That was a great post! Stick to it, and for God's sake, enjoy yourself. This is your life, not his, and you deserve all of the happiness you can find! Enjoy yourself!!
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That was a great post! Stick to it, and for God's sake, enjoy yourself. This is your life, not his, and you deserve all of the happiness you can find! Enjoy yourself!!
Zeenie, that is one of the best and most positive threads I have read in quite some time! High Five Girl! That made my day! :)
I do have to disagree with one thing though. You said... tell yourself you're not ugly, even though you are. Don't think that! I don't know you personally, but no one with the positive attitude that you have, could ever be ugly inside or out!
I applaud you for doing as well as you have, given the circumstances. Go kick some butt, and show everyone that this isn't going to knock you down! :D
It SUCKS!
There is almost no other way of putting it. I am not going to try and make you feel better by writing something here that will make you feel good for a minute or two, before you go back to the gut wrenching feeling that you have had for a while now.
A very close friend has just been though exactly what you described, and she powered through the pain by keeping herself super dupa busy. Just seeing lots of people and doing lots of things, many of which she hadn't done for a while having been with her ex for so many years. I think this is the only thing any of us can do. Change your life/routines so that they do not resemble your previous life/rountines, and you will then not be reminded of that person.
Clearly he has hurt you a considerable amount, and I can almost guarantee that you will feel worse before you are going to feel better.
My best advice which I did after a long term break up, was to keep a diary on my laptop. I just decided I would open a blank word doc one day, and I started typing a diary to myself. I wrote in it every day about how I felt and how my day had been, what I was worrying about etc.
At the time it helped a little to put my thoughts down, and try and make sense of things. But I plucked up courage one day (about 4 months after my long term relationship broke down) to go back and read bits of it. I realised that I had moved on, and I wasn't experiencing many of the feelings I had then, now. So I knew I was on the right track.
Give it a go.
Good luck, and you will bounce back... especially with Singapore on your doorstep... get down to Newton for some roti and stingray!
Dear all, thanks for the positivness- I have to do this for me- true, why should I let him spoil my life- he dropped me when I was truly happy and I thought he was too-i never saw this coming.I am not a kind of person that is blind and so that is why this hit me v hard, clearly he got me there big time. Have many diaries! Too many if you ask me... the best ones are on this site though as I get feedbacks all the time! Starbucks I agree I know deep down I am not ugly- just normal- but right now I just feel bloody ugly. I guess he has knocked me down a fair bit.
Yeap I agree Singapore is not a bad place to heal... lots happening here and its only an hour flight away to escape to a heaven beach. Seeing the sun and having warm temp of 320C is a bonus. Right now I remind myself that if he did not do this- he would be enjoying life, living in a lush condo in the city, sun bathing in the pool area, having the maid do his ironing etc etc.. instead he is as I speak staying in a crappy B& B, no olympic size pool or TV with mutiple channels- or a kitchen!The B&B he is staying is right outside my condo- I can actually see it from my balcony when I sit down with a drink and a cig! The place is 2 minutes walk away... yeap that how close he is staying to my place with his chick... F****that is close! Well I hope he does enjoy his stay here and makes the most of it because its v COLD in the UK and I know how much he hates it in the UK and loves Singapore. Good maybe this trip with his chick might open his mind a teeny weeny bit and someone from above might drop a big brick on his thick head!
Hi Zeeniee,
Just wondering how you've been holding up these past few days. I know the ex is still in town for another few days. I hope everything is going fine and if you feel like posting an update, I'd be interested in knowing if everything's been going all right since your last post.
HI Dragonfly 1234,
Quite a few things have happened- I will be updating the post soon- I just need to work out how to say everything in a short way! The ex is in Singapore till next friday- 7 days to go and counting.
An update: OK I agreed to meet Myles after a mutual friend had a chat with him and he agreed and was happy to talk about the relationship and leave the flight ticket aside. SO I met him at a bar in Orchard, he was v happy to see me- complemented me 4 times in how good I looked and then stared at me for the next few minutes. I was a bit embarrassed as didn’t he say he left me because I am not attractive no more? How funny is that? Well Myles I am not yours anymore- you can only look and not touch! I on the other hand- did not find him as attractive as I used too- he looked different- I can’t explain. He did not look like the Myles I loved. I was surprised- very surprised and in a way I was glad to feel this- I needed to feel this- It is what I need to know/feel that I will be fine without him.
Myles then started chatting a lot. He was nervous. He told me how happy he is, he is saving 20 thousand quid and leaving to New Zealand with his chick and opening a bar etc. I said oh good, oh that’s nice. But I did not wish him well or show any excitement. I noticed he had a ring on the wedding finger as well- I guess he is engaged- I said nothing. I noticed he has made exact plans with her as he has made with me.
Well I did the sensible thing and I let him do all the talking, let him tell himself how wonderful he is. I am so glad I said NOTHING to him. Myles received no NEWS of my future from me. No way would I share my life with him anymore- any good news I will share it with friends that care for me. Myles has changed- he is greedily hungry for success, approval from others, he wants MONEY, he wants to be the man. Its v odd as when he was telling me on how wonderful and better his life was to become, I felt he was competing with me, like he wanted to match me, or show me he can be good like me. He needed my approval- I am glad I gave him none. He was trying to tell me he is going to be a changed man- a good man- who will never cheat again. Somehow I felt his words out of his mouth were reinforcing himself and not me. I noticed how selfish he had become - and has learnt how to be a first class b****h!
Then came the question- so Myles what happened to lead to all this? He told me has been cheating on me for 3 years- and slept around all the time and never loved me in the 9 years! I was shocked but was in no more pain than I already have been these few months. A few moments of silence went by and I felt he was not being honest and felt he said this to hurt me or make me anger and so to lessen his guilt? I said nothing. So I asked him why did you come with me to OZ? Why did you proposed the engagement in OZ, why did you agree to get married? Why did you go ahead with it all? Why not leave and find someone you would love? Why did it tell you to take 9 years to tell me? He said he didn’t know! Oh well that that is his issue I guess.
Then the conversation moved to the flight ticket. I was v blunt- when a man leaves a woman in this way- the minute he leaves the door- she owes him nothing. My job was to clear the mess you created and so I did. I cancelled what needed canceling- I owe nobody any reasons or permissions. I I left the info with your mum. If she did not pass this to you- that is not my problem. My job is done. I did what I had to do for ME and I am NUMBER ONE. Period. He was not happy with this- as he felt I owed him to tell him. I said no I don’t actually. If I was someone to you yes- but you left me- your actions said I am nothing to you. Sorry I did what I have to do. He just could not swallow this at all. Myles does not get it- I OWE HIM NOTHING.
He said he wanted to be friends- Now I already know this is never going to work, and I don’t want to be his friend, he is not worth it, but I wanted to see where this was going and so I looked in his eyes- I could see he was BS-ing. So you know what I thought- F**k this- play his game Zee and see what BS he has to say- how far are you going to go Myles. He said he wanted to ring once a month, he wanted me to meet Sarah, he wanted me to have there address in Manchester- he wanted me to visit them in New Zealand- such BS and I could see this v clearly. I did not reply to anything, just listened. Yeah right I thought- god you must think I am so stupid.
He then talked about the 490 quid! I said ‘hold on, Ann –the mutual friend told me- you would see me and talk about the relationship and put money issues aside’? That is the only reason I agreed. He said I know but Sarah paid this, and she needs it and he will give it back etc. I said well I don’t have this money right on me. He then snapped- ‘right fine if you don’t give the money- I will not be your friend- I will leave Zee and you will never ever see me or hear form me’. I just looked at him right in the eyes and said nothing. ‘Right I am not worth 490 quid then- right’- I said nothing. I thought Myles you just want money- that’s all. He then just stormed out. He just showed me all his weakness, I knew then he is acting like he is all in control of his life, but in fact he is not. The way he left you think that 490 would be the end of his world!
I was fine, totally fine as I saw through him v well- he played a game and the game just got him. He was being nice etc and then at the end mentioned the money, hoping I would believe every word and give the money to him. Well I did not- I did not believe the friendship he offered one bit. There was no sincere apology for what he did, for how he ruined my life, the pain and tears he caused me since Sept. There was no sincere future friendship neither.
So I went home- I get a text and then a phone call from Sarah asking me for the money- which did not work and then he and Sarah had an argument with Ann and Myles lost Ann as a friend.
This morning at work- I got a text from Myles- saying I am sorry for last night- I did not reply. Then I got the same text again. I did not reply. I have started my No Contact for life.. Furthermore, that night I deleted his mum on Face book without any explanation, emailed his two sisters and wished them well in life and then deleted them on Face book and deleted other extended family members without explanation. I also untagged and deleted all his pictures on my photo album. DONE- I have done it- and did it at the right time. Rose’s last email gave me an opportunity and reason to do it without me feeling guilty. I hope Rose will regret her last email to me. She did a 360 on me, tried to put a finger on me, tried to make me feel I am responsible somehow- but most horrible thing she did is make me feel like I have lost the plot and as I am so heartbroken- I am obviously deranged, crazy, f****ed-up woman that is weak and useless and that I am running around doing things at the moment of madness! What a nerve! So I deleted her without a word. My silence will hopefully be more powerful than my words.
Since then I have had one text from Myles asking me if I want to join him and her for drinks at the hotel!! I did not reply. Today I get a phone call asking me if I was coming! I said NO(he never rings me on the houseline- house line has no ID) What is he thinking? Is he stupid? Mad? Or what- has he not realized what I had to do was so hard and I am breaking loose from all of them?sorry for the long long post, Zeeniee
I am starting to wonder if all this is real, or I am going mad? I have never know anyone having such a break up- surely Myles and Sarah are totally insane? I am thinking I will have to leave planet earth and go and live in planet moon to escape...
You obviously don't have kids, as they are very selfish, and needy of your attention. You deal with them by being patient but firm, as you're the boss, and have to establish your authority, and their limits, and boundaries, and stick to it.
You do this out of love, and protection, and in a break up, you treat yourself well out of love for yourself, to protect yourself.
Lol Zeeniee, I have seen a lot of weird break ups, many here on this forum, but the common theme is having the coping skills, and enough love for yourself, to keep you on the path of moving forward, and giving yourself the time to heal, and rebuild.
Time, that's what it takes, and there are no short cuts in this often painful process. That doesn't mean you can't enjoy it as TIME FLIES WHEN YOUR HAVING FUN! Hehehehehe! It drags when your miserable. See, you always have choices.
Dear Tal,
So true- well I am fed up with being miserable- I am nackered being miserable- I want to sleep well, eat well and I could do with a small weekend break soon... for all the pain he caused- he is not worth it... he leaves this Tuesday night- I can't wait till he in out of here... I think I am ready to get rid- well ithink I have been doing that bit by bit, now I just want it all to be over and I just want to chill and think of what I can do with my life!
Well OK, I had to do another thingi did not want to do really-myles and obviously have mutual friends in facebook- I deleted all his friends except two, as I do communicate with them well. Well today I emailed my friends that are friends with him and asked them as they are his friends- to never tell Myles anything about me- even if I die! And if they put pictures up, write on walls- to make sure I am protected as I don't want myles to know anything about me no more. I also said if they are not in contact and not really friends to feel free to delete him if they are okay with it.
I emailed this mainly to all my Singapore friends- as many are work friends and my friends in OZ that I am v close to.
I feel bloody horrible for doing this- but I am thinking- myles this is a clean break- and damm well it will be clean. It has to be for what you did and with the way you behaved here when you came in Singapore. Not only have you broken my heart and destroyed my world- you kept on hurting me with all this drama and really you just don't know when to stop. As each day goes by - you do something that can't be undone. Now I am so fed up, and scared I just know I need to disappear and drop off from the face of your world. I hate him for doing all this, hate him that today I had to do such things. He has taken things to to far with his chick here for me to even be distance friends with his sisters and many of his friends. He has no idea at all on how robbed I feel.
For you to completely move on you have to let go of the hate too.Its hard to forgive someone who has done so much damage to your life, but eventually I am sure you will.Quote:
Originally Posted by zeeniee
Good luck
Hey Dare 81,
Yeah I know that is true- I have only started to feel this hate in the last two weeks- I guess I have to feel it and go through with it, as before I was helpless in love. I am v mad with him, but I also know he is in a mess and deep down he probably has no idea what mess he is causing himself let alone the people around him- I am aware of this after I spoke to him... I know he will not be kind right now- may never be- but I hope one day- he can say sorry from his heart to the friends he peeved these few weeks and me. I am aware that he is v keen to see me now- but I cant- I need to disappear from his world. It is the only right thing I can do for me.
Even thou I am so angry and feeling hate- I am still hurting and devastated- I have 9 years of memories in my head- it is v v hard. He gave me no real explanations as well- and so that did not help- but I guessi have to tell myself what I did was real, I loved him- that is what matters and so I have NOT wasted my 9 years as I was true and honest to myself and him.
It is a shame how all this happened- honesty is what I needed- myles had 5 months to address any issue he wanted- he did nothing. Even when he brought himself all the way from the UK with his chick- he could have amended a few things- he did not- it feels that he has not used any opportunity he had to do this. GUess he is in cloud 1000 right now.
I am sorry I don't think I can forgive him. He has had a huge effect on the way my life was heading, he smashed my dreams and hope. He gave me FALSE hope, what for?
He caused me so much pain- what for- what did I do to him? HE could have avoided 80% of the pain just my being sensible.
Maybe one day he may apologise-who knows. I can only forgive him, if he can ask for forgiveness and when he means it.
Right now I need to find a way to move forward and do things for me and hope in time this will be in the past and in a distance from my heart.
Now I have let go- that is the only choice I have- and yeah it still hurts, but there not much I can do but to be kind to myself and just take care of me step by step. I have a HUGE mountain to climb and I know it.
Zeeniee
Hi Zeeniee,
Best to try not think about him anymore. I know it's very hard right now. And 9 years are not easy to forget or brush aside. I've been practicing it myself. When the ex comes into my mind I quickly force myself to think about the future instead of the past. Although it's hard to imagine a future when all your plans came crumbling down out of nowhere, now is a good time to think about what you want to do for yourself in the coming months. Easier said than done huh! Well, there's no other choice in my eyes. Moving on, is not something that happens overnight, it's a process with many stages and takes time--a lot of it.
It's not going to be an easy climb. But I truly believe you have the right attitude to get over it. Some people retreat within themselves and get stuck in the past. You are different Zeeniee. Try looking forward without looking back. With proper healing and time you WILL move on--I'm sure of it. Everything bad that happened will only make you stronger and will prepare you for a better future. Keep it up Zeeniee!
Expat
Many thanks Expat,
Yep it will take time and so I will take my time. Your right you have to have the right attitude to do this-i know it will be v hard and a hard climb- at least I have acknowledge that and I am not expecting to wake up and find the garden full of daisies.
I am scared thou- I am stuck in the past- the fact I am stuck in this huge 3 bedroom apartment till April 2010 makes it hard- as everything around me reminds me of history... I just got to stick it out.
Although I am a future person, I am now scared of the future. I know it will be hard. Work is fine, social life is okay- but I know I will always feel that empty feeling- it's there all the time, its just that somedays I can cope better and so days I cant...
I got another text just ten minutes ago- about going for a drink and a smoke! Really that is worrying as you can't smoke in singapore= death penalty- of course I have not replied- but now I can see Myles really need to see me- except I don't think his intentions and v honourable and he had all the chances to say what he wanted to say - but he did not use this time wise.. so NC it is as always.. feel pretty crap this eve - well I just got to lump it..
Wow Zeenie! I'm sorry that you are having to go through all of this. Myles is a royal SOB! It sounds like he snagged up a real prize with this chick too! They have got some nerve! I was just shaking my head the entire time, while reading your story. It is sickening how he so nonchalantly told you that he cheated for yrs. how he never loved you and so on. Did he not have any concern for your health or safety?. let alone your feelings? He could have given you an STD also! Please get yourself checked out, if you have not already done so.
It just baffled my mind, why... after all of the cruel things he said to you... that he would then ask that you remain friends. Then just to add salt to the wound, he wants you to meet his mistress, and come and have a drink with them, and even ask you to come to the UK and stay with them. Is this man insane? I've never heard of something so ludicrious! I'm furious with him and her, and I don't even know them! No wonder you are angry. Angry probably doesn't even describe how you feel. He completely disrespected you as a person, and the last nine years of your life!
I'm not so sure I wouldn't just hang on to that last text message. He sent, and call the authorities. It almost sounds like a threat to me. His behaviour is very abnormal! If he doesn't stop sending you text messages. And such, I would call that harassment, and the police should be notified, if only to have a paper trail to back you up, should he keep on bothering you. His odd behaviour could quickly escalate into something worse, since it seems he is so unstable.
You need to let yourself go through all of the stages of the death of your relationship. You really have to treat it like a death, because it is what it is, and you will go through the same emotions you go through when someone dies. It was a substantial period of your life that you spent with this man, and he has muddied the waters of the years you spent together.
Another thing to remember, is don't let anyone tell you how long it should take you to heal. Take your time and don't try and hurry it. You'll know when it happens. This is not to say that you shouldn't take steps to do good things for you, to speed up the process. Take care of YOU! Do things that you enjoy doing. Meet new people that had no connection with him.
I would also like to suggest that you maybe sell some of the items in your apartment that remind you of him, and get some new things. You have to live there for at least the next year. Paint the walls! Redecorate! Make it all about you, and get rid of things that remind you of him! If you haven't already thrown out all of his pictures, wait until you're ready, and then have a ritual where you say goodbye to him and the past. Throw darts at them, burn them, flush them, (probably not good for the sewer, lol) stomp on them... whatever you want to do. Just get rid of them, and anything else that reminds you of him.
Best of luck to you!
Hi Starbuck,
Things I have realised:
1) I am not responsible for him no more- what he does with his life is his issue and his chicks- so if he wants to be stupid- let him be- it is not my problem- I will keep well away
2) Myles def wants to see me- BUT sadly I don't think his intentions are sincere or clear. Fact: he wants be to meet at their hotel. FACT: The text are written by Sarah. I am not stupid- I know Myles v well- if he was sincere- I would know.
3) This Sarah is loving all this- she is having a fine time, winding Myles up, Myles is listening to her as he has fallen for her BIG TIME, so much so that he is destroying a lot things- and cannot see it. I can see why many people say she will leave him- yeap I think she will as no normal loving girlfriend would get involved and play such games.
4) Myles is confused- I am sure deep down he knows it- and he is putting a HUGE front on. He knows he wasted his time in Singapore- whatever he came for- he did not achieve. They ran out of money- they are not having a good time. Myles knows he has done wrong- but his ego is in the way and the girl is ego-ing him up. I feel like he is trying to make a point showing of her to me. Well it has not worked at all.
5) Myles and I always promised each other long time ago, if we ever had to part we would do it in a kind way and so not loose each other. I know that Myles wanted this v much and this was something that was v important to us. Yet today he has done everything but that- in time this will hurt him.
6) Myles is v angry- the fact is I know how much I loved him, I know how much he meant to me - That's ALL THAT MATTERS. Deep down I think Myles knows as well. It is up to him to admit it to himself or brush it all away- it is his heart at the end of the day.
7) When myles saw me- he tried to show/tell me how his life is better now than with us, he tried to tell me how crap we were etc- I see this as him justifiying his actions and making an excuse to lessen his guilt- the fact he went into so much detail- just showed the obvious. It was all take and no actions. It v easy to say and talk that he will save 20 grand and be out of UK and get a bar in New Zealand! Doing it is a totally different matter.
8) Myles is in another planet- he knows he has done very wrong in many ways- but he has not come to the point of accepting his actions, mistakes etc. He is still trying to point a finger to someone else. Eventually I guess he will hit a wall and then he will realise- who knows...
9) If myles was really happy and did the right thing for him. He would have not come, or he would have stopped playing games and get this done kindly. His anger tells me he is not happy at all. Guess he is starting to realise, but is not admitting to himself- that he has f**** up well and truly this time.
10) Myles knows I have walked away- and I will never look back- he knows this v well.
Best thing for me to do is NOTHING. Let Myles go back to the UK and let him get on with his life- I think this trip will make him see things when his world calms down.
For me, I saw something v ugly and now I have ZERO TOLERANCE with him. I am not afraid of him no more. My silence should say this to him. Funy thing is if Myles is really sorry he will say it and I will know it.
Ps: I have already checked with the dr and I am all cleared- first thing I did :-)
All my phones are now off- till Wednesday morning.
The apartment- I got all the furniture- it was that we choose it together- I don't see this place as my home now, just a nice place I am staying. In 2010- I should be much better than I am today and I will find a nice place and re-furnish for me- I think I will enjoy it more and I will be v ready to do this. For now I just got to stick it out.
I think Myles totally underestimated me. I think I have totally underestimated me- I did not think I could stand well for myself- thank god I am.
Zeeniee
Oh dear- I think I can put this in a book.
Another text- apparently I am being difficult and unreasonable- he came to sort this out and with peace- and now he has had enough... that's the latest text- the text was immediately deleted- it belongs in the bin. Good job my phone is off unless I need to use it.
And I must count the hours- 40 hours to go...
I know this will be a hard 40 hours- just got to keep myself busy and busy
Well I saw him today for 10mins- I decided after the few texts he sent, I might as well end it- as he would leave me dangling which would not help.
It was v painful- but I told him my friendship and love for him was at a v high level and I gave that to a person I love. He rejected this and so I told him I don't have anything to offer him anymore and I want a clean break. I think he did understood this and he said that was fine.
I felt annoyed thou- as he said whatever I want will be fine with him- I just found that annoying. He was also a lot quiter more like the myles I knew-not like the myles I spoke to the other day. That made it hard for me.
When I saw him the last time I did not find him attractive, this time when I saw him I did not find him attractive. My feelings are based on what we had and the memories but not on who he is today- I hope that is one step forward.
He has hurt me, I think it was more letting me believe everything was fine, allowing for wedding preparations etc and then to drop me just like that.
He did not have any real reasons. He could not explain why he proposed in phi phi or why he wrote the cards saying he loved me when he was with someone else- he said he can't explain this- has no reasons. He said he wanted to do things for himself- I asked if I stopped him in anyway and he said no. He said there was nothing wron with me or the relationship, he just felt he had to move on. Well thanks myles your reasons made a whole load of sense-great!
The only way I can make closure- is to remind myself of how he treated me, all the hopes he gave me and then dropping them, the way he behaved these few months and the how he behaved when he came to singapore with his chick... all of that was v low of him. I don't want to marry a man, that behaves this way at all to me or anyone else.
One thing he did not mention was the 490 quid- which was a good thing as I think I would have knocked his teeth out- I guess he has realised I will not be paying him this ever. On a good note STA TRAVEL send me a cheque of the flight cancellation today- the guy told me I would get 100 -200 bucks back- I got back 535 bucks... I will treat myself when I am on my feet better.
When ever I feel sad and lost- which is how I feel right now- I have to say he is no longer the person I knew- that person is gone and now you don't even find him attractive.. must say this a thousand times a day. If it means tatooing it on my forehead I will.
Tonight I feel RAW and USED and crap. I hope it gets better.
An update:
Well last night I got a huge text from Myles on his singapore pay as you go thing- I was in bed- totally nackered and I remember saying to myself I will look in a bit when I turn over cos I knew it was him- well guess what I feel asleep! And remembered in the morning. Basically he said he does care v much for me, and wants to keep in touch and see that I am well and keep uptodate with everything I get up to. I read the text and then deleted it and that was that.
The good news is that they are now gone! I feel like a whole weight of my shoulders- I don't have to watch my back in Singapore- in case I bump into them... I feel a bit different today.
My Thoughts for today:
1.Before I did have some tiny tiny hope-miracle that it could be resolved- now I can't marry him- he has killed everything for me- his trip to Singapore with his chick was the icing on the CAKE
2.Before when I thought of Myles - my mind was full with 9 years of good memories of the Myles I knew- now this has changed- now also have UGLY memories of what I saw of him and how terrible he behaved in Singapore over these two weeks- NOT V NICE
3.Before I thought he was v attractive and good looking- now he is not attractive or good looking at all -he has dropped his standards- he looks v scruffy now... so not him
4.Before I had to ring him, as I had no idea what was going on- now this has changed- I have no reason to ring him- I finally worked it all out and got bits and bats from Myles
5.Before his family said enough to keep me worried- now I have nothing to worry or fear
6.Before even though I found out he was cheating- I felt dumped- now this has changed- I made sure he was dumped and felt that dump- by asking for a clean break
7.My break up started when he left- I had to deal and pick up all the mess- now I have no mess to deal with- I am all done
8.Before when he left me in Sept it was 'not so real' to him- he just packed his suitcase and flew home straight to Sarah- that was about it. Myles break up actually started on the 13th Jan 09:
• I made sure he was dumped,
• he now has his cargo to deal with- i.e.: go through all his stuff and work out what he wants- what he wants to throw away etc,
• he will have some music to deal with his family,
• he will not hear from me again=real break up
9.I don't owe Myles anything, I don't want anything from him now- it is Myles that wants or needs the friendship from me- he has made that clear
Have you started the celebration yet? I have. I am glad for you.
Hey Tal, you will have to have a cocktail for me and start the celebrations for me as I coming down with a evil flu as I am emailing! Yeap I can feel the thing creeping on me and I feel like a jellyfish. I swear I will join in as soon as I am better.
I am v tried and exhausted- I think right now a sniff of cocktail is all I need to get drunk!
Brandy and hot tea, with honey and lemon juice, two Advil's, and a Ricola (cough drop) will have you partying hardy in no time.
I'll see if I can't find you a get well potion so you can feel better and we can celebrate with you when you are feeling better! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by zeeniee
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Hi all, I am much better now- thanks. I did some celebrations today- had 4 cocktails and I am pretty much legless...
I am v troubled these few days- I know I should be the happiest person right now but I feel v sad and down... I am like a yo-yo and I am fed-up with ME- during the day I am fine. Today for example, I actually did some meaningful constructive work that actually made sense to another person at work- which is good as I don't think I have done that since Sept! So I have realised OK I can handle work and work days and lunches and early evenings much better (normally at the gym). I now walk part of the way home after the gym- just to kill some time- as I get v low once I get home and just end up crying like an idiot in my room. I dare not to mention my ex to another friend- I am sure they will run from me- I could hardly blame them! My problem is I can't cope with evenings and the mornings -the ex is on my mind- its v hard- good, bad and ugly memories float around me. I am trying- I keep busy- man I do a lot, but at the end I just fall apart in pieces. Since the ex left Singapore- I am struggling to sleep as well- all the things they did these past two weeks keeps me awake in horror and in sadness. SIgh.. look forward to the day I never think of him- I am starting to wonder if that will be possible? I feel like I will be haunted with this for the rest of my life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zeeniee
It is possible, and totally probable. It takes time!! Mornings and nights are always the hardest, as we feel most alone during that time. Enjoy another cocktail for me, and for God's sake, just take it slow and enjoy this time in your life. It WILL get better, but it takes A LOT of time. Keep it up!! I am proud of you.
Yeah I know it will take time, just frigging peeved, a year ago I was happy in everyway- took a lot of hard work to get it altogether and then poof- it all goes- well the ex goes and then I see everything falling apart- guess I am trying to build it all back up- which I have in many ways- I just feel pain or I feel empty with a few giggles and laughs here and there- its so damm frustating as I normally chat and laugh non-stop- I guess I just hate the situation I am in right now.
Anyway I am glad I stopped at 4 cocktails- another one- I think I would end up in A&E- I don't need much alcohol to get drunk...
Of course you're going to go through what you are now. It sucks, but you need to go through it. I would be worried if you weren't! You invested a lot of time into your relationship with him, and he turned around and made a mockery out of it without considering how he made you feel. You had nine years into your relationship! You went through many things together. Now everything has changed, and you have to learn how to be independent again. It's only been about 3 months since this has all happened. You really need to cut yourself a break! You're trying to hurry the healing, and although I don't blame you for wanting to do that, you can't. You are only prolonging it if you don't let yourself go through it. You need to give yourself time to grieve it, or you won't be able to move onto other things. You don't want to carry this over into another relationship do you? Don't worry about bothering your friends, you need them! If they are friends they will understand. You don't have to put up a front for everyone else. Take care of yourself first.Quote:
Originally Posted by zeeniee
Hey Starbucks- guess I should take my time a little :-), I am not the most patient person at times, especially when I am so so peeved like I have been these days- its so werid- the first 3 months I cried and cried, and now I am so anger and okay I still cry.
Don't worry, no way will I carry this to the next relationship- I already know I wont- I can feel it. I am okay with doing everything- I am lucky to be independant- its just that I miss sharing things and doing this together- I always find its much more nicer to share things than to have it all for yourself - if you know what I mean... and so I that respect life sucks a bit.
And yeah feel a bit embarrassed but I do miss being with a person... that has to be the biggest change...
In the beginning of my break up I used to annoy my friends all the time about what I was going through and they were really helpful. But after a while I noticed I was only repeating myself and it didn't allow me to have fun with these same friends... fun that helps me moving on! So now I try to deal with this crap alone (except for the occasional "how are you doing" conversation with my brother)... part of learning how to live with myself again, I guess.Quote:
Originally Posted by starbuck8
So yeah, you must bother your friends in the beginning to get this whole mess out of your system but I think it's a bad idea to overdo and I think we know when that is the case...
Sometimes it feels like once I finally move on, I'll miss these break-up feelings in the same way I miss her now.
Hey Imtotallylost,
I know what you mean- my friends always ask me how I am and how things etc- it does feel like the same thing being said in many different ways- at least now I talk about other stuff as well and use this site as much as I can.
I think I am moving on- but I can explain itin words yet. I do hope that one day I don't feel like I do today.
I hope you too find a beautiful way to move forward and you don't miss the break up feelings and one day meet a nicer person that will cherish you well.
For me I don't miss the ex- like I used to- probably as I saw another side to him that I never did. I will take that as a blessing in a way and hope this helps me to move forward without looking back. Nevertheless it does take a lot of time and space to digest everything- which is where I am at- I think.
Wow. You poor poor lady :(
The cruelty and thoughtlessness of these sorts of people is just beyond me.
Thank you for your answer.
It really really helps.
I'm just trying to move on now.
Like, I'm not going to try to understand why. Because ill never understand what goes on in their messed up minds. But I just want to move on, and be happy.
I really hope you find happiness with a real man.
You sound like a beautiful person, you'll find someone who is really worthy of your love.
All the best
Xxx
Hey Tearingapart,many thanks for your kind words- sure I will be on my feet one day and I will update this post as I go along. I am sorry to hear your news as well- you seems like a good ans strong person and I hope you too- get back on your feet soon
Xx
I agree that you don't want to overwhelm your friends with the same old stories. However, real friends will hear you out and try and push you forward, although still be there for the occasional break down. You don't want to force your problems down their throats 24/7 of course, but you need to know that there is someone there that you can count on. These people are called REAL friends.Quote:
Originally Posted by ImTotallyLost
Hey Starbucks- your so right! You def know your true friends at the time of need- one thing I have learnt is that I have many. I was actually very overwhelmed when I removed- i am not in a relationship in Facebook, within 30mins, I got calls from OZ, UK and Canada. I had no idea the impact that was to have. My friends have been super duper with me. They really came to me- when I totally fell apart and were there really helping me- in many many ways. I have friends from all ages- 20 something to 50 something and so all the advice they gave me were great. One of my friend's son- he is 7 years old and he knew I was v upset about something- so he offered me his trainers in cheering me up!! (we have the same shoe size! )- sweet guy! I am honoured to know my friends- some of them have problems as well- like on of my best friend in OZ, her dad is sadly dying of liver failure- and she rings, text and emails me daily to ask for me- I am very deeply touched in my heart! Another thing- all you guys are my mates as well- you have given me sounds advice and have helped me so many times and picked me up when I fell down- if it was not for you guys and my friends and family- gosh I hate to think what state I would be in today!
Thanking you all as always xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:)Quote:
Originally Posted by zeeniee
So true!! I quickly came to realize after my breakup that I have the GREATEST friends in the world, bar none!! I don't think I was ever really grateful or truly saw that, until this happened to me. Along with that, as you stated, this website is full of incredible, non-judgemental people who have some huge hearts and caring words. That is why it is so awesome to reciprocate the help you get to others that come on here in so much pain and with so much confusion...
I hope you are doing better. You sound like a very well put together woman, and anyone with that many friends must be a phenomenal person.
Trying to improve my day.
Ok I guess it is high time I improve my day and make it a productive day like it used to be. At the moment I am okay from lunch onwards- to about 8pm. During this time, I can forget my worries or at least put them aside and get on with whatever the day brings. My problem are the mornings and the evenings (if I am not going out) – esp. the mornings- everything morning when I wake up- this whole mess comes flooding back and so comes the ugly truth with a bang in my face.
I know this will take time etc-but I just can't stand waking up to lousy depressing mornings anymore. It really makes it hard for me to start the day in a positive way.
So I have decided on a few things I must do in the mornings:
1.Leave the apartment within 40min of getting up
2.Allow a max of one cig only (allowed only in the balcony area)
3.Must catch the MRT to work, rather than a taxi. I am hoping that my incentive will be that the more MRT I catch=less taxis spends= more savings= more things to buy or more weekend trips out of Singapore
4.Banning myself from checking face book and hot mails till after lunch
I have decided to take next week off work- I think I could do with a break just switching off in Singapore- I have not had a day off since Sept and as it is Chinese New Year next week, taking 3 days off= 9 days of work site. I am hoping the break will allow me to sort out more bits and bats and so when I return back to work- I will be more recharged and focus –somewhat.
Also I am aware that next week is the wedding week… that has been on my mind a lot…I realized today- is the day our families should be landing in Singapore- this has bothered me a lot today... sucks
Quote:
Originally Posted by zeeniee
Do you really want to take time off. The more time you have on your hand to just sit around and think the worse it will be. I tried to keep myself as busy as possible
Hi Dare,
I have debated on this one for a while.
Yeah I do need to take time out- I was hoping you use my time next week and make some real changes with some routinee stuff I do. I think it is a good time as in March I have a very heavy load of work coming and so if I don't get a grip of things now- I am going to struggle.
The other thing is the sun has been shining a lot in the mornings in Singapore- I guess the rainy season has past- and so I am hoping to get out early morning for a swim and sunbathing- I just need to break my routine.
I have come to a point that no matter what I do, or how busy I am - when my head hits that pillow- everything comes flooding back to me- it always does and so I expect I will feel crap no matter what I do at this point in time. IN that respect I think I should use my time as well as I can, despite the difficult situation I am in right now.
I think next week- I am thinking of having some ME time, gym,swimming, sunbathing.
Then I need to sort out a few things- that I basically hate doing- might as well get them done and out the way.
I really need to get a camera- and so I thought of getting it.
Then I would just like to chill and see friends etc and generally have a break
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