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Way to stand strong man. If she's not the girl that you want, then don't force yourself to be with her.
Maybe being friends is the best situation for the two of you. You can help her out from a distance without having emotional attachments. But make sure that you are over her before you try to be friends. Or else you are just jumping into another roller-coaster of emotional turmoil.
What you are doing with the *friend* mode is just another way of holding on.Quote:
I really miss her right now for some reason, we still talk just as friends.
At this point when you are still so emotionally attached,friends is a game you are playing.
You are too invested to be friends right now.
Give it time and than maybe you can be friends.Now,it is just you still putting off the inevitable.
yeah I realize that I still have a lot of emotional bonds for her. Unfortunately, I do not know how to handle this. Past week, she has been calling me and leaving voicemails all the time, she has been telling me what she did during the day on IM, and so on, I haven't responded to her. At that time I was very mad at her and her voicemails would make me even madder.
I called her back yesterday to explain to her what I said above. She talks to me differently since yesterday, not in a way where she is trying to get me back, but just casual talks about random things. She asked me yesterday that she realizes she needs to work on things within her and think about them and asked me if I can be there to help her sometimes. I feel almost immature on my side to start ignoring her right now, trying to pretend that it will make me forget her. The thing is, even if I do ignore her, I will still get her messages and her calls most likely, so it would still remind me of her. So I am in a little bit of a loop here and don't know how to deal with it other than the way it is right now.
You can always block her but I can see you are trying to wean yourself from the relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake448
If you must go that way,be sure to protect yourself!
Ahh its difficult, all I keep thinking about is her, whether she calls or not. Both positive and negative things, miss her so much. I think she is taking this a lot better than I am (I don't show any signs to her), she is out with friends tonight having fun, I am not even in the mood to do anything. Maybe I'll go out tomorrow, but I know no matter what I do, I'll just be looking aimlessly and thinking about her. Kind of sucks, but I guess reality is harsh.
I think she has been testing me today to see how much I care about her. It makes me a bit happier knowing the ball is in my court, I broke up with her and I can choose, but I don't see us getting back together unless she becomes serious about this. What bothers me even more is that she has several guys after her right now, one of them even asked her on a date already. Well, no questions really in this post, just wanted to whine a little about how I am feeling right now, haha.
4 threads merged for the complete story.
It has been 2 months since I broke up with my ex girlfriend because she lied to me, and she lied to me before than too. We've been texting each other once every few days or so since and stuff like that. Well, today when I talked to her on the phone, she told me that she had sex with another guy. She said she has been trying to forget about me, but it made her realize that she really wants to be with me and she did not enjoy the sex, she just hoped it would make her forget our relationship. Well now she is really wanting to meet up and talk about it, she really wants to get back with me and keeps promising that she will be loyal to me. I am in a dilemma now, because I still love her, I really do, but I don't know how I can touch her again knowing that some other guy did her already. That image just keeps flashing in my head. I haven't had sex with any girls after we broke up with her, although if I had the opportunity, I know I would have taken it without a doubt :) The whole two months I've been hoping that she would realize things and I still had hope that we would be together down the road if she changed. Any advise as to whether I should even see her now? I don't know what to do, I miss her, but this is so hard to even think about. She did tell me honestly so that's a plus and our relationship before lasted for 1.5 years, most of which have been great, until the last month where she lied to me for no reason about being out with friends and such.
Is the problem the lies or the fact that she had sex with someone else? Looking at the title, I'll assume you are asking about the latter. In my opinion she didn't do anything wrong since the relationship had ended when she had sex. You obviously feel the same way since you admitted you would have done the same thing if given the opportunity. So the only issue is if you can get over your unfair attitude that she is somehow "spoiled goods" because she slept with another man. That is for you to decide.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake448
Doesn't this answer your question? Whether she has slept with someone else (she is single and can do what she wants. And even though you might have a problem with it... well... ) It still seems as if you know why you broke up with her in the first place... do you really think she would stop lying to you if you gve her another shot?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake448
The way I see it; it seems like a good idea to remember why the two of you broke up, you dumped her for a reason... and even though she might say to you now that she has realized things: if the initial problem hasn't been fixed: will it really help?
Let her go. Not because she slept with someone else. Because you don't trust her. She lied to you first, then slept with some else while she was not with you. That part was not wrong...
Yea... seems like you are all saying the same thing, sex isn't the thing that should be worrying me right now, but about what made me break up with her initially. I think I may meet her and try to understand why she thinks anything would change if we were to date again. I'll also explain to her that getting back my trust will take a long time. I really do love her, it is going to be hard for me to overcome the sex thing because I still felt as if she was my girl even when she wasn't. It is also very difficult being without her. I took her virginity and that's why I feel so horrible about her being with somebody else like that.
After reading all your posts, your just repeating a pattern, going in circles and don't want to let go. You have tried, but can't. Its been two months, and you still can't let go. She is zooming someone else and you still can't let go. Geez, You are stuck!!Quote:
Yea... seems like you are all saying the same thing, sex isn't the thing that should be worrying me right now, but about what made me break up with her initially.
Why not disappear from her life and leave her alone?? You broke up for a reason, and that HASN'T CHANGED!Quote:
I think I may meet her and try to understand why she thinks anything would change if we were to date again.
Reread this whole thread first, and see what you have already been through. You have quite a cycle going, and its repeating itself yet again.Quote:
I'll also explain to her that getting back my trust will take a long time. I really do love her, it is going to be hard for me to overcome the sex thing because I still felt as if she was my girl even when she wasn't
.I understand that, but give yourself some time to think with your brain and not your feelings. Either you will repeat this sick cycle or really do the work it takes to resolve your issues and you both have a bunch of them.Quote:
It is also very difficult being without her. I took her virginity and that's why I feel so horrible about her being with somebody else like that.
talaniman, thank you for the excellent answer, but as you say, I have seen this pattern in the past, thus the reason I broke up with her was because I did not see any hope with the way things were repeating. For the past couple months, I've been hoping that this time away from each other would change her, make her realize things and maybe down the road we could be together again if she understood what she was doing. I know I am weak for trying to hold on to her, but I fell for her real good somehow.
Do you think I should even bother seeing her tomorrow and discussing things? I wasn't planning to jump back in a relationship regardless, but I would like to really know your opinion. I guess its once again something hoping inside me that she changed and being away and with other guys made her realize something that she will not get with those guys. I DO NOT want to repeat this cycle! So, if cutting off is the only route, then its probably for the best.
I currently see two routes I can take:
1. Call my cell carrier, tell them to block her number and delete her aim screename from my buddy list and have 0 communication with her from this point on for the rest of my life.
2. Meet her tomorrow and if it appears that she is taking things seriously, tell her that we can be friends for a while and see how things go. But if I there is another instance where something from past repeats, tell her that I am blocking her off completely.
At least give yourself some healing time, a few years or so.Quote:
I currently see two routes I can take:
1. Call my cell carrier, tell them to block her number and delete her aim screename from my buddy list and have 0 communication with her from this point on for the rest of my life.
There has not been enough time for anything to change with her, or with you. Definitely follow what Talaniman said and give yourself time away from her.
The events of the past 6 months will just repeat over again. After she reels you back and has you on her leash, she will go looking for someone else AGAIN!
Listen:
1. She lied to you. You can't trust people who lie. Relationships are all about trust.
2. She was sleeping with others while you were pinning over her and holding out hope. Now she wants to talk to you and you can't let that go. That is going to be YOUR downfall right there... the inability to let go of the thought of her sleeping with others.
3. You stayed around and waited while she got her jollies else where. The only reason she is back is because the other guy she was with probably isn't what she thought or wanted either. So she will go back to her consolation prize... you! She knows you're still head over heels for her and can have her way with you and you will go along with the game plan.
You need to stand up for yourself and your feelings and quit allowing this girl to disrespect you. You allow her to tell you that she is having sex with other people?? Man, if I were you and my ex attempted to have that conversation with me... I would say "I'm not having this conversation with you" and hang up on her at the first mention of anything like that! I would be crushed. No wonder you're stuck!
Why are you taking all of this crap?! Time to stand up for your feelings, heal, and get on with life.
Hi, just thought I'd give a little update on the situation. I blocked her off the other day and do not regret it. I still think about it all, but try not to do that too much. Evidently my carrier charges you monthly to block a number haha, so I didn't do that, I've just been ignoring her calls. She isn't worth paying monthly for. She left a voicemail the other day talking as if everything is normal.
I still wake up at night imagining her with some other guy, imagining all the guys she will be sleeping with now that I am not there. Before me she dated several guys every year, except now she will be having sex with all of them as well. But yeah she is history, hopefully there are girls out there who don't lie like this. I feel hurt, but there is no going back. Thanks for the advice all of you.
There are girls out there that are trustworthy and that are asking the same question you are asking, "Are there any guys out there that I can trust and that won't break my heart??"
Believe me, with over 3 billion women on the planet, there are more than a few good ones. You just got a rotten apple who will soon get devoured by all of the worm guys out there... don't let one bad apple ruin your taste.
You live, you learn, you get better, and give better! Good luck.
The dreams will fade. Just stay busy with friends and other activities.
Just delete her number if you have not done so yet. I know you will still know who it is when she calls, but at least it won't be as easy to call her in a weak moment. Her voice maessages are just attempts to keep you in her life to ease her guilt... nothing more.
It takes time, but you will get back to the way you were before this mess.
Good Luck.
So me and this girl went out on a date about a week ago. Then on Saturday, we hung out at her house for a while and I ended up spending the night there after a night of making out, no sex though. Well, she texted me the next day, we talked through the day on texts and now she is out of town for a week.
I really like her and I think her feelings are mutual, its been a couple days since we talked, so I was thinking of when I should call her? Maybe text her? Tomorrow, a few days later or maybe when she comes back? I don't want her to think that I don't like her, but I don't want to seem annoying or clingy either. I like to take it slow with girls and I am not sure if she is looking for a serious relationship right now or not. Ladies' opinions will probably be most helpful in this case for me, but feel free to respond regardless.
Thank you.
If you think that the feeling is mutual, then call her whenever you feel like it.
Talk to her more and you'll have a better idea on whether she enjoys talking to you. But you won't know this unless you talk to her.
But you definitely need to get to know her better, because you are still basically strangers to each other.
If you like to go slow with girls, then why did you rush into making out with her so soon?
Another make out session could lead to sex and it's wayy to soon for that.
A simple text saying "how are you doing" would be fine. That way you are just talking casually and you don't look clingy. Tomorrow would be fine for a text like that.
Drop the text stuff and have a bit more class. Formality is the way to go as you two have already shared tongues. Call her, chat with her, keep it short and be done.
Too much texting can lead to ambiguous expectations.
Chat/text
No more chat speak, it's against the rules.Quote:
Originally Posted by babyygirllx3
Besides, it's just as easy to type "you" instead of "yew".
There's not limit of space here, you can type as much as you want, use as many letters as you want, so go crazy, type complete words and complete sentences.
Keep up the chat speak and all your posts will be deleted.
Call her when you want to talk to her. Don't play mind games. That crap is so out dated. Show her how you feel, don't be pushy, just let her know that you like her. Calling her is the best way. Even texting, everyone texts now. Just send a text saying " How is your day going?" Or something along those lines. But definitely don't wait a certain amount of days, that's just playing games, no one likes games.
Give her a call, and if she is busy, wait until she calls you back.
Good point kctiger! Yeah man definitely NO TEXTING, and keep phone conversations down to a minimum (mostly the phone is used to set up the next date but a little conversation is okay), because you want to do most of your interacting face to face with this girl preferbly while you two are on a date. Space is definitely valuable. Use it.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Ok, followed the advice and gave her a call yesterday morning, unfortunately she didn't answer. Later on, she called back and left a voicemail since I missed her call, briefly told me how her week was going and that hopefully she'll talk to me soon. I called back a few hours later, she didn't answer again. So unless she calls back, I'll just wait until she is back in town this weekend, call her up then and see if we can hang out. Sounds like a good plan?
Thanks for the great advice everyone.
K well you should call her or text her whenever you want. But don't do it everyday, she will get annoyed and it won't be great but don't seem to eager.
So I've been out on three dates with a girl that I like, all 3 have been absolutely amazing and the last one was probably the best, I know for a fact that she enjoyed it very much, we had an amazing time. Well, I live 2 hours away from her and for the following week we kept texting each other all the time and such. She would often start the conversations. She told me what a great time she had with me and kept being cute and joking around, so I was very happy. Then she didn't respond to my text one day a couple weeks later, then I texted her a few days later, she responded but then didn't respond again after a conversation. I also posted a little inside joke on her fb wall and she didn't respond to that. So as a last strand of hope, I texted her last weekend to see what she is up to. She responded and asked me how I was doing, but then again, she didn't respond to my second text back.
So, here I am, very confused as to what went wrong, since when we talked after our last date 4 weeks ago and she really appeared to like me, would text me rather often to see how I am doing for the whole week after and now all of a sudden she is cutting me off for no apparent reason. She is somewhat older than me, almost 27, I am 21. I would have thought girls of that age would be more interested to moving into something serious rather then messing around, but she only has had 2 bfs in the past. You guys think there's no more hope on this one? Why would a girl be doing that?
Maybe when she sat back she decided it was not for her?
There could be something going on in her life that your not privy too and its taking up her time and head space.
She just lost interest.. has this not happened to you?
You meet a girl,have a few great dates and suddenly for no reson you can put your finger on it just fizzles out.
Perhaps she was just not that into you.
I'm only guessing here,really you would have to ask her...
If it was me in your shoes,I would stop trying to contact her and see if she contacts you.
I hate to say it but I don't think she's too interested in you.. I would count this as a loss and quit sending her messages. If she contacts you, great, if she doesn't, oh well. Don't hang on to her.
Yeah, I wasn't planning on contacting her anymore, it was just bothering me a bit where it went wrong, but I guess I'll never know for sure. I've been hanging out with other girls in the meanwhile, just that this one I actually saw myself being with. Thanks for the responses.
That's the idea of dating,getting to know someone before the relationship...
So this one didn't work out,bet she dos'ent know what she's missing!
Enjoy dating,get to know the person,and hold on to your heart until you know the other person feels the same.
Good luck.
Sounds like her interest level in you has really declined. She might have been flirty with you at the beginning because it was all fun and games. Just to see if there's some possibilities with you or she was just having fun. But then eventually she has to decide whether she's interested in you or not. This is way of saying she's not interested. Furthermore, at least she's not leading you on and giving you false hope. She's letting you down easy by ignoring you. Would you rather her directly tell you that she's not interested?
Be glad that you had some good times, but now it's time to move on.
It may be that she is not sure about how she really feels about you. I would say let go. You will only hurt yourself more by trying to hold on or try to keep this relationship going.
Yeah guys, just in case anybody was wondering how this thread went, I wanted to let you know that I broke it off with her and now I can't be happier that she is out of my life. We will see each other once a month or so, we've had sex a couple times since I broke off. She has a new boyfriend now, but behind his back, keeps flirting with other guys (including me) and even kissing. I know she would have done the same thing if it was me dating her instead of her new boyfriend, who by the way treats her very well. Poor guy does not know yet who she is, but at least he gets laid I guess.
Only a week before she started dating him (back in August), she was sleeping with me and begging me to get back with her, saying how much she changed and that I do not understand and blaming me for not seeing how much she changed. She cried too. Now that I look at it, her tears were so worthless. She did not change a bit and it comforts me greatly to know that it is not me experiencing her bs this time around.
I have not found the right girl thus far, but went on some dates with very nice and interesting girls and experienced things that I never would have if I was still with her. Quite frankly, physical attraction may be the only thing I miss about her. That's the only thing that remained. For one reason or another, she still thinks that down the road me and her will get married.
I just want to thank you guys, some of the advice given in this thread really opened my eyes. I tried so hard to believe in her, I tried so hard to think that people in this thread are somehow wrong or not understanding my situation because they don't know the whole story. Well, pretty much everyone here was right. So, I really appreciate you guys guiding me in the right direction.
Glad to see you are happier now. That's what healing and concentrating on yourself is all about.
That girl was full of bull! Let nobody mess with you like that again.
Hey jake I too had an issue like yours. She would ignore my calls and then when I did it she would blow up my phone even ask my parents if they knew where I was... she would also tell me "she loved me to death" well at the end I finally told her not to call me until she figured out what it was that she wanted.. well it's been 5yrs.
I think she doesn't want to do the dirty work to not feel bad because of the way you feel for her.. and she wants you there to have a back up. So if you don't want to suffer more than you have to. Then do it, but know that she might not ever hear from her again.. "if you let them go.. you know the rest.
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