No its not beating a girl up to make them like you lol!
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No its not beating a girl up to make them like you lol!
Lol... good.. because I was going the wrong route then.. I'm trying the No Contact thing myself and it is incredibly hard.. I'm only on day 3
Just keep trying my friend don't ask me for any advice I'm not exactly mr no contact at the moment!
You'll have ups and downs like the rest of us but keep trying and trying and don't let yourself get too confused like me!
Day 3 huh?Quote:
Originally Posted by Romefalls19
Well, it gets easier over time,... but you won't feel the little changes for at least 4 weeks.
Then it gets tougher - BUT your brain is being trained and it DOES get easier during the second 4 weeks...
See my Guide Below to get thru it the best you can.
Try not to cave - it's not healthy - even though it feels good for the moment.
Then it feels worse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ash123
Wow, that's freaky how accurate that is... it really did get tougher after four weeks. (it's my two month day today of the breakup and like 41 days of NC) and today I was actually extremely happy for like the second time during this whole thing.
I think it gets harder, I think keep your distance is the only way to heal but its is very hard indeed in fact I would put this up there as one of if not the biggest challenges of my life so far... im still stuck in the hoping she'll come back... will she won't she stage! I can't help feeling that way I thought after three months apart I'd be much stronger than I'm proving to be!
Im just trying to get on with things but its more of an exsistance than a life right now!
I know how you feel Maggie... I still hope my ex comes back, and look for any sign of hope. I know it's not right and completely the opposite reason for NC, but I'm new to it, so I have to learn this idea. And the fact that she has her friends drive past my house 4 times while I'm outside doesn't help my confused mind...
Yeah that's why N/C can be good, it helps stop a lot of confusion and unelss your ex contacts you direct then your pretty safe... you know my story and I think it's a complicated one so I have no idea how its going to turn out. For now I'm trying my best to work on me but she still enters my head very often every day!
I think N/C can get their interest up but its not a tonic to get them back I think you working on yourself and being independent and happy in yourself is the most attractive thing for any person not just your ex!
Your in the early stages things could work out soon enough but stick with what the people advise on here and what you know you have to do because nobody knows your mind but you
Yea, it was so hard. I mean I'm not 100% positive it was her and her friends.. But my one friend dates my ex friend and he said they were out having "a girls night out." As soon as I heard that.. I went to text my ex saying "if you going to keep driving by my house, at least stop and talk" but I didn't... I'm making progress
Well done! Don't rise to it my friend, that's what she wants to do... she was probably showing off to her girlfriends just stay silent she's in the happy I'm free stage and will be going out and enjoying herself but over time that fades and you realise the grass isn't greener on the other side, believe me I've been there myself!
What made it all better... I was outside talking to a great friend who was a girl... So the jealousy level probably went through the roof.
Well that's good. Her messing around backfired... but try no to get into a ''you did this so I did that'' situation... just drop of her radar for a while act like your not bothered if she fools around driving by then get on with building yourself back up!
It's the only way forward!
Oh.. I'm not even going to act like I knew it was her. I work with my ex, so if I see her tonight. I'll put on my happy face and only say hi, how are you if she talks first
Just be you don't put on a big show she'll see through it... just say hi and leave it at that!
Im finding today really hard, I don't want to contact her I just want to know why she keeps confusing me by texting me then ignoring me then getting on my train and waiting around me a little while and dissaperaing! So many questions but no answers!
Exactly... Im curious as to why my ex decided to drive by my house last night with her friends... It's like if you have something to say, be mature and pick up the phone and call.. I won't pick up the first time but you can try again... I refuse to text back.. Unless it's "I think we should meet up and talk"
It may have been more her friends and she just went along with it, but to be honest let it go and keep it strictly business for a little while I'm not saying be horrible just keep your contact if you must to a minimum and see what happens
With mine its like what do you want from me... you dumped me then messed me around a bit then disappeared and now your texting me and your off again!
Exactly! She dumped me because I was too jealous which I was but I am actively getting help in that department.. I'm just going to keep my contact to a minimum and see how she likes it ha ha.. I don't care if that came of mean either lol
Lol I mean its been three months for me but there always seems to be something going on... its like every 2-3 weeks either of us breaks the silence at times I think I'm just deluding myself by hoping she will come back, maybe I am but I just don't get why she won't just let me go if she doesn't want me back!
It like she doesn't want me but doesn't want me to move on, to me that's a sure sign she's struggling to move on but like I say I could be deluded!
Yea I know how you feel. I mean I'm doing this NC thing in hopes I can move on or move on and make her see what's she's missing out on. Its not like she's out hookin up with other guys or anything
I hate myself for loving a woman that doesn't want me! A lot of my friends think I've made her life much better than when I met her, I mean she had very few friends had little money etc and I looked after her and gave her everything she wanted but now she knows I can't make it any better she's off to find a man that can! Also a lot of my friends thought she thought she was better than most people I don't know why, she has no real reason to think like that were all working class people trying to earn a living and be happy and I never saw it myself but love is blind!
Hey, Im kind of in the same situation as you man. Im in day 4 of NC. I'm not going to lie, I love her to death. But haven't contacted her at all since she broke it off because she just wanted time with her friends. But of course she still loves me and doesn't want anybody else. I did see her in a parking lot and she waived, I just kept going. It killed me. Anyway, I think Im doing the right thing with the NC. Just bear with me and tell me if this makes sense. Do you think she believes Im mad at her? I mean, could this in any way stop her from wanting me back?
MLB,
She will decide on her own if she wants you back. She will call. No Contact is appropriate here. You do the no contact for yourself, so you can move on. If she isn't calling you, she's not interested. Don't wonder if you're making her mad by not calling her, it's just torture, and ultimately, you cannot control the situation. Don't be outright mean, if she sees you on the street and says hello, say hello back, but keep it short and tell her you've got stuff to do, and you have to go. If she's serious about dating you, she'll attempt to make it right.
Good answer Aboleth.. I'm in a similar situation as MLB only my ex broke it off because of my jealousy and it pushed her so far away. I did the whole begging for another chance, the crying "please baby" routine and it didn't work. So now I am doing the NC road in hopes she does return, but it's also helping me to move on and become stronger. I'm still taking my jealousy courses, my therapy visits and reading my books. I use to check her myspace tons of times a day.. Now I haven't checked it since the day before New Years. I had the urge to in the beginning, but now I don't care :-) Ignorance is bliss
Yesterday was a real struggle for me... I hated myself all day and put myself down but speaking to my friend last night hit home a few things that were bad about the relationship on both our parts... now I feel like I can start to move on and let my feelings for her go id still like her back but I'm at the point now where I'm thinking if its meant to be it will rather than hope she'll come back
N/C all the way for me from now on... its time I sorted myself out and started thinking about me and only me! I'll have bad times and I hope you guys will be there to help me but its time I let go!
I'm here for you, we are in the same boat. I still hope she sees my changing and comes back. I think she's worried that if she comes back right now that I will stop changing and go back to how I was. The only way to prove otherwise is to move on, keep getting help with my jealousy and hope for the best. But I'm doing the NC road. My 5th day today. Yesterday was rough because I saw her at work. I wanted to curl up into a ball, but then when I got home I got good news of me passing my jealousy course, and a phone call from my instructor saying he has never seen someone so determined and motivated before. So I am now onto course number 2 with the same motivation and even more determination.
I think it may be a good exercise to write out the 'pros' and 'cons' of the dumper. I find myself doing that often in my mind, which does some good, but it may be better to actually write it down because it may separate some of the emotion from fact.
See George, I would do that. But to be honest, I was completely at fault. I have tried to think of things she did wrong, but I couldn't come up with any. There's a song that I heard "I want to hate you so bad, but I can't" I'm right in that boat. She really was perfect for me. I spent 3 long days of no sleep thinking of cons and came up with stupid ones like not talking out a fight. Live and learn I guess
That would seem a biggie to me, as the way a couple resolves their issues, is paramont to a healthy relaionship. Unresolvved or ignored issues tend to comeback, and you fight somemore. Just me though, there has to be communication, somewhere along the line when problems come up. Trust me, none of us is perfect, and neither is your ex. Something's that are negative, we can accept, but others are not, you may accept her not talking through a problem, I do not. Get her off that pedestal, and look at her in a realistic light. I guarantee she has her own issues to work on, we all do.Quote:
thinking of cons and came up with stupid ones like not talking out a fight. Live and learn I guess
Lol.. Yea, but the thing was, 9/10 times when I would want her to talk out a fight, it would be really late at night and while the fight would be resolved, I would still press the issue. Something I learned about after reading a few books, basically beating a dead horse. Yea she had a few negative aspects and I will try to find some more. I will have to think more level headed now, since I am going NC with her
Me and my ex never really fought... we'd bicker about silly things I can only remember us having maybe three real fights in six years we were both pretty easy going... I think that was the problem lol no spark!
It sucks Maggie... But all we can do is hope that time A. heals our wounds and makes us better and wiser and B. Brings them back to us. Some people don't like to hear about wanting them to come back... But honestly, I want her back. On here I can be completely honest, just around others I have to "be strong"
When you have been through the whole process of healing, you will know what you want, and can be realistic about it. Everyone wants the ex back, at the beginning of a break up.
Very true... I know one day I'll feel better, but this is how I feel now. I wish the whole NC process worked quicker ha ha... And no, not quicker as in her getting in touch with me, quicker as in healing. I want to fall asleep but can't and if I do I'm only dreaming of her and waking up feeling worse.
If I'm honest I still want her back but I'm trying to take steps now that I've been frightened of in the past instead of waiting instead of hoping/waiting for her to come back I'm actively seeking to move on for the first time which shows I'm at least now coming to terms with things... its going to be tough but I'm going to give it my best shot!
Yea, I am coming to terms with the fact she is gone. But then when her friends tell you "you never know" it kind of makes you stop and think. I came very close to talking to her yesterday and just asking if she missed me and still thinks of me. But NC means just that. I'll be fine, as soon as I get her out of my mind. Each day it's going to get better and better.
You will never know, none of us do I know people that never thought their ex would caome back but they did and they tried again... also I know people who's ex's came back to find it was too late! Don't live in hope, just live!
You'll have ups and downs, we all have.. my ex has driven me crazy by messing me around but you can only take so much hurting before they drop of the pedestal and you see them as just a person, one you loved but at the end of the day just a person
Very true.. It's a very very hard road and one I wasn't looking forward to taking on... I wish I had changed while we were together, but either way, I'm still going to do my changing and just see where life takes me.
I agree with talaniman, I TRIED to break out a greeny but it said I have to spread some reputation around first? What's all that? Sorry talaniman:(
I think what both of you guys are doing is aces, honestly, you should be proud of yourselves. Talaniman was bang on telling you to get her down from her pedestal, if you keep her up there it will be harder for you.
I was stubborn, stupid, and a bit crazy over my girl and now a moment of clarity has put things into perspective and going N/C makes sense and is well worth the early stages of suffering. BOTH of you will have bad days but it will be worth it when she creeps slowly out of your head and you'll wonder what the hell made you care so much. At the end of the road you will see that not thinking about her constantly is a much better reward than her herself:) I am amazed at how good it can be, FINALLY be able to think about something other than her. STAY STRONG, you'll get there soon guys.
BMI how long ago did your relationship end... Any chance you can tell how long you did no contact for and just basic details about what happened... It would help us out to her a success story with getting over that person
LOL! A success story, hardly:)
I went 3 months N/C and I was where you guys are now after a couple of weeks and then it got much better. I caved after 3 months and called her and the insanity and worry came back all at once. For 3/4 months I spoke to her trying to win her back playing games and interpreting actions and I know no more about what is going on with her now than I knew 6 months ago. All the while the good people here said go N/C and move on, I didn't listen and pushed my own views on the subject.
Fast forward to last week, I blocked all contact with her (again). I recall seeing one of you guys saying that you don't check myspace anymore, well I did you better and had a computer guy BLOCK myspace, Facebook and MSN from my computer, only the guy from the store knows the password and I told him to never tell me should I ever come round to ask. It's been 7 days since I cannot see, talk, look at pictures, and I am somuch better than I thought I would be, really. I thinkaboutother things and when I get an urge to check her stuff I cannot not, and I don't care really, I'll never know, that makes it easier to deal with, I just won't know:)
So my story is in full support of what you guys are doing. Different in a sense that I already went N/C for 3 months and I'm sure its made this N/C stage a lot easier than where your at now. However, be vigilant and stand behind the decision you have made, as with me I went 3 months and out of nowhere I was dialing her number, always be aware of the "craving" to call and destroy your N/C. PLEASE listen to allon the website whotell you it's the best thing you'll do for yourself, don't be a fool like me and waste months thinking about her only to come back and start again. I can't reiterate enough how wonderful thinking about things other than her has felt for the past week, I think its called sanity:)
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