When we are in love we often give meaning to things that may have no meaning at all.
She wants to be friends, and feel no guilt about loving her ex still. If you are cool with that you are all set. If you are not, protect yourself.
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When we are in love we often give meaning to things that may have no meaning at all.
She wants to be friends, and feel no guilt about loving her ex still. If you are cool with that you are all set. If you are not, protect yourself.
Good advice.. a huge part is me accepting that I might not get her back, and have to determine how much I can handle... the truth is I am fine without her... like I can eat, sleep, drink, go out wit friends :).. BUT I really do miss her and still really like her.. and when I see her, there is still smthg for sure... so I know that I can handle not getting her back, but still going to try
So I'm thinking of calling her tonight or tmrw, just to have a nice conversation, see how she is, let her know I am there for her (considering that I haven't called her in 2 weeks, she called me a week ago, and when she saw me 2 days ago, we didn't have much of a conversation)
Then of course I go NC for another week or till next weekend when we see what her next move is
Called her about one hour ago... had one of the best conversations we ever had.. very interesting, funny, comfortable, flirty ;)... we both agreed that next time we see each other we wouldn't make it uncomfortable/awkward like 2 nights ago... the conversation lasted about one hour... she tried explaining how stressed she was and what she was going through.. I told her its OK, the past is the past, hope your OK now, etc..
I ended the conversation by saying going out for dinner, keep in touch and take care, have a good day tmrw
Point: finally had a nice decent conversation since the break up... re-established that we can be good together (the conversation, the flirting, the laughing, etc) and it felt like smthg was rekindled.. can't explain it, but it was just one of those convos that click
Am I out of the woods? Of course not! Still early? Yes! Am I expecting anything? No! But was it a good step to getting her back? Hell yes!
Now I'm going back to giving space and time... let her choose when to do the next move
Like I say, mix it up.. friendly, but flirtatious... space, but once in a while come back in the pic... this will get your girlfriend back (if you want her back); not total distance and then hoping she comes back
Regards
"This will get ur gf back (if u want her back); not total distance and then hoping she comes back..."
Maybe... But you can't control her. I know you feel like it's possible. But it may not be.
I am glad you all chatted and it made you feel better. I just hope you find peace from here. And since you are a new relationship maybe worth a try.
Just so you know, your odds are not high. She is likely aware of the subtle attempt at manipulation.
I know a lot of 'tricks' for getting women, and getting them back... but when searching for a REAL relationship, the less games the better in the long run.
You stated that you are not expecting anything, but I don't think that you are being totally truthful. I feel that you are expecting to get back together based on your last conversation. Yes, this conversation may have gone well, but remember that she has a LONG past history of constantly going back to her ex. She is sooo confused. What is to stop her from going back to him again and again every time that she is confused? You may want her back, but are you willing to have to go through this time and time again? Those are questions that you need to ask yourself.
If your going be her friend be her friends but don't be her friend expecting you can be more than that. It seems like you want to seem like your over her but your really not. If the best plan can fold so be careful with your intentions and know things don't always go as you plan.
U guys are right... it is risky... I of course want her back, but not thinking far ahead about what happens if she goes back to her ex sometime down the line... that is why I have decided to try to get her back, but on my own terms... if things work out, I will definitely have to sit and have a talk with her about her boyfriend situation
But for now, I'm enjoying talking to her and seeing her again from time to time and seeing where that takes us
Last night in our phone conversation, she told me she was feeling sick.. so I MESSAGED her today asking how she is.. she CALLED me and we ended up having a 30 minute conversation that was also nice and flirtatious...
I agree! You never know if she will move back their and tell him about you so just stay away! Sorry man!:(Quote:
Originally Posted by N0help4u
It sounds contradictory, doesn't it? She told you "she called him bc of pressure at work" and than she told you "She likes you, but she loves him". The lady doesn't seem confused. She feels guilty. Some people just can't take guiltyness, and tend to act like at least they are not lying to you or keeping something secret (and than, after some contacts: Im sorry, but you know, its not you... its me), but they are going their way, and this is just the first step. She didn't just woke up from the bed and said, OK, I'm going to call my exbf today, or why do I feel so confused today?. She was thinking about that long time ago, and in the meantime saying sweet words to you. Im not saying she is bad or evil, she is just human. She knows its wrong to do something like that to a caring, bla bla bla, person like you, and that makes her feel bad for you, but she already made up her mind. Its not because she already had enough of you! She didn't had enough of him!Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Pressure, realize, space, etc... its not the case. You have to pressure yourself to realize that you need space! I haven't see any good from any kind of situation like this.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Did you put some note on the front door with "DO NOT ENTER, IM HERE! GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!"? Come on.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Good for you. Learn to not expect anything! Because if something is going to happen, it will happen. If you keep thinking "what, why, when, what if", you will have to deal with the conseguences. A big and long-time headache. Expecting may be delusive, because it may not be what you want it to be.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
You keep on telling us that you will give her space and that you have learned not to expect anything, but you still dwell on your idea of how she should lead her life now. She might just want to be out socializing with others and have a good time BECAUSE she's in another country... but wishing she were there with him. That's human too, and you have to accept this if it's in fact how she really thinks. You cannot read another persons mind - or change it for that matter - it's a two-way street which is only controlled by each individual and how they perceive their goals in life.
And IF you two get together - you will have not right whatsoever to 'have a talk' about her ex with her, unless she completely give him up for you and is wearing your wedding ring. And, not even that give any one of us a right to determine who someone talks to - we don't own anyone, ever.
We share chapters in life with others, give and take, learn and trust. These lead to happiness, and should not start with or lead to stress and accusations - that's not love, it's selfishness.
You can continue this 'chase' but to me, it sounds like it's taking a strain on you and you should be spending time finding warmth and happiness and not building a relationship on past or present problems that you think you might be able to 'straighten' out in due time - she might have something to say about that too.
Take a look in the mirror and ask what exactly is it that you are expecting from yourself - for yourself, then you can see what you can expect from others...
Is there something in your life that you have to prove? And to whom?
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif
Whoa! What is this gang up on tabbarat day?
1) u keep on saying what am I doing and making me seem like the bad person... first of all, when she told me she was talking to her ex again and realized she still loved him, I bowed out and told her I wish you the best and want you to be happy even if its not with me... I didn't contact her for more than a week... SHE called me first... then I proceeded to invite her FRIEND... but SHE came... I MESSAGED her last night to check on her, SHE CALLED me...
Its true I want her back, its true I miss her and still like her... but at this point, it takes 2 to tango.. I know she is probably confused.. I know she still likes and I may be taking advantage of it.. but why am I a bad person? She can easily not call or see me, etc.. she has control as well... just because I'm trying to get her back doesn't make me a bad person.. just makes me someone who is willing to fight for love
2) of course she probably wasn't FULLY over him while she was with me (I mean 10yrs is a long time, and I met her only 2 months after her break up with him)... but it was working out the 4 mnths we were together... she would tell HIM to move on and she fell for me, etc... what TRIGGERED her to call him was the pressure at work... like I said, sometimes I still call my ex of 5 yrs when I need someone to talk to...
So sorry, matteus, but its not all guilt... no one is forcing her to call me and want to stay in touch with me.. she could have easily cut the converstion short after 10 minutes instead of wanting to stay longer on the phone with me when I said I had to go! That's right, folks... last night I said I had to go, she didn't want me to hang up
3) of course I didn't put a sign telling her don't come to the same place as me.. but don't be so naïve, matteus... if I wanted to avoid someone or thought seeing her would make me uncomfortable, I wouldn't go! Simple! Been there, done that to girls I didn't want to see anymore
4) your right, though.. not expecting anything.. its safer like that... right now, I still really like her and want her back... but honestly, if we end up staying friends its fine by me... I like single life as well...
I know she really likes me too, but is confused about what to do... thats why I'm giving space as well.. if she puts some effort, I'm going to give effort as well... she calls, I call... if she cuts me out, then I'll cut her out
But sorry guys, not going to cut her out if I fel I can still get her back
In fact, why doesn't her stupid boyfriend give up! I mean he should realize she moved... she met someone else and fell for him... she moved on.. she rejected his marriage proposal.. maybe he should consider giving space as well
Regards
Friendly reactions. My ex messaged me, 3 months later after the last contact. And I replied in a friendly mode. She even asked me for a favor, 1 year after the breakup. And I helped her. I wasn't expecting anything! For me, she is nothing more but just a friend now. No heart feelings, nothing, nada. I do not miss her! I miss what she was before, as she was my girlfriend.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Buddy, if she is willing to stay, she doesn't have to call or message you! She runs for you! Calling and message are "the power of old behavior". It happened to me. For 2 months long, since the breakup, we used to write to each other, first every week, than every 2 weeks, and than... every 3 months, or more.
Is that called love? I name it Need. And in this situation, need is indeed selfiness, just because you already know everything what happened, you know her wishes, and still go opposite of her thoughts and do not respect her actions. She is the one who said she loves him. She is the one who wants to go. And you are not willing to give up. Call it whatever you want. As you said, it needs two to tango. But does it seem like this is the case? Cause she is not willing to dance.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Rebound relations aren't real. So don't keep lying to yourself and stop telling yourself it was working!Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
You call someone, when you need someone to talk. We all do, may it be an ex, or an old friend, doesn't matter. But after that, you don't tell your current partner "im sorry, i like you, but i love her".Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
That may be something. a passing time, or a "i miss you, dont hang up", or whatever. But believe me when I say. When you want someone, you go out of your way! Just do not expect anything. Let her mind work toward you. Do not keep thinking on "what if, why did she, etc". It brought me nothing good!Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
How could have she known you were there??Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
You want someone back, who doesn't seem like is wanting to come back!Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
She didn't moved on, as the situation explains.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Regards too
I'm a bit busy at work now, but will be sure to reply to your post point for point later on...
But smthg that caught my eye and must answer quickly.. u asked how was she to know I was at the place when she came...
If you read back, you can see that I invited her FRIEND telling her to come join me if she wants in this restaurant.. I was with some friends playing cards and eating... 1 hr later, her friend AND my ex come.. and when I don't go sit with them, they send me a note and some drinks to the table
Ttyl, take care
I don't think anyone is calling you a bad person but only giving you their advice.
You stated her ex should back off but you never know what she is telling her ex. She could be telling both of your something different and there are two sides to every story. Again, the pressure from work didn't make her contact her ex, mostly likely she was always in contact with him. Otherwise, your would still be together. Also, if that's the case who to say when she will felt more pressure it that right to link back with her ex? In the end it is up to you what you do but mostly everyone is warning you of an outcome that might not be what you planned. Again, you can expect much from someone that isn't over their ex.
She has you in the friendzone, and that's where you'll stay as long as the ex is still in the picture. I venture to say, just because she has been honest with telling you how she feels about the ex, and her breaking up with you, that's reason enough to leave her alone, and all of your thoughts, and actions, are based on false hope, and the fact she is still keeping you around.
Lets face it, she does a little, and you see her changing her mind, and coming back to you. Sorry to say that doesn't sound like love, bur denial. Your not fighting to get her back, your proving she doesn't need you in a relationship, to keep you around. She can never miss you that way.
1) make up your minds! Am I trying to keep her around because I am in "denial" or is she keeping me around in the "friendzone"?!
The truth is, and to her admission last night, she still likes me, and is confused.. she also said that she didn't tell her ex about me (wants to keep us both separate)... true she loves him, but she hasn't seen him in 9 months! And then she met me, and fell for me (also said that yesterday)
I can agree with you guys on one thing.. as long as the ex is in the picture, we can never be a relationship again... so then there are 3 possibilities: we either stay only friends, or I become an affair, or she decides that she only turned to him in a moment of pressure, and realizes that she doesn't want a long distance (back to where she was when she rejected his marriage proposal) and then come back
2) I'm not saying she wants me back now! I'm not turning a call and a message into her running after me! I'm not 10yrs old! All I'm saying it is a first step... if she wanted a clean break she could have easily done it and avoided me
When I broke up with girls, I wouldn't answer their calls later, I would not message, and of course not go to where I knew they would be!
The girl is confused,, she still likes me... what she is going to do about it is the question and depends on how I play it... SORRY, BUT U GUYS DID NOT HEAR THE 2 LONG CONVOS WE HAD, AND DID NOT SEE HER REACTIONS WHEN SHE WAS WITH ME... its easy to look from the sidelines and judge.. so cut me some freakin slack
The flirting on the phone is "friendzone'? Hmmm... when I want to keep girsl in the friendzone I don't flirt back to them and tell them no please stay on the phone, don't go
ALL IM SAYING, IS THAT SHE STILL HAS FEELINGS AND IS CONFUSED (to her admission)... YES SHE LOVES HER EX, BUT IS CONFUSED ABOUT IF SHE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE... I WANT HER BACK KNOWING THIS... SO I GIVE HER SPACE TO WORK OUT HER MIND, BUT ONCE IN A WHILE FLIRT TO KEEP US OUT OF THE FRIENDZONE...
That's what I'm doing... and as long as she has feelings, I'm going to act... she calls, I call... she doesn't call, I don't call... not forcing anything, and not denying, etc.
We'll see how it plays out... if she comes back good, if not, good too.. then I'll stop trying
First you need to reread the rules for rating answers and don't disagree just because of your emotions. When I stated she might be telling you and her ex two different things that didn't imply whether she told him about you or not. I also find it odd that she didn't tell him about you. Anyway from this point on I won't comment on this post any longer.
Sorry about the rating.. im new to this.. I didn't see any rules:)
If you don't want to comment anymore, I can rspect that.. thanks for your posts so far, though
Just a last question.. why is it odd she didn't tell him about me?
I guess this is a case of learning your own lessons first hand. The advice you have been given is only our opinion, and by rule, deserves no disagreement rating, unless it is dangerous, or false in facts.
Don't take it so personal.
Why she didn't? Ask yourself. In my opinion, she didn't told him anything about you, just because she felt like hurting him, and making him feel bad. She was not ready to tell him. But she will do it. And you know why? To provoke a jealosy reaction from him. If she wanted just friends with him, its nothing wrong to tell a friend you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Why she didn't? Ask yourself. In my opinion, she didn't told him anything about you, just because she felt like hurting him, and making him feel bad. She was not ready to tell him. But she will do it. And you know why? To provoke a jealosy reaction from him. If she wanted just friends with him, its nothing wrong to tell a friend you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Why she should avoid you? We usually avoid someone who made some bad to us. You didn't.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
I think you have to leave it, she could have stayed with you but chose to go back to her man of 10 years, there is lots of history there and I don't think you will ever win her over.
Like and love are miles apart.
I hate to beat a dead horse, as what I am going to say has kind of already been said. I just want to add my thoughts and perspective. I also find it very odd that she claims that she did not say anything to her ex about you. Why do I find that odd? Well, when you are in a true love relationship (and sometimes even a "like" relationship) with someone, you tell EVERYONE you know about that person. In this case, it almost sounds like she does not want to mention to her ex that she has met ANYONE, much less someone that she has been with for even 4 months. If I would be wondering about anything, I would be wondering WHY didn't she say anything to him about the fact that she even met you as a friend? She didn't even say that she met you PERIOD, right?
I don't think that you are a bad person. EVERYONE has (or will) go through some kind of heart ache in their lives. It means that we are human and have feelings. We are just here to offer you advice from our own life experiences. Take what you can from all of it, but don't get mad at anyone who may say something that you may not want to hear. If you don't like it, ignore it. You are going to do what you are going to do, regardless of what anyone says about it. Believe me, we care about your situation, otherwise we would not be commenting on it. We just don't want to see another human being hurt in the same way that maybe we have been hurt in the past by someone we THOUGHT cared for us as well. That is human nature, too.
I also wanted to comment on the fact that you say that you really know what this girl is thinking. Believe me, no you don't. No one can be 100% sure of what another person is thinking. Being with someone for just 4 months does not mean that you really know a person. Shoot, sometimes when you are with someone for over a year, you may not REALLY know someone. You only know someone as well as they WANT you to know them. I don't think that she has been totally truthful about who she is or her intentions with you or with herself. I just say be careful. If you want to go after her, then do it. However, know that past behaviors are VERY GOOD indicators of future behaviors. If you can live with ALL of her past behaviors and want to continue questioning why she does everything she does, why she says the things that she says to you and what she means by the things that she says, why she does or does not say certain things to her ex about you or anyone else, then go for it. No one is stopping you.
1) well, she didn't tell him she met me and fell for me... this is what she told me... but she did tell all her family... her dad and mom know about me.. spoke to them on the phone actually... I met her sister and went out all together a couple of times... she lives with her aunt here in dubai, we also used to go out with her... and in fact she called me 2 days ago to see how I was (hmmm.. her aunt, who lives with my ex asked called to ask about me.. could it mean smthg? Maybe yes, maybe no).. so she did tell her family and friends
So, I don't really care if she told her ex or not... not a big deal... I know that he used to call her when she was with me at the beginning, and in front of me she used to tell him to move on.. she moved on and he should to
2) I'm sorry if I offended anyone... I appreciate all posts, good or bad.. thanks
3) thank u,, and your right, I take your appreciated advices, but in the end will do what I want...
I just want you people to know, that I am not still trying to get her because I'm a bad or manipulative person... I really like the girl and know I can make her very happy... as long as she still has feelings, I'm going to act on it... I don't want to just give up
The moment she shows me she is completely over me, and wants to fully dedicate herself to her long distance ex, I will gracefully bow out... trust me, I like single life too!
The moment I don't feel the vibes she sends when she calls me, or when we see each other... the moment she stops calling, or answering my calls or messages, then I will know where her heart FULLY is
So far they do... I mean I didn't call her for a week after the break up and SHE called me... I invited her FRIEND out, and SHE came with her... I called 2 nights ago for the first time since the break up and we had a very nice and flirtatious conversation... last night I MESSAGED her, and she CALLED me right after instead of messaging back and had another long nice conversation (she didn't want me to hang up)
So, so far, the actions are a bit similar... now giving space again for a couple of days to see what the next step is
I think this is what your comment is on right? Hope I answered the right part.. thanks anyway
I think she still likes you... confused who to go withQuote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
The thing is about inviting her friend out was that you knew that your ex would be with her, so therefore you actually were hoping that she showed up. You were expecting it. Again, this does not make you a bad person but it shows that she is not the only one who is doing the contacting. Hey, if you want to go after her, then go after her. If you want to drop her, then drop her. No one can tell you what to do, what she is thinking, what you should think, etc. You are going to do what you are going to do and you will have to live with the results of your actions.
That is true Mom of 2 but sometimes breakups make you act out of impulse and your emotions and therefore it is hard sometimes to see that thin line between what is still okay and what is said to be crossing the line, Which is why it is always good to have a outsiders opinion on the matter.
She is confused about who she wants to go with.. and as long as that's the case, I will try to get her back (but not in a manipulative way)
To tell the truth, I didn't know she was with her friend... but I knew that the she would tell my ex I invited her... I was testing to see if she would come... looks like she passed the test ;)
I agree I'm also doing some of the contacting.. has to be a give and take.. u give a little, then back away, etc
Again, thnks for the advices!
True, that's why we all joined this site :)
So you are OK with being the back up plan? Someone who tells me they are still in love with their ex of 10 years, I'm only going to ask them 1 question, what direction are you heading in, and that's just so I can run in the opposite. Sure she came, she has to keep you on the hook for when things don't work out with her ex again. You are doing that job very well may I add.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Dude... I can't blame her for still having feelings for her ex of 10yrs (lived with him for 3yrs) that asked her to marry him! But she also did fall for me really quickly... SHE told me she loved me FIRST after only 3 months... she is confused about what to do and wants time to sort her life out... so I think I am more than a back up plan.. and we both know she came more than just to keep me on the hook
The way I see it, is that I'm going up against a giant, and having a chance... 10yrs vs. 4mnths, and she is confused... if anyone should be worried, it should be her ex (I don't mean to make it sound like a competition)
As long as I'm in the same country as her and she has feelings, I'm going to go for it... but still, again, not expecting anything.. taking it slow
If the plan fails, what are you going to do?Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
You can list all possible solutions to the problem, but the real question is "Are you going to do all those solutions?"
If she is no longer confused and FULLY chooses her ex... if she stops messaging me or calling me/answering my calls... if she stops seeing me and flirting with me, then I know she is COMPLETELY over me, and I will move on and see her only as a friend... and I will move on with no regrets because I know that I at least tried to get her back, and fought for someone I really care about... then I go out and have a threesome ;)
But as long as I still feel she likes me and is confused, I want her back... bc of what we had, and what we can have... I still really like her and care about her
She told you what she thought its enough for you to know.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Once upon a time... when you were "everything" for her. In that time, the girl was under "drugs", under the effects of the addiction, and she was addicted to you. And everything what she did, its normal. Talking to her friends about you, to her parents about you, etc. now, we are talking about now, and only now! Not the future, not the past, but now!Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
In fact, that's a big deal in here. Why she didn't? A lot of options in here, but most possible one is that she was afraid of his reactions.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
As the situation explains now, it seems to me like the girl was just upset with him.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
There are no bad or good posts. Only good advices, made from people without any interess but helping, and as you see, they are free and at least you should respect them, although they may not fit with your point of view.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
We already know it. Everyone here, who came for advice, in the end, did what he/she wanted to do. Only a couple of them save themselves from their own.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Its up to you.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
If you want to go for it, then go. Till now, you have seen only the front door of the hell.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
She already told you where her heart fully is, but you don't want to listen.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
I know it would be better for you, if we talk to you the way you want, if we give you the advices you want to have, but that for sure is not going to happen. Not in this case.
Be good
1) "she told you what she thought its enough for you to know".
... so are you saying that she told him about me, but lied to me and said she didn't?
2) "once upon a time.... when you were "everything" for her. in that time, the girl was under "drugs", under the effects of the addiction, and she was addicted to you."
... its time to give her another dose of my drug ;)... its not easy to give up an "addiction"
3) "why she didnt? a lot of options in here, but most possible one is that she was afraid of his reactions."
... maybe your right
4) "it seems to me like the girl was just upset with him."
... not really... she told me that she ended it with him because she wasn't ready to get married yet, and wanted to come to dubai and meet new people and see what else was out there.. I mean she was with him for 10 yrs, so wanted smthg new and fresh... basically to move on... and she told him he should do the same.. I think she really did want to move on, but still wasn't COMPLETELY over him yet (which is understandble)
5) "are free and at least you should respect them"
... I do respect everyone, even you :P, even if I disagree... if I didn't respect all of u, I wouldn't check this page everyday and take my time writing back
6) "if you want to go for it, then go. till now, you have seen only the front door of the hell"
... thank u.. I will go for it... and hell doesn't scare me :).. regret scares me... not trying scares me... and anyway, getting over my relationship of 5yrs ending made me a stronger person, so not very scared of getting hurt
7) "she already told you where her heart fully is, but you dont want to listen"
... she told me she still loves her ex, but also really likes me... she said she wants to take things slow... which means she is confused... she still calls me and wants to see me... to me she did not tell me FULLY... I know if I'm alone with her, in our favorite spot, on the beach... looking into her eyes, and ask her "do u still really like me?" she will say yes
8) "I know it would be better for you, if we talk to you the way you want, if we give you the advices you want to have, but that for sure is not going to happen. not in this case."
... dont do anything you don't want to.. I appreciate your posts and enjoy your advices
By the way, she is from ukraine... so she is European like you, so take it easy on us ;)
Take care
First, you said she told you she didn't told her ex about you, don't you ?Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
We aren't going to discuss about addiction in here, but tell me, what does addiction means to you, and how you build it? I guess you don't know much of it, do you ?Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
She made the effort. Wanted to meet new people. She did it. Wanted to start new and fresh. She did it. She saw what else was out there, and it was not so interesfull, so now...Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Love vs like - - miles apartQuote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Its all your mind playing games with you. Your imagination. Sorry. You can't tell what's in her mind! Even through the words she says. ONLY HER ACTIONS! And I don't see any, till now!Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
I may sound harsh, but believe me, I have nothing personal with you! I went through all this! I did everything you are doing now! I putted my ex on the pedestal like you do. Believe me. Its not worth. Because every thing you said till now, everything you explained till now, all this debate, was nothing but only you thoughts against ours. Hers are not included.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
1) yeah... she told me she didn't tell her ex about me
2) u know what she said the other day on the phone... that she is still worried about her job... she is afraid that if she gets fired, she may have to go bak to ukraine... so basically, if she stays in dubai, she will give us another chance.. if she goes back to ukraine, she will get back with her ex, probably marry him... that is why she is taking it slow now.. she wants to see what is going to happen with her life... she doesn't want to get attached to me and then have to go back to ukraine... and she also doesn't want to let me go if she ends up staying here.. thats why she is also confused about what she wants
3) she messaged me "i love you" once when I was on vacation about 1 month ago.. when I called her the next day... she said sorry I was very emotional because I really miss you and want you to be with me... I didn't want to say it in a message, I'll tell you I person one day when you come back from your vacation... but 2 days after I came back, she got the warning at work and its started going downhill :(
So I think what we feel for each other is more than just "like"
4) u still don't see actions? She called me first after I didn't call her for one week... she came when I invited her friend... she is flirting with me on the phone.. 2 nights ago I messaged her, but she called me instead of messaging back... she agreed that next time we see each other we will try not to make it uncomfortable (which means she wants to see me)... we stayed more than 1 hour on the phone, and she didn't want me to hang up, etc... its not much, but it is actions.. a first step
5) her thoughts are that she is confused.. taking time to herself until she sees what will happen at work... she is talking to me and her ex... she realized she still loves her ex... but she also still really likes/loves me... most probably she will chose her ex... but as long as she is confused and staying in dubai, I'm going to try to get her back
I'm glad your better now and got over your past relationship... albania is a place I would like to visit one day by the way
Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Dude.... find girls around you~
You already know she's making a decisive decision and leaning towards going back to Ukraine to be with her ex. For her stay in Dubai, why do you want to try and get her back? What is the reason that you want to keep her to yourself instead of letting a dumb, confused, and "player-like" female go?" I was in the same boat with my ex but she left me... gave me false hope that we'll get back together.
Recently, one of my "girl-friends" screwed with my head & feelings... led me on thinking we might get on together, but told me she was committed to someone else.
You think you can get everything you want, but it's not possible.
The best modern song to describe is "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay
I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand
really appreciate it man... but I've been fukking around and looking at girls for the past 2 yrs, and for all my life before my 5 yr relationship... u name it, I did it, or her ;)... right now I'm in the phase where I want a relationship again... and I really clicked with this girl... sure she has baggage, but we had an amazing 4 months... I can honestly say that I fell for her hard, either as much or more than my ex of 5yrs... and I know she fell fast for me too (she told me she didn't expect to fall for someone so hard after being with someone for 10yrs)
so the basis of a solid relationship is there
sure she is confused, but its natural... pressure at work + ex love of 10 yrs back in pic + new guy she really likes=more pressure and "i need my space, lets take it slow"
how is she dumb and a player man? She was honest at least to tell me the truth... and its not like she cheated on me.. she just started talking to her ex again when she felt pressure (smthg I still do with my ex)
I don't want to defend her.. of course not... but she isn't a bad person... her confusion, and her job are what are pissing me off
the reason I want her back is simply because when u think u find love, u have to do your best to keep it... I rarely give up my single life for a chick unless I think she is worth it... maybe u guys think she isn't worth it now... but this is all just 2 weeks ago... we had 4 amazing mnths that would have definitely lasted longer
I'm sorry about the false hope u got... maybe I'm getting the same.. but I want to find out... and if we don't get back, or she moves back to ukraine, then u will be the first to know that I will move on to meet new girls and sing them all the Coldplay they want! :)
Since we are a ways in on this post, I'd like to quickly refer to your initial post:
"I havent talked to her in almost a week..let her miss me and realize what she is missing...she has a good thing with her here, dont know why she had to rekindle the past...giving her about 10 days-2 weeks to miss me...if she doesnt realize she made a mistake, i think im gonna have to forget about her"
1) is my decision good?
NOT SURE WHAT DECISION WAS MADE? I GUESS YOU CHOSE HANG AND HOPE? WITH SOME FLIRTING?.
2) do i just call her and fight for her...and tell her she is making a mistake, etc.
NO, THAT NEVER WORKS.
3) basically, what will make me get her back...fighting for her, or making her miss me?
SAY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. BACK OFF. GIVE HER ENOUGH TIME TO SEE IF HER FANTASY OF SHE AND HER EX FADES. FLIRTNG MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD BUT DOES NOT RAISE YOUR VALUE UNTIL SHE MISSES YOU.
DID YOU SAY UKRAINE? That does not sound like a good sign for the longterm. She's a long way from her culture and needs financial support as well if she fails... I think she likes you, and is flirty, but is in no way ready to go back to girlfriend right now...
Friends she can do. Real lovers - not now. I know it realllllyyyyy sucks when we fall in love and the other person pulls back. So, see what happens, but I just wanted to put this on the record for whatever it's worth.
1) since she ended up calling me after one week of NC, and since then has shown some interest and feelings... I decided to stay the course and try to get her back with my strategy of a balance of space/time with some flirting here and there.. friendly but flirtatious.. mixing it up
2) I agree with point 3... flirting is not as big a value as missing me... but she does miss me.. told me herself
3) yeah man! Ukraine! Long way home... im concentrating on fixing things now before worrying about her culture, etc... didnt seem to bother us for 4 mnths :)
4) agree with u.. not ready for being girlfriend yet.. thats why taking it slow and giving distance as well
5) again, appreciate your advice.. worth a lot
liking how everyone has become so involved with this story! Over 1000 views! Your all welcome to party in Dubai anytime! :)
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