Matt - you don't need this gal if she was two timing.
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Matt - you don't need this gal if she was two timing.
Dude, I'm leaving her alone. After 3 months I call and ask for coffee, u say she will feel differently and want to come back?
I am NOT promising you anything. BUT, right now there is NOTHING you can do. Nothing. She might come back to IF you leave her alone.
I don't know all the details in your relationship... it's sounds like you got jealous, possesive, needy. Not good.
Generally you will not get back together if there was cheating, abuse, lying. But, Dude, IF she wqas cheating on you - do you really want this gal back? Can you ever trust her again?
It sounds like, for some reason, she lost totally respect for you - you can't trust her.
You did something to push her away... figure out how you changed. I thnk you became too possesive of her.
Work on yourself the next 3 months - get to gym and workout.
Dude, I did push her away and to someone else, that's y I feel like ****. But your right I was clingy and needy. But now being away from her and talking to you guys I know that I was like that and I shouldn't have... how she going to know that I have realized my mistakes, but leaving her alone? I want her back, I still love her, but because of how we were before this ****. My feelings are clouding my judgment. So if this is my fault, then there is nuthing wrong in wanting her back regardles of what she has done. I really want her to come back. I can't help it right now
I kind of knew that - women RUN from clingy-needy-possesive - they hate it.
Going forward
YOU CAN NEVER show her a higher interest level than she shows in you. IF you feel your interest level is too high - PULL BACK.
I advise NOT eve ncalling a gal ever yday... don't do it. I bet you called her 5 times a day and you became annoying to her. No question about it.
They ONLY way you can show you've changed is is to leave her alone. Let her do her thing. Give her space... because she doesn't want to be with you now.
YOU NEED TIME AWAY FROM HER AS WELL TO GET YOUR HEAD ON STRAIGHT!!
Bro when your right your F#UCKIN RIGHT! U know your stuff. I'm starting to get it now and realizing she's usless and worth nuthing. Piece of garbage for doing what she did to me and f#uck me over like this. But at least I walk away with my head high after I stepped up and told her I'm gone and that its gameover for her. Thanks for support bro.
The cheating thing, and she she was cheating from what you've told me - really bothers me. Once a cheater - always a cheater - you'd really have to figure out why she was cheating. Because most likely she WILL cheat again.
Once a cheater. Always a cheater. They are PROGRAMMED that way usually because of a traumatic experience as a child - parents divorce - abusive father.
Let me guess? Her parents were divorced or her parents were abusive??
I have never known - and studied this a lot - for a cheater to stop. Unfortunately, women like that need attention from a lot of guys.
bro, I don't know for sure she was cheating, but all the signs show it. I caught her with this guy driving her home in an eclisps. She would get strange phone calls when I would bring her home late at night. I found her lying to her parents about us being together. I found her sneeking around in the washroom with her cell phone, and when I busted her she definitely showed that she was doing something she wasn't suppose to, like she got caught. And the fact that she she was slowly pushing me away, not seeing each other that much, getting mad at me for calling her to wish her goodnite. She was just acting way not herself. And then the "break" thing happened... then on vday I saw the same car same guy drop her off at her house and she walked out with flowers. So its not coincidence that it was someone else's eclipse other than last time. Same car = same guy!! So she was cheating in my eyes... neways to answer your question, her parents treat her like SH#IT. They have no respect within the familly. Their always fighting and yelling at each other. They treat her brother like a king and her like a failure. Definitely favoritism here. I even had a scrap with her mom in October when they started to disrespect me and get in our business and also that after all this time together that they always put her down and don't show her respect.apparently she had a tramatic child hood, like no friedns they would make fun or her stuff like that because she was tall and skinny and ugly duckling. Then when puberty hit, she turned into a F#UCKING knock out. Apparently, her last boyfriend treated her like ****, and cheated on her with her best friend. So you, I knew she had lots of baggage but what can I say, I fell for her hard. So I don't know if all these things woud explain her actions, or if she lied from the start that maybe it was HER that cheated on the guy instead of the other way around. All I know is I did a lot for her and was good to her, however I have done my share of being bad to her as well. Around the end of November I started to be a bastard to her and yell at her and get pissed off at things she would do. But she gave me reasons to, I couldn't just let her walk on me. I would freak out on her stupideties and her disrespect because I knew she was doing them on purpose so that made me even more angry at her because she would do them over and over again and I let it get to far. BUT, its 50/50 in a relationship. She gave me reasons to be a jerk. I broke up with her like 2 times around xmas time after I caught her with the guy she is with now, because I was FED UP of her constant bull****# and GAMES. Same car=same guy!! So I know now for sure she was 2 timing. I don't know y I took her back. I was love sick and an idiot. I should have trusted my instincts, but she still held her ground and TOTALLY DENYED EVERYTHING although I kwew she was lying. Its probably around that time that she started to see the other guy because she started to act weird, lie and just plain not being herself its like she was possesed and not the same girl I loved. Even yesterday when I called and told her IM GONE GAME OVER, she still denied everything and was trying to hold on. I still can't get over the fact that she was crying and emotionall and telling me not to leave her and all that blah blah blah. Even called me back 5 times. Who knows what's going on in her head. She obviously has major issues inside. I'm starting to wonder that our whole 1.5 yrs was just a charade and an act. Thinking of all these things sure makes it seem that way. Anyway, so that's most of it. But how am I suppose to find out y she cheated and seeing another guy now? U said to leave her alone
That's what I thought.
See - women in bad up-brings tend to cheat...
Unfortunately, AND I prove it every day here... once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. They are programmed with this way.
PLUS - the total jerk she dated before you I AM SURE MESSED HER BIG TIME - PROBABLY FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.
Matt - you seem like you have the potential to be a good guy. My strong advice is to forget this gal. She would need years of therapy to get better - hopefully she is in it now. That's no way to be treated by her family at all. There nothing you can do to help her.
You will find a great gal... probably just not today. I'd work on Matt for now - improve yourself - workout - work hard at work - work hard at school if you're in school - hang with your family - it's really important - hang with your friends - work on hobbies.
Women are PART of your life - never your life. You end up like this when you put too much importance in them.
BTW - women like this will lie,cheat, and still... and tell you they never did.
She may grow up one day - just not today.
I totally agree. My familly treated her more lovingly than her own. One thing I've always though of and corect me if I'm wrong but, as soon as I found out that the other guy cheated on her and she was extremely hurt by it, while being with her I always had the fear that deep down she would want to get revenge for what that guy did to her no matter who she would do it to. And I guess she did it to me. You think that's a fair to say?
WILDCAT21... u seem to know a lot about this BS, and I just wanted to know your thoughts and ask if it was a smart move by calling her yesterday and tell her I decided in leaving her and this "break" thing is over and we are over and that her little game is now game over. Ciao have a nice life. It made me feel good, but you think it did anything to her?
No - I would not have called her. But hopefully you gave it some closure for yourself.
Truthfully, women like this take years to grow up.
I doubt it did much to her right now. She thinks/knows you will come crawling back... that's why you have to stop ALL contact for like 3 months on this one.
You need to become a challenege again for this gal. She wants a challenge - always... that's what the new guy provides - she WILL grow tired of this guy - trust me - and rather quickly.
"while being with her i always had the fear that deep down she would want to get revenge for what that guy did to her no matter who she would do it to."
Great read there - absoltely... 1000% - women like this will do that.
WILDCAT21: "she WILL grow tired of this guy - trust me - and rather quickly."... how quickly?
Stop thinking about it my friend. Let it go...Quote:
Originally Posted by mattvit
"she WILL grow tired of this guy - trust me - and rather quickly."... how quickly?
I wouldn't worry about it... she doesn't have feelings for you now. You need to get this out of your head. She Won't come flying back to your arms - trust me.
You LOWERED her interest level the last few months - it's VERY, VERY hard to increase interest level. Being all needy and clingy and possesive lowers her interest level.
TIME is the only thing you can use... slowly she MAY remember the good times... but it won't be tomrrow.
DATE OTHER WOMEN.
Matt please listen your being given really good advice, you need to get this girl out of your head, and as we said before we all understand its hard but you need to move on and deal with your life... Get out have some fun! Start living yourlife, not living in a shadow.Quote:
DATE OTHER WOMEN.
Please examine all these answers to your questions and be honest Are you a little needy? Instead of continuing on this pity pot would you not be better served to move on and don't you feel you've had plenty of time to stop whining over a female and just get on with your life?
HI,
I do agree with moving on with your life.
The more time you spend on this, wondering what your ex is doing, etc, etc, the less time you are actually talking with new girls.
Listening to a new girl can make friends much faster than talking about yourself. That is just a good tip to follow.
Listening will win you more friends in a month or so than talking about yourself, and will take much more time in finding someone who wants to listen to you.
Stop worrying, and don't be concerned about your ex. It doesn't matter what she does. YOU are the only one who matters. Take control of you life, and you will meet that one girl, eventually, who is right for you. Best of luck.
I agree, let her go. Does it really matter if she's cheating on you or not? She's acting like a total f***in baby! She wants space! No she's either cheating on you or trying to see how long you will stay. You try to break up and she all she says is no that's not what I want! "Absence makes the heart grow stronger" I'm in the Air Force and sometimes have to leave for a while. I miss my boyfriend every day that I am gone and physically ache without him. Let her go! If she really loves you she will come back. Don't be rude about though, be very strong. Say something like, "I love you and want you to come back so I can help u." I f she says no say. "I'm sorry that you have these problems but when you don't allow me to help I feel physically and emotionally weighed down." Your problems are affecting my life and I can't hold this weight anymore. Why don't you call me when you have this figured out and maybe we can go get a drink and talk, but not until you work your stuff out." Be strong, don't be a crying wimp when you talk to her! But don't be rude, or raise your voice. If she physically hurts w/out u she will come back.
Gig - that's really not good advice at all. Sharing his feeling now will just push her away. That might work in the movies... but not in real life.
Matt - I was thinking about your situation again...
You do understand that YOU pushed her away. I am sure over the last 6 months, mayeb you changed - the needed, clingy, possesive we talked about - see WHEN you act insecure like that - you CHANGE HER feelings... when needed those care free , sexy, confidence, teasing, FUN things a guy can give her...
This new guy gives this to her. Right now she remember the bad stuff from the last 6 months.
One thing YOU HAVE TO TAKE FROM THIS is... QUIT LETTING ALL THESE LITTLE THNGS BOTHER YOU!!
Around women you need to be the fun - non-carrying guy.
My friend, you need to stop thinking about another man with your exgf. I know it is tough but you have to talk/see other women. And just forget her asap. The less you know what is going on with her the better for you. A lot of women make up the rules. Does not mean you have to follow or agree with. You have you own opinion. So, stop thinking about it. Find something else to do. Geez there are lots of women out there to have fun with. Go get/find her!Quote:
Originally Posted by mattvit
I wouldn't listen to anyone in here. Do what you feel is right. Nobody is in your shoes but you. Do what you want! Just know that everything will eventually work itself out. The question is when and that's between you and your girl. Even if people in here have been where you are, they actually haven't because THEY R NOT U!!
Hi gidgit75, and welcome to the forum. I agree with you here. True, we all don't know the total deal unless we talk to both people involved. So, you may not want to listen to anyone here. But, please cont to give us your opinion. Thanks and have fun...Quote:
Originally Posted by gidgit75
We spoke yesterday. I got drunk and smoked up and was downing hard I did something STUPID and I called her cell like at 4 in the morning, I didn't know what I was doing. Anyway, she called me like at 1030 the next morning. I had no idea it was her because I was on the other line. So she asked what was wrong if something happened for me to have called at an odd time. I told her I was in an accident and I called her like that. I couldn't tell her I smoked up and was drunk. I just couldn't. Anyway, she was like crap I had a feeling when I went to bed something was wrong. I've been thinking of you lately and I miss u. we talked about the fake accident and she was crying and like omg I could have lost you and all that crap. Anyway, she pops out by saying I'm so sorry for being mean to you and a bi#tch. She's like I want you to know that I love you so much and I always will. I was like why u saying that now, its been like 1.5 months you don't say anything like this. She was like well I really do and I want you to know. She asked if I loved her because what if she wants me back that she needs to know. I totally tried to avoid it. She knows how I feel so I didn't really have to say it , although during the conversation I probably did. During the conversation I tried to let her go and hang up but she was crying and didn't want to. We ended it that we both still love each other and she's like I'm not ready I need a little time to get something's straightend out(not in so many words). I know she is seeing someone else because I saw it with my own eyes, so is traight out lying about not being with anyone.might be the ex.. who knows, possibly everything with her is a lye. I don't know anymore honestly. This girl is either really messed up in her head, or she really is playing some F'ed up game.
Dude - Sorry to she's playing you. It is a game, sorry to say. Stringing you along. Are you with her? No.
Fu#ck Seriously. FU#CKIN Girls.
Matt - I just believe - this particular gal is not good for you. Lots of great ones out there.
And what's up the boozing and smoke? Is this a problem? It can REALLY screw up your judgement.
No, not a problem at all. I was just out and things happened. I was probably more into it because of all this crap. And yes it did provide me with poor judgment. I called her because I was messed up. Lol and look what happened. She strung me back, after I told her have a nice life. Damn it! I just don't get why she would go through all this trouble to string me. Like I've been through it before, but just not this damn bad. Its like she's going out of her way to make sure I'm strung, like she's desperate to hold onto me.
She wants you to want her... She doesn't want to feel rejected but, at the same time, she doesn't want you...
I agree with everyone else. She doesn't seem like a good girl for you. You should move on and find someone else.
Dear Mattvit: I have to agree with Wildcat - you are not ready for any relationship due to feeling too sorry for yourself at the moment and venting your anger. Check yourself out by living with yourself and reflecting on some of the things you might have done wrong - it's possible - since nobody is 100 percent perfect. Until you can learn "How to be Your Own Best Friend" (a real old book) don't expect others to like you or the way you act. Currently you are on the defensive side and want to blame everyone else for your failures - that's not fair to you or anyone else right now. The world is not getting any easier and unless you learn how to be strong and handle rejection like the rest of us, you will continue to fail no matter with whom you start a relationship. Sorry, but that's the straight hard fact. Drinking and smoking will not help you get better either - they only make things worse - I know that from personal experience.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
Until you can learn to leave the past in the past and not compare others and look forward in life, leave women alone for now and work on yourself. Once you have grown up and straightened out you will have something to offer and will deserve to receive being treated better. We all go through trials and tribulations and it's on us to learn from them or go down so far to never be able to get up and trust others.
YES, life Sucks! But you and only you can do something to change your life to make it better.
gidgit75 bluntly said not to listen to anyone here - then what is this forum for?? You can glean from our experience and advice, but what you do with it is your choice - that's what we are here for - to give our few cents worth and food for thought to help.
But in the end, it's up to you. So take a good look at yourself, see the pros and cons and what you have to offer and benefit from.
So, now stop feeling sorry for yourself, don't blame others, and get out there and start a new chapter in your life.
Lots of luck and keep us posted. We are here for you if you need us but we can't magically change things for you - that's your job.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif
We all go through crap, it's up to us how to get out of it.
Matt - please listen to Chery - she knows what she is tallking about and only has your best interest.
I agree, from experience, alcolhol and drugs will make things only 10 times worse.
And Gidgit - this isn't a movie - this is the real world. Things don't work that way in real life. It's not that easy.
Hey, its 1.5 months I'm in this crap and I've taken everyone's advise. But yet its still hard for me. Like I talk with other girls and keep myself busy again like workingout, school, playing music, talking and hanging out with friends... but I still find myself thinking of the ex and the stuff we did together and I miss it. She was my first serious girlfriend and experienced everything together first time around and its really hard on me still. I find that keeping myself busy is like a cover up for what I'm feeling. How do I deal with the feelings/love I still have? Anything else I should be doing?
Trust me dude - there will be many more gals. You WILL laugh at this one day and realize there are better women for you. 1 1/2 months isn't a enough time usually to get over a gal.
A new one WILL pop into your life and change every thing - just don't make her so important early on. Ok?
This girl was for fing hooooottttt!! That's probably why its hard for me, because my friends told me bro, if this girl was regular you woulnd be freaking out like this. And I'm sure their right.. . but, I will definitely not make the next girls important as I did with this one. I really pushed it. I was involved in every aspect of her life and helped her with everything. Obviously I shouldn't have, but these girls man they don't appreciate anything, after all the trouble I helped her get out of and get her life on track, she does this crap.totally heartless!! I'm never trusting anyone again
There will be other girls, you will get over her. I've been seeing this other girl for a couple weeks now. Its nothing serious although I think id like it to be. The key is not to make her too important. I don't talk to this girl everyday and I'm fine with that. In fact, she's usually the one contacting me or asking me to call her. And you know what, each day I think less and less about my ex. I'm not at that point yet where I can laugh about it because ill tell you the truth, it still hurts a little. I do still have feelings for my ex a little bit but I have no desire to get back with her, even if she came to me right now and promised to do anything to take it all back. My point is that you need to meet other girls and learn a lot from this experience. Don't regret it because there is so much you can learn from it that will help you out in future relationships. But don't let her drag you along either. I never though id get to the other side but trust me you will, took me three months. It just takes time. In the meantime, go out and meet new people. You'll be kicking yourself in the *** if you don't, trust me
Wrong! These girls don't appreciate it... Wrong! These girls do appriciate it. But, your delivery was way off my friend. This girl can be with any man. You just was not that man. Bs, "after all the trouble i helped her get out of" whatever dude. This was your decision you did it you wanted to help. So get off you sorry a$$ soap box and quit complaining. Geez take responsibility for what you did. Not what she did to you. If she did stupid stuff to you... you should have broke it off. Da. So, either be the man... or let it go and move on. Can you handle her... apparently not. So, some other man will. Try not to think about it. Find another sweetie and be the man she needs in her life. Don't be the mechanic, builder, fix it guy. Just be her man. Give her what she wants and needs. And if you don't know what that is, then figure it out. Good luck my friend.Quote:
Originally Posted by mattvit
So, she contacted me lastnite wanting me back. She was seeing another guy and couldn't keep it from me anymore and she wants me in her life again, misses what we had and can't go on being a horible person and wants to try to be together again..?
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