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Quote:
Originally Posted by lmnotok
It's still not safe for him to make the first move. He runs the risk of being set back to square one in the healing process. He cannot afford to risk undoing all the progress he's made. He shouldn't put himself in a position where he's vulnerable to be rejected again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamguy
Who said he CANNOT afford to risk undoing all the progress he's made?? THat what YOU assume him to be, not what HE can or cannot do.
I wouldn't bother. I am not sure who dumped who, but if she ended it then she should be the one making the effort not you. If she's too scared or worried then its her lost not yours. Plenty more people out there in the world, to worry about one.
It just seems odd to me how whenever I go over there, she flirts with me and makes sure she looks her very best. She goes out of her way to dress her best for me. Why would she care if she didn't want to get back together?
I'm just confused about the whole thing. Maybe going on a date with a new girl will make me feel better (which I'm doing on Sunday).
Quote:
Originally Posted by VADawg
My ex flirts with me too. She's gone so far to volunteer information about pain in personal parts of her body & about her menstrual cycle. Seems kind of odd that she would still talk to me about that stuff if she only sees me as a friend at this point. As far as I know she doesn't talk to her other guy friends about that stuff.
If she has a new boyfriend then she should be talking to him about her physical ailments with her private parts. Some of the mixed signals are very strong. I think exes do that sometimes without even being consciously aware that they are leading you on.
Why would she go out of her way to look her best when she sees you? Hmmm. Maybe force of habit on her part. Has she always looked her best when you two were dating?
My ex talks about that kind of stuff with me too. I went over there the other day and she was talking about how she hasn't been able to shower because of an operation she had but not to worry because she washed her vagina. She even talked about how she pleasures herself. It was just odd. She doesn't talk like that to her other guy friends either... and she even said that. She said she can trust me with anything.Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamguy
Honestly, at first when we were together she cared about what she looked like. As time went on she didn't put as much effort into it because we were used to each other. Now she's putting in the effort again.
Well that's a good sign then that she's questioning whether a permanent breakup was the right decision. Sounds like you are playing your cards right. Keep up the good work. Hopefully in time she'll crack.
I've posted a lot on here about signs my ex gave me and it finally happened last week on Thursday. I'm really happy and hopefully we can work through things this time. I've healed and thought long and hard about this for months. No contact really did work even though I fought with people about it.
But anyway, I want to ask something
Since she's the one who broke up with me and asked me back, should I wait for her to make all the moves like kissing for the first time and all that? We've met up twice since getting back together and we've only hugged and she's kissed me on the cheek. I want to go all the way, but I don't want to rush her into anything.
Wow that's great to hear. I don't really have an answer for you though. I'm just 3 weeks into my breakup and I've been doing no contact too. How long were you brokeup? How long did it take for no contact to actually work? If you don't mind me asking.
I got back with an ex... but he's now an ex again. We were broken up for 3 months and he came back... unfortunately we got back into the relationship toooooo fast. 3 months wasn't enough. We were broken up for a reason- NOT because we weren't meant to be- but because our relationship at the time was NOT good and things needed to be changed... I believe that you CAN change things about relationships... every good relationship needs to be worked on. During the 3 months I just dwelled on the fact that I still loved him and wanted him back... I didn't take that time to reflect on what was wrong and what I needed to change about myself and also what needed to be changed in the relationship. He didn't change anything either. So when we got back together we just continued the same relationship... and we broke up 7 months later for the Same reasons. I'm not saying don't get back together or whatever... I still think my ex is the one... but this time around I'm really taking the time to reflect back on the relationship and am fixing what needs to be fixed.. if he and I don't get back together, I will at least be a better girlfriend for the next guy I date. Anyway sorry for the rambling. Just take your time, reflect on why you guys broke up, and figure out what you need to change about yourself and also what she needs to change because you cannot have the same relationship as you did before.. or else it will lead to a breakup again.
Congratulations, my advice just don t make the same mistakes again. Pray and read the Bible
We were broken up for 5 months. She called me about a month and a half in and I felt I was healed enough by then to talk to her. We talked sparingly from there on and we started to hang out as friends again. She started giving me signs like hugging, touching, and all that about a month ago. Then it happened.Quote:
Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much
Seriously, just stick with no contact though. It gives you time to heal and time for them to think of you. Just don't go into it thinking you'll get your ex back, because that's what I did initially. Eventually I realized that it was for me and me only and getting her back was just a bonus.
I won't make the same mistakes again either. I know what the problem was and that was me not showing my emotions enough. I've already done that more since we've been dating again.
Absolutely not! Since she's the one who did the breaking up the first time and subsequently asked you back, you've got to take the bull by the horns and grasp the power in this relationship and don't let go. You make the moves when you're ready ; you see her when it's convenient for you ; if anything she says or does makes you feel uncomfortable, then you back off for a while and date others. You put yourself in the driver's seat and stay there. She handed you the keys when she asked you back so take them and proceed accordingly.
I'm at a point in my life where things are just so hectic. I'm doing so much crap and sometimes I just want to come home and sleep. Because of this, my phone calls to my girlfriend are usually always short and uninspired. Plus it seems like I have nothing to talk about when I'm like that.
Completely fine, you don't have to please her and do anything that would make her happy all the time. Love is about given and receiving, not always taking!
She should understand you that you are too tired and it's very normal that we all get tired after long day of work.
If she doesn't understand then that is her problem. Have talked to her, what did she say if you are not calling?
P.S. I am not sure if I want a man calling me everyday, I would think he is a little bit clingy.
Yes! Definitely. I actually prefer to not be called everyday I find it intrusive in my schedule. However I would let your GF know so that why she doesn't take the change in your behavior to mean that you are planning on breaking up with her
Longrelationships can require a call each day.
Only if one of the people is very insecure and has an immature attitude and understanding about and in the relationship, and so needs the reassurances of the other person on a daily basis. People who are mature in their relationships realize the needs and wants of the other person. They know when they need to back off. Spending quality time on the phone or in person with another person is preferred.Quote:
Originally Posted by mckenzie134
Excellent comment!Quote:
Originally Posted by nicespringgirl
For the past week or so my girlfriend hasn't called me at all. I've had to do all the calling. I've tried to make plans to do stuff and she's been making up excuses. I really don't know what's going on because I did nothing wrong. Things seemed great the last time we met up. I haven't seen her since Sunday and I kind of miss her, and she is supposedly busy all weekend. Even when I called her earlier today I heard her groan in the background like she didn't even want to talk. We talked about her staying over night at my house on school nights and today she said she was just joking around. It seemed like she was serious back then... but now it's a joke? Yeah...
I've been nothing but good to her. I don't get what her problem is. Sometimes I wonder if she's just keeping the relationship going because we're going to the same school in the Fall and I'm offering to drive her everyday. I don't know why she'd act distant because she's the one that wanted to get back together 2 weeks ago in the first place. I don't know what to do.
Back off and give her some space. It sounds like she needs that. No calls for a while. And don't offer to drive her to school everyday. Let her have the opportunity to miss you for a while and you go on and do your own thing.
How old are the both of you? How long have you been dating?
Just abruptly back off and don't call or should I tell her that I'm going to give her space? She wants me to drive her to school everyday too... she brought it up actually.Quote:
Originally Posted by s_cianci
I'm 19 and she's 17. She actually broke up with me a few months ago (we were dating for about 4 months) and asked me to get back together about two weeks ago. So, it's kind of odd that she's acting distant now after all this.Quote:
Originally Posted by GlindaofOz
Wake up dude I remember you from a while ago... I see she still has you on the leash...
What are you calling her for LET HER CALL YOU!!
LET HER MISS YOU 17 years old EASY...
Don't call her again if you are missing her suck it up!! This won't work if she is not missing you she is just using you for when she's not busy she yanks the lead and you come running...
You want to NOT call and get her to call you and you know what when she calls say I'm a bit busy will callyou later and don't call she wants to play games play them BATTER or get out of the relationship because she is feeding you fish food and your loving it grabbing at every bit.. Take cointrol here because she will be dumping you shortly I can tell this I guarantee this!!
Looks like there is a back story... thanks for alerting us mckenzie.
If what mc is saying is right then she might be tired of being able to lead you around. Maybe you should pull back. And no you shouldn't tell her just do it. It will shock the heck of out of her. I don't condone game playing so I would recommend taking that time back to figure out if you really want to be in a relationship with someone who leads you around by the nose (as mackenzie has implied).
Well she told me to call her back tonight but I guess I just won't call. I'll let her call me if she really wants to. I'll just tell her that I was busy doing stuff and I didn't have time to call or something like that.
Seriously... this relationship isn't even fun for me. It's almost like a chore. If she doesn't want to talk to me, then I won't call her anymore.
If the relationship isn't fun then why are you staying?? That statement sounds crazy VADawg. Don't you agree?
Because I keep expecting the girl that I loved to come back one day and things will be great again. She's my first love. When she asked me back, I almost went into it unprepared because I couldn't believe she was asking me. I guess I'm just holding onto false hope that she'll be like she used to be.Quote:
Originally Posted by GlindaofOz
Yes, I do sound crazy saying that. I don't know what I want anymore.
Well you basically just said that you are in love with who she used to be or who you thought she was. Considering that you guys have only dated for 4 months and she has changed significantly it doesn't seem like a good sign.
In my opinion relationships are supposed to be fun, make you feel good, make you be the best version of yourself and most importantly make you feel happy and secure inside of the relationship. If you don't feel these things then frankly you are just bashing your head against a wall.
She just gets really moody at times. She was acting this way the first time she broke up with me and I just feel like it's going to end badly again. I have never loved anyone like I do her and I just wish it could work out... but I don't know how long I can take it. It just doesn't make sense that she would ask to get back together and then act this way. You know?
I know how you feel. But t does take two people doing work in order for a relationship to work. I said to another poster once that a relationship is like a rowboat when only one person paddles you move in circles and get nowhere when both people row you have smooth sailing. Right now she is not paddling and seems to be refusing to do so.
Definitely... and it's painfully obvious that something's not right with her.
So let me ask you this... do you think I should just not call her and let her call me? Or should I call her and tell her I'm concerned with how she's acting? I really don't want to talk to her right now but I feel like not contacting her would be childish. But hey, she's acting childish anyway. I guess I'd basically turn the tables on her if I did that.
I think you need space to think. It seems pretty obvious that you are confused. A few days away from the situation will give you some clarity and help you sort out what you want.
Not for nothing a lot of this behavior has to do with the fact that's she's 17. I was nightmare to boyfriends at 17 (its a shameful part of most women's past ;) ) Teenage girls have no idea what they want, they don't know who they are they are ADD on themselves. She could have thought that she wanted to be back with you then got what she wanted and went oh wait maybe I just wanted it because I couldn't have it. Most 17 year olds want what they can't have and they will fight tooth and nail to get it then when they do they become disinterested.
I know that age has a lot to do with it. She does have a lot of maturing to do and it's obvious in the way she acts sometimes. Plus you add that she did drugs, alcohol, got pregnant (had a miscarriage), and was beaten by her other ex boyfriend before I met her, and you have a girl that has problems and she also doesn't know what she wants. Granted, she's tried her best to put all that behind her, but it still comes up all the time.
She wanted me to call her tonight... but I agree that it really would be best to just cool off and let it be. I need time to clear my head. If she calls me, I'll just tell her that I was busy and had stuff to do. The same thing she's been telling me.
Wow that is a messy past for such a young girl. Has she sought help from a mental health professional for the abusive relationship? A girl that young who gets into something like that can come out scarred for life in regards to relationships.
My opinion is that she needs to get herself help and straighten out herself before she can even be in a relationship.
VA you can't give her happiness she has to already be a healthy and happy person BEFORE coming into a relationship in order for the relationship to be healthy and happy.
She's never gotten professional help as far as I know. After her ex-boyfriend beat her, she moved in with her aunt and she's been living there ever since. As soon as she moved up here, she started trying harder in school and decided that she'd become a secondary virgin. She tried to put everything behind her and start a new life. But every once and awhile, she'll get into a fight with her aunt and things will start getting bad. She'll start ranting about how she wishes she could move back and stop caring again. She gets angry VERY easily and it's obviously a result of her past.
I've told her that she should get help but she always blows it off. I mean, she can be a very sweet girl and obviously has tried her best to put that stuff behind her, but it's almost impossible to do it alone. I've tried my best to talk with her about it but that's not enough.
She has to see it herself that her behavior is causing problems in her life. I guess we can all only hope that at one point she will get some help to address her issues. You can't help her out of that hole, please remember that. She is the only one who can help her.
Sounds like the relationship may have run it's course. Tell her you think you two need to call it quits.. If she is the right one for you, things will work themselves out. But give yourself a break. Leave her.
Stop calling.
2 weeks in with my ex and she wants to break up again. I haven't talked to her, but her myspace lists her as single. I guess I'm going to have to call her and see what's up... but I really don't want to.
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