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i don't see why i shouldn't at least have convos with her short ones though! I Won't contact her only when she tries to talk to me is when I think I should

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Its real simple, you will be miserable with her in your life and she isn't your g/f. You will take her nice friendly gestures as a sign there is still a chance ,and waste your time waiting for her to change her mind and take you back.

Now, if your really over her, then you won't mind seeing her eventually having to make more time for a new guy, and less time for you.

Be real with yourself, can you do that?

This is going to be long but today we were coincedently at the same game and she was with her friends and I was with mine and she saw me and I didn't see her but when I got home she called and texted and wrote this to me((((((.hi .
So as of what I saw your doing well you look good just how you did when I first meet you!
You know I read your blogs and if I somehwat was the reason you wrote them I'm soory.
You're a great writer though..
I really just didn't think it be like this I know I was an when you tried to talk to me but I just didn't want to talk about the same thingg.
No one influenced me to do anything.
I made my own decisions and I know I prettymuch made it for both of us but its how I said I cared about me first I wasn't happy I didn't want to fake my happinees .
Like you said someone will appreciate everything you did for me even more but TRUST me when I say this I CARED & still do I appreciate it and everythingg.
I didn't think we would act like children llike how we did today yea I shouldve gone up too you but I didn't want to make it akward.
I called you on the day that I found out I had lost a friend and texted you but you didn't call me nor text me back now I know I deserved it but I needed to tell you that I was soory and that I loved you and to not argue anymore or be mad or hate each other but to be FRIENDS. Because I lost a friend when I thought he was OK seeing someone one day and then the next him not being there.. it sucks so bad and I don't want to loose you completely because you were the first guy I was in love with the first one I did many things with and I don't want to pretend like none of it happeneed.
I apologize for my past actions & I hope we can be friends or to the point were if we see each other we can say hi and not ask our friends where one another is or if werelooking cause we both were doing that .
You know me and I know you very well or at least I think I do so do what you please after this I trulyy care about you and like I told your sister I do think about you .
There is no one else I'm trying to talk too or get with.
I'm simply just living life to the fullest because after this past weekend the one person who always did live that way lost his life and I want to be just like himm and happy all the time .
&i can't be like that knowing someone is upset at me or I am not atpeice with you because I want to be that's all I ever wanted and wantt.

Write back . Call me . Text me . Which ever one your heart tells you to do follow your heart not what your head tells you to do because feelings come first and are the best ones to go with whether it be to not ever talk to me again or to do the complete oppositee .

Iloveyou with all my heart &wish you the best in life because I know that if you put your heart and soul into it you will accompplish whatever it is your destined to dooo!

<3 MELYY )))

You still haven't answered my question.

Very sweet words from an ex... however, this does nothing for you except RE-ENFORCE the idea of a FRIEND. And this mate, is something you want to stay away from for a long while. Staying close will not let you move on with your life and find the happiness in yourself. If she doesn't get this well it's her problem. She can deal with it her own way--she says "i made my own decisions and i know i prettymuch made it for both of us" and there's your answer she took a decision to get her happiness back... you do the same and if it involves removing her from your life then DO IT! For YOU! Its YOUR decision. Once you take it, stick with it. Good luck and be strong.

- expat

If there are any feelings that you are still holding on to for this female, friendship will not work. Only when you feel nothing (romatically speaking) will you be able to possibly foster a friendship with her. This may never happen, as many people can not be friends with their ex for that reason alone. Not because they don't want to, but because their heart and their head can't agree on where to place this "friend".

Well she wants to talk in person so I agreed we will most likely talk tomorrow she will say everything she has to say and I will say everything I have to say as well. Then we will go from there I'm not going to beg her back or anything but if she says she does not want to ever get back together then I will have to erase her from my life. I prepared for the worst more then the best. Even though there is a slight chance we could get back I'm not getting my hopes up.

One more thing if this helps she is (16 turning 17) I am 18. It just seems like she knows everything already when she doesn't its a lot different when you get out of high school I'm in college now and I learned the hard way and I don't want her to make mistakes.

Read what you just wrote 10 times before going to the meeting, OK?

You are not going to beg. And if she doesn't want to go back together, erase her from your life.

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Originally Posted by ImTotallyLost

Read what you just wrote 10 times before going to the meeting, OK?

You are not going to beg. And if she doesn't want to go back together, erase her from your life.

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Lol that's exactly what I'm going to do. I still have feelings for her obviously but I cannot be a friend because I can't sit back and constantly keep thinking about her if she is with another guy or if she is doing fine so I'm going to have to erase her from my life as painfull as it will be for a little while it will have to be done if I know for a fact she does not want to get back together.

We talk tomorrow ( If she can she will be at a funeral and when she gets out she said we would) so I will keep you posted!

Any more advice before tomorrow?
THe day we could try to fix things or the day I erase her from my life...

After a funeral? Dude. I think it's a bad idea. I really think it's a bad idea. Can't you call it off? There's a good chance she'll be very emotional after it. I don't know...

I wouldn't do it , too many mixed emotions are involved and it could go either way.

So I should put it on hold for another day like Saturday?

You should put it on hold indefinitely, but if you need to talk to her, another day would be better. She will still be emotional, but not as bad as she would be right after a funeral.

I hope you get closure, and a fair warning, if she comes back, which I seriously doubt, things will be very different. She will be different.

Just me I would have let her have enough space for the emotional dust to settle for you both as she is mourning and your still in shock and have a lot of false hope built up.

I do question your decision making when it comes to her, and this relationship.

After a funeral would be a bad idea, too many emotions can be going on. Put it on hold, and make sure this is what YOU want. Remember, she isn't who she used to be and your not who you used to be, it might be a waste of time trying it again

I just caled her and asked if we could do it another day because I don't want to see her all sad and everything especially right after a funeral she said no I will be fine we will talk later today. So I guess she wants to do it today I will let you all know what happens

Thanks!

She wants to meet up at 3

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Originally Posted by JTS31708

she wants to meet up at 3

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Try not to wear your heart on your sleeve,it's a good way to have it torn apart.

Perfect answer art, don't let your feelings show to easily. Life is like a poker game, don't show your cards until you know you can win.

Well we talked and it made me feel a lot better at least she said everything she has been wanting to say a lot of it made sense most of it I still don't get but whatever she will realize it later.. I said what I had to say a lot of it stuff she will probably be questioning herself later on. We both teared up a little when we talked. She said she wanted to be friends for now or at least to the point where we can say hi to each other.. Later that night we someohow ended going up to the same bowling alley I was with my friends she was with hers. I don't think it was a coincidence because on my myspace I put going to the bowling alley and I have a feeling she saw it and decided well lets go see how he is. It was very awkward seeing each other there so I just said hi and she gave me a little hug and that was it I didn't talk to her or nothing. She seemed confused and shy. They left because of the wait( even though there really wasn't one at all) she texted me when she left saying how weird and ironic it was and that they were going to go to the movies instead and told me to have fun I replied very short worded. 3 hours later she texted me before she went to bed (it was 12:30am) saying " Dont ever change! your the best! and im sorry! i just want everything to be ok." I wanted to reply with a smart answer saying if I'm the best why did you leave me lol but I just left it at that with no response and haven't said a thing to her since that day. Did I do the right thing?

Sorry for it being so long lol

Under the circumstances, what else could you do? What you do next is probably more important.

That's very true! I just wanted to know if I did the right thing. In the beginnign she said she gave me chances to change by helping out around the house because I was lazy which was true and also to get a job and she felt like I wasn't listening or didn't take her seriously that's why she broke it off with me. But I tried my best looking and looking but nothing happened.

I just want to know if I'm doing the right thing so far and if I did the right thing that night by not texting her back when she sent me that text" Don't ever change! You're the best! And I'm sorry! I just want everything to be OK.

I just still feel like there is no one that will compare to her at times I don't think about her because I'm with my friends but she always pops into my head everyday somehow. Memories, songs, my room, car, places we go to everything I still feel down inside and still just have some hope of one day we get back. But in the meantime I'm going to try to not let it bother me. She said when she feels 100% with herself first we could then probably give it another try. But I'm not going to wait aroudn for her

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Originally Posted by JTS31708

I just want to know if im doing the right thing so far and if i did the right thing that night by not texting her back when she sent me that text" Dont ever change! your the best! and im sorry! i just want everything to be ok.

I just still feel like there is no one that will compare to her at times i dont think about her because im with my friends but she always pops into my head everyday somehow. Memories, songs, my room, car, places we go to everything i still feel down inside and still just have some hope of one day we get back. But in the meantime im gonna try to not let it bother me. She said when she feels 100% with herself first we could then probably give it another try. But im not going to wait aroudn for her

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Everyone feels that way if the relationship matters to them. Don't in the slightest expect that she will ever come back. It's not because you were a horrible person and she regrets the time spent with you. It just wasn't what she needed for her life - and you can't change your fundamental being, and neither would you want to.

What does that really even mean though? "Dont ever change! You're the best and I'm sorry! I just want everything to be OK. What is that even supposed to mean?

She is saying anything she can to try and convince you to be her friend. Once you do, that is where you will stay... the Friend Zone. It will be fairly awkward anytime you hang out with her as long as you still have ANY feelings for her(which it seems you do).

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What does that really even mean though? "Don't ever change! You're the best and I'm sorry! I just want everything to be OK. What is that even supposed to mean?

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Just go back to doing what you were doing before. As you can see (we all can see), you're confused again. You are latching on to every last word she said to you when you saw her and are trying to analyze them for any shreds of hope that she wants you back.

STOP. She only feeding you crumbs to keep you wondering and interested. Time to go back to doing your own thing. You are not ready to forge any type of friendly relationship with this girl, because your head and your heart cannot agree where to put her in your life, causing you to get confused and looking for any hope of reconciliation.

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Originally Posted by JTS31708

What does that really even mean though? "Dont ever change! Your the best and im sorry! I just want everything to be ok. what is that even supposed to mean?

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She's trying to tell you that she didn't break up with you because you were a bad person or that she stopped caring about you - she just lost faith in the relationship being what she needed in the present/long-term. She feels very guilty for having hurt someone she loves (although not "in love" with), and wants to know that you'll recover and not hate her (although hating the situation is fine).

As for friendship - you're not even close to the point of being ready for that. In fact, most of the ex-friendships that exist would barely qualify as that with other friends. Typically, it just means to people who can talk or cross paths occasionally and chat briefly about the mundane things in life without turning to goo. Contact won't be frequent, and you'll likely never be able to have a close relationship with "hang-outs" and the like.

Me and my ex have been broken up for about 3 months now and every couple days she will text or IM me to see how I'm doing or what I'm doing. Sometimes I like that she still texts me and stuff like that but most of the time I get annoyed because it feels like she's giving me false hope! I put lyrics of a song on my away message and she thought that I was talking to another girl. And she replied on my aim saying (Anything that will keep you smiling! :) ) And I hope we can still be friends because I will never forget you! I just responded back saying I have to go to bed I have class in the morning goodnight. And she wrote back saying don't forget what I wrote you. I just keep thinking she's giving me false hope! After the 2nd month I really thought I was completely over her. But for some reason she keeps coming back into my head. I always wonder if she's talking to someone else or how she's doing. I am talking to a few girls but nothing serious now basically just flirting. I know it might sound stupid but I still hope that one day we can get back together because I know I treated her right and never did anything wrong.

Is there any advice any one has? Im basically asking what should I say to her from now on when she tries to text me or IM me online? I want to play hard to get but at the same time I want to get my mind off her so I won't keep feeling like this and hopefully she comes around some day.

But when she wrote " anything to keep you smiling" it seemed like she was happy but really nervous when she wrote it all and then asked me right after I hope we can still be friends because I will never forget you. I already agreed to being her friend before but she brought it up again. Its confusing

So don't be her friend, for now. You owe her nothing, not a reply, not a smile, not a hello, and not a friendship. What you do owe, is to yourself, to not allow her messages and means of contact disturb your process of getting back to who you were/are going to be. Find a way to block her from your life for the time being so you can get back to being emotionally healthy.

kctigers right. Cutting the contact will help you heal and you won't be giving yourself false hope because of her actions.

This is also how I know she's jealous curious and worried because she IMed me on aim last night at like 12 at night she just said " I felt like saying hi" and put a <3. She never did that ever when we were going out or not even when we broke up she never was up that late just to say hi. Plus she had class early in the morning. Now I know she's curious and is afraid of losing me completley so I'm going to keep it like this for the time being and better myself up.

Thanks so far for the advice! I guess I just want to be able to have more control over this situation so I can feel better and see where it takes me.

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Originally Posted by JTS31708

Thanks so far for the advice! I guess i just want to be able to have more control over this situation so i can feel better and see where it takes me.

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The only way you will have control is if you TAKE control. Block her where you can, and don't reply. If you see her in person, don't talk to her or even look at her, but just walk or turn away and move your body elsewhere. She is dangling you like a little puppet. Stop being one.

The more you talk to her, the more you reset the healing process. You say you broke up for 3 months, but in reality, your healing only starts when you've cut contact with her.

Update! Ive told my ex that I can't have her text me or call me anymore for a while because I told her it feels like she is giving me false hope and I can't heal or anything. So I told her to give me time and she agreed. A week later which was yesterday she texted me saying "I miss you" I didn't text back because my phone was dying. The next morning I wake up to a text saying I truly want us to be friends I can't just not have you be in my life I miss you and you are very special to me. I wrote I'm not ignoring you I just told you I need time. She eneded up responding back saying "But I don't want to damn it I f... ing miss talking too you, seeing you everything its been 3 months and it has killed me and been hard on me to I just never showed it or talked to anyone about it I kept it inside for too long. (Sorry for this being long lol its almost done) I ended up responding saying I don't know what you want from me it sounds like you want to be friends or do you want to be more? After about 30 min she said friend, I don't know I don't know what I want I just want to be okay! Then I said we are. And it kept going back and fourth not getting anywhere she would reply you sure? I said yes I just told you.. and the last thing she responded saying was I miss you a lot! And I haven't responded back yet. I don't know what she wants from me she sounds like she can't make up her mind and everything I write won't finish anything. Am I doing the write thing by talking to her what should I do any advice?

Thanks and sorry for it being so long!

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Originally Posted by JTS31708

Am I doing the write thing by talking to her

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No.

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what should I do any advice?

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We told you what to do. Did you listen? No. Will you listen to us? No.

Its been 3 months I have taken the advice giving to me and it helped I'm pretty much over her its just now she can't stand me not talking to her and wants me either back or as a friend but I think she's doing it because she feels guilty and wants herself to feel better that why I said I don't know what to do I don't know what she wants from me

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Originally Posted by JTS31708

its been 3 months i have taken the advice givin to me and it helped im pretty much over her its just now she can't stand me not talking to her and wants me either back or as a friend but i think shes doing it because she feels guilty and wants herself to feel better that why i said i dont know what to do i dont know what she wants from me

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So be her friend. See where that takes you.

We ALL know what she wants from you.