OK, so everyone on here by now knows my situation with my ex. Well, I have been doing NC for over a month with her. Talking only when spoken too and it's short n sweet like "hi" "i'm good and you" stuff like that. Well I thought it would be best to just stop going on my myspace page, so I deleted ALL her friends off my myspace along with anyone who had her as a friend on myspace, then made my page private and haven't been on since(about 8 days). Now I was addicted to that site, but knew it was in my best interest to get off it for my own sanity.

She is now dating this guy who is so below me(looks wise and personality wise), everyone sees it. Except her, which is fine as long as she is happy. I just didn't want to know about it. Wel I sign onto my Facebook account and a very close friend of mine sent me a message saying this
"Hey,

Something a little bizzare happened. First of all is Brianna's last name Lyn? If so, she facebook friended me today. Even though we were sort of friends at shoprite, I think it is kind of wierd that I'm getting this friend request now. Are you guys still broken up? If so, I'm going to reject this request. Let me know."

SHE HAS NEVER HAD A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT! Now all of a sudden after I stop my myspace account she signs on. I try to get away from her, and she starts up a new account that she knew I had and is now requesting ALL of my guy friends. They are denying her and everything.

I'm not going to break NC I'm just wondering why she is doing all this crap

She's doing this "crap" (as you put it) because she's trying to get into your head.

And, actually, you should be proud at this turn of events... because it means that you're making a difference. She knows that you're doing well without her, she knows that you're doing NC and she doesn't like it. Because she's not in control. She doesn't like seeing that you're getting along fine without her... and that you're actually growing as a person... completely without her.

Don't let this affect you, dear RomeFalls. And hey, I've got Facebook and myspace if you want to "pad your friend lists!"

Really, be proud of this. You're making a difference. :)

Yea, Historian, I am proud of it, it's like that site was to be my Oasis lol... She said she would never get one ha ha.. Now she has one. It shows who my true friends are, the ones that delete her request. Sure what is your name on there and I can add you

She'll realise what she's missing one day, well done for the NC. Historian is right, be proud, as she's no longer in control. Your doing well my friend.

I'm not really sure how I feel about all of this "being on control" stuff.

I mean isn't the point of NC to get yourself better and put yourself first?

It almost seems like "being in control" or winning is still keeping you just as emotionally involved in the situation. Just to play devil's advocate here but her doing this is obviously getting to you, otherwise you wouldn't think twice about mentioning it. I think you should just try to ignore all of this, and not think about it as a "contest" because I don't think its doing you any good. You need to further yourself from this situation.

I can't really tell if I have any validity in saying this, or if I'm just really in a bad mood today at work haha. Oh well feel free to shoot me down.

It's getting to me simply because I did everything to get away, and she pops up lol. I'm not going to let it show it bothers me to her. I couldn't care less if I was in control or anything ha ha. I'm doing NC for me, to let myself move on.

I don't think that its as much about being in control as it is knowing that you're making a difference. Knowing that what you're doing (for yourself = NC) is not only helping you with closure, but also is creating a self-sufficient, amazing person that is free... free to create a future void of a bad relationship.

And yes, as I wrote on another thread this morning... NC is not a means to an end. Its not a way to "get her back" or to show her you're worthy... it is for you and you alone. Its empowering yourself to be in control of your emotions, heart, and mind...

So, I guess it truly is a matter of control... but not over someone else, over yourself. :)

You guys could have just told me I was being a moron haha. I was up all night being all giddy because I'm going to see the foo fighters tonight. And now I'm pounding cups of coffee struggling to find ways of amusing myself at work because its so slow. I'm thinking of just puilling up a pie chart for a couple of hours and just staring at it and wandering off in my head.

So another coffee break sounds great.

Yessss...

All right, boys... Cheers! Coffee's on me! :)

YES! I love coffee... So now an ex friend of hers told me that when they used to talk(about 3 weeks ago) she told Sam(her friend) that she stalks my myspace... Not sure why or what's that about. She can't anymore since it's private, so maybe that's why the Facebook.. I don't know.. It's whatever anymore, I'm not going to start a conversation with her or send out a friend request ha ha... I've come to far to blow it over this

Yeaaaa boieieieieieie

Oh yeah... pull out the good ol' Kevin McAllister...

"I'm not afraid anymore!" :D

I don't really know if that means anything. A LOT of girls stalk not just ex's but people on those kind of sites. I know plenty of girls who stalk their exes on myspace and Facebook, and it doesn't mean anything. Its just what girls do I guess.

Hahahaha I was waiting for that historian

"just what girls do"..!

DMB... rah...

I'm a girl, I don't stalk on Facebook or myspace! What kind of girls have you been around?

I'll forgive you... e-chocolate may have to be involved in the forgiveness process, but I'll forgive you...

Just make the blanket statement when you talk about "what girls do"... "HC not included, of course" :D

Its just weird how she didn't have a Facebook account while my myspace wasn't private and she was on my friends list. Now after a week of it being private, she makes a Facebook and requests one of my best friends.. Who she knows I am with 24/7

I come on here saying this stuff strictly so I don't tell anyone else, so it doesn't get back to her. Maybe that's a bad thing? But I think it's good

Immediately after I posted that I thought oh no I said girls and not most girls or even some girls.

I was just saying that I know plenty of not crazy girls who tend to uhm check up on, or if you want to say just "stalk" their exes from time to time when they have nothing better to do. They openly admit it. I don't think they do it for any other reason than curiosity and sometimes you just like to see what someone else is up to. I'm not saying that its what "all girls" do and I'm not even saying its right, it sounds shady I know but I think in the end its just harmless and human nature to be curious.

Hopefully I have redeemed myself and if not I blame it 100% on a lack of caffeine.

Awww... you're sweet...

I was just messing with you... but one of my exes was very "girly" in his stalker mode. My friends now know him as "stalker boy." Police were involved... it was actually quite messed up. And... my myspace is now private due to his constant "checking up" on me.

Yes, you redeemed yourself. Honestly, there wasn't anything to "redeem"... my sarcasm tends to rear its ugly head when I have a deficiency of caffeine. ;)

And rome its good that you're telling all of this to us. You never know what could get around to her if you told even friends. This is a great place to vent and chances are we've all been in the same spot so you know you're getting good advice.

Hear, hear! What else are e-coffee breaks for but to vent about problems! I'm enjoying this e-coffee thing we've got going!

(Oh, and DMB, I still want that fine print thingy... "HC exluded, of course" :D)

I know how you feel. After my breakup even though I wasn't the one who needed "space" or time to be single, I was constantly being checked up on through Facebook and tahts fine, but it got to the point where if even my sister was saying hello it would turn into "WHY ARE GIRLS LEAVING YOU MESSAGES". So I've been down that road before and its not fun, and as a result I just ended up deleting my Facebook account to avoid anymore drama. One of these days I will make my triumphant return to Facebook, and it will be grand.

Hey Rome,

Crazy stuff eh. This Same thing happened to me an I went nuts over it, soit's quite a trip down memory lane reading your posts. I deleted her off Facebook, then blocked her and her cousin. She still got to myprofile through another cousin whom I can't delete cause she's my brothers best friend. Anyway, the day I blocked her she added a friend of mine, he wrote on my wall the very same day, he (like your friends) called me to say this girl whom he has NEVER met is asking to be his friend, heknew we dated but only cause I told him. So I told him to wait until I spoke to her. That's the situation your in, she's adding your friends and all this non-sense.

I was afraid she would start adding more of my friends and God knows why, soi called her to ask her. She played dumb, was rude, and just acted like a fool. She said she did not know I knew the guy or that he happened to write on my wall the very day, just a big coincedence eh, about a 5 billion to 1 shot. Point is that she wants a response from you, I gave her the response and she liked getting off some shots, they don't want to go quietly into the night my friend, that would make too much sense.

Finally, I re-added her at her request and eventually got off Facebook because of her and other reasons, once I didthat she did something similar with another friend but whatever, eventually she let it go cause I was not on it, like you and myspace. Months later I went through the same thing on MSN until I deleted that to, so I only have this and thank-God for that. What you are is wise, anty contact over this will bring it aLLLLLLLLLLLL back, who cares why she does what she does, it makes her look pathetic and weird, not you. Stay strong, its never worth the call, never.

Well, when you do make your triumphant return, look me up. I always love adding to my friend list! :)

Feeling better Rome? 'Cause I've got more movie quotes where my last one came from!

who cares why she does what she does, it makes her look pathetic and wierd, not you

I could not have summed the situation up any better. Touché.

Ha ha yea, I am feeling a lot better. It just caught me off guard this morning. BMI the thing is, she KNOWS he is my best friend. I mean he would come into my store when she was there and talk, would come to some Triple A baseball gams as he works there and talk to us. She will most definitely NOT get a response from me, I won't stoop to that level. I play it cool when at work, not showing emotion or talking to anyone about how I feel. I will just continue to act like I don't care and she will eventually either A) stop trying or B) actually try to speak to me

Hear comes my evil head to rear itself again.

But Rome you shouldn't be thinking at all that she will actually try and speak to you again. You're setting yourself up if you keep thinking like that.

And we were doing so good, boys! :)

But, DMB makes a point...

Me = moderator.

Rome? Your answer!

:D

Yea, that's true DMB. But in reality, that's the only 2 options there are ha ha. I have told people to stop telling me about her life, as that's what it is, her life. It's actually funny because I used to talk a lot at that job, now I hardly speak, constantly have my head phones on and on break I read, sit by myself and whenever someone asks me how I am, I simply reply. "I'm good, but I should really be getting back to work" It's a complete 180, from how I used to be. I feel so much better about it and about myself. When the break up first happened, I would tell anyone who asked about what was wrong, or what happened. So I have come very very far in my eyes

Darlin, great answer. :)

You're doing well. Beyond well. You're doing Yondwell (beyond + well, in case you were wondering. ;) )

Don't worry about it. Keep your head up. You were doing fine.

... really don't have many words of wisdom right now. @ work as well.

You have come very far indeed, and have handled yourself well, as all she wants is for you to be confused enough to contact her. Well done. SHESH, back in my day not calling was enough, but today, there are so many ways to contact, or check up, on people it would drive me crazy. Keep up the good works on yourself, and you will see the attraction fade by her own actions, they are pathetic. What the heck were you thinking hooking up with her? And still wanting her back?? Oh well, Love is dumb sometimes.

Yea, the funny thing is. She was NEVER like this when we were dating. She never even went on myspace. So everything she is doing now, is showing me she has completely changed, changed so much I can't even see the person I fell in love with. I am going to continue doing what I am doing with my life. I have set myself up with goals for this year, and will stop it nothing to accomplish them. I take it one day at a time. I talked to my cousin about this earlier and she said the same thing Tal.. That she wants me to be so confused that I text her and ask her what's up so she can shoot me down again because that's how she is avoiding her feelings, by making it seem like I am still the jealous and possessive BF she knew. And by not contacting her, it is hitting her hard and confusing her and eventually it will hit her and then it will be all up to me about where to go from there. Which I will not lie, would be a decision to think about but thought about thoroughly. But with a clear head none the less guys so don't worry.

And by not contacting her, it is hitting her hard and confusing her and eventually it will hit her and then it will be all up to me about where to go from there. Which I will not lie, would be a decision to think about but thought about thoroughly. But with a clear head none the less guys so don't worry.

As long as you know what you're getting yourself into or how your setting yourself up by thinking that way. For your own sake I think you should just put it into your head that you deserve better, and you're going to wait until that comes around, and in the meantime just live life and not wait for her to talk to you or even give her the time of day when it comes to devoting time to think about her. Even though you're not waiting for her to talk to you but you know what I mean.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

What the heck were you thinking hooking up with her? and still wanting her back??? Oh well, Love is dumb sometimes.

---

Great quote. I think there are a lot of people who would love for that question to be answered.

Yea, I see what you mean. Its like I want her to talk to me, but I could never do the friends thing with her. That is one thing I won't settle for, I won't do it to myself. I'm just going to live my life for myself. Do what I feel like doing and not caring what she is doing or what she thinks.

Do you really want to talk with her or you just want someone to talk to. Sometimes its not necessarily the person we miss, its just the situation.

AH

I think that may be why "love is so dumb" sometimes. Because no matter what they say or do, sometimes you feel the need to go crawling back because the situation you were in was comforting. We've all been there, and eventually you learn to be 100% happy on your own, when that happens then you can really learn to love someone else.

DMB - you're so right...

It sounds all "tree huggery" but you really have to love yourself, who you are when you're alone, before you can truly love someone else.

Tree Huggery, that hurts HC

Although now that I think about it, I went to a hippie college, I'm obsessed with hippie tree hugging bands, and just graduated with a degree in philosophy. Thanks for the eye opener haha

LOL! All right... Touche' my friend, touche'.

You said "just what girls do" and I said "tree huggery"...

Let's just drink our e-coffee and play nice! ;)

Do hippies even drink coffee? I guess that's something I should know. I guess I should lose the suit and tie job too. This is a great life changing experience. I'm ranting a lot today. Yikes.