She wants to stay together "no matter what"
|
She wants to stay together "no matter what"
Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky
Another member posted this link, but I think it's a very good read.
thanks tal ^^
Threads merged
My girlfriend and I have been going out for six months. We've been through a few tough times but we still love each other. And she's also moving to California this summer so we may have to start a long-distance relationship. However, lately I've been feeling like I don't want to be in this relationship as much as I used to but other times I'm happy we're still together. This is my and her first relationship so I'm a little bit confused about this. Any advice?
Just try to stay positive. Meaning think of her feelings as well as yours.
After 6 months the honeymoon is over so to speak feelings change you just have ask yourself if she makes you happy and is this worth all the effort. Good luck
What should I talk to her about? How I'm feeling primarily or how to fix it?
Get over her.
If she's moving to Cali, chances are... she's going to fall for high school sports jock.
I live in Cali and went to high school....
I can see what you're coming from hjpan but I don't think that'll be the case... I'm not worried about her falling for somebody else because I'm perfectly okay with letting her go. But I absolutely refuse to do that before it happens because there's no way I can know. So I don't want to sound like I'm rejecting your advice, but I want to solve the problem at hand, not run away from it. But I can see where you're coming from.
This is a relatively new relationship and you're both on different ships going in different directions (sorry for the romantic novel images there)... just be thankful you met her and tell her that the distance is going to be too great to really make it work. It's better to agree to end the relationship for that reason... how refreshing.. a mature break up. You'll also leave both of you with a much healthier approach to your next relationships.
I always say.. be kind when you break up. Treat her as you would want to be treated at that moment... but also be firm about your decision. No false hope.
Good luck to you both.
Once again, I don't want to break up with her unless it's definite that we won't work out. And by that, I mean that it's something we can't work through. Distance is relative... 9 hours away could be just as bad as one hour. So please, help me identify and fix the problem at hand and not run away from it. Mature break-ups are good, yes. But what use is it being mature if it's not at the right moment? And to ward off anybody saying that I don't want to hear these pieces of advice, yes, I don't want to hear them. But that's because they're not addressing the question I want answered. Running away from this won't help me the next time this happens. I want to deal with it now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NItEMArE129
Serious advise?
I was in a long distance relationship with my first ex for more than 14 months. It was hard and unstable, but we've managed to meet up and hang out. Yes, we did have intercourse and we were virgins. Well, she left me for her "single life" in San Francisco to "party & get drunk" while her parents are paying $60k/year for her tuition + room & board.
We tried "friends" but she became a different person and was an @$$hole.
Regardless, it's not fair ofr you to make judgements upon a girl who you know absolutely nothing about. Because A) You don't know her and B) I haven't told you anything about her. Logically, I believe that I would be in a better position to judge her personality. Not everybody would do what your ex did to you, and while I am sorry for you, that doesn't mean I'm willing to hinder myself according to your experiences.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NItEMArE129
Why would you hold onto something that is broken or will be broken?
We're here to help you... I don't think we're in a position to do that. We don't know her... and honestly... if you seriously think the distance won't be a problem... then you're on your own.
We're here if you need us if/when this ends. It doesn't sound to me like either of you know how to communicate. There isn't an easy solution. Just know that a relationship at such an early age shouldn't be so much work and/or pain.
Broken? Can you prove that it is broken? All I've told you was that I don't feel the same as I used to and that it bothers me. That does not mean that I don't still love her. And will be broken? This whole time, I've said that I want to make it so that it WON'T be broken. In your situation, yes, it was broken. But in my situation, it's not. You're trying to compare my situation to yours and in doing so, you conclude that it is exactly the same and that I should end it now before I get hurt. However, my situation is just that; it's my situation, and not yours. There are differences, and they are major differences. First and foremost, my girlfriend and I respect each other and have been raised to stay away from alcohol and drugs. So, once again, don't assume anything beyond what I have told you. You are merely filling in the gaps with information from your own relationship that, honestly, have little relation to mine.
I DON'T FEEL THE SAME AS I USED TO AND THAT IT BOTHERS ME.Quote:
Originally Posted by NItEMArE129
You just admitted the relationship is broken.
No, I admitted that a honeymoon kind of love doesn't last forever. Novelty wears off. If you can feel the same way at the start of a relationship and at the point of one 6 years later, then you either found someone who constantly changes or you guys constantly break up and get back together.
Its time to make up your mind.
For a relationship and a long distance one to work
Both partners need to be on the same page
Talk with your partner find out where she is. And work out a plan together
Threads merged
My girlfriend has a lot of family problems. Her dad is abusive to her and her mother. He makes her feel unconfident and that she's worthless. He also screams at her mother too and makes her feel the same way. And this has been going on for 15 years. Her father refuses to listen to reason: he curses at counselors and walks out, he ignores my girlfriend and her mother when they try to talk to him, and he continues doing whatever he wants. My question is, how can this be changed? Can I do anything? Or is there anything I can advise her to do that will help her with her dad? And they do not want to get any law enforcement involved in this situation. Her parents don't know that I know this.
If her dad is really hurting her and her mother the best thing to do would be to get law enforcement involed you said tat they don't want to do tat by it might need to be done if not ask her if there is anything that you could do to help or maybe suggest that either her dad or her and her mom go to some kind of counciling if they think that that would help
I think it depends on how old you two are. Is she 15? 20? Maybe she could move in with you :-)
We're still teenagers in high school so I don't think she could move in with me haha. And is law enforcement really the best course of action right now? They've exhausted counseling because her dad just gets pissed off at the counselor, screams that it's a waste of money, and runs out. Is there anythign else?
Maybe your girlfriend can go to a psychiatrist by herself... her father obviously can't be controlled but the way she recepts and deals with his abusiveness can. They can teach her steps to tone him out, to gain back her confidence.
She already goes to a psychologist for clinical depression but he's next to useless... And her regular psychologist is on break for 3 years so he can't help.
These counselors and psychologists should be reporting the abuse to the Children's Services they are mandated by law to report abuse.
I really know the dad's point on them being a waste because I have never had any that did anything but sit there and say uhhmm.
I had one good one and she still didn't do or say anything. I felt like I was just as well off sitting at home telling the wall my problems and saving my time and bus money. BUT these counselors should have seen by his behavior that he is abusive and reported it to the CPS.
If they aren't going to do anything (and often CPS will not even do anything) then getting them involved will only make it harder because it WILL bring the very worst out in him that they were contacted. The mother should be taking a long hard look at what is going on and make decisions like leaving him. As long as she won't I am not sure there is much you can do without ending up having it create more problems. Other than that your girlfriend needs to stress to her psychologist exactly how bad it is and ask them for advise and help on getting out of the situation.
Does anybody have any tips for dealing with th eabuse and letting it roll off? Because I don't have any and this has caused her to have a lot of psychological problems.
It sounds like this has been a pattern of abuse that mom has accepted and that counseling is not working. The only way this will get resolved is if mom and daughter leave the household. As much as you want to help your girlfriend, there is really nothing you can personally do to change her father's behavior. He was probably abused himself and is unsure or unwilling to change this behavior. Your girlfriend's mom needs to make a change for herself and her daughter. They could go to a domestic violence shelter or call the police, have him removed and get a restraining order. The restraining orders will only do so much, the best thing would be to get away from him. If there is some family to go to that would be best, but it sounds like mom needs some counseling as well to get out of this abusive situation.
Don't try to solve this problem on your own, you can't and may make things worse.
If her dad flips out, have her come to your house for the night until he chills. Explain the problem to your own parents and let them know when she sleeps over.
I agree, you could make problems much worse if you try to intervene. Just be there to support your girlfriend, that's all you got to do
Having her come to his house for the night could cause a whole nother set of problems.Quote:
Originally Posted by timtim-awesim
Dad could call the police and get them for harboring a minor if she is a minor.
Plus that's probably a recipe for disaster because her dad is not OK with me being her boyfriend which would only make him angrier
He can't do anything because she's staying at a friend's house overnight. The police won't listen to his case..
Anyway you were making it seem like her staying at home was a recipe for disaster as well
And I didn't mean for her to move in, just for her to come overnight.
How do you figure?Quote:
Originally Posted by timtim-awesim
Yes it may be a recipe for disaster but you do not jump into the fire to get away from the smoldering heat.
And he can make the case sound however he wants it to. The police are obliged to listen and take it seriosly because they never know if it's real or not.
TIMTIM answer is the best at this point
Threads merged
This was out of curiosity because my girlfriend and I recently decided not to give gifts to each other for Valentine's Day. We're fairly young, and we ran out of ideas for gifts. I was curious to know if this could be potentially damaging to our relationship. Should we get gifts anyway, or should we just not get gifts?
Giving gifts is showing your willingness to please. However, using gifts to cover important factors like communication and time is't good as well. Gifts is not necessary but it's nice to get one once in awhile.
Hi, NItEMArE129!
If you've both decided not to get gifts, it's okay. If a couple gives gifts or not isn't a determining factor for success in a relationship, unless the couple has been together for a number of years and giving gifts is the thing that's expected to be done and one of the persons truly expects to be given and/or to give a gift. Then, there might be problems.
However, to have a problem simply because a person didn't receive or give a gift is irrational. There are much bigger things about which to be concerned in a relationship than material things.
Thanks!
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:09 AM. |