Ask Me Help Desk - I am fooling myself?

Well thank you... I wish men would understand that... Also, I have been told that I look unapproachable... (b**chy) and that I wouldn't give a guy the time of day... stuck on myself. I don't find myself to be that way at all!. How can we remedy this problem?

Don't take this the wrong way... you seem like a smart, fun girl but there is one thing that I can't help but point out; you seem to think that a lot of things revolve solely around you. Now, of course this thread is about you so it's a little hard not to talk about yourself but despite that, I get the sense that there is a bit of maturity lacking in that aspect. I don't even know if telling you this will serve any kind of purpose and I wouldn't even mention it if it wasn't for the fact that I suspect this little 'issue' is probably at the root of some your problems.

I don't know you and I don't know anything about you and I may be way off here but if I'm not and you are in fact a little too focused on yourself for your own good, you would find that a lot things in your life would work out a lot better if you had a different perspective and approached challenges from a different stand point than the one you have now.

On the other hand, I may have the wrong impression given that this thread is becoming more about ranting than anything else. And if that's the case and it makes you feel better, then rant away, that's what we're here for...

Hmmm... do you want to give an example of what you are talking about in particular? Simply because you did make the most valid statement of all the others... this post is about me... and trying remedy some of the problems I am having when it comes to relationships with men. I also feel like why should I have to change for someone else? Take it or leave it... I just cannot find a happy medium and for that reason this whole issue is getting out of hand. WOMP WOMP!

I think you really need to move on.Q

Thank you, we got that... we are working on other aspects now. Anyone, Bueller? Moving on...

It sure does not seem like you are moving on. Texting your ex like physo is not part of moving on.

I was not texting my ex like a psycho. If you are not going to give constructive criticism then please move on. No one is forcing you to read this post and you will not berate me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmExp

Hmmm.....do you want to give an example of what you are talking about in particular? Simply because you did make the most valid statement of all the others...this post is about me... and trying remedy some of the problems I am having when it comes to relationships with men. I also feel like why should I have to change for someone else? Take it or leave it...I just cannot find a happy medium and for that reason this whole issue is getting out of hand. WOMP WOMP!

First off, you don't have to change for anyone but yourself, assuming you want to improve yourself, which as you know, we all need to do once in a while.

Perfect example: I point out something about you and you immediately want to go more into detail, you want me to tell you more about... you.

When I was about 14 (I'm 27), my brother in law said to me at one point "you seem to enjoy using the word "I" a lot". I didn't like him saying that. I was a bit annoyed by that comment but I still remember it to this day because after he told me that, I started noticing it a lot more. I noticed that I liked things to be about me and I liked whenever I had attention. Today, at 27, I still like attention but I've learned to enjoy it with maturity. This meaning that in general, I don't seek it and I don't let it influence my decisions. I toned it down considerably because I knew why my brother in law thought it necessary to mention it; I didn't want a flaw like that dictating and ultimately hindering important aspects of my life.

Having maturity with regards to this is realising that being humble is so much more gratifying than the ups and downs that come with trying to have the spot light all the time. And believe it or not but modesty can often resolve problematic situations.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmExp

I was not texting my ex like a psycho. If you are not going to give constructive criticism then please move on. No one is forcing you to read this post and you will not berate me.

I was not trying to berate you. If that is how you felt I am sorry.
Good luck with everything else

I thank you for your opinion Dragonfly, but I want to also clarify that I am a humble person. Not that I have a laundry list of accolades and accomplishments, but my parents do and I have learned from them when to be humble. I am asking for you to help me because I am having a hard time understanding what my issues are. I am seeking advice and help from "older" people who have more life experience. I must admit, I have had an easy life, so, I would like a wake up call before I get busy in "the real world".

I have thought A LOT about everyone's comments. THANK YOU ALL! If you have anything else in mind, then please keep the CONSTRUCTIVE comments coming. Gracias amigos!

Quote:

I am seeking advice and help from "older" people who have more life experience. I must admit, I have had an easy life, so, I would like a wake up call before I get busy in "the real world".

I have to admire your courage for asking this question, and your attitude for being willing to listen. A wise man once said its great to learn from your mistakes, its wiser to learn from the mistakes of others- (No I didn't say that, but its true.)

The most important thing we do for ourselves is to know about who we really are with no BS, and love ourselves, despite our mistakes. Then we seldom fall for the BS of others. Stay humble.

Thank you for the advice... and you are right. :)

AmExp... I hope it's becoming easier for you to get over this jerk... as time goes by! :)

Well thank you Ms. Julia! Yes, it is! I am pleasantly surprised!! I got a lot of help from the fabulous people ( some not so fabulous) of this forum! Many of you have given me a new insight which I am thankful for. Cheers!

that is exactly what is going on with me. He gets mad when I get all weird because he doesn't call back or it takes him hours to call me back.. I'm trying hard not to call him but when I do and he doesn't pick up I try even harder not to freak out.. he will want to talk to you more when you don't freak out.. as soon as you freak out it just reminds him of how much he doesn't want you around.. I hope everything works out for you =)

Thanks myheart. I have gone 3 days since the infamous "I miss you text" and I am much better than I thought I would! YAYA! Good luck to you as well.

AmExp, just remember to always remember others. Think about them before yourself and the rest will come. I have tried doing this for many years, and sometimes I get mud in my face but when I wake up and look in the mirror I am happy with what I see. Just remember the finer things in life, financially should come from work not someone who will provide them for you. Just look for someone who likes you for you and the same from you. Don't worry about their car or house just worry about what kind of person they are. Physical attraction has to be there but don't put all your eggs in that basket. If you want someone who looks good on your arm then you are not ready for a serious relationship. I have been there and done that. It always blows up on me. Now I look for someone who is more my kind on the life issues and personality front. Someone I can build the better life with not have it already made for me. We call those gold diggers and by the way you are asking for help I don't believe that you are one of those. Just look for happiness first and everything else will follow.
Good luck and God bless.

Thanks redwee! Update: So I broke th NC and I ended up sending a nasty message... I mean a VERY nasty message. I was frustrated with him and some other things. I basically told him "I heard he likes running around with skanky pill heads. That's his business but he should want to elevate himself to classier people. Just a thought." That was mean on many levels but this guy is a hole and I could not keep that bottled inside of me anymore. I told him what I thought. So what. OH well. All in all our conversation ended with him saying, "Please don't call me anymore." and the last thing I said was, "You were never on my level anyway." It is what it is. Also, a friend of mine told me he is playing me and trying to make me want him more. Is that true?

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmExp

Also, a friend of mine told me he is playing me and trying to make me want him more. Is that true?

Does it really matter?

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmExp

"Please don't call me anymore." and the last thing I said was, "You were never on my level anyway." It is what it is. Also, a friend of mine told me he is playing me and trying to make me want him more. Is that true?

Wow... that was really harsh. And you're right, very mean.

Don't do these verbal/text battles anymore. Be done. Don't do this to yourself or to him.

Walk away with grace... don't worry about him any longer. Don't analyze if he "still wants you"... its DONE. Leave it there.

He asked you not to call anymore. Don't. Don't text. Don't call. Don't try and find out about him. Be done with him. Really. Its not worth hurting yourself or him any more than you both already have.

Breaking the nc wasn't good but you know that. It doesn't matter who he goes with even if it a someone on crack, who cares and mainly why should you.

I think by you sending him that text it shows you do. Do he want you back or he is making you jealous, who cares. I think it's best that you erase him from your life and stop texting/contacting him.

The big question is do you want him back? Take a moment and think about what it was like to be him. I hope the answer is no.

I don't anymore. I feel like he is an at this moment but I could be saying this out of anger. LOVE is a crazy thing.

Yes, I personally know that love is a crazy thing.

Love is a crazy thing when you're virtually left at the altar. Love is a crazy thing when you have to choose between the man you love and your family. Love is a crazy thing when you're watching your hero die before your eyes from cancer that is literally taking his last breath. Love is a crazy thing when you're watching a widow bury the love of her life.

Love is a crazy thing when you're looking in to the eyes of true love, watching the world slip away. Love is a crazy thing when you see an old man with Alzheimers crawl into bed with his wife who is dying of lung cancer. Love is a crazy thing when you see your Dad burst with pride at seeing his son receive an honor from the governor while watching from his wheelchair because cancer has taken his last ounce of strength. Love is a crazy thing when you watch two people re-vow to love, cherish, and protect each other.

I've experienced all of these things.

Yes, LOVE is a crazy thing. There is so much more you have yet to experience about love.

WOW. You certainly put me in my place HistoriancChick. I see you have persevered through those things and here I am complaining about my little stupid situation. Thank you for taking the time to even address this foolishness. I hope you are well despite your obstacles.

Well it is OVER for sure... he called me back... not sure if it was to get one last hoorah or what but he doesn't want me texting or calling him. He claimed that if I were a "normal" person then maybe we could hang out sometimes and of course he had to add the fact that he doesn't put up with that stuff with girl friends and how I am definitely not his g/f ( love how he stated the obvious). Anyway, after this discussion my future posts will not be about him. AT ALL!

I forgot to tell you about the blissful side of the craziness of love...

The heart stopping entrance of the man you love after not seeing him for a month...

The music swirling around just the two of you as you eat a picnic dinner in the moonlight under the stars...

The divine moment when he says, I love you and only you...

The ecstasy when you realize that you love him and only him, too...

The pitter patter of your heart when he says you are his angel...

The safety in knowing that you don't have to worry about the safety of your relationship...

The craziness of love...

You'll experience it one day. Wait for that crazy guy. :)

I wish you the best these next few weeks as you'll be missing him. Stay strong. And really, we're here.

I've experienced it all, hon. And let me tell you, love is worth waiting for. :)

If you need us (or me, for that matter) we're here (or a private message away) :D

At this moment. I feel like I wasted so much time and money. This is crazy that even care about this character. He is not worth it. I wish I could just accept that he is not worth my time and MOVE ON.

Yeah, I guess one day I may experience those things again. My romantic life is looking very bleak at this moment in time.

Thank you for your advice and time. I will certainly keep your comments in mind for the future. Oh, and I will be sending you a message if I do need help! :)

It will happen. Don't force it, just focus on getting your heart and emotions back under control. Don't look for the next guy, don't look back at the last guy... just look at each moment and live each one the best you can.

That's the only way to live.

Actually it is funny, I went on a date last night and that was refreshing. I made one mistake... we had a brief discussion about my ex and he had a discussion about his. Ugh, and I mentioned him again today via text. I got to do better. You are right that I need to NOT LOOK BACK AT HIM. I certainly don't need to bring him into my new dating experiences. It is hard because I compare him to others often.

I think the guy is acting like a jerk.. sorry babe... if you read my situation, you would see I understand how you feel... but you need to know that he also still loves you and ACTS like it... not replying messages and saying "chill" are not good signs... move on, and come to dubai and party with me! :)

By the way... ur inbox is too full, can't send messages

I need something for sure. This is just not working for me. I moved back to this city in hopes that my romantic life would pickup where it left off ( and to finish my last semester). I love this city but I am not having as much fun as I thought. Sigh...

Read all the posts and most here are correct that he's just not that into you. It's not rejection so don't take it that way; it's just that you two aren't meant for each other... you can find someone much better anyway that will treat you as a lady should be treated. Wait for it... it'll be there when you least expect it... and don't take his call in 2 weeks when he's lonely or you're lonely and he wants a booty call... be done with him for good or your just cycle this thing all over again.

Good! So call your friends and hang out with them, turn off that radio if those love songs make you cry, listen to talk radio for a few weeks;... course that'll make you cry too.. jk.
Don't date for awhile either; just be you, learn who you are... make a list of what you'd like in a guy: funny, smart, caring, employed, etc. and make a list of that which you won't tolerate: abusive, alcoholic, not employed, not reliable, etc...
I'd say give yourself a grieving day but you've already been there w/that... a few times.
Your in your last semester I see; bury yourself in school and maintain a low profile for awhile; read, watch TV, go out w/friends but alcohol will bring on the drunk dialing thing; don't do that... seriously don't do that; give your cell to your friends so you're not tempted. I'm not going to say he may come back to you because YOU should not want him... you're smart, pretty, and soon to be a graduate so just move on down the road to a better person and place.

AmExp
Jenny has given you some good advise there , now it's up to you to do it for yourself and stop being stuck in this rut.

Start going down the NC Highway

I would have to agree with you as well. I do need to do that for sure. Thanks guys. :)

UPDATE!!

He called me Saturday asking, "If I was gong to behave better?"... I couldn't shake it and we talked and I apologized. We ended up spending the whole weekend together and for the most part had a good time. Was this bad? I know you all told me to move on but I was SHOCKED when I saw his number on my cell phone ID. HELP!

You should never let anyone make you feel worthless and don't allow any garbage!. you should never feel like you should apologise for every time you reveal your true feelings. The best thing for you is to move on and to find someone who wants to be with you and who will treat you with the respect and attention you deserve.

It seems like when you take a step forward you then take two steps backwards. Given the history with this guy deep down did you think it was the right thing? What happens the next time you call and he don't answer or you see him with another girl?

I think you should move on and don't look back. If he calls don't answer your not obligate too. Close this chapter of your life and add a new one.

Oh hon... I thought you were committed to moving on! That you were done with him, that he was out of your life for good, and that you were moving on!

Don't let him be your drug. The best way to quit is cold turkey, no looking back... the withdrawals suck, but everyone has to go through them.

Hopefully, you didn't set yourself up for another painful withdrawal...

Quote:

"If I was gong to behave better?"...

You are on your way to being a well trained puppy, and a willing slave to your master, who you put above yourself.

A healthy well adjusted person would have been mad, not happy, and wagging their tail.

If that's what you want, I'm glad you got it, but you could have saved all the drama, and BS, by kissing his butt in the first place, since that's all he wanted.