 |
Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
I agree you will have lots of ups and downs but after your done it will be the ride of your life and make you a much stronger person. We all learn by things that happen in life and that which does not kill us makes us a more rounded person.
Good to hear things are going well -
Yeah you can say that again about it being a roller coaster ride, lol I'm feeling crappy again. Its so hard to keep all the memories out of my head and that's what is beating me up. It sucks that it is so cold here or I would go to a park or bike ride or something, later on I will work out again but right now I'm trying to think what to do. Maybe read or something would be good or do some cleaning.
DJ28,
Just been reading a few of these posts...
I'm sure you're going through a lot of pain, but don't freeze buddy. I've been through that kind of stage, and in the end it pays off.
It's been almost a year of NC with my ex-girlfriend (except 2 indirect comments on Facebook but whatever) and even now I get flashbacks of good times I had with her.
But upon reflection about how she treated me like a piece of crap, on many occasions I ask myself the question - how could I have even thought that I loved her?
Now this may sound a bit harsh but I can feel your pain, I'm not going to lie to you ; I want to help you out so here goes :
This girl is running around with some other guy, screwing around with him and having fun while you're sitting alone feeling depressed - why should you succumb to her bullsh*t?
You don't have to feel like this, you don't need her. Besides, if she cared about you this nonsense wouldn't have ever started, so forget her until you've healed because she's just not worth the pain she's causing you.
I hope that was down-to-earth enough. Do excuse the language.
Take care bro,
-Xm8
You need to cut off all contact with her for a while. Live your life, possibly meet someone else, fall in love... be happy THEN and only THEN could you maybe start being "friends" again. You need to be happy and straight with your own life before you will be OK with her being around guys
Hey thanks man really, I do ask myself that question as to why I could be friends with her. She treated me really bad in the past when we were together, why I stayed even friends with her is beyond me. Plus when she drank she was kind of abusive on more then one occasion, then she was outrite mean to me when I was trying to calmly talk to her about what was going on with this guy when all this started happening. In ways I feel like sometimes she is heartless, at least to me that is. Yeah I've been questioning as to why have been friends with her.Quote:
Originally Posted by XM8
Yeah I started NC last Wednesday. And I know in the end I have done the right thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by GoodLuckJen
Go out with friends tonight and have a good time. That will keep your mind off her. Watch a funny movie. Go to a popular bar with a lot of women and check them out and talk with them. Basically it's time to exercise your freedom! You can do anything you want. Take a spur of the moment road trip to somewhere. I did that and did not think about my ex the whole time.
Thanks jmw0713 yeah it is wed. 50 cent drafts at this one bar and a lot of people go there, think I might have to do that.
My ex-girlfriend used to make me wait in the cold for hours at a time and then come drunk after playing around with other boys.. So I can totally relate to your girlfriend being abusive while drunk.Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ28
I know right now all these comments are helping you bit by bit, and you might sit down and say to yourself "screw everyone, why can't it just be like before" - I understand your pain. But there's no need to give in - time heals all things. You're going down a bumpy road right now, and you will still feel bad for a few more days or weeks, but trust me in a month you will feel the difference. In 6 months you will have completely forgotten her - she will have become so minuscule and unimportant, that when you remember her you will immediately think to yourself "she didn't care about me, so screw her" and that will become a reflex with time.
Hope this is helping you.
-Xm8
Yeah I really appreciate everyone's help and stuff, it does help greatly to be able to talk to people that has gone through these same things. Honestly I think if this board wasn't here I would probably want to see a psychiatrist, lol whichever is the one you talk to. So again everyone thanks for the help.
Glad to hear this board is giving you some kind of comfort. Too bad I didn't know things like this existed when I was over with my ex-girlfriend.Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ28
Anyway, if you feel you need to share intimate things with us, or go into greater detail about your relationship don't hesitate. After all misery needs company, and a lot of people here have gone through your current situation so don't worry, we're here for you.
Keep it real,
-Xm8
P.S.
If I remember correctly psychiatrist is for the nut cases, so I think you mean psychologist, but whatever - after a break up any one of them is fine haha
DJ28, I started dating someone I knew since I was a kid. His brother married my sister. He is like my best friend, my brother, my lover and my love. We dated a year and have been broken up for like 6! I still loved him but decided it was best to not be friends because of the whole sleeping together thing. But to no avail. After a couple of years we started "seeing" each other again but were not exclusive and even though we love each other, this is ALL we will ever be. It hurts and it's frustrating but I finally realized I had to move on. It took a long time and I met someone else. I'm happy though I still miss him.
I guess my point is that no good can come of your staying close with this girl. No matter what she says, if she REALLY loved you the way you love her, she wouldn't be able to move on. You have to face the fact that convenient sex and mutual caring is not love or a healthy relationship. You don't have to end it on bad terms. Just tell her the truth, your uncomfortable with her new relationship and things can't be the way they once were. If she loves you the same way, she'll realize she's about to lose you and will want to be with you, if she doesn't she'll stay with her guy and you'll just have to stand it. It's hard to move on, I know that but it takes time. Finding someone else may seem like a good idea, but if your not ready, you'll just feel like your betraying her when really, there is nothing there to betray. The most important thing is... Stop sleeping with her, limit contact and try to remember you deserve happiness and someone you loves you as much as you love them. Good luck.
DJ, don't get too drunk. It will hinder you more than it will help you. The whole point for going out to the bar, is to hang out with your friends and have fun. Alcohol will not take your problems away, but fun and friends will help you move forward a little easier.
Enjoy my advice from above responsibly. :D
DJ, I hope you know that jmw is right...
Drinking will not solve the problem - I drank when my ex-girlfriend was making my life hard, and the drink just made it worse. I got in trouble with social services for being drunk at school, and once I even broke a window and she out of all people, ratted me out to the police (with the help of her slutty friends). That day cost me about 2000€ all because of a lousy b*tch.
Anyway what I'm saying here is that don't drink during a break up, it just makes things worse. The point of going to a bar is to have fun - and not alone, with buddies of course so they can keep an eye out for you. Plus I'm sure that being alone at this time sucks badly.
-Xm8
Did any of you guys ever break NC? And if so how many times before you went all they way?
I broke contact about 3 times within a period of 3 months. And the last time I broke it that's when she told me she was with someone else and leave her alone. I was crushed and didn't want to here that but I slowly healed. It's been 2 years now and I look back and I wish I never broke NC. It just delayed my healing process and made me look like I was sitting around thinking of her.
Reason I ask is last night I let my emotions get the best of me and called her, I just missed her so much. I feel so weak now, we did have a good long talk though. I don't have any false hopes with anything because I know we won't get back together, its just me wanting to be friends with her that is killing me. I know I'm setting myself up for more heartache. She did ask if one day this weekend if I wanted to get a few drinks. I said maybe and told her to call me. So we will see I guess and see how I feel when that time does happen. At the time it sounded good because I missed her so much, but now that I have had today to think about it I know it's a bad idea, I know that all that will come from all of this is prolonging the inevitable.
Trust me don't do it, I know how bad it hurts not to see her but it's going to take that much longer for you to heal if you do.Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ28
Another thing she told me that I forgot to mention was that I guess her and this guy arnt together yet, I guess he tried to make a move and she said it felt really awkward and she doesn't know if they will get together anymore, do you think she acted this way towrds him because he is more of a friend then the other? It doesn't give me false hope but I kind of makes me feel a little better. I just thought it was kind of funny she would tell me this.
I think you need to be careful, as you are more vulnerable than you think- aren't we all!
If you do go for a drink- you must have no FALSE hope- it will just crush you to death.
The fact that she is not with that guy- is irrevelant- what is revelant is how she has broken your heart and how you need to start re-building your life without her. Don't be surprise if she has a change of heart. Funny as that can happen- but does not mean it solves your problems in anyway- probably will create more problems.
Well if you do see her, I hope you see the change in her- that will help open the eyes a lot. It did for me when I saw my ex- oh my god- that did open my eyes and I just knew somehow I had to find a way to forget him and now think of me and only me.
I agree with Zeenie, your emotions are all over. She wants to be friends, but right now that is hard for you. I honestly, don't think it's a good idea, to go for drinks this weekend. You love her and she just wants to remain friends. Your not comfortable with her dating other people, and the more you stay involved you will never heal, and won't be able to move on. You will stay stuck. I had a relationshp with someone for a couple of years, we ended like a 1 1/2 ago. We are friends now, and enjoy each other's company, but that is it. We are both at a point now, we have no problem dating other people, either one of us our jealous. I think right now you need to cut all contact out, and heal.
I think being friends in such a situation- will probably kill you!
I could not be friends with my ex- after what he did, even thou I miss the person he was like anything. BUt the truth is - he has changed and I don't see why I have to lower my standards from someone who I loved to friendship- that's like me dropping my standards by many levels.
Friendship works two ways- I am sure you would have all the good intentions of being a good friend- the question is will she? And even if she does - IT will be NOT be the level of friendship you had when you were together.
Bottom line is- friendship at this point will not give you what you want and you will get hurt and basically never heal. That would be a waste of life.
Best to find a way to walk away and work on your life and you step by step.
I agree she does seem a lot different now, when I talked to her the other day she didn't seem the way I used to know her. I really have been question sense I got off the phone with her if our friendship is even the same anymore. She really doest seem like she cares about me too much anymore. I don't seem in the loop with hings anymore at all, I mean its only been like I week sense I stopped talking to her when I called her, and it seems like she already moved on and was cool about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by zeeniee
Read my post and see what happens if you continue down this route.
Only way to move on is to cut contact completely. Let her live her life - without you in it and you live yours.
Until you are comfortable with the situation you will not be able to move on and let go. You still love her deeply and she doesn't, you both aren't on the same page and nothing you do will be able to change that
Sorry to put it so bluntly but this is the advice I wish I got when I was in your situation contemplating cutting off but not doing it just to hold on to her and be in her life.
Point is, right now, you will only be in her life as much as she wants you to be. If she gets a boyfriend it will be that person who she talks to about everything - you will be even more hurt.
Let go, move on, get strong and get busy!
Good luck my man
I found the same thing with my ex- just like a click of a second he changed into another person- the way he talked, the lack of respect and oh lets not forget the 'ego'. As he was so in love etc- everything seemed so cool and fine-- he did not even realised what he did was wrong- in fact I don't think he realised he did do anything wrong. He said he was fine with everything and wanted to be friends- he could not see what state he place me in, how he left all his responsibilities here etc and so on.
I was really shocked- and just like that I fell out of love- as he is a different person in the same body ( and even that did not look so hot anymore).
Not worth wasting time on someone who is so narrow-minded like that.
Zeenie, kudos
Same thing with my ex; she completely changed and acted like nothing she did was wrong when in actual fact she left me for another guy - not sure she even realises now.
But to be honest only 7 days in NC - hurts like hell but I know I am better off and I know I don't want someone who changes as soon as something better pops up or due to loss of interest.
A relationship is what it is because it takes compromise, hard work and true love - saying you love someone non stop and turning around and being completely different a week later doesn't really lend to the true love, hard work and compromise aspects which are needed to make a STRONG relationship work
Well I am no expert and I can only speak from my recent experience- give it 6 months or so. Many of my friends told me- just watch Zeeniee- and I just laughed and said no- I think he is totally in love etc...
Question: did you find out or did she tell you/
I still don't think my ex as realised he has done wrong- the only thing he has acknowledged is that I am the one-- it's a f*** joke if you ask me and I get really upset as he has no idea how to treasure good things that came his way in his life.
DJ, it's time to be a man about it - No more becoming weak and falling into the mud - you have to resist calling her!
I know it's hard man, I know - I've been there, so has everyone who's posting here, but we've all gotten through it, and now it's your turn. You said you're going for NC, now stay true to your word and to yourself. You know deep down, that in the end it will pay off.
Your ex-girl friend is being a b*tch about the whole situation right now and doesn't give a damn about you - you should do the same thing to her just out of pride ; keep yourself respect buddy!
Stop crawling back to her and kissing her a$$ like a dog - she doesn't want you, so get up on your feet and be a man about it, and forget that soppy cow. You deserve more!
Hope you understand what I'm telling you ; I'm sure a lot of people here will agree on what I just said.
Take care,
-Xm8
The thing about NC- is when you feel you want to call it is because you miss them, the good times etc-- instead think of all the crappy things they did to you-- soon you will think twice about ringing. Change your mindset is the key- I think.
Thank you all for spending the time writing back on here. Yeah I spent 7 days of NC and I just missed her so much I guess, I don't know it makes me feel really weak. After I talked to her though I did feel like I had a good conversation with her, but then questions started to rise as to why she said things and was acting like everything was cool. Like really she didn't seem herself almost like she really didn't know me anymore and I was just some person she just met. Kind of hurts now that I have been thinking about it. She did ask if I wanted to go out for drinks once this weekend, I might but just to say bye to her I know I need to end it and I'm going to. I don't know I more just want to spend that time if we go out remembering the old times and going out with a clear head. I don't want to leave her being mad at her or wondering what her deal was I guess, I dotn know that's just me. This going out could be a total disaster but I guess I'm willing to take the chance.
Scratch what I said here and move to next post.
Really me just reading this has given me the power to say F*** it and not do anything with her if she askes me I'm doing NC right now I need to thanks. Really I feel a lot better now really. So thanksQuote:
Originally Posted by XM8
DJ, I know you want to have a clear conscience by meeting her for the "last time" for a few drinks, but I'm not so sure that's a good idea.
I don't think anyone on this forum is going to tell you it's a good idea, because logically, meeting her is only going to lead to more heart ache. Just imagine you have one too many drinks and then start begging her to come back to you, or something like that. It would totally lower your level of pride.
I'm trying to help you here, so I'm going to give you my opinion, a lesson that I had to learn the hard way :
Every time you contact, or try to contact your ex-girl friend, you lose self-respect. Not only will she respect you less (as if that matters anymore) but in the future, when you remember this period, you will feel bad about yourself and think "what an idiot I was for calling/meeting her".
Not only that, but every time you speak to her, you're delaying the healing process. Right now she's like a drug for you, and you just keep on going back trying to get a little fix and that's just not going to cut it. You need to go on for no contact and stay that way.
We keep on telling you it hurts and it's hard, and you agree with us. But if you keep on going back to her, you're just making it harder on yourself. Stop calling her dude, it's for YOUR own good.
And by the way, don't try and kill the pain by getting another chick, you will just complicate things even more for yourself. This is your own personal time, and it must stay that way until you're fully healed.
-Xm8
Btw I'm glad I could help - Remain strong brother.
I agree with XM8, seeing her is not a good idea at all- however th eonly good thing would be is that you will see with your know damm eyes how much she has changed- how you don't know her anymore- that can also give you the strength to start doing the really NC- it is what happened to me.
Well thanks guys I'm starting the NC now, if she calls me to hang out this weekend I'm not answering at all, screw her. She really doesn't deserve someone like me anyway who always made time for her and did anything possible to make everything work. When she never did anything. Honestly I just felt this way now that she doesn't deserve me at all, so thanks. I believe I have to power now to start NC for good. Here is a secret I don't tell many people I stated a while back that she gets abusive when she drinks, we she hit me in the eye one time when she got so mad and crazy that she gave me a nice back eye, and all I did was to see if she was still awake. So why would I want to be with a person like this. Anyway thanks again.
A good vent = good sense of feeling= a form of healing!
Keep going as we all know what it is like and so we do understand how hard the situation is. The important thing is you will come out of this situation as a BETTER person- that matters.
Kick her worthless a$$ off that pedestal and move forward. She ain't worth it... I know it, and you know it.
Yeah she was not a cool person at all do go out drinking with she drank to get obliterated, and she would always black out and when she did she would go totally insane. I mean one time we were at this bar with her sisters and this one guy started hitting on her which whatever, but then he tried to get her to go home with him well I was right there when all of this was happining, I told him to cut it out and she is totally drunk so just chill. Well it happened a few more times and the last time he tried she went ape S*** on me. Well her sisters saw this and one of them made her come with them to go back to this house we were at, her one sister drove home with me in the car back to the place. Well her sister and I talked for maybe 30 min in the driveway when we got there so I could vent. Well when I got inside she went insane and started yelling at me to stop f***ing her sister in the car and all this stupid stuff. The next day she remebered nothing, of course. She is nuts I really don't know why I always put up with any of this. There are so many more stories like this I could write a book.
Well it's a good thing- she is an ex!
Looks like your life will be more peaceful now- without all that crap!
I am sure one day you will meet a really nice person- and she will be nothing horrible like your ex.
You should be smiling!
The only thing worse that a girlfriend or boyfriend that treats us like trash, is believing we deserve it...
BTW this new guy that's in her life I guess all they do is go to bars, which I think is kind of funny because he will see her true colors sometime. But oh well I don't care anymore honestly I feel better now. I feel like this blanket of stress is lifted from me really. So thank you guys. I guess I just needed to get all that out and realize how much of a Bisnatch she was.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:22 PM. |