[QUOTE] I just want to say to any women that read this... If you don't want to be with a guy, end it quick and end it ugly. Make him HATE you. Make sure he is GLAD your leaving. Give him the tools he needs to turn his pain into ANGER because anger is the best way for a guy to get over it. You may think its better to let him down easy but the truth is that's just easier on yourself. GROW A PAIR and just end things brutally and ugly. The guy you dump is your enemy. Treat him like it. He'lll thank you in the long run. Hope keeps him from getting angry enough to get over you. CRUSH THE HOPE as quick as possible for him.
QUOTE]


UMMM No, I personally don't like to have animocity towards anyone life is too short for that. No need to play mind games making someone hate you when you love him.. She can love you but may not be in love with you there is a difference..
There are some people in my life who I love and can't stand.. Can't be around them but love them.. Everyone has someone like that... But that's beside the point Loving someone is letting go even if it hurts.

My ex husband cheated, yes cheated on me ruined my kids life and mine, I didn't hate him for it even though I could easily have I hated what he had done.. . I was hurt very hurt, but if he loved me that much he wouldn't have hurt me, I would have rather for him to say let's separate/divorce before he decided to cheat.. Sometimes, it's better that the person prevent hurting you further by being honest rather than misleading you to a path of nowhere. As I stated before I rather hate someone for telling me the truth than love them for telling me lies... But that deadline bs, is a bunch of nonsense... Love don't have deadlines... anyway.. I hope that you heal and remember. That you will look back at this and laugh...

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

Well I feel SICK right now. SICK. Its another guy for sure, but she hasn't come out and told me. I did something sick to find out. I logged on to her facebook account (cause I know the password I set it up for her) and went to her inbox. One of her friends asked her how she was doing and she replied not good. She said that she was starting to have feelings for one of her coworkers and asked for a month break from her boyfriend (me) to clear her head.

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Been there, done that... NOTHING good can come from checking her Facebook... personally, I got rid of the damn thing, it's a retarded website anyway. I found the same words she used to say to me, cept they were sent to another guy she started seeing almost immediately after we broke up... mind you, at this time they've only been together a month, LD, over the phone... it hurt bad... although, this helped me realize and enforce the truth that she is a liar and cheater, so at that moment I stopped kidding myself and got serious about the healing process.

Now I'm dating again... only been on 2 but I think that's pretty good (cept one was a date from hell, lol) Things get better my man, as you'll find out. I can honestly say that I don't want her anymore, and that I miss who I thought she was. Yeah, we had an amazing relationship, but I'm not sure if I would want to try again if she wanted too... but it doesn't matter, what she thinks/does doesn't matter... I remember everything she told me when she broke up with me, and based on her actions, they were all lies... just a damn shame really.

It seems like these situations are like clockwork. I did the same thing with Facebook early into the breakup. What I saw hurt like hell but at least I found out the truth behind things. What hurt me the most wasn't her leaving me, it was all the lies involved when doing so. Even though it hurt so much, this is when reality finally kicked in and I began accepting the truth.

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Originally Posted by freakinconfused

I'm still struggling sometimes, just as you will. For example just yesterday, after days of not thinking about her, I randomly started to. I started to think that here I am, over 5 months later and I'm still single and can't find a girl even though I've been trying for sure, whereas she found a new boyfriend almost immediately and has been dating him for a couple of months. She's all but forgotten about me now. It sucks, because in a way I feel like she's robbed me of having a relationship and being in "girlfriend mode," which I feel like is the best version of myself, if you know what I mean. Sometimes I feel like she's royally screwed up my life, because when she said she wanted a "break" I had to move 30 minutes away, hang out with all new people, switch my job location, and lose my best friend and lover all in one. And it pisses me off because I'm not particularly good at meeting new girls, and it's gonna take me forever to find a new one.

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Describes excactly how I feel... every word... I'm going to attempt to get my stuff Wednesday. No chit chat, no talking about what went wrong, no begging. I'll try not to cry. I won't let her talk to me about it to allieviate her own guilt. It made me sick she kept saying "I loved you more than you could know" "It was true love" "I care about you so much" I kept just telling her to shut up SHUT UP SHUT UP! but she wouldn't. I told her that's the last thing I wanted to hear. She also said I made a few mistakes those first couple days (including drunk dialing) that made her decide not to come back. She said she was going to come back before I accused her of cheating. It sounded like an excuse to me. I told her that if she had been in love with me she would have communicated with me before it got to this point. She again insisted that she did love me "more than I could know" and that it was true love. But said that that wasn't enough reason to fix things anymore and that this past week she fell "out of love". I went to bed...

[QUOTE=jolienoire]

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I just want to say to any women that read this.... If you don't want to be with a guy, end it quick and end it ugly. Make him HATE you. Make sure he is GLAD your leaving. Give him the tools he needs to turn his pain into ANGER because anger is the best way for a guy to get over it. You may think its better to let him down easy but the truth is thats just easier on yourself. GROW A PAIR and just end things brutally and ugly. The guy you dump is your enemy. Treat him like it. He'lll thank you in the long run. Hope keeps him from getting angry enough to get over you. CRUSH THE HOPE as quick as possible for him.
QUOTE]


UMMM No, I personally don't like to have animocity towards anyone life is too short for that. No need to play mind games making someone hate you when you love him.. She can love you but may not be in love with you there is a difference..
Their are some people in my life who I love and can't stand.. Can't be around them but love them.. Everyone has someone like that... But that's beside the point Loving someone is letting go even if it hurts.

My ex husband cheated, yes cheated on me ruined my kids life and mine, I didn't hate him for it even though I could easily have I hated what he had done.. .I was hurt very hurt, but if he loved me that much he wouldn't have hurt me, I would have rather for him to say let's separate/divorce before he decided to cheat.. Sometimes, it's better that the person prevent hurting you further by being honest rather than misleading you to a path of nowhere. as i stated before I rather hate someone for telling me the truth than love them for telling me lies.... But that deadline bs, is a bunch of nonsense... Love don't have deadlines... anyway.. I hope that you heal and remember. That you will look back at this and laugh...

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Hate eliminates false hope. And saves you a lot of the heartache... Its hard to let go of someone you love. Its easy to drop someone that you hate. Then in a short time you stop caring to even hate the person and just act like they were never in you life. I don't want to hear any of that "she was in your life for a reason" stuff, I just wish she never had been. I really wish to God I had NEVER had her in my life. That I never knew her, never opened up to her, never had the most passionate intimate sex I've ever had with her, I wish she was never in my life. No lessons. No learning from the loss. I just wish it all never happened. I wish the world were so perfect that the first person you met would be your "soul mate" the person you will spend the rest of your life with and that no one in the world ever know heartache. I wish to God I'd NEVER met her and I mean every word of that.

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

She also said I made a few mistakes those first couple days (including drunk dialing) that made her decide not to come back. She said she was going to come back before I accused her of cheating. It sounded like an excuse to me. I told her that if she had been in love with me she would have communicated with me before it got to this point. She again insisted that she did love me "more than I could know" and that it was true love. But said that that wasn't enough reason to fix things anymore and that this past week she fell "out of love". I went to bed...

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This definitely sounds like excuses she has made up to justify breaking you off completely. My guess is that she has a guilty conscious about the whole situation and wants to point the finger at anybody (you in this case) but herself. Im not saying you are a saint, but I do not think anything you possibly did week would make somebody who truly loves you to "fall out of love" beyond repair. Do you honestly think if you went NC from day 1 that she would have came back? Do not be a sucker for her anymore and focus on yourself now. Good luck getting your stuff back, it will only be weird if you let it.

And what else makes me SICK is the thought of her comparing me to her next boyfriend. Telling him about all the ways he's better than me. In actuallity he'll be almost exactly the same as me, just like I was almost exactly like her last boyfriend personality and looks wise. She said the difference was mine and hers "chemistry" especially between the sheets. We we're great in bed together. I heard all about her last boyfriends sexual short comings. I wonder what shortcommings of mine she'll tell the next boyfriend to boost his ego. If I could I would remove every last memory of our relationship from both of our minds. I don't want her remembering me and I sure as hell wish I didn't remember her.

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Originally Posted by duck22

This definitely sounds like excuses she has made up to justify breaking you off completely. My guess is that she has a guilty conscious about the whole situation and wants to point the finger at anybody (you in this case) but herself. Im not saying you are a saint, but I do not think anything you possibly did week would make somebody who truly loves you to "fall out of love" beyond repair. Do you honestly think if you went NC from day 1 that she would have came back? Do not be a sucker for her anymore and focus on yourself now. Good luck getting your stuff back, it will only be weird if you let it.

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My thoughts too. I told her she killed our relationship. She told me it was both of us. I told her it was her, because I was willing to work out our problems and she wasn't. I'm not going to let her blame me to make herself feel better. I'm not perfect but at least I was willing to try. Nothing we had was beyond repair. It was her unwillingness to work on it that killed the relationship. She just wants me to be the bad guy.

[QUOTE=SJB1701E]

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

Hate eliminates false hope. And saves you alot of the heartache... Its hard to let go of someone you love. Its easy to drop someone that you hate. Then in a short time you stop caring to even hate the person and just act like they were never in you life. I don't want to hear any of that "she was in your life for a reason" stuff, I just wish she never had been. I really wish to God I had NEVER had her in my life. That I never knew her, never opened up to her, never had the most passionate intimate sex I've ever had with her, I wish she was never in my life. No lessons. No learning from the loss. I just wish it all never happened. I wish the world were so perfect that the first person you met would be your "soul mate" the person you will spend the rest of your life with and that no one in the world ever know heartache. I wish to God I'd NEVER met her and I mean every word of that.

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I understand your frustration I have been where you are if not worse, I was married, I have two beautiful children the man I loved so deeply bruised me, he cheated on me a few times, even got married not long after we divorced... I would never tell you anything that I didn't experience... I even met up with my first my high school sweetheart 10 years later, after my divorce and children... In fact we are together... It's like that saying I love the way you love but I hate the way I love you back... Listen to me or read me, but everyone once in their life will experience a heartbreak, Its inevitable, its will happen now or later... better now while you are young where you can bounce back or marry someone and realize that you and this person was never meant to be... You don't see the positive things about loving and losing... but you will see trust me... I am not sugar coating anything for you or giving you false hopes but the reality is that Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated. Trust me... Loving is letting go, if you truly loved her you will be happy whether it is with or without you... I know it sounds cliché, but it is what it is... You will see... But I can't tell you what to feel or how not to feel but know that I been there done that... In a far more uglier situation than you are in and I survived... :-)

Not my first heartache, but certainly the worst. And the thing that stung is hearing the same things said to me that the girl before her said. Now its like, two girls broke up with me reading from the same script and I'm like "what the fuk is wrong with me?!?" Two completely different women say the same things to me. It makes me feel like I'm the problem, even when I know I'm a good guy.

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

Not my first heartache, but certainly the worst. And the thing that stung is hearing the same exact things said to me that the girl before her said. Now its like, two girls broke up with me reading from the same script and I'm like "what the fuk is wrong with me?!?" Two completely different women say the same things to me. It makes me feel like I'm the problem, even when I know I'm a good guy.

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Sounds like their problem to me... nothing is wrong with you... you are who you are... they just couldn't deal with that, how is that your problem all of a sudden there is a woman out there searching for someone just like you... praying to GOD that a man like you come her way... trust me..

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

Not my first heartache, but certainly the worst. And the thing that stung is hearing the same exact things said to me that the girl before her said. Now its like, two girls broke up with me reading from the same script and I'm like "what the fuk is wrong with me?!?" Two completely different women say the same things to me. It makes me feel like I'm the problem, even when I know I'm a good guy.

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Lol, me too!

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

sounds like their problem to me...nothing is wrong with you... you are who you are... they just couldn't deal with that, how is that your problem all of a sudden their is a woman out there searching for someone just like you... praying to GOD that a man like you come her way... trust me..

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When you do get that ONE, you'll thank all those exes for letting you go, I did! Of course you can't see that now, but trust me you will.:eek:

I wish the ex's didn't ever happen. Especially not this one. The one before I loved but wasn't in love with. I was hurt by rejection but over it. I didn't feel like this. This one I was in love with deeply, and it hurts too much. I feel like the past 2 years have been all lies from her. I just wish I'd never met her. I wish to God she was never in my life. How many more times do I have to go through this? Its WORSE every time. I'm closer every time. I only want to love one more person in my life, and have her be the person I marry and grow old with. I don't want to go through this anymore. I want 1 more, and that to be the one for me. No more lies no more heartache. Is it too much to ask God not to let me suffer like this again?! I wish to God I'd never met that girl... Why can't god just once answer my prayer... All things are possible through God, so why can't he just whipe her existence from my memory... I can't stand more heartache... I don't want to remember her and if God won't make me forget her immediately, then I might have to find something else that can...

I wanted to forget everything about my ex too... but I see things differently now, it's hard, but I can look back on all the great times we've had together and kind of be happy, I'm happy they even happened, and yeah, it hurts like hell that I'll have to make new memories with someone else because I really thought we had something special... everything happens and doesn't happen to teach you something... this is called experience. I don't think you should want to completely forget her, but I think you should be thankful that it happened, that you were able to love someone as much as you did...

It's a damn shame what happened, but at least you can look back knowing you tried your best, that you gave it everything you had and more... and if you think you didn't then you shouldn't be this upset, and you should evaluate your performance and try even harder the next time.

I know I gave it my all, and that the reason my ex and I didn't work out was never my fault... how could it be, I gave it everything I had and more, if she doesn't want that anymore then I'm sure there's someone just as cute, just as funny, just as everything she was, if not better! A girl that will be everything I thought my ex was. Im 21, you're 22... its bound to happen that we will both meet that girl.

And I really hope Tal is right when he says that one day ill be thankful she kicked me to the curb... as far as I can see, Tal hasn't really steered anyone wrong yet, so I believe him, and you should too.

I have no fulfillment in my life, I hate school, it's a means to an end i.e. a job. I hate my just because I feel insignifigant and I know I will never "make a difference" doing what I do. My life makes no ones better. My family and friends could do without me if I never existed. They don't need me. Happy to have me, but not need me. Love me, but not need me. I thought the girlfriend needed me. It made me feel like my life actually was making someone else's better just being in it. She proves she don't need me either. I am not needed. I serve no devine purpose. I feel empty, even since I was a lot younger. My life is pointless unless my life makes other people's better. I don't get any fullfilment doing things for myself. Nothing I do for myself makes me feel good. It makes me feel guilty. And when other people do something good for me, I feel guilty. What the hell is wrong with me?! My life feels pointless. My life has felt pointless most of the years I've been living it...

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

I wanted to forget everything about my ex too... but i see things differently now, it's hard, but i can look back on all the great times we've had together and kind of be happy, im happy they even happened, and yeah, it hurts like hell that i'll have to make new memories with someone else because i really thought we had something special... everything happens and doesn't happen to teach you something... this is called experience. i dont think you should want to completely forget her, but i think you should be thankful that it happened, that you were able to love someone as much as you did...

Its a damn shame what happened, but at least you can look back knowing you tried your best, that you gave it everything you had and more... and if you think you didn't then you shouldn't be this upset, and you should evaluate your performance and try even harder the next time.

I know i gave it my all, and that the reason my ex and i didn't work out was never my fault... how could it be, i gave it everything i had and more, if she doesn't want that anymore then im sure theres someone just as cute, just as funny, just as everything she was, if not better! a girl that will be everything i thought my ex was. Im 21, you're 22... its bound to happen that we will both meet that girl.

And i really hope Tal is right when he says that one day ill be thankful she kicked me to the curb... as far as i can see, Tal hasn't really steered anyone wrong yet, so i believe him, and you should too.

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As far as I'm concerned I would have rather skipped this one, and the last one, and just gotten to the important one. I mean the one that will last. I would rather have gotten all my experience growing with "the one." Skip all the ones that aren't permanent. I HATE dating. Even in high school my friends all told me all I wanted was a wife. I just want permenancy. To me that is living my life. To me my life is going to be the day I start a family. All this other crap is just delays and worthless pain. I never pushed this on my exgirlfriends, but inside this has always been my desire. I'm sick of being hurt and I'm ready to be done with being hurt.

Someone Help Me Please!!

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

Someone Help Me Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What's the problem now?

I'm seriously considering spending the next few months high on cocaine and prozac right now. I don't want to feel. I don't want to remember. I want to be numb...

It's that the problem hasn't stopped... I keep slipping into near panic attacks because of today. I've slept 2 hours in the past 48 hours. I'm shaking and nervous and jittery and I don't know...

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

I'm seriously considering spending the next few months high on cocaine and prozac right now. I don't want to feel. I don't want to remember. I want to be numb....

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The world will still be here when you come down, so what's the point. You have learned a valuable lesson here, you need coping skills.

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Originally Posted by SJB1701E

I'm seriously considering spending the next few months high on cocaine and prozac right now. I don't want to feel. I don't want to remember. I want to be numb....

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It's really not worth taking it that far then no will want you... it is so important that you keep busy somehow, do something for yourself what do you usually do for fun?

Well before the girlfriend I didn't have much fun. My friends aren't fun. I don't enjoy the things they enjoy. The only reason I'm still their friend is that they are like brothers to me (2 guys). You're brothers aren't always nessesarily fun but they always have your back. One would have me play video games with him and his girlfriend all day, the other would want me to sit around and drink and watch movies with him, or go to the pub. I don't want to sit around, drinking or playing video games, and I don't want to go to the pub because of birthday plans I had with the ex (her 21st) in April where I was going to take her (Its 21 and up only). If I drink it'll only make my emotions worse. I don't even want to deal with my emotions. I just want to ignore them. I don't want to know they are there. I don't want to feel them. Long story short, I didn't have much fun outside of being with girls. I HATE dating. I LOVE relationships. And I find myself boring. I don't enjoy hobbies. I don't enjoy clubbing. I don't enjoy sports (playing). I don't have fun by myself. I don't have fun hanging out with the guys. The only thing I've enjoyed doing in the single life is socializing with women. And in my new job and school there are ZERO women. I'm not saying I want to start dating. I just wish I had women to talk to and have fun with. I get along better with them. I'm not good at meeting new people and I wouldn't know where to start. I don't know what to do now.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

The world will still be here when you come down, so whats the point. You have learned a valuable lesson here, you need coping skills.

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But I wouldn't have to deal with it right now... I've never done those things before, but I'm sure tempted to start. I don't cope well. I am a creature of habit. I can't stand my environment to be disrupted. I hate change. I don't adapt well. Now I just had a huge part of my world up and leave. I don't know that I can hold the rest up. I don't know that I even want to. I have no fullfilment in my life. I hate my career. I have nothing else.

I hate dating too... "relationship west" I think was my ideal form, I was friendlier, always happy, felt secure... my life felt like I was walking around with a +100 points on my head... I adore stability, and I loved knowing that someone loved and needed me...

The thing is... sh!t happens... things rarely work out the way you want them too, and I think Tal is right, you need to learn some coping skills... drugs never make anything better... you might as well give up, but why would you want too? Not only will you learn nothing, but you'll seem really weak. I hate to say this man, but things won't get better if you're constantly down about yourself...

Besides, it hasn't been very long at all, you need to give yourself time, forgive yourself for making mistakes, and most importantly; love yourself.

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

It's really not worth taking it that far then no will want you... it is so important that you keep busy somehow, do something for yourself what do you usually do for fun?

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No one may want me, but at that point I wouldn't even care. I have nothing that keeps me busy. I can't occupy my mind with anything. Work, exercise, school, friends, none of them occupy my mind. I can go through the motions but my brain can't stop focusing on what's lost. I want to shut my brain off. Shut my heart off. I don't know how. I'm desperate to get away from them. I don't want to deal with them. I just want to go through the motions of life for a while without having worries or thoughts or pain. I wish to God I'd never even met her. That way I would not have to go through any pain. The time with her wasn't worth the result. No amount of happiness is worth the pain of losing it. I don't want the next girl I get serious with to be just another girlfriend. I just want the next one to be my future wife so I won't have to go through this again.

All right dude, first thing you have to do is relax. Take a deep breath, relax, and get a hold of yourself.

I know how you feel, in fact pretty much everyone on this forum knows how you feel. Losing such an important person in your life is hard. Your whole world is turned upside down and as a result keeping busy can be a real hard thing to do when your mind is still fixated on your ex-girlfriend. Trust me, for the longest time whenever I went to the gym, went to work, or attended class the only thing I think about was my ex. And here I thought keeping busy fixed the problem. Well with time it does because eventually your mind start concentrating on different things.

Listen, you just cannot give up on life because something didn't go the way you wanted it to. Personally I think that every person should have their heart broken at least once because that is the only way you'll know what love is when you do find it. Think about it, if you never suffered any pain, or went through any problems, then you would not be able to truly appreciate the good things that happen to you in life.

I know its hard, but things will get better if you allow them to. An important part of the healing process is for you to be actively engaged in it. Quit moping around being depressed and make an effort to enjoy life. Go out, do something, even if it's a long walk that only includes you and your MP3 player. Write your feelings down, cry if you need to, talk to a friend, or go see a counselor. But above all start working on yourself. The fact that you were in a relationship once means that you are a good guy and will find someone else with time. So don't worry about being alone and nobody wanting you because that is simply not true.

Trust me, work on yourself esteem and once you have real confidence in yourself then a lot of good things in life will start appearing out of nowhere.

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

I hate dating too... "relationship west" i think was my ideal form, i was friendlier, always happy, felt secure... my life felt like i was walking around with a +100 points on my head... i adore stability, and i loved knowing that someone loved and needed me...

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That pretty much describes my comfort zone. My happy place if you will. Especially the being needed part. Not only by a significant other, but by anyone. Feeling needed makes me feel better. It just doesn't really count from family cause its not enough and doesn't give me the emotional high I crave.

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

the thing is... sh!t happens... things rarely work out the way you want them too, and i think Tal is right, you need to learn some coping skills... drugs never make anything better... you might as well give up, but why would you want too? not only will you learn nothing, but you'll seem really weak. i hate to say this man, but things wont get better if you're constantly down about yourself...

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Yeah sh!t happens. And I don't always feel like dealing with it. And I'm tired of all the sh!t life throws at me. Life needs to just back off and give me a break. The best part of my life in my eyes, i.e. innocent childhood, is long over and I really just am sick of real life. Ignorance was bliss. Adults think they have it good but do we really? You spend most of your adult life working. You have the never ending stress of bills and worrying about money. Money of all stupid things. On top of that, "love" which is supposed to be happiness is also just work. At what point do you get to sit back and enjoy life? When your old. When you have fewer days ahead of you than behind you. When more and more parts are breaking down. This makes me weak, then so be it. I'm at a breaking point right now and the break up is pushing me over the edge. I'm just in an emotional sh!t storm today. Tomorrow will be calmer. Let me have my breakdown today... this is about support. She stopped supporting me. No one else is but you, all of you. Tomorrow give me the sh!t happens speech. Or the next day. Please don't remind me of it when I'm already emotionally crashing.

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

besides, it hasn't been very long at all, you need to give yourself time, forgive yourself for making mistakes, and most importantly; love yourself.

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No it hasn't been long at all. Today was the end point. Today was when I reached my emotional breaking point. Time is the last thing I want. I don't want to take time to heal, I want to be done healing. I'm incapable of forgiving myself. In all things. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders because I put it there and am not willing to put it down. I wear 22 years of guilt and regret on me like a badge of honor. I still feel guilty about things I did in kindergarten. My guilt is by cross to bear in life. It is the way God made me. I feel guilt over happiness. When I lose happiness I feel I deserve it. I don't love myself and I never have. I feel guilt for being loved. I feel guilt for gratitude. I feel guilt for people feeling pride in me. I feel guilty for taking pride in myself.

You want to know what about this sweet guy drives women away? They see the above as their fault. I may be having fun and being happy with them. My guilt is what they eventually see. The smile on my face. My laugh. The twinkle in my eye looking at someone special. They don't see it after a time. They just see a life time of burden on my shoulders and they are afraid they will add to it. I am Atlas holding the sky from falling on the world. I see a woman that I care about as a beautiful constellation shining brightest in the sky I hold up. That woman sees herself as more weight for me to bear.

Thanks for listening guys at this hard time. I didn't mean to come off as ungrateful if I just did. Actually quite the opposite. I just had to vent because as I said, I am in an emotional sh!t storm at the moment.

Let it all out dude. We are hear to listen and offer advice. If you have more to say just say it. Our goal is to help you get through this.

As a side note, my ex-girlfriend also broke up with me the weekend before finals week. Which was a week before Christmas. At this point I just can't help but laugh at how things went from bad, to worse, and finally to horrible.

I think I'm unable to cry anymore. I can count the times I cried in the past 10 years on two hands. Twice was with my ex-girlfriend during particularly bad fights. Once each for my grandfather's death, my cousin's death, death of each of my 2 childhood dogs. Once fighting with my dad, twice fighting with my mom. I can remember each time. Is that bad? Is there something wrong with me? Its not that I don't want to cry, I just can't. I want to so much but I can't. Who only crys 9 times in 10 years? Instead I feel my emotions eating at me on the inside and I can't express them outwardly. Have I gotten so used to my guilt and pain I put on myself, I've become almost dead to expressing my emotions? I want to cry for her. To get it out one cry at a time. I can't. My luck it will come the moment I don't want it to, i.e. when I see her this Friday to exchange our stuff. I don't want her to see that. I'm afraid of her reaction. Would she stoicly sit there watching me ball my eyes out? Would she cry too? I don't want either one.

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Originally Posted by confused25

Go ahead and let it all out dude. We are hear to listen and offer advice. If you have more to say just go ahead and say it. Our goal is to help you get through this.

As a side note, my ex-girlfriend also broke up with me the weekend before finals week. Which was a week before Christmas. At this point I just can't help but laugh at how things went from bad, to worse, and finally to horrible.

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Mine too...

The most common thing I see on here is late 20 to newly 21 year old girls dumping slightly older guys. All with the "want to be free" excuse. To me this seems directly related to truing 21 and drinking in the states. They gain freedom to drink and seek freedom to do it without you worrying about them. Then they try on the party dude who will drink with them and not care if they get fitshaced. Even the good girls. Especially the good girls. I say No good guy should date a girl in this age range. The second most common one I see is college graduation age, and third high school graduation age. Is finding real love really that impossible in the late teens early 20's age? More often its women at this age leaving men than vice versa, but the men that leave are typically the type that weren't in it for the long haul to begin with. With women at these 3 stages its like a switch goes off. And all us nice caring sensitive romantic loving guys get screwed.

I keep wondering if I had just gone NC from day 1 if she would have come back to me. I know it wouldn't have made a difference. Her decision was made before she started the break. I couldn't have done anything about it. Could I have? I just kept it from getting drug out right? Was this my fault? I was powerless wasn't I? I couldn't have prevented this could I? No right? She said that she needed me and I stopped being there for her. She says she always needed me and I wasn't there for her. That I drove her away. Is this my fault? Could I have done anything?

I don't believe in soulmates, "the one", or anything like that anymore. People either work at their relationship or they don't. If one or both don't they fall apart and both people get hurt. There's not that girl out there that I'm "supposed to be with." Your with someone because you believe in working together, not that your "supposed to be together" No two people are supposed to be together. Either they work at it or they don't.

The ex used to call me soulmate, the one, and all that BS. Even ending things she said if we're "supposed to be together" we'll find our way back to each other. She told me not to throw away or sell her promise ring I got her and will take back on Friday. She said, "in case I realize I'm making a huge mistake". She Insisted she had no interrest in being in a relationship and just wanted to be alone but eventually would want a relationship again. I told her to stop and not do that to me. Don't give me false hopes. But the words were out there... the damage was done... I don't think I could sell the ring anyway emotionally. It's going in a box buried deep in my closet with stuff I couldn't part with from past relationships. I can't believe she went and gave them all false hopes. My mind tells me that's what they are... my heart won't let go of them...

Well I cried... at work... in the bathroom... I cried. I don't feel any better... when we agreed to exchange things on Friday, she said she didn't want to fight me... I told her we both just won't say anything... no last hug good bye, no begging, no asking what went wrong, no crying just a quick exchange and gone... I doubt that's how it will happen... I'm scared to death of what seeing her will do to me...

Its not easy mate. It's a tough time, but it sounds like you need to let her go, even if that's the last thing you want to do.

Try as hard as you can to do it and be strong when you see her on Friday. You are the man here, nothing wrong with being sensitive etc, but try and be strong Friday, and as hard as it is, things will get better for you. Everyone on here has been through it or is going through it.

Its absolute crap, but you're a good guy and there will be someone out there who is in the right stage of their life to want to share it with you.

This girl needs to sort her head out. Best thing for that is go your separate ways and try and enjoy your own lives. If you meet again, you meet again, but do not have the false hope for this.

Try try try to focus on you, and don't say that you do not make a difference in peoples lives or they don't need you etc, as I'm sure you have some good points to offer.

Don't beat yourself up, get back off the canvas ready to fight again!

I feel so alone right now...

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Originally Posted by jpm247

Its not easy mate. Its a tough time, but it sounds like you need to let her go, even if thats the last thing you want to do.

Try as hard as you can to do it and be strong when you see her on friday. you are the man here, nothing wrong with being sensitive etc, but try and be strong friday, and as hard as it is, things will get better for you. everyone on here has been through it or is going through it.

its absolute crap, but your a good guy and there will be someone out there who is in the right stage of their life to want to share it with you.

this girl needs to sort her head out. best thing for that is go your separate ways and try and enjoy your own lives. if you meet again, you meet again, but do not have the false hope for this.

try try try to focus on you, and don't say that you do not make a difference in peoples lives or they don't need you etc, as i'm sure you have some good points to offer.

don't beat yourself up, get back off the canvas ready to fight again!

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I don't even have any future hopefuls... I have zero women in my life and no oppertunities to meet any... I'm not wanting to jump back into the dating scene right now anyway, but it would be encouraging to at least have some potentials... and maybe even justy a little friendly compainionship... that's how me and my ex became friends I was getting over a previous break and befriended her... 8 months later got the nerve to ask her out... and well you know two years after that... Now I don't even have opportunity to meet women... even seeking friendship...

You paint such a dark picture, because your hurting, but the truth is as we feel better, we start looking again. So will you, and you'll be wiser, and smarter. I like what you said about the 21 year olds, who must find themselves, yeah that's about right, but now you know, and will be more careful, and cautious in the future.