Ask Me Help Desk

I went out today and had a lot of fun it was nice. Something dawned on me while I was out... I can do what ever the hell I please atm. As far as not worrying about having a girl. It was kind of nice but the bowling alley reminded me of the last time I went with her. But I grew out of it as we all talked and bowled.

I ended up go back to friends house with his GF and eating pizza and just talking. It was really nice. But I did something stupid I looked at her myspace and she had Loved as her motion. Now that could mean a lot of things but I tell myself, I'm glad she feels loved. Not so much "HOW COULD SHE FEELED LOVED????" but kind of happy for her. I wish I could be an angry person. Also posted how she like nothing more to spend time with Him and her BFF and they are her life. But I think she might have saw myspace were I was talking to a former friend she kind of thought I liked, but it doesn't matter I let it go. Funny how things work out because I'm kind of talking to that girl again. It stings I'll admit but I read over the stickys here and calm down.

Just think of the poor boob who is sitting waiting, and wondering if she is thinking of him. Do you think he went out, and had fun, or even wants to? Do you think he will go out tomorrow, and maybe meet the one? When we get stuck in the past, life does pass us by.

So congrats for having a good time, and being ready for a better one.

Hard not to get upset over that. But I keep telling myself that life works itself out and there is defiantly a reason for everything. I have work from 8-6 tomorrow so it will be fun...

Like I said at first I was like . But then I calmed myself and said that's good she's happy. I will be soon too. Life has its messed up way of teaching us stuff.

All right going to work now :/. Again with the dreams. Hoping today will be a good day. Tired though. I regret looking on the myspace somewhat.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Expensive lesson??!?!?!?!

*Sigh* yes. I'll let it go, stop thinking about it is hard. Work so far has been all right . Last night was o.k but dreams still hitting hard.

Things were all right at work, although it was about 90 out and humidity was at a horrid level.
I had thoughts through out the day about her but kept telling myself its all right. When the thoughts of what she posted on myspace came about I said "I'm glad she is happy, I'll be happy soon enough"

I am starting to worry myself. I am feeling like nothing is real again. I find It hard to remember the past week. Might be because I'm tired. Time is just passing and I have no sense of it. Minutes turn to hours, hours turn to minutes. I'm feeling numb again. But I do miss her smile, the sparkle in her eye.

Last night was kind of rough. I was so tired but could not sleep. I ended up getting about 5 hours of sleep after being up for about 20 hours. I woke up and was unable to go back to sleep. Thoughts still constantly there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

Last night was kind of rough. I was so tired but could not sleep. I ended up getting about 5 hours of sleep after being up for about 20 hours. I woke up and was unable to go back to sleep. Thoughts still constantly there.

I have trouble sleeping thinking about things too. It's rough to get the mind to stop when you find your thought always drifting. I been having dreams which make me feel like even when I do sleep I'm still dealing with my dilemma. How long until we get some peace?

Quote:

Originally Posted by cantbelieveit

I have trouble sleeping thinking about things too. It's rough to get the mind to stop when you find your thought always drifting. I been having dreams which make me feel like even when I do sleep I'm still dealing with my dilemma. How long until we get some peace?

I don't know I'm approaching the 2 week mark. So hard to do. Memories creep into my head, I find myself then wondering how could someone say what they said and then this happen. I try to comfort myself and I have no control and I'll be happy eventually.

I've recently went through something similar. Long story short we were together 2 years. He did everything for ME. Even looked at rings, etc. then really all of a sudden (two weeks later) needed "space." a month later got back together (with his effort), bought me a promise ring, then two weeks later again... SPACE!! During the space time, he met someone else. Now here is what I learned.

As much as it hurts and you feel that you cannot do anything without her. You don't have an appetite, don't reall want to go out, when you go on with work, school, etc. you're just going through the motions, and we all know the rest... let me tell you, I wallowed for exactly 2 days and I'm really fine now (not just convincing myself) here is why:
My favorite quote first "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change"
1. you will never ever understand the reasons for any of it (she might not even know why, so how can you) so you will drive yourself to insanity trying to figure it all out. Would you call yourself insane? :)~
2. there are a lot of "if's" and "why's" but you can't change the past and can't predict the future, so live for right now.
3. don't let anyone tell you not to hurt, it's part of healing. Cry if you need to, but let it out and then don't let this consume you.
4. ever look back and see why something happened later on? For every down there is an up. No matter how bad something gets, there is always something better lingering right after it... so start looking forward to something exciting around the corner.
5. yes it might be her, she may absolutely come back, but she needs to see it for herself, and as much as you want to "help" her she will only have to learn her lesson, or make the choice for herself. We as humans love to learn our own lessons. But LEARN from the lesson...
6. as long as you feel you've done everything, that's what matters. Listen to your heart, but don't listen to that constant chatter in your mind. We're all here if you need more. :)~

Quote:

Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

I don't know I'm approaching the 2 week mark. So hard to do. Memories creep into my head, I find myself then wondering how could someone say what they said and then this happen. I try to comfort myself and I have no control and I'll be happy eventually.

Here's something that might help with that chatter in your brain... try to concentrate on now. The mind can't focus on two things at once. It may drift between two thoughts, but never two or more at once. We like to relive memories, etc. because it gives us familiarity, but doesn't do us good. Now if you can go outside for this, great, if not, you can do this anywhere you are right now.

Look at the things around you, really look at them, focus on the colors, textures, etc.. listen to the sounds around you, some of them you will all of a sudden realize they are there and didn't really hear them before... a clock ticking, the wind, a car driving by, etc. even just focus on your hand, the lines, the color, your fingernails...

Anytime you need to clear your mind, focus on the immediate NOW, and it should help with the mind chatter... let me know if it helps, even just a little, or even for just a few seconds... if it does, then with more practice, you can get better at it...

I have found music and playing a game distracts me. But They still creep around. Hard to stop the image of her face in my mind. I do everything I can to distract my mind but in the end they come back. As soon as my mind has a moment of non distraction Bam they are back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

I have found music and playing a game distracts me. But They still creep around. Hard to stop the image of her face in my mind. I do everything I can to distract my mind but in the end they come back. As soon as my mind has a moment of non distraction Bam they are back.

Of course they creep back, unfortunately we cannot just shut our heads up. But even if it's temporary, it helps. That is exactly why you'll hear everyone say, keep busy and do things you love. But when you just have to shut it off, do it again... every time they creep up. Refuse your thoughts to drive you nuts, drive your thoughts nuts instead. The more you do it, the longer and better it works.

Oh and another thing that might help (it helps me) is write everything down. When we are confused and have questions, we want to let them out. Have the other person hear US and what we think or feel, have them know how we hurt and how what they are doing is sometimes selfish because we are feeling too... I think maybe even getting on this site helped you a little... maybe?

So write all your thoughts, it helps you release them... even if you crumple or burn the page after so no one reads it... and then even reading what you write after you're done with the thought helps too... that's why we like to go to our friends and other people for advice... much of it is to let it all out... and sometimes we get good advice and are ready to take it.

When will I get it back? Will you ever return it? You might not even know you still have it after things changed. It probably has slipped your mind or has it? Like a shelf missing a book its noticeable. It was given without a question, with no strings attached because I thought I'd never have to get it back. But seeing as you have no use for it now when can I have it back? To get it back would fill the empty space on the middle of the shelf. It would ease my mind and fill that blank spot.

Get what back exactly? Your sanity, or her?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Siciliana_Maria

get what back exactly? your sanity, or her?

My heart.

You have to understand that only YOU can fill your voids. We cannot rely on other people to fill them. I am not saying to never trust her or anyone ever again. But this is our life, not theirs. It is NOT being selfish. If you are not happy and cannot make yourself happy, then how can you make anyone else happy, or how can they make you happy?

The point is to be able to SHARE a life with people... whether they be friends, family, companions, partners, girlfriends, wives, etc. not have them be in control of your happiness. You will "get it back."... I'm going to wait to hear from you before I go on ;)

U said it before I answered. YOUR heart.

Its not meant in the sense I need her. Not saying I need her to be happy or anything. Sense of moving on. I think you misunderstood it but then again I left it open for interpretation.

Well you have a strong head, and mostly know what to do... sometimes we just need to hear confirmations of what we already know. You said it perfect in your last response... it all sucks, and we like to give our love...

Time only heals that part, that part will be filled again, whether it be with her, or someone else... you have to be positive though. If you just KNOW 100% that you are meant to be together than KNOW you will be in time... if you are not so sure, know to not keep your eyes closed and that feeling will pass

Know what helped me a little too... I found myself always wondering what he was doing, or thinking, or wondering if we would get back together...

So I did this: well I'm not calling him. (and I put myself in his shoes)...

It works the other way too. In time she'll say... I really thought he'd be there, why hasn't he tried to call me? What's he doing, did he forget about me? Did I mess up? That's the stuff that will get her thinking, so keep strong... that part usually works.

Time... that forever constant. The only cure for a broken heart is time. Seems like a cruel joke does it not? I appreciate the words of encouragement, I do. But things are much easier said then done. To not call or message her has put my limit of restraint to the test. Its like Adam and Eve if you know the story. The point of NC is not to win them back. As someone posted (sorry I can't give credit atm) It will either bring them sniffing around or high fiving their friends you haven't talked to them. But I can not sit and wait for the false hope as time does not stop for anyone. If I sit and wait life will pass me by. I have not turned down any social invitations. I even went out with some friends I never really have.

I am not in denial, I'm not sitting waiting by the phone or on the computer for a possible message. I have even opened myself to a former friend who had an interest in me and mind you still does. I am not looking to open another chapter at the moment but to be able to talk and she can relate to my situation helps. I am ready for what ever is waiting down the road.

She messaged me.I lost the other part she messaged me. Basically asked me how I was. I said fine asked her. But after talking and she explained I did need to let my feelings go for her. She lost internet and then this her best friend messaged me F.U.C.K this.

Steph: Nate, britt wanted me to tell you that her internet isn't working...she's off watching a movie...but we need to talk...just you and me...
wikedjuggalo1001: :/
wikedjuggalo1001: Talk away. My heart is broken.
Steph: Nate, first of all, i've seen your myspace...you need to take micheal buble OFF of your page and stop blogging like an emo kid...you're not emo..and trying to suck every last drop of sympathy out of everyone will only make you feel worse...i'm your friend and i'm britts friend, ans as your friend i will say thart britt was a sucky girlfriend, she beat you up and made you do things you didn't want to do...
wikedjuggalo1001: Look I did what I wanted to
Steph: i honestly do not think this is love, i think you think it is because she was with you for so long and was affectionate
wikedjuggalo1001: Is that what is is about? She thinks she wasnt good enough?
Steph: i'm just saying...start the healing process, stop moping around...
Steph: NO lol hell no
wikedjuggalo1001: I am starting the healing process
wikedjuggalo1001: I didnt talk to her
wikedjuggalo1001: I removed her from my life.
wikedjuggalo1001: I'm trying
wikedjuggalo1001: You try having your heart crushed
Steph: ....been there done that ...
Steph: this is your first big fling...it's hard i understand that but you're only hurting yourself more
wikedjuggalo1001: Stepg
wikedjuggalo1001: You know what it took for me not to call her
wikedjuggalo1001: and
wikedjuggalo1001: Not meaning to sound angry
Steph: you'll look back on this and think "we really weren't right for eachother"
Steph: it's ok
Steph: i felt it...
wikedjuggalo1001: Sigh
wikedjuggalo1001: I thought I felt something too
wikedjuggalo1001: I thought I felt it when she looked me in my eyes and said I can't wait to marry you
Steph: i remember my first thought when i saw how you guys were toigether.....i thought "she's gonna hurt him without meaning too"
Steph: nate...release....you need to let it go....the sooner you do the better it will feel
wikedjuggalo1001: I have been
wikedjuggalo1001: I truly have been
wikedjuggalo1001: But it wont be over night
wikedjuggalo1001: Nothing hurts more then being left for someone else
wikedjuggalo1001: and I'm not being emo
Steph: i know, just don't mope...ok? you've been online ALOT...you NEVER blog...
wikedjuggalo1001: I have left my stuff up
wikedjuggalo1001: if you must know I have been out with friends and such
wikedjuggalo1001: I went bowling and such
Steph: i just don't want you to fall into some pit of despair...you know?
wikedjuggalo1001: I'm climbing out of it after someone threw me in it
wikedjuggalo1001: Or was attempting too
Steph: lol..nate this si what i'm talking about...go look, a great guy like you will find someone A THOUSAND TIMES MORE AMAZING...
Steph: is there anyone you even looked at or thought of when you were together even in teh SLIGHTEST???
wikedjuggalo1001: Honestly one person but I didnt want to end what we had
Steph: who was it?
wikedjuggalo1001: Does not matter that ship sailed away
Steph: well who...now i'm curious lol
wikedjuggalo1001: Kristi. But I don't wanna hear well maybe you should be with her
wikedjuggalo1001: I know what my heart wanted
wikedjuggalo1001: I will heal and move on
Steph: brittany want you to be happy...she really does because you are a great guy.
Steph: brittany want you to feel what she's feeling...listen, she thought she was inlove too until it REALLy hit her, she still cares for you alot...and wants you to be happy...
wikedjuggalo1001: Yeah I will eventually
wikedjuggalo1001: I wont heal from being left for someone else over night
wikedjuggalo1001: Its not human too
Steph: i know, i just thought you needed some tough love, you know...tell you to get off your and find someone new, because mostly everyone will just ptiy you and call britt a and ...
wikedjuggalo1001: Yeah I told them I didnt wanna hear it
wikedjuggalo1001: I'm not looking for sympthay
Steph: good...do you want any of your stuff back? britt was talkign to me about it the other day and she said she'd talk to you about ti but i guess she forgot...we'll bring anything you want back over
wikedjuggalo1001: What ?
Steph: all the stuff you gave her and stuff
wikedjuggalo1001: I don't want anything back.
wikedjuggalo1001: Thats just retarded
Steph: ok lol
Steph: is there anything of britts that you wanna give back to her?
wikedjuggalo1001: She can have her calculater back after Pre-cal or after I get money to buy one
Steph: has she talked to you about it?
wikedjuggalo1001: No
wikedjuggalo1001: I don't want to
wikedjuggalo1001: This is it.
wikedjuggalo1001: You want me to heal.........
Steph: ok
Steph: yes
Steph: i do...
Steph: get rid of all her stuff, heal, find someone that you truly love
wikedjuggalo1001: I already did
wikedjuggalo1001: got rid of it
Steph: it'll hit you....lol
wikedjuggalo1001: I'm glad it sounds that easy
wikedjuggalo1001: But goodbye
Steph: ok...bye
wikedjuggalo1001: I hope you and Jason stay happy, I hope she will be happy
Steph: i hope you will be happy too
wikedjuggalo1001: She crushed my heart
wikedjuggalo1001: But I'll get over it in time
Steph: like a rock.. i know....
wikedjuggalo1001: Glad its so easy for her
Steph: i know you will..^_^
wikedjuggalo1001: Really does speak volumes of how she felt about ,e
Steph: love is love nate...she's in it
wikedjuggalo1001: Which is great
Steph: she wasn't INlove with you nate
wikedjuggalo1001: I'm glad
wikedjuggalo1001: I know that now
wikedjuggalo1001: it has been made clear, It couldnt have been waived any closer in my face
wikedjuggalo1001: Goodbye
wikedjuggalo1001: I hope she stays happy with him and you with Jason

I can be free. I know how she feels now. The questions were answered. I'm not crying I'm not shaking. I can see now. I can see he friend was right. I would jump through hoops for her. I thought it was love, but it truly was not. Now I must begin to find one who will. I can see now We'd do anything she wanted to regardless of my feelings. That's not right. Everyone's post make so much sense now. It was what she wanted when she wanted that's not a healthy relationship. Now I know.

If that conversation helped, I'm glad. Your young, my man. You've got your ENTIRE life to find the girl that is perfect for you. We all do.

Glad it all finally makes sense... time to get OFF that Emotional Rollercoaster and get on with your life.

Even after it makes sense it doesn't... lol. :)~

I know you may be ready to move on, but another piece of advice... heal first before you date anyone you remotely care about, you might realize later you weren't ready and end up hurting them... I think you mentioned a friend? If you are thinking of starting something with this friend, and she felt for you all this time, then she will want you to heal first too. AND be able to wait. The worst thing of all is being hurt and then hurting someone else... it's happened to me before, and the only reason... I didn't give myself time to heal and feel all that I was supposed to.

I am getting off this roller coaster. I told her I don't need to be contacted again. Looking back I see I was blinded because someone showed me affection. Stupid mistake. But now I know. I have learned.

I won't go around starting a relationship I'm not ready too. I'm not completely healed but I'm off the roller coaster. I was healing over this NC part. But now I don't see it as a NC time. She doesn't exist in my book anymore. There is no need too. It was made clear she did not love me, and looking back I am doubting what I felt. I wonder if it was just the affection that clouded me. Mind you the sex was great I'll miss that. But I won't miss running around doing stuff. I mean I would do anything, but that boils down to more of what kind of person I am then I was blinded.

I am happy when I see other people happy and by doing stuff for people I do just that.
Something dawned on me lol. She didn't get my blog about the missing item. She brought up maybe she had something I needed back but it wasn't an item it was my heart I needed back. She returned it when she had this conversation.

But now I jump back into the sea of people, I have been out of it for a while.

Everyone thanks for the advice. Taking some of it I think helped me not be cut as deep. Looking back the question that ran through my head were answered. I can let her go for good now.

I will take time to look back on the relationship and see what I did that was unhealthy and right off the back her best friend pointed it out. I did anything and everything she asked for. That's not healthy.

I know she had feelings for me and I defiantly do/did for her. But it wasn't love it was affection for each other. It ran its course.

I won't let life pass me by. I will embrace what is out there and know one day I will be happy with the one for the rest of my life. Down the road.

Now to bed. No more sadness no more sleepless nights.

We're here if you "relapse" haha. Just kidding... not really funny but sometimes we think we're ready, I've had enough, I'm not stupid, I'm moving on, etc.

This part at least makes us smarter and wiser, and another step forward (which is always good) but sometimes, just when you think you are ready to move back on, the memories creep forward. I hope this doesn't happen for you, but of course we are here if it does.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Siciliana_Maria

we're here if you "relapse" haha. just kidding...not really funny but sometimes we think we're ready, i've had enough, i'm not stupid, i'm moving on, etc.

this part at least makes us smarter and wiser, and another step forward (which is always good) but sometimes, just when u think u r ready to move back on, the memories creep forward. i hope this doesn't happen for you, but of course we are here if it does.

I hope they don't either but I felt closer. I know everything wasn't a lie and I also know it was not really love. Its clear now. I embrace the memories and enjoyed the time.

Yes, very important that u see that everything wasn't a lie. Every good memory is worth holding on to. You're are going to be very okay... you're not lost, and you know what to do. It just sucks that it happens. But we learn and we grow and it makes our next relationship better because we know more of what we want, what we want to give, and what we'd like to experience... sweet dreams my dear <3

I'm feeling pretty good this morning. There was a message up from her Best Friend asking if I was o.k etc that she didn't want to sound mean last night etc. I just closed it and continued getting ready for school. For the first time in 2 weeks I did not have a dream of her. I instead had a dream of losing my college ID, which I hope I do not.

I did have some negative thoughts last night but I dismissed them. I only woke up once for a little while.

I'm hungry...

I'm not completely done but after last night I do not know something was lifted.

It gets easier bro - I still can't believe how, but it does.

Sounds like you're in for a good day. You're young, you have your health, the whole world is sitting for us out there man. We're both going to be OK.

Quote:

I'm not completely done but after last night I do not know something was lifted.

You still need time but you have gone a long way from those first days and you have accepted the situation for what it is. I agree with cowboyjai in that it does get easier with time. And as time passes by the weight you felt you were carrying around gets lifted and you can slowly start living your life again. And you will occasionally get the negative thoughts or dreams but each time you will place less importance on them. In a sense that is a driving force by itself. The drive to get to the point were you won't have any negative thoughts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by busterite

You still need time but you have gone a long way from those first days and you have accepted the situation for what it is. I agree with cowboyjai in that it does get easier with time. And as time passes by the weight you felt you were carrying around gets lifted and you can slowly start living your life again. And you will occassionally get the negative thoughts or dreams but each time you will place less importance on them. In a sense that is a driving force by itself. The drive to get to the point were you wont have any negative thoughts.

I had thoughts of her today, but not a negative way they didn't make me sad. I remember the good times of stuff we did, once or twice the though why would she say she loved me and then not now , but I dismissed them by saying at that time that's what we thought it was.

I can see clearly now it was not really a healthy relationship as I stated I did everything she asked trying to make her happy. I guess the attention plus the sex blinded me. She didn't take advantage of me in the way of money or anything and she may not have really meant to.

Well today has been good. I'm in the process of planning a trip to WV. Sometime next month. Be nice to have a vacation. I'll have my check from school and such so ^^. I still am thinking of her but not hurting like I was. Like I said just memories. I do not how to explain it to be honest. After that conversation something was lifted.

I can not thank everyone on here enough, although I did not want to believe it.

I am finding I am having feelings rekindling for this old girl who moved away. I am taking it very careful. I do not want to hurt or be hurt. I have spoken to her a lot on myspace lately. I do not want to leap frog into anything so I won't. I am going to keep it cool and calm.

Be careful of those feelings, wiked. Your heart and mind might be playing tricks on you, wanting to replace feelings that have just been lost.