This is some really good advice. Thanks, Chuff. Also thanks for sharing your story. It's always good to know that I'm not the only one out there going through hell. That's what this board is for after all!Quote:
Originally Posted by chuff
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This is some really good advice. Thanks, Chuff. Also thanks for sharing your story. It's always good to know that I'm not the only one out there going through hell. That's what this board is for after all!Quote:
Originally Posted by chuff
Exactly, I feel like this board is actually like a map from hell. From here the only way to go is forward and up, all you have to do give your brain the positive and avoid the negative... not always easy but not impossible.Quote:
Originally Posted by BrewCrew0981
Bro, tell yourself that you are more worthy than she is.
Yeh, she's sleeping around but she'll be the one crying and bawling her eyes out when she either finds out she's infected or pregnant.
I've been going good and feeling for 1.5 weeks with NC. Then, yesterday I began to fall apart. No, I didn't break NC, but it's become harder and harder for me not to. I don't get why I have this urge all of the sudden. She's already dating again, etc and you would think this would make me not want to talk to her more. I just don't know. I'm just here to vent.
Vent away buddy. Just keep NC. Reading the stickies here helped me a lot. Keep your mind busy, do something anything to stop yourself from contacting. Post anything you want to vent.
Yeah, I just don't know. I know I'm infatuated (still) with how we used to be and what I thought she was. I know nothing but time and NC can shake it.
It comes in waves, kind of like a craving. You just have to though it out while it's happening and wait for it to pass. Keep reminding yourself that it'll pass but when it does, expect it to come back again just so it doesn't take you completely by surprise when it does. And remember that the way you're feeling right now, the waves, get further apart and less strong as time goes by. Hang in there!
I'm hanging! Because I know if I break it I'll just be another 1.5 weeks back, and right where I started. I'm going to go work out soon (which I haven't done in YEARS). Time to feel good about myself and get those endorphins rushing.
Seriously, NOTHING compares to the feel-good endorphins that exercising will give you. And it's self rewarding so good for you for doing it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrewCrew0981
Actually, you knowing that she's dating around already is pissing you off and is making you want to talk to her to do a number of things.
1.) Try to win her back.
2.) Get angry and tell her how inconsiderate she is and that she is stupid.
3.) Try to get some closure, or show that you are better than her.
The truth is that you should just not check up on her love life or any part of her life for that matter. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, even if you're not together. If she was the one that broke up with you, then she is the one that has to bear the burden of always wondering if she made a mistake. You on the other hand get to have a clean slate, learn from the problem and better yourself. =)
I'm in the same boat, I don't know if my recent ex is dating anyone (I highly doubt it though) but to be perfectly honest, I feel that she is at the loss, not me.
Go kick it with friends and go party it up man!
I hear yah, and your 3 reasons make absolutely perfect sense now that you said them. That's exactly why. I do not go around snooping. Her best friend just happens to live 2 doors down from me and she chats me up in the hall sometimes.
You know.. that's why I snooped. I regretted it after I did it. Mostly #3. And maybe another reason. Stay Strong man, we are or were in the same boat at one time. I'm still in that boat with you and I don't think I'm jumping ship anytime soon :)
Yeah, I'm in the same boat too lol.
2.5 year anniversary, then the next week (exactly 1 week after) she dumps me after saying that very same day how much she loves me and is happy I am in her life and all that bullcrap.
Now she won't even talk to me and we broke up August 23rd.
Just see it as she lost out on a good thing. Arguments can be resolved, issues can be fixed, and broken hearts can always be mended.
If it gives you any hope, my good friends parents dated for like 4 years when they were a bit younger, broke up for 6 years and then have gotten back together and been married for 23 years.
Nothing is "forever" and maybe you're just not in the right places at life to be together. Everyone hits their maturity level at a different age. That's when people get together and start looking at a future TOGETHER.
LMAO... I wish I had a dollar for every time I've read this on here , amazing isn't it. One minute they supposedly LOVE YOU and the next...Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevin_s
I have a feeling they all plan it FAR in advance. Something just hits them the wrong way, or someone else comes along and gives them a little encouraging shove, and that's all they wrote.Quote:
Originally Posted by friend4u178
Lol I'll agree with the shove.Quote:
Originally Posted by BrewCrew0981
Feelings come and go, be patient and stay on the path, as emotional storms do pass.
Pat yourself on the back for riding this one out.
It's been another rough day. Just trying to wait out this emotional storm, it's a dousy. My mind and heart keep fighting each other tooth and nail. My mind says to get over it, she ain't coming back ever. My heart still hangs on to false hope. I hope my heart lets go of that sooner rather than later.
Hang in there buddy! I'm rooting for you because I know exactly how you feel. Just when I think I'm over it, all of a sudden I start thinking about my ex and start getting all worked up. The good news is that as time passes, those incidents occur far less and when it does, it doesn't get me down so much as it used to. So I know I'm on the road to recovery. I know there will still be bumps down the road and I'm sure I'll be posting here again about something stupid regarding my ex but I know I am making progress. Just hang in there! Also I totally encourage to start working out again. What helped me recover was picking up some new hobbies or restarting some old ones. It really preoccupied my thoughts and helped a lot. When you breakup, often you have this extra time that you allocated for your ex and now you having nothing to do with it but feel depressed. Make sure you fill that time up with some other hobby!
Thanks. This site helps, knowing there are others in my position that are going through the same thing. I just wish I would drop the obsessive thoughts.
The key to drop the thoughts is to pick up something else that will occupy them. And it's got to be something you really enjoy, but just never got around to doing. Doing something for the sake of doing something will not help. Try a few things and once you find something you like, run with it!
If I had not found this site, I do not know where I'd be at this point, probably sitting here still crying and calling and wondering why.
You will man! Don't worry! All you need to is stick to that desire to lose them and you will!
Reading the stories here, the difference between those who heal and those who don't (imo) is that the healed WANT to get over it. They keep the mindset that though the ex is gone, they want to feel better.
Ride this out man. I guarantee it ALL goes eventually.
Also something to think about - when I broke up I knew mutual friends would talk about it eventually. And when they did, I made sure as **** it wouldn't be along the lines of "jai took it really hard and he's broken and depressed and he cried a lot." duck that for a dollar. I took that happy face and made it real. I wanted anything the mutuals reported to be good - that I was fine, maybe even better, and living it up. It gave me a burning desire - I got everything else in my life in order. And now no one can touch me. Not her, certainly not her friends :) Nobody will ever be able to take me that low again. My promise to myself and the world at large. Like I said bro... the pain? It ALL goes eventually.
I hear you. The one big thing I took away from this whole thing, is not to shun your friends because you are in a relationship. All of our "mutual" friends sided with her and won't talk to me, and all of my old friends either don't care anymore, moved away, or are still jaded I chose her over them a LONG time ago. So, I'm struggling with REALLY being alone.
Word to that man. Word to that. I'm stillsurprised all of mine came round (I basically spam
Txted everybody and they all bit). Friends will be there when partners won't. I know that now and I'd walk through fire for any of them.
Well, it took 2.5 days, but the storm passed and I'm better now. At least for a few days. I just now keep telling myself there is absolutely nothing I can do to make her feel differently towards me, or make her stop calling/dating other guys. Absolutely nothing.
That is exactly how I feel atm. I do not want the pain anymore I am letting go, She does not love me anymore so I should not waste my feelings on someone who does not love me back. It may have meant something at the time but now it has changed and I accept that fact for what it is. I enjoyed the year and half but now its time to move on.Quote:
Originally Posted by cowboyjai
Brew,
Take this how you will, but I know from my experience that when things happen, such as finding out she is talking/dating someone else, it almost has an effect of making you stronger in NC. I can tell you that when I found out my ex was dating someone else, it bugged me quite a bit of a few days, but after I got over it, you realize that you don't have to worry about finding that out anymore.
Its about as close as "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" as you can get. Once you work through it, and do it without overreacting or making bad decisions, you are better equipped to handle NC and anything that comes up in the future...
There's your silver lining :)
So, I've actually been doing a lot of thinking these past 7 weeks we've been over. I've been thinking of sending my ex a letter via snail mail.
Let me start by saying, I have NO intention of getting her back with this letter. I do NOT care if she spits on it and tosses it in the trash. The reason I would do it, is for me to just let go. Write out stuff that wasn't said (last time we talked was in a fight where we both just stormed out, haven't spoken since). And then just leave it at that and move on. No regret, no worrying about stuff I wanted to say but didn't. I don't even expect a response from her.
Stupid move? Good move it it helps me move on? Other thoughts? You huys have been the voice of reason for me in this very difficult time. I'm sure you can shred some ray of truth to this as well.
Errrmm...
Write the letter sure. It will probably help you feel better about the things your thinking. Sending the letter - I think that's a different story. It might be best to write the letter and burn it, or send it to yourself or even post it up on here. In fact, there is a thread for writing letters to your exs. I'm not sure you want to risk opening up the lines of communication again... Best to let sleeping dogs lie...
Here is a good place for that letter.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...rs+to+our+exes
BrewCrew - I know exactly how you feel. Because I was thinking the same thing. Check this out:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-246366.html
The advice I got was the same. And I listened. And now looking back, I'm glad I listened.
Thanks for the tips guys. But, after a "friend" (or an ahole friend of hers, should I say) blurted out how much fun and how much sex she is having with some guy she isn't even "with", that put the whole lid on that plan. I'm not mad, not sad, just.. I don't know. It sucks, but at least I know it's over, and my false hope is now all but gone. So, I guess I can look at it in that good way.
Man I feel you. At least you can let go of that false hope that no matter what seems to stick around. Its for the best and do not fight life instead jump into it.Quote:
Originally Posted by BrewCrew0981
Yeah, I know there is no hope and that there is nothing I can do about it. I'm sure I'll be depressed for at least a couple days, and then decide to start fresh.
Like in your situation all of our common friends have taken her side (partly because she hasn't told people that she cheated on me) and I have therefore, been excluded from a group of friends that I have known since high school. We live abroad and unfortunately all of my best friends moved back home after we were done with college. Being excluded from your social circle sucks (possibly even more than breaking up) but I like to believe that when one door closes another opens. I suggest you see this as an opportunity to go out and meet new people or even make the effort to reconnect with your old friends (it is never too late). I do get times where I feel depressed but this happens when I am alone and get bored and start thinking how much better it would be if she was here. But I then remind myself why she is not and force myself to get up and do something (either meet up with a friend, go to the gym, basically anything). I agree that the way she dealt with all this was completely wrong but for your own good don't continue her work, because now you are the only one that can hurt yourself. Just say to yourself that you refuse to get depressed over someone that deals with this whole situation in such an immature way.
I hear you on the friends portion, buster. I wish I hadn't left them all, and the friends I thought I had, weren't really my friends to begin with. I've been working with social anxiety my entire life, and I'm better than I used to be when I was a wee tyke. I have only 2 friends (literally, no exaggeration) right now, so at least they help keep me busy 2 or 3 days out of the week. The weekends are the hardest. So, I'm still struggling to meet new people, but I know if I put my mind to it, I can accomplish anything.
So, today is her birthday. While I'm down, I've done well in controlling contacting her, even if it's just to say Happy Birthday. I know she won't care. She's out drinking it up with her friends and new guy. I know she isn't thinking about me. No point in me thinking about her.
Hang in there! It was my ex's birthday a few weeks ago. Had to resist the itch... actually your reply to my post back then helped me resist!
Anyway its tough but keep it up!
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