Even if I'm not ready? As ilovecali said... she's perfect on paper. But she's... not my ex. Every time she hugs me, it feels different... everytime we talk, I just think... she's not my ex...Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
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Even if I'm not ready? As ilovecali said... she's perfect on paper. But she's... not my ex. Every time she hugs me, it feels different... everytime we talk, I just think... she's not my ex...Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Give yourself a month to recover from your ex. Then grab Sue.
That, I will do. Hopefully, sue'll be around. Holidays are no fun without the significant other... or family... or friends.
Family's gone out of town. Can't go with them due to work
Friends are all home with their families.
Ex-significant other's with the new guy
... just me, a digiorno, wings, and a movie. Happy holidays everyone
... THAT's martyrship! :D
Or just recover, and you'll be ready for many more Sues to come. Remember, Sue is trying to win you over. For a time, you're in power. I would bet, this is not Sue forever. She's trying hard right now. Remember, she's the one who wants you more. Just remember, you are in power, because you DON'T WANT HER! Learn from that lesson.
--Cali
Hey, I'm all alone on Christmas too. Happens to the best of us.
--Cali
I'm stuck with in-laws. Want to trade?
Oof. Whining:
Our school has a network in which all students communicate via web: mail, chat, message, etc.
So we can see who's on and who's not.
Best friend just told me, ISN'T IT WEIRD THAT YOUR EX AND THAT NEW GUY GET ONLINE AT THE SAME TIME EVERYDAY TOGETHER? THEY PLAN TO GET ONLINE TOGETHER...
... grrrrr
To add. BTW, DID YOUR EX TEXT YOU TO SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS? no. OH. WEIRD... SHE MASS-TEXTED EVERYONE ELSE...
... grrrrr
To add. I got my ex an early christmas gift. She got me jack. I financially lost this battle.
... grrrrr
Don't get me wrong. I don't want this woman back. She's got her own issues. Just grrr.
Good place to vent ain't it??
This might just be an opinion. But here it goes...Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Sue knows EXACTLY what she's doing. You laid it out for her and told her you aren't ready for anything. Instead, it seems she isn't even listening since she wants to spend the night, then she cleans, and makes crêpes. IMO she's taking advantage of you in your vulnerable state. She's trying really hard to be perfect right now to win you over--anything to look better than the ex. But from my own experience anyway, almost any other person will look good after a break up, for the soul reason that there is no drama attached to them. So they look more appealing. I dunno, I would just kind of watch out for her.
On another point, do you want a chef and a maid, or a girlfriend? Cause I'm sure all that won't last forever once she finally has you. That kind of perfection can be exhausting to maintain.
Oh, I absolutely agree that she's trying to win me over...
Ironically, she says, I'M NOT TRYING TO WIN YOU OVER! I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER!
... hahaha
Anyway, regardless of what she does, I know where I'm at and I know (I hope) what I'm doing. I told her to back off... and she didn't. So I changed the way I acted towards her (a bit cold I'm afraid) and she backed off. We still hang out (she'll come over and we'll watch a movie together... or go out to dinner), but she's lightened up a lot.
I'm doing a lot better, cept I still wake up to check if my ex called... and check my email to see if she's written me anything, but I'm sure that'll go away in time. It's only been 2 weeks... and at least I don't check every 5 minutes now. Only 2 - 3 times a day.
Baby steps are better than NO steps. LOL!!Quote:
I'm doing a lot better, cept I still wake up to check if my ex called... and check my email to see if she's written me anything, but I'm sure that'll go away in time. It's only been 2 weeks... and at least I don't check every 5 minutes now. Only 2 - 3 times a day.
You know... I'm having doubts now.
I just spoke to a friend of mine who knows my situation... says, IT'S NOT JUST THAT ONE GUY THAT'S BEEN SLEEPING OVER... THERE WERE OTHER PEOPLE THERE... KINDA LIKE A SLEEPOVER. AND THE REASON SHE'S NOT CALLING YOU IS BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO FEEL BAD ABOUT THE SITUATION... SHE'S GIVING YOU SPACE LIKE SHE SHOULD.
... so... apparently, to this friend, there is NO new guy... and the reason she's not calling is to help me get over her. Is that... weird?
Could this be a HUGE coincidence... that
1) my ex talks a LOT to this new guy...
2) he sleeps over (but apparently, there are other people there... )
3) she's actually thinking of how I feel..
... I mean, is that really a possibility.. am I just losing it? Did I jump to conclusions, thinking she's with a new guy? What if... it actually is a coincidence that she talks to the new guy a lot, and they're just friends that talk... and text and call each other... a lot? So much so that he sleeps over, she drives his car around, and is extremely sketchy about it?
... couldn't be... right? It seems... almost TOO coincidental... right?
Keep thinking you will find even more and exotic things to worry over. Every time someone says something you can trip on. Is this an idle mind at work?
Haha, it's not an idle mind at work. In fact, it's a mind @ 3am at work.
After re-thinking + sleeping on it... there's no way that it's just a big coinky dink. No way. Even if it is, the entire situation was handled so poorly that I just have a bad taste in my mouth about it.
Currently @ work. It's pouring here.
Update:
First of all, happy new year to everyone. I'm sure half of you have already broken your new year's resolution... but that's OK.
I've been doing pretty well... just doing the usual. Granted, I partied a "tad" bit more than I usually do the past week. I'm usually a homebody. I dislike clubbing, and I'll just go to a bar every now and then to catch up with an old friend. I prefer sitting at home and watching a movie or playing a board game. Sad. I know. But it's what I prefer. Anyway, just hanging around.
Last night, I got an e-mail from my ex. It was an explanation of what happened and why it happened the way that it did. This is the gist of it:
- she's so sorry that it happened in this manner
- she felt restricted by the relationship as she wanted more time to hang out with her friends (the problem lies in that... I dislike her friends. They're a bit immature... stuck in high school... they like to gossip and start drama when there really shouldn't be any... so for that reason, I just don't like talking to them)
- she felt that her infatuation with me was waning... granted, she still liked me very much, she just felt like she was slightly losing interest while I was gaining interest
- she felt that I didn't trust her anymore (granted, I was being a BIT suspicious... and my suspicions were confirmed when the guy I was suspicious became the new guy)
- she still cares about me, and always will
... all in all... all I read was, "things i keep telling myself to rationalize what i did"
She has yet to confirm or deny the new guy... and she doesn't have to.
She ended with... "i wish that one day we can be friends, and i will leave you alone until you're ready to talk to me. you can write back, but i understand if you don't."
So... not writing back. That's a given. I'm actually not going to do anything. I will sit here. I will continue doing whatever it was I was doing before this e-mail.
Not.a.setback.
Ha, I hate it when they try to rationalize things AFTER the fact, when they are sitting from a totally different perspective. At any rate, I'm glad to see it's not a setback for you and that you're doing good. I was talking to my friend the other day, and my ex's name was mentioned, and I thought it was cool that I could actually say his name without tearing up. Ha. Amazing. Ahh progess. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Update:
It's been 4 weeks. Seems like yesterday.
Classes started this week. I found myself looking around every corner to see if she would be there. She wasn't. I didn't see her. Nor did I know what I would do if I saw her. Logically, it didn't make any sense.
Perhaps it's the cold weather... perhaps it's the snow.. but I feel like I'm back on the 2nd week of nc. This is bad.
Winter break was not too difficult. Kept myself busy with work and such things... now that I'm back at school, I find myself constantly running into her friends. Not sure what I'll say to her if I run into her either. I'll be polite and short. But nothing more.
Found out she's been going out a lot... getting sloshed. It's weird... as she doesn't drink, or used to not drink. It indeed, is a weird feeling.
ISneeze... I know how you feel... It's like what happened to the girl I fell in love with? I am fighting the urge to contact her, for some reason since I got off work I have wanted to call or text or something to talk to her.. It's so freakin hard and I don't know what I can possibly do to get over this
I don't feel the urge to call. I don't.
I'm wondering what she's doing. How she's doing. Why she's not calling me. If she even thinks of me. I wonder.
Granted. She's probably getting on with her life, as I should be. And I am. I just get distracted at times.
Yep.. I will do great some days and not even think of calling... and then days like today, I'm like one text won't hurt.. but I know, one will turn in 4-5 and then I did NC for no reason
Yep. I'm just chugging along. Went to a coffee shop, came home, ate dinner, went to another coffee shop, went to get some school supplies, went to another coffee shop, went to get groceries, did laundry, and now... back at home. Attempting work. Everyday's going to be somewhat of a struggle.
That's the hardest part, knowing that for awhile each day is going to be harder and harder. But now, I'm on day 16 of not looking at her myspace, day 10 of no contact, and day 4 of not looking at her bulletins or status updates. They may seem like small steps, but hey at least they are steps
I guess I should pat myself on the back for certain things... I haven't checked her myspace in a while... 5th week of nc... so yeah, I guess I'm doing OK.
I just have setbacks here and there I guess.
Yea, the myspace was really hard at first for me... But now I don't even get the urge to check it. I just see things as ignorance is bliss, I can't get upset if I don't know what's going on in her life
Update:
I saw her today for the first time in roughly... 5 weeks. She looks like she lost weight.
I saw her at the gym that I go to (at school)... so I'm not so sure if I should continue to go there. It's not really an excuse to see her, but it's more that I've made gym buddies and have made it a routine to go there during a certain time... and now that school's started back again, what do you know, my gym time and her work schedule are the same. Fate, you suck.
She didn't see me though... or maybe she did?
She was behind a computer, but I think she recognized my voice. Regardless, her "the new guy that's just a friend" was there as well... and he doesn't work at the gym... so yeah.
Regardless, at first, my heart skipped a beat, but then, I was fine. It was like picking at a scab. It hurt a bit to see her, but I wanted to continue looking at her. Nevertheless, I just left.
I thought I'd be somewhat set back, but I feel just fine. I'm fine during the days... it's the nights that kill me.
Its tough seeing that person out and about. If it was me I would just go to a new gym, weighing a routine against seeing her more often, possible with new guy friend.
Nights are evil lol. I am good during the day. But when it gets dark... I just go downhill. So I feel you
I think what I'll do is... continue to go to the gym, but just not rent out a locker. She works in the equipment room, but if I don't rent out a locker, then I won't have to see her. The days she works the front desk... I'll try to avoid her. Yes. This is what I'll do.
The reason I do this is not to see her, but simply because I feel like I should not change my entire routine just because of her. I'm a bit stubborn that way...
Lol sounds like a plan, I was going to offer up something like that as well but I didn't want to get confusing. I'm a stubborn guy too, keep to your routine, don't let her upset your life. Even if you see her, smile and walk on by. She says something to you just be polite "how ya been? well i gotta go and get started, or get home etc" keep it short. Smile big, work hard, and be patient.
Update:
So it's been a few days... I've been out of commission due to a flu. I haven't been anywhere except the bathroom and my bed. It's a bit sad, really.
I know what a lot of you are thinking, "Sneezy, what happened to all those women that first contacted you when you became newly single?"
Don't worry a thing people... they're still there... sorta. I hang out with them every now and then... but I don't see anything really happening. I'm not so sure.
Weird thing is, my ex's friends and co-workers call to hang out with me... just us. At first, I thought... they're calling to find out things about me... but I did it anyway with much caution. I found out that they could care less about my personal life, as throughout dinner, they talked about their life and wanted to know how my classes and such were going. No personal talk whatsoever. So... I'm a bit confused. I see 3 - 4 of her friends/co-workers on a weekly basis for coffee/dinner/dessert.
Regardless, I'm doing much better as of right now emotionally... it's just that I'm sick... so physically my body's in the crapper. How's my ex doing? No clue. She contacts my best friend here and there, but after he didn't reply to her e-mail/text/phone call, I think she got the point.
Other than that, I recently found out that being single... is pretty good for my bank account. I'm the type of boyfriend that pays for.. EVERYTHING. I just took a look at my bank statement the other day, and this past month, I spent less than half that I normally do. So... I bought some clothes, got a haircut, bought myself some goodies. I know, shopping being therapeutic is a womanly thing... but I don't care. If buying myself a 37" lcd TV is girly... then so be it.
Yea, I hear you about the being a boyfriend who pays for everything, and now that I'm single... I actually shopped for clothes, nice ones that 2 of my good girl friends picked out ha ha... I suck at fashion, my ex was my fashion upkeep, but now I have 2 of them.. Still a little unsure of what to do with my situation.. I am keeping ansy and want to text her just to say hey, what's up.. but I know its wrong
Yeah, I'm hoping they pass that cool tax thing where everyone gets 800 dollars or something... that's going straight to a new TV... BallinQuote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
So.
Minor setback. Talked to a friend of mine... where I found out two things: my ex and the new guy are really actually just friends... however, they're going on a trip together with another couple... and they're sharing a room together.
When I first heard about it, I almost threw up at the thought of it. 10 minutes later, I realized... so what? Granted, if I continue to think about it, I'll probably vomit, however, I'm not going to. I'll be fine.
I realized that I was so consummated by the whole "gotta keep myself busy" idea that I didn't take a step back and thought about what I might have done wrong in the relationship. I was dubbed "the perfect boyfriend" or "the best boyfriend ever" by her, her family, her friends, her co-workers, my friends, etc. But... obviously, something was off.
So I thought. I went back and took a look at the e-mail my ex sent me with reasons we broke up... and here goes:
1. I get jealous.
2. I held her back from some things she wanted to do.
3. We were too dependent on one another.
So I will work on these, along with my own personal goals.
1. As far as jealousy goes, I am USUALLY not jealous until I have this gut feeling that I need to feel jealous... and I trust my gut instinct... all the time. It's never failed me. I was jealous about this one guy... and lo and behold, he became "the new guy" So why wouldn't I trust my gut feeling? Regardless, I will try to NOT jump to conclusions in the future (for my next relationship)
2. I held her back. I scoffed at this... but it's true. I did hold her back... from her friends. The reason being... is because I hated her friends. They were a bit... high school-ish. All they cared about was getting wasted and gossipping... and I wasn't into that. I hate the club scene. My idea of having fun is... watching a movie, going out to dinner, going to a show. I just really don't like getting wasted or going to a club. Just don't. Not only that, her friends... are quite annoying. So every time she wanted to hang out with them, I said it was fine... I just wasn't going to go. Also, she wanted to go on a trip with them... so I told her that it was fine... I just didn't want to go. She's now going on the trip with "the new guy" So... that's what I held her back from. Her friends + the trip.
3. We were too dependent. I'll give her that... sorta. I'm a really independent person who doesn't like to depend on ANYONE for ANYTHING. I don't even like group projects in class or at work... I'm quite resourceful and I can usually get anything done on my own. However, I did depend on her for happiness and just that... "feel goodness" Ne-Yo said it all... "I'm a movement by myself...but I'm a force when we're together"
So there. I gave this relationship my all. And... I guess I shouldn't have. Usually, you're supposed to pick up the pieces that you had and move on... just this time, I have barely any pieces left. Regardless, I'm doing fine.
As far as my sickness, I'm doing MUCH better. Hope everyone's doing great.
Yeah, upon reviewing my performance... I guess you really aren't supposed to give it your all, but then I think, how can that be? I loved her so much. But yeah, I guess I made it all about her... even if she was needy, she's told me when we were together that she wants to be with me all the time, and she would get upset if I wanted to hang out with friends or whatever. So yeah, she's way too immature for what I brought to the table.
Anyway, Sneeze... I would try not to think about it, she's using that guy to make her not think about you. (just like my ex apparently) You said before that he was a tool, and I think most rebound guys are tools, the kind of guys where they say they'll do anything the girl wants after a month. This is probably just an "off" day for you. I know my day was... couldn't get my mind off her, but tomorrow will be better. And I'm glad to hear you're feeling better.
God bless you seneca for reading all that mess. I didn't expect anyone to.
Well, It's not much of an off day... or maybe it is, and I'm just that much better that it's not too bad. I don't know much about the new guy. Just what I heard from her friends, my friends, and some people in my class that know him. In their words, he is "sketchy and has cheated at least 3 times on his girlfriends"
So. Yeah.
For all the potential pain, and misery, we may have to go through, I believe that you have to give as much as you got, to make a relationship work. If not, why bother. We can still keep things in perspective, and be healthy, and balanced, but if its not worth the risk, it ain't worth the effort. The biggest regret you can ever have, is not giving it your best shot. That sucks as much as being dumped.Quote:
I guess you really aren't supposed to give it your all,
I'll give you that. I know that if I didn't give it my all... then I wouldn't be able to look back on it and think, "Damn...I did a good job. it's her loss"Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
So. I can't sleep. It's a problem. I have to wake up at 7am for class. It could be because I found out that my ex will be sharing a bed with the new guy on her trip. It could also be the fact that I went online (student network) only to find who? That's right... my ex. And who else? New guy... on at the same time (shows you how long you've been on).
One side (her... and what she's telling other people) tells me that they're just friends. While other things (evidence... the way they act together) tells me that they're more than friends. Regardless, I am to get over it whichever way it is and act like it doesn't bother me... but it does. Drat.
I don't know if this helps but I share a bed with this girl friend of mine when I stay at hers or sometimes we go away together - nothing happens - we been friends for 8yrs or so now though. Sometimes they just like company and get lonely - doesn't mean funny business going on - although to be honest I 've always wanted to sleep with her... Umm my point is no matter his intentions she can still be telling the truth.
You were doing good, and it's just a little setback, you will be OK though :)Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
This is what I would suggest, do not have your friends tell you anything about her. Cause you didn't need to hear that crap. Remember ignorance is bliss. :)
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