Holly - any new news??
Did you try and write a letter? Outline everything?
|
Holly - any new news??
Did you try and write a letter? Outline everything?
I have not wrote a letter - but Pete is not talking to me at all. His mum is being the messenger and mediator for us.
I have decided to keep the baby - as scared as I am about bening a single mum - I know I can do it.
Petes mum has delivered the news to him and I am just giving him space. I have told his mum I do not expect anthing from him, and it is up to him what he does.
His mum text me last night saying he took the news calmly but would not say a word after that. He just sat watching TV and did not soeak one word or batter an eyelid - he was just very quiet.
I have asked Petes mum to tell him I would like to chat about my decision with him, but only when he is ready - so can he contact me and come and see me when he feels he can!
I doubt I am going to hear from him for quite some time now - and I am not gripping to any hopes or setting myself up for disappountment and more hurt. I am prepared to do this on my own.
One only hopes he comes round if not for me then for the baby!
So I am going to be a Mum. I am now 11weeks, so I am over quarter of the way through my pregnancy.
Hey DJ, congratulations. Take some time now to get the feel of it. Let your baby know that your looking forward to him/her.
I know it's hard, I raised my daughter alone (although I was married, but he was an abuser) and now my daughter is going to do the same - I'll be there to help her though.
Many, many more of us women have done it, will continue to do it, and once you've set your mind to it, things will be fine. They might not be what we all 'dreamed' of, but we are well aware that not all dreams come true, and they make room for new dreams and goals. Never give up the hopes and dreams that you have, just 'adjust' them a little.
Good luck, dear and keep us posted.
Eventually Pete will also adjust to the idea, even if it takes him years - being a parent 'grows' on you. You might not 'want' anything from him, but he does have obligations that he cannot and should not ignore. That's life!
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif
Hey Holly,
Im so happy and proud of the decission you have made, which I think is the correct one to do.
You can definitley do it, you are a very strong minded person from what I can tell, and this baby deserves you as their mummy.
Concentrate on yourself and on YOUR baby.
Congratulation sweety
Xxxxx
Cheers guys - just trying to concntrate on myself and the baby and look at the positives x
Exactly dear, keep your chin up, you have a lot to look forward to in the near future for you and your child within :) xxx
I am very glad you're keeping the baby. Very glad.
Giving Pete space is the best thing you can do. The very best. I think he will come around.
Hey holly,
I'm sorry that things with pete are not going so well still.
My wife, my mother, and my friend would all tell you that being a single mother was work and life changing, and in ways that they never regretted. You will have your ups and downs, but man... once that little one is in your arms you just feel a part of something bigger than yourself. It's a mad, crazy, frustrating, fun, fun, fun ride.
My friend was in somewhat of a similar situation as you are and the guy eventually came around for the baby. They were not together again, but they found some common ground and were able to mend a friendship and raise the child together. His family was especially supportive, and it sounds like petes family will be there to support you, even if he's not right now. She also, like my wife, later married and found a man who was there for the child and her.
There is a song by the group Sweet Honey in the Rock... they do kind of a gospel/african spiritual music a capella... the song On Children is from the writings of the philosopher Khalil Gibran. If anyone has access to filesharing or music downloads take a look at their songs. They are thoughtful, hopeful, and uplifting... songs by women whose voices are strong and true. The lyrics don't do the song justice.
This song in particular rings true to parents who already have kids, as we know how we are simply trusted stewards to these little, independent and dependent, wonderful kids who have as much to teach us as we have for them.
ON CHILDREN
Your children are not YOUR children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's
Longing for itself.
They come through you
But not from you,
And though they are with you,
They belong not to you.
You can give them your love but not your thoughts.
They have their own thoughts.
They have their own thoughts
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in a place of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit,
Not even in your dreams.
You can strive to be like them,
But you cannot make them just like you.
Strive to be like them,
But you cannot make them just like you.
REPEAT
Support is definitely what I need and it is certainly what I have. My friends are all being fantastic too!
That'swhat you need now. Keep busy.
Keep us posted DJ H.
You deserve to be happy now and try not stress yourself over pete. I personally think he is not worthed, she is acting childish and very seflish, but its easy for me to say that.
I do wish alllllllll the best dear. Xxxx
I am glad that you were able to make a decision. Your own personal decision. It is good that you have lots of support. Take care of yourself Holly. Remember we are all here for you too. Good luck with everything. You and your new little one are in my thoughts.
Joe
Thanks Joe and thanks to everyone - pete is talking to me. Not about us braking up or about the pregnancy - but just having conversations and a bit of giggle with me and we even had a text conversation last night. It was short and brief and only a bit of a giggle again. The way we are at the mo - is how we were when we started dating. Its like we are starting again!
Well that sounds like a lot of progress. You've handled this really well. IT SHOULD be like the old days - keep things easy for a while - No pressure - who like or wants pressure - no one. Keep it simple for a while - he'll love you for it.
If you get upset, nag, plead, threat, complain, put down... you'll just push him away.
Just giving him space and being nice when I see him. I am having a small BBQ this weekend so I sent pete a text and just told him so and said if you are about and not busy then you are more than welcome to come. So we will wait and see what happens now!Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
I wish all the best and I mean from the bottom of my heart.
Play it cool just like you are doing as it seems to be working xx
Yup; just keep playing miss cool and keep all fingers and toes crossed ;)
My daughter and I are crossing them for you too!Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ 'H'
Keep us posted.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif
I am off to devon for the weekend. Petes parents are letting me have their apartment (they own an aprtment in devon) as it is vacent this weekend. My friend amy is coming with me. Amy and I have been friends for 20yrs, we grew up together from playschool and have always been there for one another.
She is having a few problems with her new husband, so we are both going for a break!
That sounds like exactly what you need.
Girlie time with an friend, and also time for you to relax and get away from it all - for at least a wkend.
Have fun xx
Had a lovely weekend and a great chat with Petes dad when I returned. I was telling him how I just had to accept Pete and I were over and his dad looked at me and said "Just give him some time" - what do you think he meant by that?
Also Pete surfaced after I had been there ages. He did not even realise I was there. After he hd, he kept walking in and out of the kitchen, backwards and forwards past me wilst I was chatting to his mum, dad and grandad - what was he doing there? He was looking for any excuse to keep coming back into the kitchen?
I got myself a Midwife yesterday and I actually heard the babies heart beating. It was the most amazing feeling ever! :)
I have been invited to Petes house (by his Mum) for tea tonight; we are going to discuss the literature I have been given and decide what screening test to have and not have. Not sure if Pete is going to be there though.
It probably means a lot, what Petes dad said, but only his dad knows. But I would keep that as a good sign, as no one knows you better than you actual flesh and blood.. your parents.
Glad you had a good weekend break, you probably really needed it.
I bet Pete was curious to hear what was being said between you, and his family.
Maybe slowly slowly he will come round.
Xx
Hi, DJ,
I am so sorry to read this, but was not on the computer much last week.
Life is full of surprises; some good, some not so good.
At 21 or 22 yrs old (sorry, I forgot which), you have your whole life ahead of you, with many years.
Not all romances work out... my first marriage ended in divorce after 7 yrs; I was 24 when I first got married. This second marriage is now 29 yrs and still going strong.
We all learn, make the best of it, and get on with our lives.
Pete may be just wanting some "space", or I know this hurts, but may be moving on. Since you are pregnant, he may have decided this "is not for him"!
I do wish you the best.
All he has been doing since we split is spending time with his dad (mainly) and family. He has not even been out with his friends. So I would be inclined to trust his dads judgment. - we will see what happens tonight; I will keep you all posted. XQuote:
Originally Posted by Krs
Well there you go.
Please do and take care of yourself and your unborn little one ;)
Xxx
Glad you had a nice weekend.Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ 'H'
Please try, for now, not to read into things that you don't have any control over at the moment. That way, you don't set yourself up to fall again. You don't need the added stress.
For now, just go about your life, concentrate on staying healthy and emotionally stable - as much as you can - for your's and the baby's sake.
There are no guarantees in life for any of us. We can hope for the best - but should not be obsessed by it. I sometimes think the 'worst' and thankfully get surprised when the 'worst' does not happen. This has helped me out many times.
At least you now know that Pete will not 'run away' every time you are in the same area, and that's a good sign. Just don't try to 'crowd' him right now at any point, or he might feel under pressure.
Good luck, dear, and keep us posted.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gifAm crossing my fingers for you!
No chance of crowding him Chery. I am staying at my Nans and very rarely see or speak to him. I think I am giving him plenty of space!
I am also not being optimistic; however do need to know if he wants to be involved or not? I have a lot of decisions to make soon and I will be going for a scan too; I don't want to be unfair and just make all of the decisions and go to the scan without him, if he wants to be involved. That's partly the reason I am going to see his mum tonight and accepted her offer to go round for tea, so that his parents are in the picture and if pete wants to know anything then he does not have to come to me and ask, as I know he is not ready to discuss the subject with me, however he does with his parents.
Do u think, maybe it's a good idea to ask pete is he want to accompany you when you go do the scan of your baby?
Just a thought!
No, if he knows about it and wants to come, he will ask me. I would rather it be his idea than he feel like I am pressuring him to come with me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Krs
That's true!
But then again he may be feeling uncomfortable to ask you if he can come, maybe he feels that you don't want him to come.
Sometimes I find its best it take initaitive.
Well Pete and I were like this when we were trying to ask each other out. Neither one of us would actually come out and just say it. It was down to me in the end - we are as bad as each other sometimes.
I just don't want to smother him.
Lets just see what happens tonight. If he is there, then we will have the perfect opportunity to talk.
Funny you say that.
It was exactly the same for me. When first meet James.
All my mates used to tell me Kris, he fancies you big time. And he used to get the same! And after 2 months I decided to say something first.
Men are scared of rejection...
That's why maybe just ask him, and make it clear its completely down to him, no pressure, and tell him you're asking him because its his child too!
Hey, I have an idea... Maybe his mom could go along with you to get the scan, then make a copy of it for her to keep. That way Pete will be 'indirectly' involved in the progress through her.Quote:
Originally Posted by DJ 'H'
I'm sure he's thinking ahead too, and I hope that all will work out to your satisfaction, dear.
It's an idea. N I think I just need to see what happens tonight!
I think everyone is being too nice on the Pete person.
Give him space? He straight up told her he did not love her anymore-just one day out of the blue. Then she tells him she's pregnant-from what I am reading he is not offering her any support or anything at all. Their main communication is between her and his mother (for the most part). His mom did not get her pregnant.
No one asked, but I think this guy is a jerk and needs to grow up and take responsibility. Believe me, I've been with enough losers to be comfortable enough to share my unasked opinion on this subject.
I'm not saying he needs to get back into the relationship with her or marry her or anything like that, but he does need to have the balls to speak to her and be involved in her pregnancy with his child for anything she may need.What a ****!
He wasn't there last night. I think that says it all. I am on my own!
Screw him.
I know its easier said then done, but screw him!
He doesn't deserve you! AT ALL...
You have been so patient with him after he broke up with you, and even the fact that he is showing no remorse at all, shows his immaturity.
You don't need it.
You are a mature adult and he is a kid. He doesn't even deserve benefit of the doubt.
You have loads of family and friends behind. I can just imagine how hard it is for you, carrying his baby and he doesn't want to know.
But I think he had his fair share of space, and now its too late.
That's real sad. I have guys like that. Guys are werid they should give you mixed signals to get all confused and play a game. Its good you told him about your pregnant but if he don't want to be involved then that isn't every good if he does that you got help and all. Have you asked him if he wants to be inovolved in the pg thing?
For the signals of breaking up with you:
1. never calls you back
2. don't bother with you much
3. says his busy when you ask him to go somewhere
4. don't answer the phone
5. don't hug you or kiss you no more.
I hope some of that helped sorry couldn't help much.
That's just it if I called he would answer, he I text him, he replies and if I see him speaks.
Just if I don't make an effort, he won't make an effort.
My last suggestion would be, call him ask to meet him ALONE for a cuppa tea somewhere just you 2.
1. if he makes excuses that he can't make it or whatever, than screw him as I said before. He isn't worthed.
2. if he says yes, then ask him all the questions you keep asking yourself about him, he needs to understand you need to know.
This isn't just a standard break up... an unborn child is involved and at least he can make the effort to answer your questions.
That way you know completely where you stand if he can't understand this esp that his unborn child is in question, than he is simply not mature enough to be part of this family at all.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:39 PM. |