Ask Me Help Desk - Just got dumped

yeah me and this new girl will prob become nothing, we are just really close friends.

chery that response was amazing=], thanks so much for that, I honestly don't know how to respond but to just say thanks.

I'm sure my ex was the one to tell her brother to text me. I mean I had a very close relationship with her brother. Somedays I would go over their plave to chill with him, even when my ex wasn't home. It was like having a second family.

and I understand that I'm not the only one to ever go through with a breakup=]. Its just extra hard for me cause it's the first ttime for me being dumped, and she was my first love.

OK my new problem is this. Her grad party is on Friday, 2m. Her mom texted me a week ago saying she would love to see me there. Its going to be her friends and some family. I prretty much knew her entire family by name. So I'm not sure if I should go or not. I don't want to disrespect her mom cause she did nothing wrong, but on the other hand I'm not too sure how me and my ex will react to each other.

my ex said she wants me to come a few days ago so now I really don't know.

thanks again everyone=]

Don't go.

You might feel bad at first, but its not worth what it will put your mind through. How can you expect yourself to be okay sitting at her house, with her entire family, but not be dating her. It will be awkward to say the least.

Your not disrespecting her mom, your respecting yourself. Its not worth the pain, trust me. Her mom will understand.

Bigbird is right.. call her mom and explain that the pain of the break-up is still too fresh and that you hope she understands if you decline. Believe us, she will understand and not hold it against you.

When the times get rough, just log on here and talk to us. We will be here for you too.

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I'm still up in the air about the party. I totally get what your saying and my mind agrees with u, but my heart is telling me something different so I don't know what to do

And p.s I had a dream last night with my ex in it, so that makes it 5 nights in a row

Quote:

Originally Posted by pol5019

im still up in the air about the party. i totally get what ur saying and my mind agrees with u, but my heart is telling me something diffrent so idk what to do

and p.s i had a dream last night with my ex in it, so that makes it 5 nights in a row

You should NOT go to the party. Seriously, when you go... you're going to feel like sh8. Why? Because the love attachment is still there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pol5019

im still up in the air about the party. i totally get what ur saying and my mind agrees with u, but my heart is telling me something diffrent so idk what to do

and p.s i had a dream last night with my ex in it, so that makes it 5 nights in a row

That probably means that you have staid at home the last five nights too.
Go out and try your luck and 'create' a new dream. Stop hurting yourself.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by pol5019

im still up in the air about the party. i totally get what ur saying and my mind agrees with u, but my heart is telling me something diffrent so idk what to do

and p.s i had a dream last night with my ex in it, so that makes it 5 nights in a row

That probably means that you have stayed at home the last five nights too.
Go out and try your luck and 'create' a new dream. Stop hurting yourself.

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So I'm sorry to dissapoint you guys but I went to the party. I went an hour and a half late, and left after staying for only an hour. When I walked in, she came running and gave ma a big hug(which I know means nothing), then ran off with her girlfriends. I then went and said hello to her parents, and her mother was so happy to see, and so glad I came. Then I saw her father, who I talked to for 10 min. I moved ffrom relative to relative, grandparents, aunts, uncles, second cousins, the whole clan. I spent more time with adults then I did with my friends who were at the party. But anyway, her mom pulls me aside and says"before you leave i want to see you" so I started to leave, and she pulled me inside the house. The house I haven't stepped foot in in three weeks, and says how much she misses me, and begins to tear. She tells me good luck next year in college, says how great of a kid I am, and how happy she is she met me. Well that brought both of us to tears. She was like a second mom to me I guess. But then I left, and my night was eh, OK. I think going to the party was not a bad idea, I'm glad I went, and I'm glad I saw her family, since I was so close to so many people. So sorry I let you guys down for going to the party. Does this count for my NC calender? so do I have to start over!

And I didn't feel like sh** at the party, I was actually happy, cause everyone was being very nice to me and not alienating me in anyway

Quote:

Originally Posted by pol5019

and i didnt feel like sh** at the party, i was actually happy, cause everyone was being very nice to me and not alienating me in anyway

That's because you WERE with the family, not her.

Very true, her family actually talked to me, and tried to move on. She made no effort at all

Quote:

Originally Posted by pol5019

very true, her family actually talked to me, and tried to move on. she made no effort at all

What if you spent time with your ex more than the parents?

You'd feel miserable

I know I would have been miserable, so I'm glad I didn't. This whole thing sucks, cause for the past year, they have become my second family, my home away from home. And I love her family so much. They have done a lot for me, and I will never forget that. I wish their daughter could be a little nicer but hey what are you going to do=]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pol5019

i know i would have been miserable, so im glad i didnt. this whole thing sucks, cause for the past year, they have become my second family, my home away from home. and i love her family so much. they have done alot for me, and i will never forget that. i wish their daughter could be a little nicer but hey what r u gonna do=]

Well, everyone assumed that you were going to see the ex more so we responded with "don't go"... lol

Just be friends with the family!

I wish I can do that

Just go over their house to hang with them, and neverrr see her lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by pol5019

i wish i can do that

just go over their house to hang with them, and neverrr see her lol

Yeh... I'll laugh at my ex when she comes to me and asks me to help her.

Fuq no.. I would not help her~

I'd wait a few weeks to call. Then, just call as a friend to see how she is. If she makes it clear that she does not want to talk to you, do not call again. As far as winning her back, there is no real answer to that. Your best bet is to remain her friend and let her decide what she feels. You can not change anything about the way she is feeling right now yourself. Time is all you can count on right now. Either you'll get back together or you'll heal and move on. But don't wallow in sorrow or dwell on this. It may hurt, but get out there and enjoy life. Whatever is meant to be in your life will be. Don't try to control circumstances. Let them come to you and work with what you're given. Make the best of things.

Blessed Be!

Quote:

Originally Posted by thisnthatshoppe

I'd wait a few weeks to call. Then, just call as a friend to see how she is. If she makes it clear that she does not want to talk to you, do not call again. As far as winning her back, there is no real answer to that. Your best bet is to remain her friend and let her decide what she feels. You can not change anything about the way she is feeling right now yourself. Time is all you can count on right now. Either you'll get back together or you'll heal and move on. But don't wallow in sorrow or dwell on this. It may hurt, but get out there and enjoy life. whatever is meant to be in your life will be. Don't try to control circumstances. Let them come to you and work with what you're given. Make the best of things.

Blessed Be!

Chances are... it's moving on

Yeah I have no intention of getting bak together with her anytime soon. I realizd what she has done to me and how badly she has hurt me these past few weeks. I have been chillen with my friends and have been hanging out with other girls. Which by the way didn't go well. The girl I brought to the conert hates me now cause I said something about her that was kind of mean, but 100percent true. So w.e, I reli don't care how she feels about me

hey everyone I just got back from mexico, it was amazing. Uh I kind of hooked up with a random girl from North Carolina. Woops=]. But also the trip was good cause it kind of cleared my mind and gave me a clean slate. I found out my e has a crush on some kid. But he's like a drug dealer, and a real bad kid, so I reli don't want her getting hurt. Any advice on this?

Not your business. Leave it alone, she is a big girl.

Harsh as what talaniman says may sound it is the best option... she needs to make her own mistakes... if she can constantly run to you for help then you can't really move on. You don't need to be mean to her but just keep being friendly... if she calls you then answer and listen but don't feel that you have to fix everything for her.

Let her ruin her life. Majority of the relationships between a girl and a drug dealer ends up like trash

Yeah that all makes sense. I think id rather not know what's happening in her life than know, cause when I find out info it obv bothers me. I just want to go to college already, cause then I can start fresh and make tons of new friends

Quote:

Originally Posted by pol5019

yeh that all makes sense. i think id rather not know whats happening in her life than know, cause wen i find out info it obv bothers me. i just wanna go to college already, cause then i can start fresh and make tons of new freinds

Good idea: STAY AWAY FROM THE GIRLS IN FRAT PARTIES

They're not clean D;... majority

ahahah thanks for that hjpan that made my day =]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pol5019

ahahah thanks for that hjpan that made my day =]

I'm serious... D;

Just be careful with girls in college... they're big drama fans D:

Even more drama than in high school?

Cause there was a lot!

Quote:

Originally Posted by pol5019

even more drama than in high school?

casue there was a lot!

Yes, there are a lot of girls who are dirty

Its been 21 days of NC

My birthday is in 2 days, think she will call?

Quote:

Originally Posted by pol5019

its been 21 days of NC

my bday is in 2 days, think she will call?

I'll call xD

Hahaha~ who cares if she calls?

I don't care, but I would think she would have enough decency in her to call. I mean we dated for a year, and its not like I did anything wrong, she's the one who broke up with me so I guess there should be no hard feelings on her part. If I were in her shoes I would call

Quote:

Originally Posted by pol5019

i dont care, but i would think she would have enough decency in her to call. i mean we dated for a year, and its not like i did anything wrong, shes the one who broke up with me so i guess there should be no hard feelings on her part. if i were in her shoes i would call

I don't know if I'm going to call my ex on her b-day... and the reciprocate.

Don't expect it. It'll just make it harder for her and for you.

Let go.

Yeah but thee thing is it reli wasn't a messy breakup. It took one conversation, and we haven't reli talked since. Its been a month now. I assume we don't hate each other, and I still keep in contact with her family(her mother) cause I still love them a ton.

I have another grad party tonight, and she will be there, so hopefully I can avoid her at allll costs.

It's over, she ended it. There is nothing you can do to change that, it was her choice. You obviously weren't what she wanted anymore, she made that apparent when she said she lost her love for you. Don't expect a call for your birthday, and even if she does, don't pick up. You guys might not hate each other, but you aren't together, you aren't friends. I can say that with confidence because friends can hear about their friends new lover or that one night stand that they shouldn't have had. Could you deal with her telling you that? I didn't think so, delete every way possible to get in touch with this girl and read the stickies at the top of this forum.

I agree with Rome...

My ex and I dated for 4 years and her birthday was about 2 months after our breakup. I didn't call her, and trust me it was hard, but I didn't do it. I felt guilty for a while, but she initiated the breakup and if she wants to get ahold of me, I'm sure she knows how.

You expect her to undermine her healing to fulfill your expectations? I think its unreasonable to make such a small thing, into such a big thing. Let it go, if she does fine, if she doesn't still fine.

Why would you get your expectations so worked up??

I'm not expecting a phone call. I am very curious to see if she does. I know it will not make or break my birthday at all.

And rome I agree with u, about not being able to hear about her new lover, if she had one, so I guess we reli aren't friends

But recently, all the friends me and her made during the time we dated, have been hanging out with her,and completely ignoring me. I reli don't care, cause I made some new friends but still, it's the point that I did nothing wrong, and I lose all my friends also? Obv not fair, but I know there is nothing I can do, and I can't control who my friends want to hang out with. To me it just reli sucks.

The only control you have is over how you cope with her calling or not... so decide on what you plan to do.. and stay with us, dear.

With me it was the other way around. After the break, my neighbors paid more attention to me than they did when I was with 'him'. He lives in the same building and they have also know him for a long time, but they show their support for me instead. And I have made new friends - never liked his to begin with (usually all drunks) - and he always objected to mine, so I kept them separate from my relationship. Good thing I did.

'His' B-day is up next month, and I certainly am not going to mention it, even though I see him every day.
Honest, after living as long as I have, and going through a few relationships, you'll get the hang of coping. You either wind up as friends later or it leaves you cold as ice towards the 'other' and life goes on.

Enjoy your B-day by going out and having a great time, or if you want, you can come on here and we'll have a Virtual Party - a lot of us will drop in during the entire time...

C.U. later.
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