Quote:

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Originally Posted by damaged

OMG:eek:

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Right??

Me again... It keeps getting harder and harder... I want to reach out to him still, so badly. In thinking of breakup, he said he wants to be friends, as do I, but I really, really want more, I want what I was going to have with him before I broke it off... I don't know how to handle this... again, the last time we spoke was almost 2 weeks ago, and we left off saying 'I love you' at the same time... Should I text/call him to say hi? (I know I would have to keep the conversation light in context; not break down or bring up anything, just a friendly hello, how are you, and feel him out about whether he still wants me to go with him to the concert... I don't want to ask him outright "are we still on for the concert?".. I kind of want to say "I'm looking forward to seeing you"... or should I not even do anything? My God, I am a mess..

Hey.. good morning
Starlite we've already gone through this.. You will do nothing.. Be patient.. It does get worse before it gets better... don't contact him... be strong!

Hey girl,

I have wronged him... I want so much to make it right, and to be with him. I pray that he does contact me... I didn't even give him a chance this time... :(

No, he has wronged you.. You have given him sooo many changes & he can't give you at least one.. That's not right!. Move on.. You are stuck in the same place!.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by damaged

"You have given him sooo many changes & he can't give you at least one..That's not right!!..

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That is exactly what I would love to say to him, as well.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by starlite1

That is exactly what I would love to say to him, as well.

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Hey Starlite, I didn't mean the way you have put it. I didn't mean what you said. Friend is a Friend for me. And 'Intimate' or 'Special' relation doesn't happen just like that. Or not just at a look or at first sight. It is better understanding and involvement that makes a 'Intimate' relation. I value all the relation I would get into and live with it till the end of the life. We make relations to live with them and to preserve them and not to break them. We wanted the relation, hence we entered into such a relation.
I said I want to be YOUR friend. And I mean that.

Hi CF,

I apologize if I took what you said initially the wrong way.

We are friends!

So what has happened in your life that brought you to this site? (Start a new post - about you) I would like to offer my advise and see if it can help you out.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi CF,

I apologize if I took what you said initially the wrong way.

We are friends!

So what has happened in your life that brought you to this site? (Start a new post - about you) I would like to offer my advise and see if it can help you out.

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I loved her from my heart. Bestowed all my love on her. Wept for her. Slept hungry stomach for her. Was beaten from my parents for her. Sacrificed all for her. But she cheated me and my love.

CF
How old are you?.
Could you please write a more detailed story

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cfloveu

I loved her from my heart. Bestowed all my love on her. Wept for her. Slept hungry stomach for her. Was beaten from my parents for her. Sacrificed all for her. But she cheated me and my love.

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I am so sorry about the pain you are feeling. Please, by all means, post your full story on the mail 'relationship' page. Lets see what we can do to help

Quote:

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Originally Posted by damaged

CF
How old are you???..
Could you please write a more detailed story

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Well I am 25Years old working for an Investment Banking company.
It was when I was a student, doing my graduation.
Then I just using Internet. Very soon I got someone who spoke to me sweetly. A Girl from Bangkok. We became close friends. And later after some 8 or 9 Months I expressed my feelings to her and said her that I am in love with her. She acccepted my love. We both loved each one very much. She was so caring and loving. She told me everything about her. I believed in all that she said.
I used to bunk my school to chat with her on net. Got very less marks in exams. On weeekends I would enter the cyber in the morning and stayed there for 17 hours, speaking on net and reach my house late at night and get beaten from my parents for staying out for so late and never got food(she had internet connection at home and spoke to me from home). We shared this relation for about 3 1/2 years. I stuggled so much to live without her and without seeing her. Many a times I had shed blood tears thinking about the distance. But one day I decided to meet her. Searched a part time job and saved money. Worked for nights. Sacrificed my sleep and food for her.
Then reached Bangkok (first time I had ever been out of my country). There was this shocking and heart breaking thing for me. She never meet me there. Nor spoke to me when I called her up.I even went to her college. I searched for her, asked people for her by showing her picuture, and asked them if she studies in this college. I even Slept on the road outside the college waiting for her.
But she never turned up. While I was in the airport, I called her up. She only said "Forget me, sam"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cfloveu

Well i am 25Years old working for an Investment Banking company.
It was when i was a student, doing my graduation.
Then i just using Internet. Very soon i got someone who spoke to me sweetly. A Girl from Bangkok. We became close friends. And later after some 8 or 9 Months i expressed my feelings to her and said her that i am in love with her. She acccepted my love. We both loved each one very much. She was so caring and loving. She told me everything about her. I believed in all that she said.
I used to bunk my school to chat with her on net. Got very less marks in exams. On weeekends i would enter the cyber in the morning and stayed there for 17 hours, speaking on net and reach my house late at night and get beaten from my parents for staying out for so late and never got food(she had internet connection at home and spoke to me from home). We shared this relation for about 3 1/2 years. I stuggled so much to live without her and without seeing her. Many a times i had shed blood tears thinking about the distance. But one day i decided to meet her. Searched a part time job and saved money. Worked for nights. Sacrificed my sleep and food for her.
Then reached Bangkok (first time i had ever been out of my country). There was this shocking and heart breaking thing for me. She never meet me there. Nor spoke to me when i called her up.I even went to her college. I searched for her, asked people for her by showing her picuture, and asked them if she studies in this college. I even Slept on the road outside the college waiting for her.
But she never turned up. While i was in the airport, i called her up. She only said "Forget me, sam"

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CF - please post this on the main relationship page, not under my topic. I will by all means read this, and give you my best advise, okay?

Well guys, here I am again... I am such a mess... I really want to call him and apologize for everything... I wish I could know if he would ever reconsider getting back with me... My God I miss him... I'm sorry

Quote:

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Originally Posted by starlite1

Thank you so much for this site, and your information. I am truly heartbroken, and I don't know what to do. I believe the man that I love and have pined over for so long is a narcisist. I will provide you with my story/issue, and I welcome your feedback, advice, etc.

Back in 2004 I was going through a separation with my husband at the
time. A fellow co-worker was going through the same with his wife. We
became very good friends and offered each other advice through this
tough time in our lives. Hence, as we got to know each other more and more, we fell in love. We began dating each other at the end of 2004 and in May of 2005 we broke up. I devistated me to no avail. We would still
run into each other at work, which of course was very awkward. I was heartbroken. That Oct. (2005) he asked me to dinner, and we talked
about how much we missed each other and we got back together. It was
great! Well...the following May (2006) out of no where he broke up with me, saying that he needed his space, needed to figure out what he really wanted out of life. Again devistation for me. He had since moved from NY
to Georgia and we comunicated via e-mail very rarely. This past November(2007), he contacted me (a year and half later) and was in NY
for his sister's wedding, and wanted to see me. I was overjoyed. PS - we got back
together, I'm in NY he is in GA, and asked me to move there, and he
as been saying that he wants to have a life with me, marraige,
children, etc. He is buying a house, and I went down to help pick out furnishings
for this house that is being built. I was supposed to move there the end of this month (May 2008). I was really getting nervous (and very emotional and I told him I can't marry him. My reasoning: Because I love him so deeply, I am affraid that if we got married (Even though I really want to, and still do), if our marraige ever had problems,
and God for bid it ended, and/or we got bored of each other (which happens in marraiges), we would take the risk of hating each other, and never seeing each other again. My fear got in the way. The next day (after I said that I couldn't get married), I told him that I was getting cold feet and that I am so sorry. I do
really want to marry
him, but I just need some time to get my bearings. He said that 'that
ship has sailed' and we can't ever get married to each other. He said that he bought the ring and returned it. He was going to propose to me while on our trip to vegas (which he cancelled), but because of what I said, he is dropping the whole thing and returned the ring. He said he wants a relationship that doesn't require any 'work', and that maybe in time we can be friends. He said he also couldn't guarentee that he wouldn't run out of the marraige or something down the road, because I am a 'project' (whatever that means). I told him that nobody is perfect, and when you love someone, if there are bumps or hurdles you work them out together. He wants a 'trouble-free' relationship/marraige. I tried explaining to him that when I said I couldn't marry him, I didn't really mean that. What I really meant was that because in the past he kept yo-yo'ing I just didn't want that to happen again. I even suggested that I still move down to GA, and we live together and then down the road get married. Nope - he said no. :'-( I am truly heartbroken. Here I have pined over this man for 4 years, I was just about to become his fiance' and I have lost him, and he doesn't even feel the same way, or care for that matter.

Now, it's too late.

Thank you again.
Karen

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Oh my God! Are you okay now?! :(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by starlite1

Thank you so much for this site, and your information. I am truly heartbroken, and I don't know what to do. I believe the man that I love and have pined over for so long is a narcisist. I will provide you with my story/issue, and I welcome your feedback, advice, etc.

Back in 2004 I was going through a separation with my husband at the
time. A fellow co-worker was going through the same with his wife. We
became very good friends and offered each other advice through this
tough time in our lives. Hence, as we got to know each other more and more, we fell in love. We began dating each other at the end of 2004 and in May of 2005 we broke up. I devistated me to no avail. We would still
run into each other at work, which of course was very awkward. I was heartbroken. That Oct. (2005) he asked me to dinner, and we talked
about how much we missed each other and we got back together. It was
great! Well...the following May (2006) out of no where he broke up with me, saying that he needed his space, needed to figure out what he really wanted out of life. Again devistation for me. He had since moved from NY
to Georgia and we comunicated via e-mail very rarely. This past November(2007), he contacted me (a year and half later) and was in NY
for his sister's wedding, and wanted to see me. I was overjoyed. PS - we got back
together, I'm in NY he is in GA, and asked me to move there, and he
as been saying that he wants to have a life with me, marraige,
children, etc. He is buying a house, and I went down to help pick out furnishings
for this house that is being built. I was supposed to move there the end of this month (May 2008). I was really getting nervous (and very emotional and I told him I can't marry him. My reasoning: Because I love him so deeply, I am affraid that if we got married (Even though I really want to, and still do), if our marraige ever had problems,
and God for bid it ended, and/or we got bored of each other (which happens in marraiges), we would take the risk of hating each other, and never seeing each other again. My fear got in the way. The next day (after I said that I couldn't get married), I told him that I was getting cold feet and that I am so sorry. I do
really want to marry
him, but I just need some time to get my bearings. He said that 'that
ship has sailed' and we can't ever get married to each other. He said that he bought the ring and returned it. He was going to propose to me while on our trip to vegas (which he cancelled), but because of what I said, he is dropping the whole thing and returned the ring. He said he wants a relationship that doesn't require any 'work', and that maybe in time we can be friends. He said he also couldn't guarentee that he wouldn't run out of the marraige or something down the road, because I am a 'project' (whatever that means). I told him that nobody is perfect, and when you love someone, if there are bumps or hurdles you work them out together. He wants a 'trouble-free' relationship/marraige. I tried explaining to him that when I said I couldn't marry him, I didn't really mean that. What I really meant was that because in the past he kept yo-yo'ing I just didn't want that to happen again. I even suggested that I still move down to GA, and we live together and then down the road get married. Nope - he said no. :'-( I am truly heartbroken. Here I have pined over this man for 4 years, I was just about to become his fiance' and I have lost him, and he doesn't even feel the same way, or care for that matter.

Now, it's too late.

Thank you again.
Karen

---

That's tough. This is coming from my heart. He doesn't feel the same way for you so your going to have to move on with your life. In that moment you had some regrets about him. I don't blame you he broke your heart 3 times. And most likely he would have done it again. So I would say find somebody new in your life because he isn't the right 1.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by starlite1

Well guys, here I am again....I am such a mess....I really want to call him and apologize for everything....I wish I could know if he would ever reconsider getting back with me....My God I miss him...I'm sorry

---

Starlite my dear. Can you honestly feel totally at ease with this man? Can you ever get that wonderfully tingly feeling in his arms knowing that the only way you'll wind up getting there is to compromise and beg?
We know that he wants a ready made bed, a 'Stepford' wife with no problems, but can you always be on your toes to be able to deliver what he expects?

A lot of questions, huh, but these are of such extreme that they need serious thought and honest answers from you - to yourself.

You know that asking him back, is showing weakness first. But after that, you will not be allowed the privilege of any further weaknesses. He does not believe in 'sickness or health' or any other vows. He has and always will demand total perfection. You will drive yourself silly trying to meet his demands and wind up a total wreck before 2 more years are up. He will also see your attempt at independence or strength as defiance - which will not suit him either. Honey, honestly the woman for him has not been cloned yet.

It may seem as if I am painting a bleak picture, but you've read enough from me to know that I don't do this frivolously or without thought and I certainly don't use bandaides just to up my post count.

This is just the way I perceive the path this will take you if you give in to your current confusion and loneliness.

I'm 57 years old and dying of cancer within the year - so I don't waste my time with anything I don't want to do - and that includes reading and answering posts here on AMHD because this site and you people mean a heck of a lot to me. You are my cyber-family and I sincerely care about you and will not mince words to placate.

It's your choice on how you live your life, I just show you an outside view of how it could be. But the final decision is your's and I will support you no matter what.

You deserve and have the right to be happy and if you think he's the one, then do what you think you feel is right. I could be wrong in this, and things could work out wonderfully, but from what I have read - it's not how I 'feel' about it.

All my love and encouragement goes out to you in your moments of pain at any time - I will be here to listen and support - and I'll never judge you. Only you know what you are willing and able to cope with in your life to be happy.

You can PM me or post here - I'll be here to cry or laugh with you when you need it.

Lots of Cyber-Hugs,

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tiamokiss

Oh my God!! R u okay now ?!! :(

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Hi Tiamo,

Thank you sweetie. I am trying... It is so hard, but I am really trying to be strong and not contact him. I miss him a whole lot though.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Chery

Starlite my dear. Can you honestly feel totally at ease with this man? Can you ever get that wonderfully tingly feeling in his arms knowing that the only way you'll wind up getting there is to compromise and beg?
We know that he wants a ready made bed, a 'Stepford' wife with no problems, but can you always be on your toes to be able to deliver what he expects?

A lot of questions, huh, but these are of such extreme that they need serious thought and honest answers from you - to yourself.

You know that asking him back, is showing weakness first. But after that, you will not be allowed the privilege of any further weaknesses. He does not believe in 'sickness or health' or any other vows. He has and always will demand total perfection. You will drive yourself silly trying to meet his demands and wind up a total wreck before 2 more years are up. He will also see your attempt at independence or strength as defiance - which will not suit him either. Honey, honestly the woman for him has not been cloned yet.

It may seem as if I am painting a bleak picture, but you've read enough from me to know that I don't do this frivolously or without thought and I certainly don't use bandaides just to up my post count.

This is just the way I perceive the path this will take you if you give in to your current confusion and loneliness.

I'm 57 years old and dying of cancer within the year - so I don't waste my time with anything I don't want to do - and that includes reading and answering posts here on AMHD because this site and you people mean a heck of a lot to me. You are my cyber-family and I sincerely care about you and will not mince words to placate.

It's your choice on how you live your life, I just show you an outside view of how it could be. But the final decision is your's and I will support you no matter what.

You deserve and have the right to be happy and if you think he's the one, then do what you think you feel is right. I could be wrong in this, and things could work out wonderfully, but from what I have read - it's not how I 'feel' about it.

All my love and encouragement goes out to you in your moments of pain at any time - I will be here to listen and support - and I'll never judge you. Only you know what you are willing and able to cope with in your life to be happy.

You can PM me or post here - I'll be here to cry or laugh with you when you need it.

Lots of Cyber-Hugs,

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

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Hi Chery,

You are so wonderful, and I appreciate a understand everything you stated. I just wish I could (or even better, God could) get him to realize the love that I have for him is so genuine, and that he realizes that the issues that he has are what caused me to say what I said. Honestly, even though I am not a religious person, I pray to God that he shows my ex the light.

I am so, so terrebly sorry for your diagnosis/prognosis with cancer. My God, you are such a beautiful person, and you do not derserve this. Please know that we are all here for you, and Yes, we are your extended family. We are all here for you as well, Chery. You are in my prayers, sweet lady. I am sending you lots of hugs and kisses too.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi Tiamo,

Thank you sweetie. I am trying...It is so hard, but I am really trying to be strong and not contact him. I miss him a whole lot though.

---

Lets just support each other, I've been through a bad experience too, and its not the first bad experience as well, but to be honest, it was the hardest :)

Hi Tiamo,

Absolutely! And I know how you feel. We all go through breakups, but of course this is always one (hopefully no more than that) which really hearts us the most. And, because of the intense hurt that we feel, that means that we know how to love.

By the way, I just sent him a text. I broke my NC. (I haven't gotten a response yet) I know it was most likely really dumb of me, but I did it...

Don't give yourself such a hard time you are trying to reach out to him as you think he is the one that can solve all your problems right now and make all the hurt go away but... even if he does answer there are deep issues that haven't been resolved and you don't know if they ever can be given your past experiences with him. It's hard to miss him especially when you have the depth of feelings for him that you obviously have. Try to be strong and not get too upset if he doesn't reply.

STAR you were doing so good... what happened?.
Just be strong.. you may not get a response you'll like(if you get a response at all).. but try to keep NC.. anyways we're here when you need us

Quote:

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Originally Posted by damaged

STAR you were doing soo good...what happened??...
Just be strong..you may not get a response you'll like(if you get a response at all)..but try to keep NC..anyways we're here when you need us

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Thank you Damaged, you are all the best, and truly are my saving grace. I know I screwed my NC up... hopefully it will be positive though, but I have to be strong.. regardless.

How are you doing today?

Today has been a good day... so far so good...
Remember regardless of what happens you got to be strong

Thank you. I may ask all of you for a tissue just in case... or a kick in the a$$, or both :rolleyes:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by starlite1

By the way, I just sent him a text. I broke my NC. (I haven't gotten a response yet) I know it was most likely really dumb of me, but I did it...

---

Karen, don't make me come over there..
http://www.terribad.org/images/colbert.jpg

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Karen, don't make me come over there....!
http://www.terribad.org/images/colbert.jpg

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LOL!! JB you are great! And I love Stephen Colbert!

Lol... you guys are too much :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by starlite1

Thank you. I may ask all of you for a tissue just in case...or a kick in the a$$, or both :rolleyes:

---

I don't kick any more, but I have loads of tissues and lots and lots of Virtual Hugs available 24/7.

So, you had a weak moment, no biggy, it will give you insight one way or the other as to what next step to take. You're only human and we do tend to grab at straws. Ahh, emotions versus animal instinct, that's what distinguishes us from all other species.

We are here for you hon.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

Thank you Chery, Thank you everyone..

Well, It's 8:23 pm est Tues. night, and I didn't get a response from my ex. I am heart broken, but it's my own fault. Well, I guess he didn't change at all. I hope I do.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi Tiamo,

Absolutly! And I know how you feel. We all go through breakups, but of course this is always one (hopefully no more than that) which really hearts us the most. And, because of the intense hurt that we feel, that means that we know how to love.

---

Why did u send a text message, just don't! :eek:

Hi Tiamo,

I know, I caved. But... he called last night, and we had a very nice, light conversation (not about us persay or the relationship), and he still wants me to come to the concert it just depends on his work schedule because he is a consultant and is in another state at the moment for work. But he said he will juggle the time and see if he can work from home then. We shall see... It was just beautiful to talk to him... so we shall see... (he did say 'I love you' before ending the call)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi Tiamo,

I know, I caved. But...he called last night, and we had a very nice, light conversation (not about us persay or the relationship), and he still wants me to come to the concert it just depends on his work schedule because he is a consultant and is in another state at the moment for work. But he said he will juggle the time and see if he can work from home then. We shall see... It was just beautiful to talk to him...so we shall see....(he did say 'I love you' before ending the call)

---

What kind of "I LOVE U" does it sound like? u need to know! Okay hunni becareful this time, don't rush for your own good :)

Hi sweet, Tiamokiss is right in suggesting you be cautious.
If and when he does come around, please try your very best to keep it platonic (easier said than done, I know), but you also know that he will probably 'jump' any chance he gets and then go on his way without a second thought - until next time he needs a 'free ride' and does not want to waste time in the preliminaries.

Again, you know I don't paint fantasies, just like I see it, BUT will be here if you 'couldn't help yourself' again, as in the past. Men do count on their magnatism and skills to get what they want.

Be careful.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tiamokiss

What kind of "I LOVE U" does it sound like?, u need to know!! okay hunni becareful this time, don't rush for ur own good :)

---

Thank you Tiamo and Chery,

He sounded geniune, but, I am still going to be real cautious. I would LOVE to get back with him, but if I do go there for the concert, I am going to play cool, and if and when the moment is right, and I feel that he also wants to talk (like a signal, a segway) I am going to lay it all out...

The question I have now is how do I talk with him without sounding needy or pushy?

He sounds rather mean to me. I feel for you though as a broken heart is one of the hardest things there is to bear.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by f104

He sounds rather mean to me. I feel for you though as a broken heart is one of the hardest things there is to bear.

---

Hi F104,

Thank you very much. He can be, that is for sure. I don't think he even realizes it though. That is the sad part... It is so, so hard... and I have put my heart and soul into this relationship and into him...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by starlite1

Thank you Tiamo and Chery,

He sounded geniune, but, I am still going to be real cautious. I would LOVE to get back with him, but if I do go there for the concert, I am going to play cool, and if and when the moment is right, and I feel that he also wants to talk (like a signal, a segway) I am going to lay it all out...

The question I have now is how do I talk with him without sounding needy or pushy?

---

It's in the attitude and appearance.. so, what are you going to wear, and what are you going to say?

Try it out here and pretend you're giving someone else the same advice..

We are a good sounding board. So, go for it..

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gifYour first question to yourself could be: 'what's in it for ME?'