Originally Posted by aiyerrc
hey guys
LONG BUT PLEASE READ
for all of you who have been following my insane posts over the past few weeks, tonight me and my ex broke up via phone. i didnt want to do it this way, but the idea of being confused and not knowing just got me too impatient...
it was completely mutual, i pressed the subject, and she came out with it. she said she was going to wait until we got back to school, so we could talk in person, and i just couldnt wait until then, especially bc i pretty much already knew the outcome.
she said 2 of the last 3 nights we spent together before the break, she was trying to have sex, so she would see if that would make the relationship work out and bring us closer...unfortunately, bc i was a virgin, i wasnt ready...looking back, she said it worked out for the best bc if we would have done it, it would have only prolonged the inevitable, and made it that much harder when we did. besides, if a 2 month relationship at 19 has to be saved by sex, then im not sure it would of saved anything at all. plus, it would have been for all the wrong reasons.
so it was a mutual breakup, and we agreed to be friends and not let this be the last night we spoke...we ended the conversatin with some joking around, and poking fun at each other. it felt so good to not have the pressure of being "in a relationship". we could just be ourselves. we agreed to meet over new years in atlanta, so she could give me my birthday present. i said yea thatd be nice, and we left it at that.
as anxious and obssessed i may have seemed in my earlier posts, it was more me trying to figure out the situation than the fear of actually losing her as a girlfriend. yes i am a bit hurt, but i already feel better just knowing that this is what we both kind of wanted. it wasnt a nasty breakup, and we laughed and joked around here and there.
it just wasnt the right time for her to be in a relationship, nor was i ready to handle a relationship. she did cite that i may have pushed things a bit too hard too fast, but that most of the things i felt i needed werent that outrageous. she just wasnt ready to give them to anyone, it didnt matter how much she liked me.
we said we were going to remain close friends and still talk to each other, but of course many mutual breakups say that. i still do like her, and im just glad i finally got to understand the way she was eeing us, and thats all i ever really wanted. she said there may always be a chance of us being together, but at the current time, it just wasnt happening. we were trying too hard at a relationship that was barely even off its feet to begin with. when we were together, we were great together, but the true test of a relationship is how we acted when we were apart. i felt she acted the opposite, she felt i acted the opposite of how someone should act.
i would sometime like to date her again, but im not holding my breath by any means. the part i will miss most about her will be all the superficial wrong reasons..i.e. shes hot, she gives good "head", shes the envy of many other men around me, but like i said those are shallow and and unimprtant reasons for a relationship.
if we get back fine, i know i will understand how a relationship goes the second time around, but its just going to take her time that whatever knowledge i lacked, i made up for with care and affection.
i know NC should be the way to go if i want to "get her back", but i dont even know if thats what i really want. i mean right now, when u lose something, you want to find it or get it back...thats human nature, especially, if u were fond of the particular item.
should i contact her and meet up with her for new years?
should i be friends with her? and hope she comes around by seeing me as a nonrelationship bound threat and a person she can once again have feelings for?
or should i just go completely NC and forget about her altogether?
i know you may think im okay on the outside, but thats really not the case. i'm fine on the inside as well. i like her yes, but im not in love with her nor do i have any kind of infatuation with her. i would love to have another shot with her, but, like i said, im not going to hold my breath or wait for her.
i would like to say thank you to all the people who took the time to write thoughtful and insightful responses, however many different times and ways i asked the same question. this really helped me transition through the breakup phase, probably more than even i know. thank you especially, talaniman, matteus, cali, livinglife, george, phil, and anyone else i forgot for everything. i will continue to keep in touch..
