Is it safe to say that this wasn't a healthy relationship and we should just shake hands and move on tomorrow when we talk, because I still consider her my best friend.
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Is it safe to say that this wasn't a healthy relationship and we should just shake hands and move on tomorrow when we talk, because I still consider her my best friend.
I'm sorry for how negative I am. I read these kinds of posts and my heart aches for these guys. I have a strong sense of justice when it comes to these sorts of situations, when a guy gives his all, only to have his heart broken for some new guy at some drunken party, or whatever the situation is.
HM, I think people understand. It cuts both ways. That is, it happens to gals too, they give their all and then get dumped. Sometimes it's just that the relationship is over and the person leaving is moving on. Sometimes the dumper (whether a man or a woman) was a player and not very nice. But not everybody who wants out of a relationship is a bad person.
So, here's the end.. My girlfriend, ex now, came over to my house last night after she didn't want to because she heard I was telling people I cheated on her and everything, but after two weeks people telling me things, all things go through my head when I truly deep down inside knew she would never. So, we talked she simply said that she needs to break it off right now for her, she wasn't herself anymore she lost herself, friends, and everything because she was so content on making me happy, that she just began not being happy anymore. We cried together, got everything out explained and expressed my love to her, she knows how much I love her and how she means everything to me and she always will and no one will EVER compare to how wonderful she is and the LOVE that I have for her I, I understand she needs this right now and it's hard for her to walk away because she loves me and needs things to change and in the future I'm sure they will, when I asked her so this is it babe? She responded, "for now" which was her probably just being nice, but it made me feel at ease and, she said, "our schools will be right next to each other" I understand that the possibility of me and her getting back together are probably very slim and probably not likely but I want to think that our love is for real and it'll happen down the road, because I KNOW she's the one for me. And you guys can all sit here and tell me different but I know she is, the question is whether she's gone forever or not. Time will tell. And if she finds this post and reads this, she already knows that I will always want to spend my life with her because she's the most special unique beautiful woman in the whole entire world and, that I love her so much I'm willing to let her go and do her own thing and meet new people and new relationships, as long as she promised me that she's going to find pure happiness and be successful. So we cuddled a little bit and it was great, the feelings were still there, and always will be, I'm so grateful that this woman chose to spend 4.5 years of her life with me out of all the great people in her life and could/will meet down the road, someone will make her very happy and that's all that I want, I know it'll be hard to see her with others but deep down inside if I know she's happy I'm okay with it and it'll make me happy. After all was said and done, and the air was clear we laughed together, we talked together, cuddled a little more, this girl was still my best friend and always will be, and she taught me so much about myself and life, and I could never thank her enough for that. It's just unique that when you love someone so much you want them to be so happy you'd do anything for them, whether it be change, go out of your way for them, or even let them go to find their happiness in someone or something else no matter what it may be, that's how you know you are truly in love. Bottom line comes out, she's still the wonderful person I fell in love with over 4 years ago, and I always will, I guess I just let life work itself out, if anything comes out of this relationship, I just want her to know how much I truly care about her and I would do anything for her, now, later, anytime because she's my world, and letting her go to find happiness is okay with me now, because it's what she needs to do for herself. She's going to make someone very very happy in the future and that person is going to be so lucky to be with her and have a wonderful wife and family because she's so so special. Life works itself out, anything could happen in both of our lives in the future, and I'm sure we will cross paths and whether we stay as great friends, never talk again, or rekindle the fire, only God knows that. When all was said and done, we cried, laughed, cuddled, reminisced, and everything ended on great terms and we had a wonderful 4.5 years together and I don't think either of us would ever change that. I walked her out to her car, opened the door, she jumped in, she said, "well, i'll see ya later" and then we hugged and kissed, smiled a little bit at each other, and then I watched her drive away for the last time, and this is how my story ends...
Dude... I know how you feel now. This is not going to be the last you hear from her... but right now you need to do your own thing and start to build yourself back up to where you were BEFORE you met her. When you reach that point, you'll meet someone else and will not even think about her except for once in a blue moon.
You can do it! A lot of us are going through the same thing right now.
Just be glad that you REALLY KNOW what true and unconditional love is. Many people mistake lust as love. When you truly love someone, you always will. It never fades. You will always want them to be happy with whatever they do in life, whether your there with them or not. You never want them to fail and you will always be there for them no matter what happened in the past. That is called true unconditional love when you can see through the past and the mistakes and still feel for them the way you did when you met.
But on the other hand... you cannot let this love you still hold for her hold you back from finding someone that makes YOU happy too. You will find someone in the future that will give you unconditional love back.
Sucks the story ended that way. You should still do NC until you heal completely because it will only delay your recovering but I am glad you guys ended on good terms!
Good suggestion! I've made mistakes there myself... I even went way way further then calls and it really screws with you emotionally! So NC is a good idea!Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
I have to day that I am kind of where high max is. Sadly. I mean I'm so scared.. well actually TERRIFIED of getting hurt again that I really do not want to put myself in a position where I can be hurt. The beging is always sweet.. the ending is so gut wrenching that I think it might be years until I can get involved with someone in a serious way... geez, I'm messed up!
Hope your doing better though! (i.e. the guy who greated the post!)
The good thing is, we have control over our pain now. Think about it. They can't hurt us, only we can. So... if we can learn to quit slamming our head into a brick wall (easier said than done), then we should be on a clear path to recovery.
Roxy, if you read my story from start to finish you will see I felt the same way. I thought I would NEVER fall in love after my last relationship, then I met someone at work and we began to talk, strictly as friends and then it just grew quickly to the point we were texting each other or talking on the phone. We would text until 2 am and always talk about ourselves and our lives before and then we started dating and now I am very happy to say we are engaged and living together. Sure we have our fights, but through what I have learned on this forum, I know now how to handle a fight and a relationship the right way. So continue to have faith in life and love as it will one day catch you when you least expect it.
Rome: I know your making sense, still it's the fear that gets the best of me. I'm confident that once the wounds heal a little I'll get there. Btw: good for you! :)
(besides I'm messed up hehe and I have a post under the dating... really messed up haha( ;)
c'est la vie!
In my opinion, a break is actually an easier way to let someone down. But then again, I've had my girlfriend tell me she wants a break, which I gave her, and after 2 days she came running back because she realized she couldn't be without me and missed me too much. So it is possible that your girl want a break so sort herself out.
In that time, she will think about you and decide how she feels about you and herself. If she sees that she is not happy without you, or if there is something missing in her life, she will come back to you and let you know this.
However, it is also possible that she is using this break as a chance to get away, find herself and stuff... if she realizes she can be happy without you and doesn't miss being with you and stuff, if she realizes your not always on her mind when she sees a sunset, or listens to the rain, or sees a couple holding hands, if your not on her mind and if she doesn't find herself wondering about you, then I think she will make the break permanent...
Sorry to say this bro, but seems like the ball is in her court... so for now, just let her have her break, and while she is finding herself, you can find yourself... do what you want, have some fun, and if she comes back, then well and good, if not, you can move on with your life.. All the best... Peace :)
Wow man... just read how the story ended... very sad... but that's what a true man does... as long as the woman he loves is happy, he will be happy... her smile is worth that to you. She may come back one day... nothing is set in stone, but its good to know as long as she is happy, you are happy... now you can get on with your life and maybe find another girl who will make you happy... All the best...
We'll see I've learned so much from this and am glad I found this site, and I'm going to use everything from it to make my relationship great if she wants to comeback or be a great boyfriend for the next girl that comes along and some how manages to steal my heart that I never want to let anybody near. But I thank everyone for everything and I'll keep it updated if and hwen anything happens.
I'm clad to hear that LCM :) this site is really great isn't it! It's proactive on so many lvls and so many great people from all walks of life and who really have good advices to give when you need it the most.
Oh and by the way I got some advice on this thread as well. And I have totally come to the realization that I should not go through life with my heart so darn guarded. Life is just too short. And there is this guy that I like, and I'm going to tell him. If it isn't mutual it really isn't a big deal... I can get over it, but if I don't tell him I probably will be hung up on for a long long time and always wonder.
I'm glad you've realised that you will make a good boyfriend for someone else :)
Go for it roxy! I hope the best for you. Thanks for everything.
WooHoo!!
LifeChangesMan, your changing people's lives... good on you! :D
Shiizzzz, I do what I can bro-ski I figure if I change one person's life by posting and blogging on here that's enough for me.
Haha... all good man... I'm sure this will change more than one person's life... :)Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeChangesMan
It's been over a week since I seen my love and she hasn't contacted me at all, nothing not a word but it was expected unfortunately. Still trying to fathom that it's really over, she just walked out of my life and simply hit a switch under the desk and was like, "don't need him anymore" where's the love? Where did it go? Does she even care anymore if I'm breathing?
Man... I think I'm going through the same thing now... I think I'm leaving my girl for good... because I can't take her s**t anymore... its too much and I can't take the fighting. I'm going to do the NC thing...
Yeah been there lmao. I though I'd never be contacted again but O hell I was wrong. Chin up and keep trucking for someone who will care. The love is there in the old her but people change.Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeChangesMan
Yeah... people change... for better or for worse... that's up to them... :(Quote:
Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo
But you should be happy your free to find someone to truly love!Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackVY
Guess your right... better to be free to find the right one, than stuck with the wrong oneQuote:
Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo
Lol you'll see it one day man =D true colors come out later.Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackVY
Thanks... and yeah... true colours do come out later... too bad I didn't seem them sooner... O well, it's a lesson we all have to learn I guess...Quote:
Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo
Lesson you should always remember! The relationship wasn't meaningless and wasted but it will be if you do not learn from it. Both persons wrongs. Enjoy life for what is, read my thread here and maybe it will make you feel better specially with what happened recently.Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackVY
I can actually say my break up was the best thing to happen to me. I ended up on this site, found out mistakes I was making in my previous relationships and solved a lot of my personal issues. Made myself someone that is capable of being loved, not by someone else but by myself. Since my break up, I have fell in love with a terrific girl, live together and are engaged. So to put it gently, it's not about how long the rain stays, but how long gain you endure it knowing there are sunny days ahead.
Rome is like my best buddy on this site, very intelligent and great man, tells it how it is and has a very inspiring story, I hope I have one one day too for everyone, stayed tuned!
To be continued...
p.s. - Blackvy and wiked you guys all right too, lol. We'll all be okay and loved and families and all that bs, happily ever after, ha ha. Life's tooooo funny. Everyone believe in that karma stuff? I sure do!
Haha... dude... u sound high... lol..
But yeah... hope we all have a happy ending to our life stories...
Never smoked or took a drug a day in my life! Put that in your pipe and smoke it! Haha I might drink a little too often though, lol but I kicked the habit when the woman left no need for that ish when your upset.
This site seriously kicks butt though, helps me a lot when I got nothing else and learn a lot from it too.
True that... I agree... this site rocks... so glad I found it... weird thing is I found it while checking out weddings and stuff for me and my girl... but its helped me through more than that.. and now is helping me with the break up thing...
Me too bro... neva smoked or popped a pill eva... drank a little when I was younger, but not anymore... and yeah, not a good idea to drink when upset... got to keep a clear mind... :)
Hehe I totally believe in Karma. I mean just think about the instant effect it has... if I'm incolent and pissy towards the people I work with then they'll be the same way towards me.
The whole NC thing is pretty hard though! I've changed my phone no. cause I couldn't deal with x boyfriend calling and texting me every week. Then when he couldn't reach me by phone he just showed up outside my apartment. I didn't let him in though. I live on the first storry (spell?) so I just stood on my veranda and he was on the oiutside of it. Then he contacted me on Facebook to fight about all the little things he can't fight with me about anymore. (he also tries to apologies for stuff he's said like 6 months ago or 4 months ago... to smooth things over.. GEEZ it bugs me)
I have to say LCM your experience and this post definitely changed me. My way of looking at things, my perspective, the way I think... I like it! :D
BlackVY: yeah om pretty happy about finding this site as well... I'm a total fan hehe
OH by the way I told the guy I like that I like him. Hehe didn't go to well though. We were at a work thing and had a few beers to celebrate that one of the people at work has quit... (this sounds mean, but she managed to mess with our kids and set them back as much as 3 years when it comes to development.)
and I told him. I wasn't wasted, but I guess I miss calculated how wased he was. Anyway, I told him and he said he kind of knew and that it wasn't mutual... and then he told me to tell him face to face again today. Should I do that? Seriously a flag went up in my head when he said that... like he's trying to mess with me head. You are guys... what do you think about it?
-roxy to the poxy :)
Ps: I'm not taking it that hard either... I think it was worth the risk you know.
I'm glad that I've changed your life in some way or look, if you could elaborate that be cool, just wondering how people form the outside look at it, you know?
Do what he says I suppose, that's a different situation like let it lie all out there for yourself so at least you know, like seriously it's better to strike out then not go up to bat at all. :-P
Thank you. That is true. Maybe I should just do like he said. It couldn't really hurt.
Well, just to see how you handled everything I realized that I needed to handle my situation in a different way than what I have been doing. Also you have a very positive out look on things. And I like that!
So, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
I had some free time on my hands today, so I decided to go back and read everything I wrote on this post and see what happened and how it happened and I realized a lot of things.
I realized that this situation was blown way out of proportion by myself, I should have just simply stuck to what she said to me, and take it for what it was, instead all this over analyzing destroys your head and makes you think of every little detail and scenario instead of just simply realizing you have the answers to your situation right in front of your face.
Basically, just take things for what they are now-a-days if someone asks you for a break, grant them the break, they want space give them their space, they want to break up because they don't think it's working, let them go, that's all you can simply do you will drive yourself absolutely up the wall trying to analyze every stitch of information you knew, just take your love's word for it.
I'll tell you right now though, love IS real, I wouldn't lie to you guys about it, have the utmost confidence in your love for someone and the love they have for you, and everything will work itself out, and you truly have nothing to worry about or fear. You've all heard it a million times, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
Remember, "if you truly love something, set it free, it'll come back if it's meant to be."
It is good that you are staying optimistic and things could go either way. It depends on how you two will be able to communicate with each other now and in the future. And you should not take the entire blame for this break-up. It takes two people to travel down the relationship road with all the bumps, and together they should be able and willing to smoothen things out.
During the holidays, most couples that broke up recently tend to contact each other - it's the 'sentimental' part of us that comes out now and then.
But, if this young lady had the 'controlling' urge to check your emails, and follow you to forums, she is not helping you in getting closure. She is stringing you on and keeping you for a back-up. She has control of your emotions and that is not safe for you. She should either give you positive encouragement, or leave you the heck alone so that you can go on with your life. This is just my opinion, and you are the one who is communicating with her, so it is also your decision as to what steps to take next. I just paint another picture for you to look at - don't want anyone to walk blindly...
And... if you think now that this is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.. you have to honestly ask yourself . WHY?
Do you like being controlled by someone else? Do you really think that you could get back together and things will be just fine and dandy and that all of the pain and frustration caused will go away? All I'm saying is that things will never be the 'way they were'. Change is inevitable.
We've been there, done that, and we all know that it will never work this way. We have to have the chance to grow and advance and be together in harmony without having old issues thrown at us every time one of us gets upset. So, if I were you' I'd seriously rethink this whole relationship and find out if it is all really worth your valuable time and effort.
We've all had hopes and dreams like this in our lives, but to be honest, they rarely come to fruition - wishful thinking that all will be better just because we are hurting and hate to be alone is not reason enough to maintain a relationship with someone. We have to have mutual respect and stop playing games.. and if one or the other cannot do this, then it's a great big waste of time and one is not ready to have a long-lasting relationship in their lives yet. It takes the willingness of both and a lot of communicating without casting blame. So, you need to be sure you are ready to work hard and decide if you will really benefit or if you would be better off healing and moving on.
No matter what you decide, I wish you all the best and hope you keep us posted.
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Thanks kindly chery!
I understand where your coming from 100%
I've used this time apart from my love to basically, wake up, grow up, and step up to the plate of life, and I'm swinging for the fences now, the only question truly in the back of my mind will the love of my life ever want to come on this journey with me?
Only time will tell and, I'm okay with that. I'm going to make myself very successful and become a great person and try and help everyone in my life that I can, with every second that I can.
If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. The universe will work itself out.
Good for you honey, keep that positive outlook in your life and reach your goals!Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeChangesMan
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