Tnank you all so much for al the feedback!!

I must say I have never tasted this kind of pain before in my life! But like you all said just because I told her we would be friends it doesn't mean we have to be...

Its her loss as I have a lot to offerr I just can't wait for time to pass buy as quickly as possible so I could forget, I already planned a trip to london this weekend. I am trying to keep myself busy as much as I can to start healing faster =)

Thank you all again, and I will be posting some more stuff I feel confisent now but I know there are more somber days ahead and I know I am going to need some more advice.. talk to you all soon!!

It's GREAT you did not get upset... I BET you shead some new light on her about you... you STILL must come across as th fun guy - always - you get upset and she remembers the bad guy.

Personally, from experinece. I would have just said. Ok-bye and say you have to go... and maybe say 'have fun'. End the call.

You kind of came across as her 'girlfriend' as she confided in you - and cried on your shoulder. You don't want that.

Next time just end the call and leave her wondering.

Forget the friendship... forget it...

Plus - there's a chance she cheated on you - if so... do you want that? That's an issues you need to sort out. Everyone knows how feel about cheaters.

Wildcat I know she cheated on me. Remember how I said that night she went out with her friends and everyihg changed... well that night we were together and she admit it only kissing the guy.

Well I am not stupid I am sure she did a lot more than that since she was piss drunk...

The truth is this girl played me for a fool for 6 month and its all my fault for giving her the chance to do so, so I am mostly to blame but trust me a very hard and painful lesson learned.

I have one more question how many of you would actually ever give her a freindship years down the road knowing what she did>?

You handled the situation very well, so you should have no regrets.

As for your question about having a friendship down the road, sure why not. You said a few years down the road so by then I will have moved on with my life and probably be involved in another relationship. Basically I wouldn't care about what happened in the past because I'm happy with my life. Hey, I might even be thanking her for what she did.

It's no good to hold grudges my friend. They end up consuming you. It's best to just forgive and forget. Would it be a deep involved friendship? Of course not! But a simple friendship a few years from now is absolutely fine with me.

Once a cheater - always a cheater - she probably cheated o nsome gu yto come to guy. Cheaters justify this stuff.

Yep you did a greeat job. Handled it marvellously well.. you should be very proud.
I doubt if I could have done that. At least I could never have before coming to AMHD and understanding hwo to deal with things like that!

You are very healthy and I can see you have a great attitude which will really help you get over this.

Now your challenge is to back up your words. You told her not to contact you so Don't let her. If she calls it will be only to see if she still has you. So don't answer. Don't even answer unknown numbers. If you do and it is her. You have to go. You are busy. OK?

And now you must do everything you can to help you.

It is going to be painful but please feel free to PM me anytime. I know the pain but I know how you can help yourself to get better more quick.

You proved what a MAN you are. So continue to be that man and someone worthy of you will come along one day and you will be thankful this all happened!

You handled it quite well. There'll be some pain for a while but don't lose your head over it. You know what you need to do now so get out there and do it. You're right in that it was her loss and she'll probably eventually have her regrets. But that's her problem, not yours. When the time comes don't play rescuer and try to "save" her from her bad decisions and the accompanying consequences. You're truly better off without her in every way so live your life accordingly.

Your free to carry on with your life, now have fun.

Don't pick up the phone if she calls now!! Don't do it. This gal seems like she will call you. Don't pick up unrecognized numbers - private #s.

She will probably want you as her back up plan. Don't go for that.

Guys one thin gto learn from this - about 85% of the time - it's another guy... the sad part women don't get is these new guys rarely if ever last - they want the newness - the myatery - then the guys always screw it up.

What you are going through is normal... what most of those who care do not want you to dwell on the relationship... but to go and do others things... there are website that you can go on to talk to some about a relationship ( my sister does this all the time) like a dating televised service... only... if you are looking for some to talk to first; then become a associate; then a friends and ;then develop a relationship... do all that is necessary to make yourself OK... after this the best revenge is doing better for yourself... I am not sending you away... we will always be here as long the master let us... to give you the advice you need without too much bullsh**... it is OK...

You know Wildcat you are right, the sad truth is most of the times it is anothet guy...

Well I am not a mean person or anything but I really hope it does not work out with them two because when she comes back to me I will make sure to make her feel the rejection and the pain she had caused me!!

I know it sounds mean and vengenful but I am still bitter over the whole thing!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kadd0007

You know Wildcat you are right, the sad truth is most of the times it is anothet guy...

Well i am not a mean person or anything but i really hope it does not work out with them two because when she comes back to me i will make sure to make her feel the rejection and the pain she had caused me!!!

I know it sounds mean and vengenful but i am still bitter over the whole thing!

---

That's Exactly how it sounds. Being bitter is normal but give it time and it will fade. You got played, happens to everyone at one time or another. Just a lesson in choosing your partners better and wiser. YOU cannot be played unless you let her play you so while your mad at her remember you had a hand in this also. Forget her and work on getting a life that you want and can enjoy. Time to put this behind you, and let go of all that misery.

Definitely easier said than done lol but I am working at it...

You know you are completely right, and you know I realised that not only has she done this towards the end, she has een playing me since the beginning.

I say this because now that I am outside the box everything is so clear all the weird outings the weird calls, the times where she never returns my calls, what do you think she was doing lol.

God when they tell you that love is blind Believe IT... never been so blind before though!!

Well it does suck... but here's the good news - you're stronger for it. You will know going forward what to look for. Not to completely surrender to someone. Be caucious - look for those signs. Don't believe everything they say.

No one deserves a 'player' - players are jackazz whop WERE HURT AT ONE Time - nad vowed never to be hurt again and to hurt everyone in their path - sad.

Look for the tell tail signs... not belin gavailable certain nights - lots od alibis. Not calling you back right away. (now early oo nthis shouldn't matter)

It's a GUT feeling as well.

Hey guys you are all aware of my situation by now but I have a little problem which I really need help with??

I am not sure if I had metioned this before but the girl I was seeing we both have mutual friends... Now my best friend's BD is coming up September 3rd and she is friends with his GF so in that order she will be there.

Now should I go or should I not go?? I know if I go its going to be hard and awkward seeing her but I am sure I could deal with it...

If I don't go everyone will know that I am not there because of her and I don't want to her to know that its affecting me that much and I sure as hell DO NOT want to alter my life because of her and plus I don't want to miss out on my bes friend's BD...

What do you guys think? Advice please

Just go. Doesn't mean you have to talk to her or anything. Maybe just a "hi, how are you" and split the other direction.

go.

ignore her. Act like she's someone else if you have to. She's the 70 year old man who feeds pigeons at the park. There. Glad I could fix that. =)

just have fun with your best friend.

remember the day is about him, not you or her... so if there is drama from her that's all you need to say or back off till later.

Pay complete and total attention to your best friend that day. Say hello in passing to this girl but that's it. Don't allow yourself to be put in a situation where she can approach you and try to talk. Stay busy but not obnoxiously so. Be fun and happy, happy, happy! Stay close to your buddies. Dance. Smile a lot.

Yes, you must go. Be a man. Act cool. Don't approach her at all. Have a great time! No needy or insecure moves. Think George Clooney/James Bond.

I wouldn't talk with her at all. She doesn't deserve it one bit. Talk to ALL the other women - taken or not!!

Let us know what happens!

Will do... thanks for all the advice guys...

I must say this site is the best thing I came across so far... Thank you all so much again I feel like a kid in a candy store lol..

Will keep you updated!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kadd0007

Now should i go or should i not go??????? I know if i go its going to be hard and awkward seeing her but i am sure i could deal with it....

---

Read your post above, you answered your own question, well done ;)

You've answered your own questions. Don't live your life around her. Otherwise that just puts her in control.

I personally think, be a man, and say "Hi" FIRST. Don't say anything else. Just go up and say "Hi". I don't like the idea of not saying a word. Especially if you guys have mutual friends and you might see her again.

In some ways, that also shows her that she had less power over you. You just don't care anymore.

yeah that was the plan really is only to aknowledge her one time and one time only and that is by saying hello.

After that she does not exist for the rest of the night and hopefully for the rest of my life =)

( I say that because more and more stuff are being said about what she has done behind my back and man I don't even ever want her as a friend!! )

That sucks that you have to learn about all her crap. Sometimes it's just best to not know this stuff - it sucks she's friends of friends, but hopefully her friends learn this crap as well and see what type of person she is.

Guys get all the bad press... but some women can be tas nasty or worse.

Not every women is this way.

The hell with what everyone else says you must do what you want to and not be worried about what anyone thinks. You can't let one rotten apple influence you at all. Hold your head up and be yourself. Whom ever doesn't like it, so what!

Hey guys,

By now most of you are aware of my situation. I got many signs of closure but today I am having a down day and I need another if it is there.

All of you must know that 5 steps of grief and how they work, well in the past couple of weeks I took several steps forward but today I am taking one back.

In your experience? Regardless of the fact that she was with another guy and she did cheat on me, do you think she still misses me at all or even still slightly think about me?

Again I am only asking to try and make myself feel better, this will not make me call her or want her back in any way as its been 3 weeks now and no contact non so ever YAY.

Thanks guys I hope our answers will make my day =)

Right OK.

Whether she missed you or not, what difference would it make to you. Would it really really make you feel any better.
If you found out she missed you, you would probably end up back to square one, instead of taking further the right steps of grief.
AND
If you found out she does not miss you, you will definitley feel worse of.
So think about it... do you really want to know?

Sometimes its best not knowing... the truth hurts.

We all remember our first, second and third... it is the way of life... if the experiences were good or bad we will remember... remembrance is that... that gives us a reason to continue on... if she is a kind person... she will remember the good old days... right... what is good is you moving on... like I tell many people after a break up... the word up... meaning you will move up... let's not stay down... that sort of feeling /situation will do you and any one else no good... move on... yell to yourself... Next!. did that feel good... do you feel better... empower yourself... go the salon and have a facial, hair-cut, ped and manicure... buy a new out fit... or press out one in the closet... go and get the next one... improve yourself by paying attention to you...

Yeah Dude, who cares about this woman... you have seen her true colors recently.

You can't ever want to go back to a cheater.

You don't want to keep someone who doesn't want to keep you.

trust me guys, I never asked the above question because I want her back in any way.

You all know that at the moment I miss her, and the hardest part about all this is the fear of the unknown and which is I don't know if she misses me.

and to answer your question yeah I would feel better if she misses me and no it would not prompt me to contact her. On the other hand is she doesn't then I would not be surprised so it won't make it worse.

I will never know for sure because I a not asking her friends, I am asking you guys, but I guess no one knows for sure =(

Personally I think you are better than that. You deserve much better than a cheater. There is no excuse for that type of behaviour. It sounds like you are moving on, just keep going. There is someone out there way better for you. Three weeks will turn into 4 weeks, then 2 months and soon you will not think of her at all except to say, that you are glad to be out of there.

I think she probably misses you a bit. Anytime there is a change in someone's life there is an adjustment period. That doesn't mean she would want you back, but I'm sure you are in her thoughts.


I think you are doing great. Just keep on going forward. Take care.

Kadd -- the grief process is always three steps forward, one step back for everyone so please lower expectations about it and your progress, okay? Secondly, what you miss is not her but what the two of you had, for a time, which is now gone-- completely and totally gone. It is gone whether you got her back, even. So tell yourself the truth in this one and let the healing really be what it is -- over the loss of that, not her. My condolences on your loss too. Lastly, we all think about our past lovers. But how we think about them doesn't define who they are, they do that all by themselves. So know that even if she thought of you often and fondly or hardly and bitterly, you still are who you are because of YOU.

Now go outside and look up into the sky a while -- the fresh air will do you good and its important to remind ourselves while grieving that its still a big wide world out there full of wonderous things, okay? It will be okay eventually, it really will.

It's hard to say whether she misses you or thinks about you now or not. But she will have her regrets eventually. Sooner or later she'll come to realize that she made poor choices and has to deal with the consequences of those choices. Meanwhile, you just keep getting on with your own life and don't look back ; you know the drill.

Well thanks a lot guys I did need that!!

I just want Sunday to come and go so I could say it will be the last time I see her!!

I am sure seeing her will set me back another step for a little while but its worth letting her know that I am doing OK without her!!

Dude, remember, say "HI" first, and then walk away. SHE SUCKS, and that's all she DESERVES from you.

Val - once again - outstanding.

Kadd - read Val's post again.

I wouldn't worry about seeing her... sometimes when you actually see them... you realize WHAT THEY REALLY ARE - sometimes we get this false feeling in our head about someone and it isn't REALITY!!

You may be repulsed by her and feel good ridience.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

It is gone whether you got her back, even.

---

REMEMBER THAT!! That is huge. It'll NEVER BE THE SAME, even if she comes back. The first time around DIDN'T WORK, REMEMBER THAT. IF there is a NEXT TIME, it HAS TO BE DIFFERENT. Otherwise, the SAME THING WILL HAPPEN.

People really need to understand this, WHEN THEY WANT SOMEONE BACK. IT CAN AND SHOULD NEVER BE THE SAME, or the SAME RESULTS WILL TRANSPIRE.

It has to be something NEW and FRESH.