You can't lose what you never had, but you can deal with what you know you have, and that's still just YOU.
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You can't lose what you never had, but you can deal with what you know you have, and that's still just YOU.
Threads merged.
My boyfriend and I had a big messy fight which ended up with us not speaking, I said some very hurtful words which included I was going back with my ex of 3yrs, but I later realized how much I care for him and I've been trying to apologize for it, we have not had a conversation about anything for about 1 month now, I apologized and he always says everything is cool, he ignores my text, then last week I was in town and fustrated that he won't speak to me then I showed up at his house to tell him how I truly feel about him and that I wanted him as a part of my life and he said it is going to take time. Later that evening I texted him to apologize for showing up at his house and he said is all good. For almost a week now after the inccident I've texted him a gnite, gmorning or hi and he does not respond. I need advice on how to handle this situation, I'm not a patient person but I feel deep in my heart that he's the rite person for me, I want to wait for him to heal but is him not talking to me a sign that he is done with us? Or what can I do or say to show him that I'm heartily sorry for my words?
Your constant attention giving and attention wanting is pushing him further and further away from you. All those texts might seem to you like you're just being friendly or trying to open up communication but it just causes more and more distance between you two because he made it clear that he wants time.
Even though right now you're sad because of the end of the relationship and you want to wait for him, you're going to have to force yourself to stop all contact with him, including the texting goodnight and goodmorning. During this time, keep yourself busy with other activities and when you find your mind wandering towards him, force yourself to think about something else. Move on from this guy.
You've already said you are sorry, he's already accepted your apology, but now he doesn't want you in his life anymore.
Your way isn't working, try mine and give him the time he needs. If and when he is ready he will let you know. That's pretty much the price you pay for careless hurtful words that its to late to take back, and require more than an apology to get over. Learn that valuable lesson for the future.Quote:
He said it is going to take time.
That's not going to work out for you a lot of the times.Quote:
I'm not a patient person
I agree with Syzygy in that your guy wants some time away from you right now. What you said probably really hurt him. I don't agree that he doesn't want you back at all. That could very well be true, but then again, he might just need some time (and by that I mean days, possibly weeks, not hours or minutes). The more you push yourself on him, even in those little texts, is just more time that he's going to need away from you to figure it out. What you may need to do, if you haven't all ready is plainly ask him if he will consider you two getting back together. If he says he needs time to get over what happened, or think, then you will know to give him space and continue to hope. I would recommend only contacting him at the most once every three or four days at most. However, it is also quite possible that he will say no. And then you will know that you have to force yourself to move on. While that might seem like it would be worse than wondering if there is hope, it will be easier in the end if you find out now and begin moving on, rather than after a few weeks of wondering you find out he's seeing someone else. Regardless, the guy needs his space right now, and the only way to have him in your life at all after this incident is to give him that space.
I'm not sure why a guy would take you back if you handle an argument by saying your going to sleep with someone else. To me that's an admission of cheating. It sure doesn't speak volumes about your loyalty.
So you admit that and now you are trying to force him into something. That's not going to work. He needs time to sort out if she should trust you. You are not gaining trust by constantly harassing him.
I already know that he's not coming back rite now, but from all my past relationships every one of my exs always comes back when I've moved on and then is too late and I never go back. I'm trying to avoid all of that and want to fix things with him. I'm afriad to cut off every contact with him becos if I do then is completely ova for me. I'm confused on what to do, do I give myself a deadline before moving on?
So this is a pattern of behavior.Quote:
Originally Posted by odilians10
I think you need some fixing. This pattern of behavior repeats itself and yet it's not a good behavior. You are practicing self sabotage. Why? My guess is you have control issues and by threatening to leave someone for an ex you feel like you can control them to behave or do what you want.Quote:
Originally Posted by odilians10
I think this is great news for you. This gives you the time you need to find out what is causing these behaviors and what can you do to fix them.Quote:
Originally Posted by odilians10
I think she acts without thinking, and then doesn't want to pay the consequenses of her actions. Post #21 was quite revealing.
You keep doing the same thing over and over. When will you learn?
Tal I'm confused, if I'm right this post I'm making here is post #21? I looked in the upper right hand corner is that not the post number?Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
LOL, your right, I meant post #12. The eyes (or the brain ) ain't what it use to be.
Hi everyone, I'm still in the same situation with the same guy and am trying to change my ways and now I'm in tears becos I realized how bad I messed up and want to do anything to make things right, he finally responded to my text after a while and said believe it or not we are friends, I told him I still like him a lot and didn't mean for things to be this messy and his response was I understand, I really want him back and don't know what or how to go about it becos I feel like the damage is too much , I'm going about it the wrong way by texting everyday for the fast 3 days, I can't control it
I think you need a crash course in a couple of areas:
1.) Thinking before you speak.
2.) Not being dependent on others for happines.
Your thread I SOOO similar to mine, but I don't think you screwed up as bad as me. I didn't tell him I was going to sleep with someone else , but I told him horrible hurtful things things as well. I was in so much pain and my way of letting out that pain was by sending him hateful texts, and now I regret sending every single one of those texts and I ended up losing him for good. I still beat myself up for that sometimes, but what done is done, and now I know what not to do next time.
I agree, but are you guyz still friends at all?
>.>?
How do you expect to be friends with someone you are so attached too?
Heal your broken heart first, get some better perspective, and see what happens AFTER that.
Oh, her post confused me. I thought she was asking US if we were still friends with her. >.>
Lol @ torri's post sorry about the confusion, yes tal I've let him go and is healing now..
Lol, okay, because I was about to say, "Yes, of course we can be friends?" xDQuote:
Originally Posted by odilians10
I'm glad to hear you're healing! Keep your chin up; you can do it! :)
Though it doesn't matter becos I'm ova it, but I've a question I just want to understand, I asked him if he would be happier if I let him be and he never answers that question... why?
Good for you. Now what are you doing for yourself? You have some behaviors you recognize as not working for you. Have you taken steps to address them?Quote:
Originally Posted by odilians10
Yes, by cutting off all contacts
So my ex sent me 3 emails to talk when I got the chance and I did text him and he didn't say much except that he was going through a lot during the past months, and said to be cool, what do I do now, I'm mostly afriad that strong feelings might come back, do I cut him off and get over my feelings completely before I start being cool w/him. I don't know what to do, if to stick to my original decision or give another shot?
Giving it another shot hasn't worked in the past, stick to NC and work on yourself!
Thanks
Just because he is reaching out to you doesn't mean you have to reach back. Nor does it means he wants you back.
You should continue doing what your doing and move forward instead of backwards.
Thanks liz, I figured that out and I've changed my # today, so that's it for me... NC for eva
Good luck with that decision!
We broke up over a yr ago because we both have a genetic disorder which prevented us from ever been together if we plan on having children together. I had so much anger towards him, but I got over it, moved on and have since dated someone else for a few months. I moved back to the same state and I texted him after a yr of no contact because I thought I was over it and was ready to be friends with him. We are both single and we tried not to talk about the past. We both do care about building our friendship but one thing led to another and we had sex, we agreed not to be friends with benefits, but we both started having little emotions and I started getting very angry at him again, and sent him a very mean email that I didn't want to ever speak to him ever again for the rest of our lives. My issue is now I feel extremely bad and I've apologized but he ignores me and is driving me crazy. How do I handle this situation ***?
The best way to handle it is to leave him alone for good. You obviously cannot be friends, because as soon as you started seeing each other, you've had sex. You're not completely over him either as you still harbor all that anger.
You're "over" them when you completely don't care one way or the other. If you're angry and then run to apologize - it's just a mess. So got back to NC and stick to it to truly move on from this unhealthy situation.
I always promise my boyfriend I would change my atitude of being so fast to break up w/him even sometimes with out a fight, but he always stands by me and gives me chances. Even if I'm extremely mean to him, he still tells me to stop over reacting. Him taking me back does that mean he truly loves me? We ve been together on and off for 5yrs...
Your threads were merged, but my question is when is this change supposed to happen? After the next break up? If you have no confidence he cares after 5 years of knowing him, and off and on in a relationship, what's the point of doing this all over again.
You have personal issues to work on, and next time may be too late. Maybe its best to leave him alone until you do deal with your issues. Obviously you seem hard to take for long, even though he likes the sex. HMMMMMM!!
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