I know abou the urge to try and get information about your so called "other half" when things are shaky by any means but don't go through her cellphone. I know it can be tempting but you shouldn't... (that could lead to you checking her emails if yo knew her passwords, don't become a stalker). But yeah now that you found out abou tthis, the solution is pretty simple she is OUT. I wouldn't be able to trust her anymore and that is something alone that will make me end things. SOrry buddy, we are here for you!!

According to my way of thinking, she would have been chewing bricks when she first started these mind games.

Thanks, I appreciate it! I just want to get rid of this feeling... I try to sleep, but can't. All I can think about is her sleeping with this guy. How the hell do I make it stop?

Should I even answer her phone calls or txt's when she tries to contact me? I'm so confused and hurt right now I can't think straight.

Just follow a few simple suggestions,

No, don't answer her calls, be busy, and unavailable to her.

Remember what you were doing before you met her? Go back to it.

Have you read the stickies for this forum? There is a link in my signature. You'll find many good suggestions, and even will sleep better.

My advise to you is to not smother her but let her know that you are there with sweet SMALL gestures. I know I am a woman and things are very different from men but I learned the hard way that being smothering is a dangerous road to take.

Space is always a good thing but maybe a phone call once a week just to say hi and see how her week was is okay but not calling everyday lets her know that you care but you don't want to cramp her time to think about things.

My husband and I have been married for almost a year now and are still in our honeymoon stage, but I know when he is stressed from work and I give him his time to deal with it and comes back to love me even more for that! They appreciate the help for getting through the tough times.

Good Luck and God Bless!!

I don't know, small gestures right now might be trying to send the wrong signal, especially after what she did. Plus I feel that he is still to heartbroken to be doing or trying anything. I feel he need to be alone and getting over this by no contacting her and not being involved with her.

You know that you weren't a perfect angel in this whole situation either. I think you need to evaluate everything. The pros and cons. Most things can be worked out but is it worth it? You did things to her too. In my eyes you weren't together so there is no way that she can be blamed. BUT if your love is strong for her I would advise you to work it out. If not then leave her alone and don't talk to her. It takes a lot to forgive someone for something like that but it is possible.

For everyone else you don't know his feelings for her. Don't tell him to straight up end it when we don't know the whole story. If he feels that is the right thing to do then let him do it but in my eyes you are just telling him what he should do.

Protect your heart EasyDoesIt!!

Um.. . She slept with someone else. That should be a sign that she is a loser. If she did love you, she would even think about having a fling. I am sure you can do better. You seem like a guy who cares about his relationships.

It will be fine and you will find the right girl. It took 3 days for my husband to propose. We got married 14 days later, he found the right one and knew it right away!!

Well... The truth came out... After I found out she slept with someone on our break. She was crying and txting me saying "I am nothing without you" "You are my strength" "I am so weak without you" "If I can't have you I might as well go kill myself". We got back together and a GREAT date... Then she said "I love you, I"m in love with you, I want to be the mother of your children and I want to be your wife". I found out yesterday she slept with 5 guys in a month!!!!!!! YES!!! 5!!!! I told her I found out and I said You just lost me as a friend, a boyfriend, and as a possible husband. And she replied "Whatever, I don't care"... How can someone say those things and then be SOOO Mean, COLD and CRUEL?? I need advice. Help me out people!
Thanks

Wow what a b****. Im so sorry that there are actually women in the world like that. You are way better without her. Just keep your head strong. If she was willing to be with that many guys and hide it from you she is not worth it. She is not even worth your thoughts. Im sure you're a wonderful guy just remember what brought you two to this point and be a stronger man for it. And a better boyfriend. Good luck in life

Thanks... It just kills me because she use to be a great person. Kind, loving, caring... Now she's just someone totally different. I know I made the mistake of not showing her affection now and then, but did I deserve that?

Brother, that girl just did you a massive favor!

Imagine if you'd married her... ugh!

Your life is going to get better and better and hers is going to get... who knows. Likely not so good... But now you won't be legally bound to that disaster.

Hurt now... relief later bud!!

You dodged a bullet. Rock on!

No nobody deserves that!! I can't understand how anyone could do that to a person that they supposedly love. But now you know and have more experience for your next relationship. Don't make the same mistake you did with her with your next girlfriend. Show her the love and compassion that she will deserve. And as for your ex girlfriend. Your better off with out her. She will realize what she missed out on.

Thanks! But how do I get the image of her sleeping with these other guys out of my head.
It's killing me and pissing me off at the same time...
I do realize she did me a favor, but I just got use to her...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ash123

Brother, that girl just did you a massive favor!

Imagine if you'd married her....ugh!

Your life is gonna get better and better and hers is gonna get...who knows. Likely not so good....But now you won't be legally bound to that disaster.

Hurt now...relief later bud!!!

You dodged a bullet. Rock on!

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I completely agree

Quote:

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Originally Posted by EasyDoesIt

Thanks! But how do I get the image of her sleeping with these other guys out of my head.
It's killing me and pissing me off at the same time...
I do realize she did me a favor, but I just got use to her...

---

It will take some time, but get busy and make new, and better memories for yourself. I have a link in my signature that may help. Check it out!

Isn't this done yet?

How do you get the image out?

Intense isolation from her and stay real busy.

(I have been there and the woman was fairly high-profile so it was not pretty. And a bit public. She was disappointed in my level of commitment previously - and so jumped in bed and MARRIED another guy like two months after our break.what did I do? Sweat, feel sick and lose sleep... JUST LIKE I AM SURE SHE WANTED.
But deep down it was not a cure for anything - and she emailed me two years later - ahem... too late.)

The point is that Time, sweet time does ALL the work.
The trick? Total isolation from her... even in your weakest moments...
If you fight the moments of cheating you will soon not care anymore. I promise.

One day you'll laugh... I mean 5 guys. That is funny - and desperate... and I doubt any of it was any good.

She was on a mission. Mission accomplished you are GONE.

I am trying sooo hard. I couldn't sleep at all lastnight... She txt me at 1am saying "I hate you" "Your an ". How can she say that when she's the one that's out of control.
I just want to know how she can be so loving and caring and all of the sudden have so much hatred towards me. It hurts me soooo bad that she's not the person she use to be.
I look forward to hearing your replies... I NEED THEM!!

The girl you loved has gone and showed you a side to her that you were blind to. I'll bet the signs were there but you ignored them. Don't let this female bully you. Ignore her.

Turn off your phone and delete her text.

OK.... Imagine if you were married and you rolled over after putting the kids to sleep and working for 10 hours and your wife coolly says: I HATE YOU.

Scary huh?

Well, that WOULD have been you. Now you have escaped. She is never going to escape her demons. If she could, her problem solving skills would not be so destructive. The next girl you go out with is going to make you happy to be alive! Let this nut job abuse you and take the pain... I always say if you are not hurting - you are not healing... you can't cheat with texts etc. or your brain can't get to restart... just get a calendar and mark off 90 days. That is a number to get you to the first plateau.

We'll all be here.

Thanks for everybody's help... I have decided now that I AM DONE WITH HER!! No more texts and I am ingoring her for now out. If one day she wakes up and realizes it... Tough!
I tried too hard for too long and I def. didn't deserve that. It's going to be hard because I miss the girl she use to be... I loved that person so much and it hurts knowing I won't get her back... I'll keep everybody updated! I hope I can get through this!
Thanks

It'll suck now.

It'll not suck later.

So far I have had NC with her for 2 days. It's very hard cause she keeps txting me asking what I'm doing. Where I"m going and how comes I"m ignoring her...
I am sooo tempted to talk to her. Cause I do miss her. She said she wants a chance to explain. Should I give her a chance to explain and hear what she has to say?
She said she doesn't love herself right now... What should I do?

I think you should ask yourself, "How will this benefit me? Will I feel better after this in any way?" then take it from there.

... the fact that she doesn't love herself... is not your problem. It's hers.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by EasyDoesIt

Thanks for everybody's help...I have decided now that I AM DONE WITH HER!!! No more texts and I am ingoring her for now out. If one day she wakes up and realizes it...Tough!
I tried too hard for too long and I def. didn't deserve that. It's gonna be hard because I miss the girl she use to be...I loved that person soo much and it hurts knowing I wont get her back...I'll keep everybody updated! I hope I can get through this!
Thanks

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Ok, I guess we're ignoring this for now...

---------------------------------------

Well, nothing has changed in a few days.

But if you can handle that fact then talk to her.
Just know this: NOTHING HAS CHANGED. And that's why there is NC. So, people can adjust to separate lives and get back on their feet.

So, is this more about you changing or her?
Is this just about her wanting you to change?
Or her need to be happy?
I just want to make sure I understand.

Maybe compromise with a short message back that explains that you know she doesn't like herself, and you support her, and are letting her have space because of it-without running to her side will calm you down.. and will make her focus and get her act together.

My fear is that a free 'hanging-out' session to talk about HER problems is cheating for her and you... UNLESS you just want to be friends. Or things were perfect otherwise.

Hey Everyone! Just giving you an update... I'm doing pretty well. I have been sleep very well for the past 3 nights. It feels good. I think I came to realize that maybe I didn't love her... Or I loved her, I just wasn't in love with her. I still hear from her friend though.
I went to visit a past girlfriend that is now a famous actress... I stayed with her a few days.
My ex kept asking me where I was going, with who, what state when she found out she said "Oh Nice, well I hope you give her what she wants BYE!" and then "Well I hope you have fun with ???. Why don't you make me happy and just F*** her cause I know you want to". Stuff like that... haha, I didn't reply... And Today her friend txt me saying "She asked if I talked to you lately and I saw yeah he's hanging out with her all weekend. She said "Good I hope he leaves me alone and dates her." LOL
So what's going through her mind? I am doing everything I'm suppose by NC?
I feel good... Just let me know your opinion. I think she's pissed. Would I be correct?

Nobody knows, but does it matter??

talaniman... hey... its me tiger30... I dono if you remember but ex girlfriend and I had some problems few months back... we talked, things were good... and moving towards engagement and kids... then soon after those discussions/decisions... she started retrieting... all the while talking bad about me and us to some of her friends and going out more and more... finally she met a guy she liked... confided in him and whatever.. I dono... but that was 6 weeks before she left me... and that was july7th... not to interrupt this thread... but if you could... I have posted again.. on another thread from few months back... could you or someone check it out... I need to talk about certain things... a lot of it I already know... but my heart is slowly trying to follow my mind... but there always things to know so that I can improve myself... I seem to get some good advice here.. even if I don't or didn't use all of it... hope you can read my few posts I left recently and give me some feed back... thanks man!

Just move on with your life. You are better off not talking to her

Stick a fork in this one... )Ou are done.
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... ash... what?

You sound really considerate. Most guys would (probably) give up. You sound like you're trying which is awesome. :)

I just want to get her help. I am getting better and better each day. It just bothers me she turned into the person she is now. Honestly... is that my fault? I mean, did me not showing her affection now and then turn her into being this cold and wild person?

The way I c it.. u didn't hurt her at all.. just make sure you want to be with her also.. because if your just doing it to just to get her back.. not worth it.. and in my experience, she's gone or want someone else.. I wouldn't believe everything she says for e.g she's stressed .