used, and some of them she has used on me... I have never broken up with her... it was her all the time and she took me back after I begged and pleaded...
Anyway, I will give until the end of this weekend... come Monday, if she doesn't have contact with me... I am done. She KNOWS that I am alone this weekend... and she probably will go off with her friends.. whatever!
She will have to come crawling back to me and ask ME to take her back. I think that the best advice was what I read that was said: if she wanted to be with you, then she would.
Amen.
There you go.
Hey dude, I'm going through something similar too only worse! My girlfriend was super attractive and she used to take the same tantrums as her. Not calling after an argument for like a week and keeping me on my heals; not knowing whether it was a breakup or not. The hardest thing is the NC. I didn't think I could do it, not at ALL. It hurt for many days and now its been a month. I found out she started dating someone 5 days after we broke up because she was talking to him online when we had our problems. It's the worst feeling in the world hearing about how she's so into him. A few days before she met this guy she told me how much she loved and missed me, even started to cry in person. It has been a month now, from February 1st. I still think about her, but the sad and angry feelings have gone for the most part. You NEEED to put yourself first, its going to be hard. Trust me, she's not worth it. I didn't think I would ever say this in a million years about my ex but it's the truth. Who does that. You want a girl who cares like you do, who wants you like you want her. Mine was my first love, so its reeeally hard. I feel your pain and your want to call her. She has made me out to be a bad person in-front of mutual friends and family to make the new person look good. What goes around comes around, KARMA will take its toll and I won't be there. SOOON you will get to the point I am at. You will see her true colors. My ex was Gorgeous on the outside yet turned for the worst on the inside. Hang in there and contact me for any advice. The situations sound so similar, just talk all you need to about it. IF SHE CAN THROW AWAY ALL OF THOSE MEMORIES AND THAT LOVE, then its her LOSS not yours. Good things happen to good people. Remember.
SH&* everone... blio2000 is soooooo right.
I really feel like that too... unfortunately, I broke the NC rule and wrote and sent her an email.
In it, yesterday night... I told her how much I loved her, wanted her, how we are meant for each other and that I know she's thinking about "us".
I told her that basically, either she wants me or she doesn't and that she needs to decide one way or another and that it is OK with me whatever she decides.
I will wait for her reply in time. But I personally, think that she's going to say "later"
Anyway, no more NC from me now... and I can sleep at night knowing that I did everything for her and our relationship. Its up to her now.
And if she takes too long... then I have my answer. And I'm talking about no more than a couple of weeks to think about it.
In the meantime... I have things to do.
Thanks for everyone's input and feel free to give me more... ill keep you posted!
I think you did a good thing. Keep taking steps to move on and don't wait for her response. I think she will reply soon, though. Good luck and carry on with life.
crazyoverher, you are so much like me, I feel. I would like to share with you about my experience hope you don't mind.
During my first break off, she didn't give me any reason, she just say she needs time that's all. So to keep myself from not thinking about her, I keep myself busy and went NC with her for la short period like 2 weeks. ( but in between she would text me now and then)
After that period, I called her to ask whether is over, but her reply was always don't know and in the end she say maybe is over. And I took her word, and say thanks for everything and accept the fact and leave.
But shortly after that, she came back to me texting me, asking me out etc.
So like you now, I though that she still love me, so I did a lot , trying to salvage the relationship, and I though to myself too, at least I did what I wanted to.
Shortly after one month or so, we patched back. I was so happy. But the problem didn't go off. We broke off again shortly.
What I want to say is that, Crazyoverher, I know you love your girl, just like I loved my ex. And is good that you did what had wanted to done, at least you can sleep peacefully now.
But I start to realize something, in an relationship, it takes 2 hands to clap. So if only you are the one that is doing the salvaging, the changing etc is NOT enough. Even if you would to patch back, some problems will still be back to haunt you.
So after doing what you had wanted to do now, I feel that you should really laid back this time now. Do your own things and let her get back to you and not you trying to get back to her. Because she is the one that needs the space and time.
Really please don't do the salvaging alone anymore, if she still had a heart for you, she will be back, if not even if you manage to get back, it would end up hurting yourself again.
actually sometime I was thinking about this, is really a very simple thing.
If she wants you and you want her, then both of you get together right?
But if you want her, she is not sure, then?
2 hands to clap in an relationship, now the relationship only had one hand(you), how are you going to clap?
OKay, that's what I thought, but I am too, grieving over the lost of my ex. But lucky, I had this site to pen down my thoughts and with people around to give us their advices.
Lets get strong together, good luck. =)
HEY EVERYONE!!
I just wanted to say that I am really touched by all of your great advice. I don't have any friends except my girlfriend, who I thought was my best friend.
You can see how I devoted everything to her.
Anyway... its so comforting to know that my situation isn't alone. Not to say I'm glad others are going through sadness and alll...
But that my case isn't the ONLY one out there and that makes me feel like I'm not such a bad guy aftrerall. That there are a lot of people... gf... bf... that do bad things to their loved ones.
And here, everyone gives their two cents because they have experience in it. This is the best fourum ever!
Without reading other peoples posts, I would never get a sense on how many are going through the same things and how everyone is so genuinely helpful :)
Anyway... just wanted to say thank you everyone. If you weren't here I would have been texting and emailing and calling her from the get go!
And it would have hurt like hell.
So now, I have declared myself FREEEEEEEE
I did what I had to as my last email to her . And now... I will wait for her reply if she does... meanwhile... I wlll go out and begin to try to enjoy doing things without her.
But I have to be honest... THAT is going to be a whole diffent ball game... dont know where to start... and being alone instead of a couple etc... but ill cross that bridge later.
I suggest you pic your go nads out of her purse and move on!!
Yeah... thats what I'm trying to do. You know when your life has been in one person for 5 years... that is hard to do. Have YOU ever been in love for that long? And if you have, you sure do sound bitter. That's not what I want.
Crazy, I know you are hurting right now man. It sucks, it truly does. I wish it was as easy as just "picking your balls" off the ground... but it isn't. Five years is a LONG time to love, and an unrealistic expection is that you would get over this fast... that WILL not be the case.
It is hard to let go of someone, but eventually you will get to the point that you feel confident in yourself... confident enough to know that you will be all right, you will be happy again, and you will live. Until that time, we are all here for you! Good luck buddy.
Thanks kctiger.
Well, crazy... It is indeed hard. Very hard. But this is the only way out. And the fastest too. You did all you could. Now the ball is on her side. Don't wait for a response. Keep going.
Right now you'll get into an emotional rollercoaster. I suggest you to, as a first step make friends you can hang out with. Those are the best to engage in activities where you don't think about the ex. Also, get into some physical activity. It makes up for a bit of the pain of being alone again. Plus, you get a nice ego and confidence boost. Running worked like magic for me... I went from being a sedentary guy to a active person...
I've read once that it takes one month for every year together to heal. I don't know if that's true, but it seems to be about the time frame for me. Four years together, 3 months after the break-up and I think I went through almost all the phases of it all - denial, anger, acceptance, confusion, anger, forgiveness... I don't know what is next but it seems to be forgetting.
Good luck man. And come here when you need to vent.
Hi everyone... my update... its been 11 days since I had contact with her (text). And, its been 4 days since I wrote my ultimatum letter to her saying... "you need to decide what you want and i dont want to hear from you until you do."
Well, so far nothing. And I'm happy to say that I really don't have an urge to contact her at all. I did all that I could do, even offer a way her out to dump me gracefully - no guilt for her.
Anyway as I think about her, I think that its pretty Shi^^ of her not have responded by now. Either she too wants NC and has dumped me without a word telling me so... or she is thinking about my ultimatum.
if she does come back to me, it will be a much different relationship. I will not tolerate anymore her antics.
ill keep you posted.
By the way, did I tell everyone that she last spoke to me in person of Valentines day... giving me a card professing her love! Isn't that CRAZY!
If she really love you that much, why isn't she with you now? I am sorry, but her BS and drama are too much for me... you think this is all worth it? I don't...
Good point kctiger...
I really don't either but to throw 5 years is too easy to do at LEAST for me.
I really don't know what her problem is- maybe she's finding herself.. maybe its another guy, maybe she wants her freedom... it really doesn't matter the reason. The bottom line is that you're right she's not with ME...
I don't expect her back. That is how I'm looking at. But she's a wishy washy woman. Shell see that I'm the best she's ever going to get... thats why I think that she will be back.
The drama... I won't tolerate any longer. This forum has taught me that I need to respect myself first.
AHHHHHHHHH
Help me out people!!
Its 10pm and I freaking miss her cuddling up to me naked in bed. :(
What the he** I'm I supposed to do??
Anyone with advice? Experince with this please help!
That's normal, of course you are going to miss her and your looking for whatever will relieve your pain... Not much will.
Ive red what you have said. Numerous times you say "well i dont want to throw away five years, and you think she will be back"
Be lucky its not 10 years, hell she has thrown you away like a piece of rubbish, she discarded you and could not care less about the five years.
Think what a great time you had for those five years and now get up and get going again. Not a lot of things last forever but be grateful for what you shared in this time,
Sounds to me like she was your whole life, that's pathetic, don't you have anything else you enjoy in your life! Your telling me you love her more than you love yourself! I find it hard how people love someone more than they love themselves, even though that person treats them lime dirt...
As always peope want what they have not got...
She had you for the time that suited her and now she is looking for something new, will probably have a new guy within a month if she don't have one already. This girl sounds very clingy and sending you a card on Valentines DAy!! What a joke..
She was just making sure her dog was still on the leash in case her new pup gets away!!
Try and not worry about this at the moment, nothing you can do, no ifs or buts, I should have done this... if she wants to come back she will call within the month and if she doesn't she won't!! Simple!!
Damn... ok mckenzie134... thanks for your brutal honesty.
Its helps me realize all that she is... and has done to me. It reminds me that she is not the person that deserves my love.
That's right. Although of course its going to be very difficult as we well know. You will not be over this for a while. But to help you through the bad times as you probably know you can think of things that wernt so great.
Although when you break up every thing seems to be great about her. I know that. But at least you had a good 5 years together. Thankful for that part of your life.
Some people get 0 years of love and happiness, so yourve done well there.
But anyone who treats you in that way in the end obviously was thinking about it and well I know if I don't like a girl whom I've been with I let her down slow maybe give her some small hope! Hell I don't waana upset her...
Just keep to yourself and see how it goes. The only way to get her back if that's what you want
Is to do "nothing at all" she will come back if she wants!!
Or on occsaions if you're a little wussie boy with no spine and the other dog runs away...
Hey, Well I am going through the same thing like I said in earlier posts. Its definitely hard. If you want her back you have to do nothing. Maybe she will maybe she won't. Life is too short for feeling sorry for yourself. Dude, its her loss. Everyone can see that you definitely care for her. My ex was seeing someone 5 days after she broke up with me... crazy! We had amazing 5 years right down to the end. She will always know that you were that guy who wanted her to be happy, you were the loyal one and you didn't do anything to push her away. One day she will realize.. There are a lot of a**holes out there and trust me the next person will not be her perfect match. Maybe not in the near future but I guarantee if it takes a while you will move. One day you will look back at this and laugh. Its been a month of hell for me but its getting better. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling and I'm sure many do. I came to my acceptance by thinking: why would I want someone who can just throw away 5 years like its nothing. You want someone who cares for you like you do her. Sounds like she's really ugly on inside. This is better it happens now than if you were engaged or married. You can't let her keep you on that leash. The hardest thing I've ever done in my life is let her go but I know something good will come out of it. Just think, do you think she is sitting there moping around, I don't think so. She obviously thinks about it but something is blinding her and making her blow it off. This is because she knows that you are still there. That she can come back any time. The girls come back when you least expect it. When you finally let go totally. It was so hard for me to hear this stuff when I posted my situation, but like I said, life is too short. So seriously, man up, get that confidence back, show her and everyone else that you Don't need her, and watch what happens. No matter what does happen, you will be the winner.
Both you guys are dead on!
I mean everything that you two said made som much sense to me. Its hard to see it for what it is unless someone else is looking at it too.
Problem is... well not really a problem but you know when we broke up before and she got back with me... she made ME the bad guy... not caring about her blah blah blah... and that was crazy! I think that she really believed that.
Anyway... I am happy to report that because of your posts... I deleted her old voice messages to me AND her contact.. phone info so she is no longer on my phone and I don't know her number. (cuz she got a new phone)!
Comments?
Well done! You seem to be taking the proper steps in erasing her from your life. Stick to it, and carry on...
Thanks kctiger!
I'll tell u what, I wish I could tell u that I have no regrets about doing it. But it hurt to delete her phone number. Oh well what can I do? I've got to heal!
It's not an easy thing to do, to let go of someone (and this is a key step in letting go). But, you did it, as you know you had to. No excuses now!! Keep moving forward.Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyoverher
Hi Crazy,
I must commend you! You sound like a great, caring guy, and you don't need that kind of person in your life. You are so much better than that, and in time, you will meet someone who is deserving of your love, not someone who takes you for granted. Keep up the positive work you are doing for yourself, and keep us posted. We are all here for you.
Hi everyone... well I HAVE NOT contacted her... but I am feeling pretty down today. It's the weekend and I wish I couldve been with her. You know? Obviously that's not going to happen but still...
Another thing... id like anyone out there to help me out with this:
I can't stop thinking about what she will be doing tonight and with WHOM. You know? Is she going to be hanging out with a dude or her girlfriends going clubbing... etc.
Does anyone have any advice on how I can get over this thought? And, please don't say "man up"...
Thankx
MAN UP!! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by crazyoverher
No, seriously, the thoughts come and go. I had the feeling to vomit sometimes because of how worried I was about what she was doing. The common sense of this situation is this: you cannot control what she does, so why worry about something you cannot control? Do things you want to do, have fun, and occupy your mind. If you just sit around, your thoughts will dominate your head, but if you gather around friends, do something entertaining, I promise you, the thoughts, althoug still there, will be much less powerful.
Those thoughts suck!! I know, believe me. But, don't let what she "may" be doing destroy what you should be doing! Moving on with your life... you get no refunds on time baby! She is going to go have her fun, so who says you can't have yours?
But still nothing!!!! Instead of wishing for her, figure out something to do for yourself!Quote:
Crazyoverher;1587774, Hi everyone... well I HAVE NOT contacted her... but I am feeling pretty down today. It's the weekend and I wish I could've been with her. You know? Obviously that's not going to happen but still...
If you put as much thought into yourself as you do her business, you could figure out some nice things to get into, and people to see, this weekend.Quote:
Another thing... id like anyone out there to help me out with this:
I can't stop thinking about what she will be doing tonight and with WHOM. You know? Is she going to be hanging out with a dude or her girlfriends going clubbing... etc.
Get busy and keep your a$$ of that pity pot. Thats what keeps you stuck on stupid! You actually have to physically get up, and get out, no excuses. Go wash your car, mow the lawn, clean the kitchen windows, positive physical action. Call a friend you haven't seen..............don't get me started as I would have your tongue hanging out in an hour. There is always SOMETHING to do, whether its fun or not! Do It!!Quote:
Does anyone have any advice on how I can get over this thought? And, please don't say "man up"...
All right I agree... but check it out everyone...
She texted me just now... I pawned a camera for her because she needed money... her camera. Now the ticket is up and she wants to get it out. The thing is... its in my name.
She texted me saying that if I could meet her next week so that she could give me the money to get it out!
So now, I got to meet her. Damn!
Now what? Any advice... I was cold to her on the texts... nothing nice... just factually answering her.
Anyway... advice anyone?? Please.
Throw yourself a party, you found your excuse for contact that is a good feeling isn't it..
So when she keeps it ALL business crushing your hope is it turns into an all day event.
Or the second option it turns out how you hope and you start seeing each other and since nothing is resolved really you break up again and start all over from day one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyoverher
The Legacy of Toxic Relationships (article) by A.J. Mahari on AuthorsDenQuote:
Toxic relationships are battle-grounds mistaken for what is thought of as "love" in which the personality-disordered and the non-personality disordered come together, intersect, interconnect and increase each other's pain and suffering no matter how hard they try to make things work. (sometimes both parties in a toxic relationship are in fact personality-disordered)
Your wanting her back so desperately despite the toxic nature of this relationship is very telling of a dysfunctional relationship that gets you hooked.I suggest you follow the link and read the entire article.You may find some very familiar patterns there and you can break this cycle of destruction that is not at all healthy.
Damn... just want fair... thats tough love!
Harsh.
I don't mean to be mean, but it's the truth.
Although you hope to break the no contact, it is harder than suffering through the break up. Imagine where you are now, although you are still hurting, it's not the same as day one, it's different.
When you go back, any contact, takes you back to the beginning and you start this HORRIBLE process all over again.
I know the praying for any excuse to make contact, but it never ends well. The sooner you see these things the better off you will be in the long run.
All right... fair enough... but that I have to see her next week... she just can't get the thing out of hock on her own. So now I'm screwed one way or another right? How can I be cold to her when I see her again? It sucks.
Handle your business in a efficient polite way, but don't get drawn into the feelings conversation, that's what will confound you.
So talaniman...
I'm sure she Won't get into feelings... she will be a hard .
Are you saying that its best for me to be the same? And, I'm an idiot for asking...
But do women really respect a guy that is that way? Do all of them WANT to be treated as if they don't matter? Will that make her want me? U know?
Its confusing... I just heard from our friend that she "loves me" but "isnt ready to make a decison"
I know I should just suck it up and move on... and I have been doing that very good up until today. Now I feel like a total PU$$y...
Yes, you need to be cold for her and for yourself.
Handle it like you aren't concerned about her at all. Go get the camara, pass the camara on and leave. That's it.
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