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Good for you Jeff. I might not be as young as you, but I've been there, done that, and you too will gain from each future experience. Enjoy the gym and the rest of your life. Just look at all the people who are worse off than you right now all over the world.. Then you see another picture. Bless you...
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Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I'm doing the happy dance right about now! I knew you could do it, it was just a question of would you? A BIG hug for you and we love you too, even Wildcat! :D
I agree, this girl had me feeling like I was worthless, and I believed it. All my friends told me, "dude, she wasnt that nice to you" and I never saw it until now. I STILL miss her, but she will be gone and take all this CRAP with her, then I will breath again!Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
Jeff, you say you still miss her. I think you miss what she once was, or pretended to be. I think you miss the fun times and what you thought you had together. Now that you've seen the wolf under the sheeps clothing, can you still say you truly miss that? Melancholy feelings are normal, you almost feel empty, but now all that emptiness is begging for something positive to fill it and the gym is a really good start. You pulled through a really rough spot, you did good! ;)
Jeff,
I was just reading through some stuff andcame up with a solution tog et ovet the girl...
Wear a rubberband around your wrist and eveytime you think of her snap it. It sounds painful but I can guarantee after 4-5 snaps you'll be over her because you don't want the snapping rubberband pain no more.
Pretty good idea, funny that you say that because this is what one of my buddies said, made me laugh. " If you start to think about what makes you sad simply bash yourself in the face a couple times. This will make you hate whatever your thinking about." A little more EXTREME, but funny! :D
They both are a good thing to think about when you get off the road to recovery. I hope you're still on it our momincali and I will take our hugs back. That will hurt too!
HAHA! You will be happy to know that "she" called me 3 times today and I din NOT pick up once! She let me a message on the 3rd call saying "I know you are mad at me baby, but I miss you so much, I can't stop tinking about you.......I love you......Im sorry I hurt you". This choked me up a bit, but I held strong and did NOT call back. I STILL miss her lying butt, and I know I have to be a man and not a "wuss". I still miss her (BOOOOOO!), but I am gaining my dignity back and don't really care about what she is doing. I feel a lot better today, but there are good days and bad. Pray for me please (if you pray) I would appreciate the help! :cool:
Dude - she cheated on you. At least three times. That's horrendous. There are so many better women out there. This is the worst kind. She doesn't understand a relationship, trust, RESPECT (she doesn't respect you), commitment.
Once a cheater - always a cheater - especially with women (the women here won't like that, but it's true - never seen it not that way). It's flaw in their gene. Let me guess - her parents divorced OR father was a massive cheater.
She's playing with you... although... see being LESS available = wanting by the other person. People want what hey can't have.
I think you're adiccted to her... you like the fact of the relationship... but don't see the forrest through the trees... she doesn't respect you... she literally abuses you... takes you for granted.
Get some confidence and self esteem and move on.
I think you are right. I can't figure out why in the hell I would want her back. She blames ALL of this crap on me, she is not nice anymore, she cheated on me, she is playing all kinds of games with me, and she can't think for herself. I don't know if I am in love with the idea of her, or the relationship anymore. There are all of these RED FLAGS telling me to hit the ground running and never look back, but there is some draw there that I can't get past. DAMN IT! I haven't called her in a week nor has she called me, and I sent her an email the other day telling her to do whatever she wants and that I just don't care anymore. I told her that SHE made a BIG mistake, and that I was done with all of her mid games, and mixed signals. I told her she needs to grow up and that she really took me for granted and she will see that soon enough. I told her I did everything I could to try and work things out but nothing did any good. I pretty much told her I was fed up with this crap and told her to do whatever she wanted. It was hard to send it, but I knew I had to just let go and find someone that will respect me and treat me right. As of now, I dotn really care what she does, I am just glad I did get out BEFORE I asked her to marry me. :rolleyes:
You are still on the road to recovery, thank goodness! Stay on it. Every loss hurts, even a fish, dog, or person, but we heal in time and go on with our lives, so you'll do just fine. By the way - the advice you gave Steph was good (I tried to tell her she was a clinger, but then she always was on the defensive toward me, so I'm glad a man said basically the same) - and you got my rating - you deserved that one! Keep it up, and help others along the way too since you are now one of 50 million of us who have been there, done that. I want to see more positive help from you for others in the future, as this will also continue to help your healing process.
TTFN
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"She blames ALL of this crap on me" - BIGGEST RED FLAG IN THE WORLD!!
Ughhhhhhhhhh!! - that's abusive and manipulative!!
I think you're attracted to the relationship thing - which you need to start with another REAL woman. You're obsessed over her - you want to make thing right and they never will be - this gal has massive issues and she always will. You have in your mind the way things should be, but in reality they never will be that way.
You hit the nail on the head again Ms. Chery when you told Jeff that the best thing he could do would be to continue to help others as this would help him heal also. Jeff, you are coming along nicely. She knows she hurt you, she knows she's playing games with you (i.e. treating you like a Yo-Yo) and she knows most of all that she lost respect for you a long time ago. It's a fairy tale. Her calls are not worthy of a response. She's spam now babe. There are two reasons she wants your attention and forgiveness right now, 1.) It will make her feel better. She's trying to take a load off her shoulders. 2.) She is behaving like a spoiled brat. It's not an attractive feature in a 3 year old and it's certainly not an attractive feature in a 21 year old. When you truly take off those rose colored glasses it will be such a revelation, it's going to knock you to your core. Don't bother sending her emails, don't answer her calls or even open your door to her unless she's standing behind Ed McMahan. She's a used car salesman, full of baloney. Remember, the one who cares the least is the one who has the most power. At this age, your goal in dating a woman should be to find one who would make an awesome partner and mother to your children, a keeper(don't worry, I'm not trying to marry you off tomorrow or anything, but I'm sure it's entered your mind). You need a woman with character, remember what character is? Character is who you are when no one else is looking. She needs to knock your socks off because she is a phenominal woman. She needs to be the kind of woman you'd be proud to bring home to mom, even if your mom knew everything about her. She needs to be the kind of woman whose got your back, always, no matter how hard, how boring things get, she's there. She needs to be loving in the true sense of the word. Does that describe your ex? The audacity of her to blame and criticize you comes too late in the game. While you were together, would have been the right time for her to come to you and talk, let you know she needed certain things from you. She didn't do that. She went out and made herself feel better by being unfaithful to you and then lying to your face about it. Coming from a woman, that kind of behavior will never change. Her cheating was not an event, it was a pattern. You were right to thank your lucky stars that you did not marry or even propose to this female. She had no right, no matter how poorly your may have treated her, to behave this way. Any woman with self-worth and a spine would have left you a long time ago had it been so bad. I found this piece of advice for you ladies out there realizing that maybe you too have been acting a little like Jeff's ex:
If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you...buy a dog.
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother made it...buy a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go out at any hour, for as long and wherever you want...buy a dog.
If you want someone to scare away burglars without a lethal weapon ...buy a dog.
If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores...buy a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football and can sit next to you and watch a romantic movie...buy a dog.
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to and loves you unconditionally, perpetually, regardless of how you treat him...buy a dog.
But on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you're home and acts like a baby crying for you when you're not, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night, only comes home to eat and sleep and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness,
Then my friend, buy a cat!
Smile Jeff, you're getting through this one day at a time... oh, and yes I do pray and will for you. ;)
Probably one of the best posts we have ever had here. Outstanding. Guys can learn MORE that than anyone - DON'T BE THE DOG!!
"Remember, the one who cares the least is the one who has the most power." - OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO TRUE. But, you CAN care - just don't show so much - never wear your heart on your sleeve.
Be like me. Don't give a dame about what she does. She will do everything in her power to get your attention, then once she has it, she'll start those freaking mind games with you. Don't let her do that to you bro. Stand up to her and tell her to shove it where the sun don't shine. From what you described, she seems like a wack job. If I were you I'd leave her *** on the curve a long time ago (she gave you so many reasons to do that). I rather be alone for the rest of my life then spend one second with your girl.
It will take time to forget about her. Just take it one step at a time. Your young, there are many more wonderful women out there (not my ex lol).
momincali if you're a female, can I marry you. Pretty please. LOL
Sorry, but momincali is one of us... and she's good! Guess what, my cat does not go out cause he's too hooked on me, I got him trained instead of the other way around (well kind of... ) I really loved that post though..Quote:
Originally Posted by one_life
I was not able to get into AskMe.. for 2 days and almost went crazy, my new IP helped me get in somehow, = NOW I KNOW I'M ADDICTED, and missed all you guys!
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Nice to have you back Ms. Chery!! ;) Of course your male cat is hooked on you, who wouldn't be?? Oh, and one_life, I'm not just a female, I'm a Woman so get in line! LOL, no really, LOL :D
Thanks momincali - and please just call me Chery. The 'Ms' is for strangers, and I feel closer to you than that.. C.U. more on this forum! I guess you can tell I just love them there smilies!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momincali
I know you are. The woman of my dreams. Lol
Ok, she called tonight and I didn't pick up. She left me a message saying she is really upset at me for looking at her messages and invading her privacy and all. She sadi that she is sorry that things had to end this way, but I will always hold the key to her heart. Then she said that she has been thinking about me a lot lately and that she will talk to me later. I am so sick of this back and forth crap guys... seriously. This chick is STILL trying to manipulate me by saying I HURT HER! What the hell is going on here LOL! She said she can't trust someone with her heart that looks into all of her private affairs. I don't get her, and I don't really care anymore. I get that I shouldn't have looked at her messages and all, but I feel like the ends justified the means. I think the only reason she is upset about it, is because she got busted doing something nasty and it makes her look bad. I really don't think she cares that she hurt me. I really wish she would just leave already. :confused:
I am glad you see that she is TOTALLY PLAYING YOU. IF she cared a dam she would have never cheated on you.
This hot is cold is just to F with you.
She's mad she doesn't have control of you.
Please don't talk with this woman for MONTHS!! Please.
She has SO MUCH groweing up to do.
You can NEVER trust this woman - ever. She broke the trust.
Woman who cheat have really low self esteem.
I think I am seeing that now. She hs had control over me for pretty much our whole relationship, and I HATE that. She manipulated me, my frineds, my family, and her family itno thinking that I was not a good boyfriend to her, but I know that's not true. She does need to grow up BIG TIME, and I think this might be the time for her to do that, but I don't want to be around for mer to manipulate me into taking her back. I just hope I can be strong when she does try and wiggle her way back into her life. This sucks...
Jeff-
Seriously, you should have been expecting this kind of call from her, you know her best. She seems pretty predictable and you're right, pretty damn manipulative. Manipulative people have trouble being accountable for their own actions. She cheated on you, lied to you and then is angry you don't trust her. She tries to paint you as the bad guy because otherwise she would have to blame herself for what's going on. The scary part about manipulative people is that many times you won't realize you're being manipulated until it's too late. Who needs that? There's a book, it's called "Wolf in Sheeps Clothing", read it.
She's also abusive and I think that's what bothers me the most. She takes advantage of the fact that you're still hung up on her and she uses that to gain power. She can still upset you and that's powerful, it makes her feel good. Sounds kind of sick huh. :confused:
She needs some serious maturing and fighting with her and telling her what she already knows about herself is not going to change her, nothing will. Not you or your "love" for her, nothing.
Keep your distance in every aspect, physically, emotionally... and DON'T ANSWER HER EMAILS OR PHONE CALLS. It takes two to fight, no contact, no fight. She is bad news, don't forget that. Get busy, have FUN, remember what that was?? The girl of your dreams is out there, don't keep her waiting, that's rude.
And I wouldn't bother wearing the rubber band around your wrist to snap, that's obviously not working, try carrying a 10 pound weight and dropping it on your toes! Take back your life, don't let her ruin this time for you, she's a nutjob. :mad:
Remember: "...acts like a baby crying for you when you're not, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night, only comes home to eat and sleep and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his (her) happiness,
Then my friend, buy a cat!
Jeff, you're not a cat person are you??
P.S. NO, you shouldn't have been reading her emails, what's the point? To learn more about what you already suspected. If you're looking for ways to hurt yourself just drop that weight on your toe, I'm telling you.
Jeff - seriously, I don't know if I have ever seen a woman treat a man worse than your gal. And the crap you put up with. I mention this because...
WAIT until you meet that special gal who treats you right and really wants to be
I think this was a good experience for you - build barriers, don't trust as much, STOP giving everything - relatiohsips are give and take.
You need respect and trust. She NEVER, ever trusted you - she took you for granted as she was running around with other guys. You will never be able to trust her.
" The scary part about manipulative people is that many times you won't realize you're being manipulated until it's too late." Exactly - happened to me once.
Jeff, momincali is right. You are so much into pain and redicule right now that you don't know which end is up. Stop being masochistic toward yourself. You say this sucks... but you still look for that hole to drop into and you are finding it. If you are into pain, pay for it, without emotions. At least that will give you more pleasure than she ever did. Are you into tennis - watching those dumb balls bounce back and forth? Go out and play a few games, and you choose to the bounce, direction and speed of the balls from now on, as well as those bouncy emotions in your life. You need something that will really make you use all your stocked up energy - vent it in the gym, swimming, anything that will make you tired enough to get a good night's sleep without her as the last thought before you drop off. Have you started that 'book of life' ledger I suggested? Wright into it each night when you have time. Believe me, you'll get a good laugh out of it a few months from now. Please stop hurting yourself, she does a good job of it for you, so you don't need to do it. Come on, get back on the road to recovery and put your life back into your own hands. You know we will be here to get you back on if you steer wrong, but do some of it yourself and get stronger. A suggestion - think of her as a machine from now on and there is an OFF switch, so use it and tell her to leave you alone.
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I am, I feel A lot better know that we haven't talked for about 2 weeks now. Things are picking up for me, and I feel a lot better about myself now. Don't worry about me guys, I am doing much better with the whole break up thing. I know SHE will miss out on ME, NOT the other way around. I am seeing through her manipulation and lies. She doesn't control me anymore, and to be honest, I don't even want to talk to her. She can do whatever she wants now, we are not going out anymore, so I don't have to worry about it! It really is a BIG relief to not have to wonder who she is with or what she is doing all the time. I will find someone that will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. She doesn't deserve me! :cool:
Good for you. We told you that it will take a while to heal and get your self-respect back. You're not off the hook yet, so keep us posted, especially when you feel yourself dropping again. The next time, I want to hear some more positive news from you- keep at it.
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Thanks a lot guys, it is really difficult at first to come on here and "spill" and really take things to heart because you don't always get what you want to hear, but I think that is important because it sometimes takes a 3rd party to really get the whole picture on things. I won't go far, I will stick around and try and help people in my situation, its funny, I am a psychology student going into my last year specializing in relationship coucelling... ;) Weird. I think this situation will be really good for me in the long run, it will make me a very strong person. I know I will still have some hard days, but I am done with the denial part and am really seeing things for what they are. The rose colored glasses are off, now I just need to get rid of these grey ones! :cool:
As a former student myself, you learn a lot better through 'personal experience' than just books - now it depends on you what you do with the knowledge.
And you cannot expect others to 'spill' to you if you feel inhibited in doing so yourself. That would not be a good example.
;)
I agree, I feel like I am pretty much an open book. There is nothing in my life that I feel I am not willing to talk about. I want to help people and give something back. I have learned A lot about myself over the past few months and MOST of it is good. I am getting better, but I still miss her. Not talking has been a BIG help (been about 2 weeks) I don't have to worry about anything now. Thaknks for the help guys, I will keep you posted.
UPDATE: She is now dating someone else... I must say that it does suck, I tought that she would at least be "single" for a while longer than 3 months after a 5 year relationship. I am not as broken up about it as I thought I would be. ADDED NOTE: He lives close to where she is going to school at... very lame. This is a guy that she was talking to via email for a while and I questioned her intentions about this about a year ago. Funny, my gut has ALWAYS been right with this girl. Don't worry, I will be just fine guys!
I know you THINK it sucks right now but it really doesn't. No more games, no more lies, no more manipulation in your life. True freedom to do as you please. Date with no remorse or wonder if she may find out and if it would ruin your chances with her. I don't think that sucks too much, I just feel for the new guy and the ride he's about to take. Whew! You can wipe the sweat off your forehead now. Don't know if you're a Kelly Clarkson fan but think of her song
"Since you been gone" But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on,
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you,
Now I get
What I want
Since you been gone... ;)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffatl
Some people are too insecure and need a relationship to make them feel worth while. They can't stand being alone. Your ex sounds like one of these people.
Some of us jump right back in, and some of us take longer, but at least you have learned to deal with something that happens to all of us and probably not only once in our lives. So listen to your 'gut feelings' and go out, feel free and have fun.
I told you the next news I want to hear from you is good news, so make it.
Keep us posted, dear and you'll do just fine..
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Ok, she called tonight (first time we have talked in 3 weeks) and I talked to her for like 2 min. She said she is moving on Monday and all I really said was "thats cool". I didn't say anything about her new guy (she knows I know about him). I just asked her how her family was doing and all and told her to have fun at her new school. I ended the conversation by saying "well, I will talk to you later". It was an akward conversation, but I just made sure I sounded like I really didn't care about anything. She tried to pull that soft voice crap, but I didn't buy it. I am glad she is leaving so soon, I feel freedom coming my way! :cool:
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffatl
As you know already, they'll call, only when they want to play their games. In my case, the only time my ex called me after the breakup is when she wanted to find out something about me. Never to just sencerily say hello or find out if I'm doing well.
Don't let her mind games get to you. Good thing she is moving away. That will make you forget about her sooner. In my ****ing case, she works at my place and I have to deal with it. The **** she put me through these past months and till this day. I'm getting panic attacks due to the stress I'm facing.
Yea, that's what I am starting to catch on too... the thing is, I am just really glad she is leaving, you know... "out of sight, out of mind". PLUS- I have another date this Friday... hope this one goes a little better :confused:
Yes, out of site, out of mind is a good thought, but some things in life have to be faced head on and taken care of to close the chapter - don't take the baggage on with you to the next relationships and don't ever compare! Keep us posted.Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffatl
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Both you guys make sure you've learned from this.
No give yourself up to these women completely - no surrending. Be caucious because they WILL walk all over you. They will walk all over you. Build barriers - have your own tests.
Learn to say NO! Learn to have a spine.
You guys are busy guys and can't always be there for them.
Ok, don't know why this really matter (I guess this will just add to my list of crappy things this girl has done to me). She is leaving tomorrow to go off to school, and she didn't even call to say goodbye to me. This just really pisses me off! Not even a goodbye? What! I just can't wait until she is FINALLY gone, I am enraged on how someone you spent 5 years with and says "you are my best friend" would not even have the respect to say goodbye to you. :mad:
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