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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Yea man, you seriously need to delete her number from your phone. You are letting this broad into your head way too much. She has you by the b*lls, I'm going to be completely blunt with you as I have followed your story from the beginning. Feel free to hit me with a reddie but you will thank me later.

DELETE everything you have in ways to contact her, phone number, myspace, facebook, cut the string to the tin can(old people know what I'm talking about). Reclaim your manhood from her by showing her you are strong enough to walk away like a MAN. Sure she broke your heart, she's a cold calculated b!tch, what more is there to say? NOTHING! Take all of her crap that's in your room down and box it up. Hang pictures of some nice attractive models or motivational quotes(that's what I did) If you don't stop the way you are acting you are either going to have one or both of the following happen 1. You will be known as the pyscho stalker or 2. Restraining order

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I plan on getting my damn books and gifts I gave...

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Originally Posted by hjpan

I plan on getting my damn books and gifts I gave...

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Ha ha!! Funniest thing, is that is a chronic excuse on why people keep calling. My ex still owes me $140, coach purses, Tiffany's jewelry, tons of clothes, and a promise ring. I wrote it all off as a lesson learned... i.e NEVER spend that much on someone you are dating and when you're married they take it anyway, so in reality, never spend that much on someone.

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Ha ha!!! Funniest thing, is that is a chronic excuse on why people keep calling. My ex still owes me $140, coach purses, Tiffany's jewelry, tons of clothes, and a promise ring. I wrote it all off as a lesson learned...i.e NEVER spend that much on someone you are dating and when you're married they take it anyway, so in reality, never spend that much on someone.

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Yep

I've done all that.Got rid of everything. Pity her number is in my memory. I probably won't text again. Can't really say anymore to her anyway.

She was far too insecure to handle my honesty.

My mind is racing again. I'm now thinking that my brother will be at her wedding.

So what??

You guys must be hating me now.

Almost went into her work at lunchtime. But the word "stalker" came into my head so I just walked on a bit and sat on the pavement and calmed down.

I'm pathetic.

I'm beginning to think you might need to seek professional help. I don't think its your last time you will text or call her especially when you almost walked into her work at lunch.

We don't hate you at all, and your not pathetic, just hurting, and could use some personel counseling from someone other than us, to guide you through the process of letting go. I think a pastor, who is trained in personal guidance, by the way, or an older trusted adult can benefit you greatly, if you cannot afford a therapist. Its no shame to need a little more help, or more time. Why not get them both?

Tal is right, there is NO shame at all reaching out for help from a therapist, I did it for my jealousy issues and I have rebounded from the lowest point in my very well I think. Everyone needs a helping hand sometime, no shame in admitting it man.

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Originally Posted by Sammie66

You guys must be hating me now.

Almost went into her work at lunchtime. But the word "stalker" came into my head so i just walked on a bit and sat on the pavement and calmed down.

I'm pathetic.

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You're not pathetic. Just confused.

One of my worries is that I end up like my half-brother. He is clinically depressed and has pretty much ruined his life. I am determined not to end up like him. I'm determined not to do what he did.

I gave myself a really harsh talking to this afternoon and I am feeling much better just now. Walking home from work was actually really good. It's the first time I've actually looked forward to a weekend in ages.

I was just thinking of something silly - she dyed her hair blonde the first time I dumped her, red the second time, and the night before she dumped me it was dyed again.

I think maybe she is the one with lots of problems and not me. I was trying to see if I was depressed and came across this. This is exactly what she is like. She even told me several times "i can't make decisions" which is funny reading this. Why she didn't ever tell me she was upset and why she bottled it up until she couldn't take any more. I knew she had to be mental to dump me :-0

Dependent Personality: People with a dependent personality routinely surrender major decisions and responsibilities to others and permit the needs of those they depend on to supersede their own. They lack self-confidence and feel intensely insecure about their ability to take care of themselves. They often protest that they cannot make decisions and do not know what to do or how to do it. This behavior is due partly to a reluctance to express their views for fear of offending the people they need and partly to a belief that others are more capable. People with other personality disorders often have traits of a dependent personality, but the dependent traits are usually hidden by the more dominant traits of the other disorder. Sometimes adults with a prolonged illness or physical handicap develop a dependent personality

So someone probably convinced her to leave me, which is what I suspected. Someone convinced her that I didn't love her. I hope to god it wasn't him and I hope he won't get bored and dump her or even cheat on her.

I'm not sure which "depression" I have. Maybe these ones, but you can guess why

Avoidant Personality: People with an avoidant personality are overly sensitive to rejection, and they fear starting relationships or anything new. They have a strong desire for affection and acceptance but avoid intimate relationships and social situations for fear of disappointment and criticism. Unlike those with a schizoid personality, they are openly distressed by their isolation and inability to relate comfortably to others. Unlike those with a borderline personality, they do not respond to rejection with anger; instead, they withdraw and appear shy and timid. Avoidant personality is similar to generalized social phobia

Cyclothymic Personality: People with cyclothymic personality alternate between high-spirited buoyancy and gloomy pessimism. Each mood lasts weeks or longer. Mood changes occur regularly and without any identifiable external cause. Many gifted and creative people have this personality type


It's quite interesting - try it
Personality Disorders: Mental Health Disorders: Merck Manual Home Edition

In a way I feel a bit sorry for her, because by rushing into this relationship she'll probably make the same mistakes and get hurt. At least I have learned from this experience.

That was one thing about her that frustrated me - I was always the one driving. I even asked her once - why don't you ever initiate sex and then purposfully waited for her to make the moves.

After we'd broken up I told her that I had pictured us married with kids and said "don't you think that sounds nice?" and she was smiling ear to ear. She also said she would have moved in with me the week before if I had asked.

I think she loved me and someone convinced her I didn't love her.

It's all pointless. Love sucks.

She obviously just didn't want to commit to me anymore after I had broken up with her the last time, where I had finally committed myself to her.

Bad timing.

Do you think it's possible for someone to fall in love with me that quickly then lose it so quickly? I know I don't feel the same about her now than I did 2 months ago.

We went for lunch the week after we split and that was the first time she ever let me pay for her. She had always insisted on paying her half before. I guess she just doesn't care at all anymore.

Something drastically changed in 1 week. Maybe it was gradually growing over a longer time, but something happened and I don't know what it was.

"Dont Leave The One You Love For the One You Like, Because The One You Like Will Leave You For The One They Love..."

She'll see it, when it happens to her.

One thing that annoys me is that she never told me when she was upset with me. How was I supposed to realise she was unhappy about some things when she never told me? She never gave us a chance.

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Originally Posted by Sammie66

One thing that annoys me is that she never told me when she was upset with me. How was I supposed to realise she was unhappy about some things when she never told me? She never gave us a chance.

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Dude I hear you my girl did the same thing.. she kept saying you everything is fine until one day bam that was it.. like I was supposed to know what was wrong or something but w/e.. I guess some people don't know how to communicate

A relationship takes two people working together, and just because there are a lot of "I love you's" back and forth, doesn't mean you two have enough to last forever. It takes a lot more than just saying it to be the truth.

Stop torturing yourself, you just were not compatible, and while you still dwell on her, your not getting healthy, and be better prepared for the next opportunity.

Don't be stuck on what was, when what will be is on its way.

I'm slowly feeling better. Thinking about it less.

It just sucks that I feel like I won't see her again. I miss her.

I don't think we were incompatible, it was just a communication problem. And if she does the same with her new boyfriend then it'll probably work out the same. Although now she is living with him, maybe she'll be forced to tell him when she is upset.

It just all feels really stupid. It's as though love is about how much time you spend with someone rather than who the person is and what they stand for. She always tried to please me and that's why I loved her. She never told me what she wanted so I couldn't.

And how I've reacted to the breakup has terrified me. I'm getting there, but the last 2 months have been HELL.

Its her birthday next week

I want to text her happy birthday and maybe try and end it on a good note. I don't know anymore.

what is done is done, and adding to it will only cause more pain and frustration on your part. This is a really hard time in your life and you can turn it around and become very much stronger from it. Keep to NC and the pain will come and pass and eventually one day you will find someone who will make you stop and think why did I waste all that energy on what's her name.

I wondered for awhile why my ex did it but then I just realized that it doesn't matter why because she's gone and if she comes back I don't want her, because she did it once and look at what happened. Take some time to do some things you have always wanted to do, start a couple new hobbies, listen to some music(no sappy or love songs, Im talking some rock), and mainly focues on you. Because the "we"-her=you and that along with family and friends is what matters.

Life will get better give it time.

Thanks man. You're probably right.

Sammie66 grow some balls man! Want me tell you what you need? Is some new poon tang! Man!. (don't mean to piss you off!) and you need to change your email! And your phone number!. and start working out hard! And why your working out think about her f@#king the her new love! It will help you!. and about her doing so well? And she in love is bullsh!t! She only telling you that to piss you off and to make sure you stay down? And the more you tex that girl you just making her ego big!. so call your home boys, go out! And start macing on some girl!. and get some number! And wake up the PIMP! The PLAYER!. there too much out there! To be crying over some pace of azz that didn't really care about you!. play the game! Don't be played!

Lol, you sound like the last guy on this:

YouTube - Tales of mere existence 'how to cope with depression'

You're probably right. I think I've just gone a bit obsessive. I'm like that unfortunately. Makes me who I am right?

Feeling much better now anyway. I think I've bored myself too much with the whole situation.

So how you doing Sammie66... we haven't heard of you so I am hoping you are better

I'm just bored with it all. Had a chat with a few good friends about it the other night and one was taking the p*ss out of her new boyfriend because he'd seen his Facebook and thought he sounded like a complete idiot. It cheered me up a bit.

She's almost been with him 3 months now so I've accepted that she's probably going to end up marrying him and getting pregnant in the next year seeing as they are rushing into everything :-P. 3 months is getting towards 1/2 of our relationship.

Even one of my friends said he found the whole thing completely insane. He can't believe how she just seemed to suddenly flip from being in love with me to being in love with this other guy. And he says its ridiculous that she's moved in with him, let alone dated him so soon.

I mean, this is a girl, who less than a week before we split was taking those kinds of adoring photos of me (that I didn't know of) walking through the park, then a week later was in bed with someone else saying she had "moved on". Yet a month after she broke up with me, she was adding photos of me to her Facebook. And she "really misses me sometimes".

Unless I did something that really upset her to her core I find the whole thing crazy. I think she's crazy! I just wonder what it is I did. It might have been something in bed while she was on her period but she'd never complained. But she doesn't complain...

I've always thought I was a good judge of character and don't suffer fools easily, but I could've sworn the look she gave me 2 days before we broke up was one of love. I don't know what she was thinking. I think she's maybe one of these people who just can't handle being on their own, and so paranoid that they convince themselves of the worst. So she probably just thought "he doesn't do anything for me, he doesn't love me" and her workmate said "i really fancy you" and she made the decision based on that. That's the impression I get as mad as it sounds.


But anyway, I am feeling much better. Still VERY confused and gutted, but as my friend says - I'm looking at it much more objectively rather than feeling the pain now. And who wants to be stuck in a relationship with a needy, self centered person. Also I just booked a 2 week holiday to Japan with a friend. I thought I'd go somewhere so mad and far away and with so much to take in I won't have time to think about her.

My mate only met her a couple of times - he moved away soon after we were dating. He said from what I had said, she just doesn't know what she wants. In the time I have known her, she's moved apartments 2 times, changed jobs 2 times and dated 2 people. She's obviously never satisfied and doesn't realise that the only person that can make her happy is herself.

I laughed yesterday. Every time I see a car that looks like hers I check the number plate out just in case. Silly I know. I'm sure I saw her in her car with blonde hair. As I said in an earlier post- every time she's upset, she dyes her hair. So maybe she's not in a perfect situation. Who knows!

Only question is - do I send her a birthday text next week? One of my friends says I should, just to show I'm not petty, but only say "Happy Birthday".

Another thing my friend said "If she does end up with him, then she DID leave you for someone she fell in love with and obviously didn't love you. And why would you want someone that didn't love you and deceived you into thinking they did?"

He's a wise man!

Sorry just had a bit of frustration to get out.

What I don't understand is that if she had been planning on leaving me, why did she send texts to my sister in law saying "I feel unloved" a few days before. Or was that her making the decision? I don't know.

Maybe she had made the decision then, but when I went to see her she couldn't hide the fact that she had strong feelings for me. Like she loved me, but she kept getting hurt so went with her head rather than her heart. That would explain a lot.

She only got hurt because she was too scared of upsetting me. I wanted her to argue and tell me what she wanted. She was my first girlfriend and it's hard to go from thinking only about yourself, to putting someone else first.

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She was my first girlfriend and it's hard to go from thinking only about yourself, to putting someone else first.

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My friend, I think we all put that first love, ahead of ourselves and lose ourselves a bit, but at the time, you just can't help it. Yeah it sucks. I feel you there!!

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Originally Posted by Sammie66

Another thing my friend said "If she does end up with him, then she DID leave you for someone she fell in love with and obviously didn't love you. And why would you want someone that didn't love you and deceived you into thinking they did?"

He's a wise man!

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That's using pure logic, which can work, but fails to take into account how relationships mostly defy logic. That is also under the assumption that she knows what love is. Some people don't have a clue what real love is, and will never know. Looking at it objectively as I am, it is clear that what happened was a simple happenstance of inexperience on both sides.

One.

You took a 2 day break and she leaves you for someone else! How frivolous she is. If it's that easy for her to move from guy to guy and sleep around then perhaps she's just slutty, and maybe you should't be putting her up on such a high pedestal. Love, or infatuation, can blind even the wisest person.

TWO

"Everyone remembers their first love", is the adage, because it's the first time they ever feel that KIND of pain. As you get older and wiser, failed relationships are judged more accurately. You are assessing reality, emotions are clogging your perception.

Three

She didn't suddenly flip from being in love with you, women leave a relationship way before they ever physically leave it. They may say the love you, they may treat you well, but inside it may be a whole different story. It is likely that she had been contemplating leaving you for at least a month. She might have even known the guy she's it with while she was with you. Women are 100x's better at fooling men than men are women.

Four

The real wisdom tends to be the simplest. "she doesn't know waht she wants" . That's probaby the reality of it all. She's just like 90% of us all in our youth. Still testing out the waters and being molded into who we are in our mature years. Or maybe she's just crazy and you're too young and as of yet experienced to even detect her insanity!

I don't see us ever speaking again. Unfortunately I put an end to that by sending her texts saying how she used and lied to me. Move on :-(

It's a shame how it's all turned out. She thinks I'm really bitter and angry about the whole thing. She said it makes her sad thinking about it.

The problem is that she's always assumed the worst from me. I'm a decent guy!! Ok, I can be grumpy when I'm tired, but my heart is pure.

I know that I could never do to her what she did to me and I'm glad of that. Whenever I had doubts I nipped it in the bud and ended things (even though I immediately regretted it)

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

She didn't suddenly flip from being in love with you, women leave a relationship way before they ever physically leave it. They may say the love you, they may treat you well, but inside it may be a whole different story. It is likely that she had been contemplating leaving you for at least a month. She might have even known the guy shes it with while seh was with you. Women are 100x's better at fooling men than men are women.

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That's true because she told my sister in law that she was falling for me but scared of getting hurt so she was blocking me out. But if that was the case, she should have ended it THEN and not used me.

I find it sick to think I could be used in such a way by her.

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Originally Posted by Sammie66

I don't see us ever speaking again. Unfortunately I put an end to that by sending her texts saying how she used and lied to me. Move on :-(

It's a shame how it's all turned out. She thinks I'm really bitter and angry about the whole thing. She said it makes her sad thinking about it.

The problem is that she's always assumed the worst from me. I'm a decent guy!!!! Ok, I can be grumpy when I'm tired, but my heart is pure.

I know that I could never do to her what she did to me and I'm glad of that. Whenever I had doubts I nipped it in the bud and ended things (even though I immediately regretted it)

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Oh boo hoo, she's sad that she broke YOUR heart. She made her bed and she must lie in it. Never look back. In 1 year you'll look back and see the truth, and it's likely you won't feel as inclined to hold her in such a high regard.

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Originally Posted by Sammie66

That's true because she told my sister in law that she was falling for me but scared of getting hurt so she was blocking me out. But if that was the case, she should have ended it THEN and not used me.

I find it sick to think I could be used in such a way by her.

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Sounds like she felt bad about being the villain, and was merely trying to be a diplomat to your sister in law. That or maybe she's just a little girl, who doesn't understand the complexities of a real intimate relationship, or maybe she never was the one.

Heh don't be ashamed she played you a little bit :)

Hell it's likely to happen again my good man! As long as women smell good and are pretty we're fools and we'll jump through hoops and bring them shiny stuff! But that's not so bad, hell it makes you feel alive doesn't it! Now find another one to chase, a lady who doesn't have all the flaws you just put up with your ex and woo her and sweep her off her feet. Onward march, never look back!

I wish I could be as confident about getting another! Took me long enough to get my first girlfriend. I'm just a pretty shy guy. I've been told I'm good looking, but I don't know if that's just an ego booster from friends or what.

It's weird how the longer time goes on, her "perfectness" seems to disappear.

I just hope that somehow I get a good result in the end. It would be nice to hear her admit that I was actually a good boyfriend but maybe this guy is perfect for her.

I still think if I hadn't broken up with her at the beginning we would be together right now. But then maybe I would be the one using her and being dishonest.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Sounds like she felt bad about being the villain, and was merely trying to be a diplomat to your sister in law. that or maybe she's just a little girl, who doesn't understand the complexities of a real intimate relationship, or maybe she never was the one.

Heh don't be ashamed she played you a lil bit :)

Hell it's likely to happen again my good man! As long as women smell good and are pretty we're fools and we'll jump through hoops and bring them shiny stuff! But that's not so bad, hell it makes you feel alive doesn't it! Now find another one to chase, a lady who doesn't have all the flaws you just put up with your ex and woo her and sweep her off her feet. Onward march, never look back!

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She told this to my sister in law about a month before we broke up. I'm actually a bit annoyed because that was her admitting she didn't see a future with me and my sister in law never told me this until recently.

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Originally Posted by Sammie66

I wish I could be as confident about getting another! Took me long enough to get my first girlfriend. I'm just a pretty shy guy. I've been told I'm good looking, but I don't know if that's just an ego booster from friends or what.

It's weird how the longer time goes on, her "perfectness" seems to disappear.

I just hope that somehow I get a good result in the end. It would be nice to hear her admit that I was actually a good boyfriend but maybe this guy is perfect for her.

I still think if I hadn't broken up with her at the beginning we would be together right now. But then maybe I would be the one using her and being dishonest.

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It's not weird that her "perfectness" seems to disappear, I just said it would in one of my earlier posts. It's natural. Stop thinking about what if's , heck if I thought of how many what if's I've had, I wouldn't leave my bathroom in the morning. If you've been told you're good looking and you clearly have in the past attracted women, then why the heck do you think you can't do what you've already done?

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Originally Posted by Sammie66

She told this to my sister in law about a month before we broke up. I'm actually a bit annoyed because that was her admitting she didn't see a future with me and my sister in law never told me this until recently.

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You're sister in law was probably afraid of being the bearer of bad news, don't fault her too much we are all human. She also probably realizes that this relationship wasn't right for you and realized it would work itself out, which it did. Stop moping and start jogging. Literally, start running until you look like bruce lee. Enlightenment will come when you've trained enough. You'll be allright OK? Say it. "I'll be ok"

My friend think her new boyfriend looks like "an ape". It's good to be childish sometimes.

I just miss her, but I know I can't see her. She'll realise her mistake one day. She'll be 86 and her boyfriend (now husband) will die on her. I'll have the last laugh because I have long life in my family! My gran is 100+