If you like the person you are marrying with , do not reveal him the truth and fix some stories about the loss of virginity. But I am scared... will he believe you or not? What if he is not satisfied with your explanation?
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If you like the person you are marrying with , do not reveal him the truth and fix some stories about the loss of virginity. But I am scared... will he believe you or not? What if he is not satisfied with your explanation?
He is from Peshawar I hope is like you said but it doesn't seem like it!Quote:
Originally Posted by Dare81
That's what I have in my head that maybe he won't believe me!Quote:
Originally Posted by juhi2011
I understand the situation, how do you feel about lying? No guilt, or feeling ashamed, then go ahead. I would I'm kind of in the same situation, not being a virgin. I don't think I could lie though. If he does find out inshallah he is a understanding husband.
do what you feel is best, take care x x x
How do ypu feel about lying? Would you feel guilty? Ashamed? Do what you feel is best for you. Maybe cut the engagement if you feel that he wouldn't understand, engagments can be cut off. If he does find out inshallah he will be understanding,
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Originally Posted by MiSSsy111222
Yes I'm feeling guilty right now and I don't want him to find out at all no matter what it won't be the same because he will ask me everything and how it was and I wouldn't want to get into detail with my husband about that stuff and I don't want to cancel the wedding because he is good is everything I ever expected. I hope girls read this and don't make the same mistake I did because I will regret it for the rest of my life.
Get married,go on w your lives.
Just pretend LOL.
If it's been a while, I am sure he wouldn't understand anyway,because it would be his first time. He wouldn't understand what the diffrence is.
Good luck!
Once again, you haven't taken the time to read through all of the posts. If you had, you had read other details. If you are going to give advice here, please make sure you have understood the dynamics, and are giving something that is relevant or helpful to the OP.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cristiansmomma
Telling her to "just pretend" is not at all helpful, and in fact not a laughing matter!
I am trying to help.
I was joking with the pretend thing,hence why I said LOL,and then after said a HONEST answer on what I was thinking.'
Maybe this site isn't what I thought it was. I am deaf and can not explain everything right, I guess. I do read through all posts.
Maybe I should delete then,and just leave it alone.
It's fine. Don't worry, I just wanted to point it out. This is a great site. I just wanted to make you aware that had you read the prior posts, you would have understood her situation better. No worries! There is some very good advice here. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Cristiansmomma
Again,like you said 'there are some good advices here'. Some people are not going to like others answers,disagree or agree.
I stated an answer which was just forget about it,and go on.He prob won't notice any changes since he is a virgin,and wouldn't know much about it. I did read her post,and read all the others. I know mine isn't a good answer,but it's a guess.
I know that you were trying to point it out,but I have no clue why you said 'Once again,you haven't took time to read through the posts'.. did you say something before? I am a bit confused. However, I do not want to argue in someone's thread. People are going to give answers that people will not agree with.
Okay! I was trying to be nice with you. The reason I know that you haven't read everything, is because it has not been established at all that this man is a virgin! You don't know the facts, and you don't know about the religion, from what you've said. I have to say I don't either, but I respect it, and I read through everything so I could understand. Did you not read that the OP doesn't know herself whether or or he's a virgin? If I missed that, kindly point it out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cristiansmomma
That is only one of the reasons I was trying to be kind with you, and was only trying to help you out with making sure you read through before responding. I said "once again," because I had read a prior post of yours, but that's neither here nor there. If you want to get defensive, I know there is a reason for that and I will not engage you in your "right fight." Now, can we just move on?
Perfect dolls: I sympathise with your situation so much. Being Muslim (male) myself I can totally understand where you are coming from.
Having lived in London for 19 years and being born in the USA, I have lived a pretty much 'western' life just like any other. My parents are pretty liberal and only ask that I marry a Muslim.
Back to your issue - I have a best friend (female, muslim, 20 years old) who is dreading the day she has to go through this and let me first off say how brave you are, because I can understand that what is going on with you is a serious matter and really does need a solution.
My friend, has felt guilty, felt as if she is living a lie, doesn't feel worthy etc that she has had sex - she feels like she has betrayed everyone she knows. She doesn't know whethe she will subject to an arranged marriage by her parents, but she does know that if her dad and grandparents found out, they would lose a lot of respect for her.
I want to just add - I have this feeling you family are more 'traditional' and strict and my advice to you would be to NOT tell your future husband that you aren't a virgin because it will ruin your relationship with him, the relationship with your parents will be damaged, you will further alienated by your mistake and you will not be looked on in the same light especially if your parents decide to arrange another marriage will be unlikely.
If you are happy marrying this man, and you are enjoying getting to know him and can see yourself with him then do not do anything. I am not an expert on this hymen business but take the advice of the women on here as to an excuse to use but you yourself must realise that you shouldn't feel guilty - you made a mistake but you have seen the error in your ways and its safe to say you haven't been acting the same - this right here is a testament to your character.
I really do wish you the best. Going through what you are going through is incredibly hard but you have handled it with immense respect and maturity - good on you, you should be really proud you haven't through in the towel so to speak and really care about making this marriage work
All the best.
Oh KC! Sorry, I had to spread the rep. You said what was running through my head! Thank you!! Awesome retort! You rock! ;) That was the craziest response I've heard in a long time! ::shakes head:: :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
You could do something I heard about a while back, put a sponge inside your vagina that's soaked with red food colouring, it should leak a bit and give the appearance that there is some blood.
Are you people on drugs? Seriously? Why would you start a marriage by doing something like this? Let us start our entire foundation on a lie... give me a break! :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Eelarch
Quote:
Originally Posted by ardahk
I don't agree with this. A relationship build on lies is never going to go anywhere.
I just want to clearify something about this.about culture you are right,there are some arabian countries or all the arabian countries,which allows the family or the husband to kill the girl if she is not virgin.about quran and islam,this is not allowed.nobody has the right to kill any girl who is not virgin,and who do so should be killed in turn.and if the husband has a problem with that ,he can divorce her and that is so easy in islam (just one word"you are divorced")but he doesn't have the right to tell anybody that she wasn'tt virgin.for this girl,I would advice her to go to a doctor and fix things .its easy nowadays they do it by lesar.wish for her all the best.if not I advice her not to marry this man or marry him and don't go to an arabian country ,stay in a country where she can be protected.thnxQuote:
Originally Posted by blue_st4r
It is against site rules to send PM's to give advice! Read the rules and regulations you agreed to when you joined this site! Thank you!
No, I don't agree with Iawanwadee, but again why would u have sex, when your religon says "not until marriage"... most people are really forgetting their roots... where they came from... just to be "westernized".. come on suck it up princess... now u need help with what U DID!. u need to tell him... and your family... for the stupid choice u made... and I wouldn't goooo so overboard with your in danger... your family may not talk to u for a long time, and u may disgrace your family name... but come on... u knew all this when u had sex... but yes with living in north america there are laws to protect u and me... from crazy people... maybe now u can think more clearly in your choice making, I'm sorry to say :(... God bless
Ws Salaam...
That was a very judgemental answer you gave there, for your first post on this site! There was no need for name calling, and this is against site rules had you read them. This is not about trying to guilt her to death. I will not give you a disagree at this point, but please read the site rules and regs before answering. Also note that this question is 3 months old, and the OP is likely already married.Quote:
Originally Posted by Arianna26
EDIT: Proper English is also appreciated! "U" is spelled "YOU"
The one with no sin cast the first stone.How do you know she is forgetting her roots maybe her roots are in the western world? You are quick to judge her, I am sure you don't act like a sahabi but you want her to act like sahabia.If you can't say anything useful don't say anything at all.Quote:
Originally Posted by Arianna26
Ws Salam
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dare81
Look who is talking... how do u know that she hasn't forgetting her roots?. It's a staright forward answer, it doesn't matter where u live in the world.. a muslim is a muslim... u go by what u are brought up as a child, therefore the values u learned in koran school, sticks with u. I mean everyone's not prefect, people lie and do other , but in her case she did the worst thing possible... and now there's no way of going back, it's done... u can't re-constrict a new vagina, so u can be a virgin again, god come on she should be thanking god that she didn't catch aids,STDS,'Herpes,Chlamydia,Gonorrhoea,Syphilis,Ge nital Warts,Hepatitis B,Hepatitis C; not to forget oral sex and anal sex, and how u can catch all types of painfully and dirty diseases from that... so therefore either way, on her case, the truth will come out... and both ways have really bad endings.. and whtever u mean by a "Sahabi or Sahabia"... I don't understand what your talking about... and furthermore this may not be good advise for u, but hey this is damn good advise for so many other girls, who are put on the pressure of "it's cool to be sexual active".. I mean come on... it's also cool to live a long and happy live without sexually tranmitted disease, because once u got any of those, it stays with u, and if u don't get it treated, u can pass it to partner, to partner. I mean soon it's going to be like a really sick family tree, with all the people that got infected by u. This is the other point of view... of why it's not the greatest idea too have sex before your married, and if for those who are sexual active use protection; and let your parents know that u are, I know I know... it's going to be really hard, but come on they have a right to know. That and so your not twisted into an arranged marriage, and then it's going to be a hugh shock to your family and tooo the grooms family too.
In other words your parents will at least have the time to make up an excuse,to save face.
God bless :)
I think you have been asked before "u" is spelled "you" we do not allow text speak on this website, please use proper English.
Sahaba are prophets, shabiat is the female version of it.It does not matter a Muslim is a Muslim.That is pretty close minded.Go look at Muslims in India and then go look at them in turkey and then you can tell me they are all the same.
She had sex before marriage , she did not kill anyone.Calm down.I am not sure if her parents have a right to know but her husband does.
I think I had said that on my last post... no ones prefect... blab blab blab... and anyway this is why Muslims stand out from all other religons... and how this is the most unforgettable mistake that u can make... as a women this could be the end of the world... that's why she wrote that she's in danger... and yes it wouldn't matter what yr it is... people don't change what they were though by there parents. In her case, if she's so open minded that she didn't believe why a women must be a virgin and not a man, when they are married... then she should have told her parents... listen this is what is happening and what has happened... and why wouldn't her parents have a right too know... wht is going on their child's life, they have all the rights... I mean parents aren't the monsters that create drama in your life... it's yourself... becasue your not being true too yourself and too others. Your living in a fake world... and it's time to come out of it. This is another example with gay people, and how it's a huge thing when they come out. I'm just saying... if your going to do something, come out and say it... and stop hiding...Quote:
Dare81; Sahaba are prophets, shabiat is the female version of it.It does not matter a Muslim is a Muslim.That is pretty close minded.Go look Muslims in India and then go look at them in turkey and then you can tell me they are all the same.
She had sex before marriage , she did not kill anyone.Calm down.I am not sure if her parents have a right to know but her husband does.
God bless :)
[QUOTE=Arianna26;1643183]Quote:
Originally Posted by Dare81
Now you are comparing this situation to a gay union? Stop being so angry and insulting and move on please. I have already told you that she is likely already married. Did you actually read the original question? She said she was getting married in a month. Please read before responding. You are not making a very good impression, for someone who has just joined this site!
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