Ask Me Help Desk - Letters to our exes

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi freeatlast,

You are right, and that is the thing. I don't want to control him, I want him to come back because he really wants to. I just love this man so much, and I really wish he would look inside of himself and see why I said what I said. I don't mean to lay blame on him, but that was the reasoning behind my actions. I want to work on things, together...

Hi Starlite,

I think one thing you need to do is stop beating yourself up about what you did or didn't say. The way that guy reacted to you is not love. It is quite understandable that you would react with cold feet after all of his yo-yo behavior. If he had reacted in a loving way, he would have discussed with you your fearful feelings and would have eased your concerns, explaining why this time was different and why you could count and rely on him. If I really love a woman I don't give her ultimatums and snap at her and make her feel ashamed about her feelings. Honestly, I don't think he is treating you well and it is very manipulative.

You shouldn't be second-guessing what you did. True love doesn't get derailed that easily. And he even told you that he couldn't guarantee you that he would want to stay with you even if you got married. What you did was reasonable- you need assurances, especially considering the past. He should be ashamed of himself for the way he has been treating you.

Thank you Free. I really appreciate your feedback. You know, you are right. I know I love him, but, you are right, this is his M.O. and he should be more of a man and step up to the plate if he really loves me. (I don't mean that to sound needy). It really, really hurts that I am always the one who has to make things right...

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlite1

Thank you Free. I really appreciate your feedback. You know, you are right. I know I love him, but, you are right, this is his M.O., and he should be more of a man and step up to the plate if he really loves me. (I don't mean that to sound needy). It really, really hurts that I am always the one who has to make things right...

I think this is an interesting situation and completely polar opposite from the situation that I was in. In my situation, the girl was convinced that I wanted other women and didn't find her attractive. Maybe I somehow contributed to it inadvertently, I don't know, but she was intensely sensitive about everything, and no matter how many assurances or acts of love, flowers, notes, or whatever, nothing was enough of an assurance. I realized that it was useless to beat myself up over what I should or shouldn't have done, things would have been the same with this particular person. It's her problem, not mine.

In your case, the guy is definitely not stepping up as a man and giving you the assurances you need to give him a commitment. And he's got you so confused and distraught, that you are blaming yourself and second-guessing everything you've done. You need to come to the general realization that this is the way he is and there's nothing that you could or couldn't have done that would change this situation.

Frankly, it doesn't seem that he has much respect for you or your feelings.

Quote:

Originally Posted by freeatlast1

I think this is an interesting situation and completely polar opposite from the situation that I was in. In my situation, the girl was convinced that I wanted other women and didn't find her attractive. Maybe I somehow contributed to it inadvertently, I don't know, but she was intensely sensitive about everything, and no matter how many assurances or acts of love, flowers, notes, or whatever, nothing was enough of an assurance. I realized that it was useless to beat myself up over what I should or shouldn't have done, things would have been the same with this particular person. It's her problem, not mine.

In your case, the guy is definitely not stepping up as a man and giving you the assurances you need to give him a commitment. And he's got you so confused and distraught, that you are blaming yourself and second-guessing everything you've done. You need to come to the general realization that this is the way he is and there's nothing that you could or couldn't have done that would change this situation.

Frankly, it doesn't seem that he has much respect for you or your feelings.

Thank you Free. You made another valid point when you brought up your relationship. I am a very sensitive women, and insecure. I have been working on this for years to overcome this, and I have gotten better (granted still not a 100%). My ex does recognize that I am like this, but agreed that I have gotten better. But, when he acts the way he does, and yo-yos and keeps me at arms length, even now with the current situation and my breaking up, my insecurities surface more... I ask myself, is it me that he acts this way, etc? I also got nervous this time around, because of his past yo-yoing that I started to ask him 'you won't ever cheat on me will you'? I hope to God I didn't screw this up... I hope I didn't push him away, also to the point that caused him to call me a 'project' (a month ago when we broke up). I hope that he still would want me back and marry me, etc.. I hope I didn't ruin it...

Quote:

Originally Posted by starlite1

I ask myself, is it me that he acts this way, etc? I also got nervous this time around, because of his past yo-yoing that I started to ask him 'you won't ever cheat on me will you'? I hope to God I didn't screw this up...I hope I didn't push him away, also to the point that caused him to call me a 'project' (a month ago when we broke up). I hope that he still would want me back and marry me, etc..I hope I didn't ruin it...

No, No, No, NO. Listen to me and repeat back to yourself. No man alive who is intent on marrying a woman acts the way this guy is acting.

Quote:

Originally Posted by freeatlast1

No, No, No, NO. Listen to me and repeat back to yourself. No man alive who is intent on marrying a woman acts the way this guy is acting.

Thanks Free... I hope he will wake up, and see that I do really love him, I hope he loves me back (on the same level)

hello everyone... just thought I would let you know how I am doing. Well I did write out that letter and send it in the mail. The response was an e-mail telling me how she had fallen in love with the guy she was with, which saying that after one month of the last time she told me how much she loved me just shows that I was with someone who certainly doesn't know what love is, or she was a liar, I'm guessing both. What is really hard for me now are the constant people coming up to me when I go out telling me about her drama and her past, a past which includes a lot of things that I never even knew about, so it's like getting punched in the face all over again when I hear that stuff =). One funny thing I found out is that the last day she told me she loved me, she called before she was going up to her boyfriend's families cabin, so the amount of manipulation from this person was just incredible. It's so hard to step into reality and allow yourself to accept that the person you thought you loved, really isn't anything like that person. But I'm trying! And I am trying to understand that I deserve something great and someone who would give just as much to me as I gave to her. I've been doing some good things, I'm looking at jobs for Eli Lilly in California, Florida, and Illinois, now is my time to get out and see the world, learn about everything I can, make myself a great guy, and let go and let god! Going to try to quit smoking, really need to! Anyway, I still miss that girl everyday, even though she lives with some guy, eeek, but this place has been a godsend. I appreciate everyone who is able to open up their heart and soul, letting themselves be vulnerable and helping all of us grow. Thanks to everyone and I hope that as I heal, that I will be able to help those who will be on their way to the help desk =).

I think that this was a good idea firefly

Jesse,
I sit here and wonder how or why I fell for you like I did. You said that you loved me. Would always be by my side. You were the one that was planning our future together and when I went along with it, you said I was moving too fast. I am so glad that it is over. I no longer call or answer your calls for a reason but you just don't get the hint. Your no longer keeping my heart or mind hostage. I'm done with you. As I think more and more of all your games, I realize how lucky I was to actually lose you. I no longer have to be on my toes with what or how I say what I do. I have a true shot at happiness that you didn't care enough to provide me with. You will no longer be the first thought in my head when I awake or the last thought when I go to bed. I deserve better than you and now I actually realize it. So no, I will no longer come to your rescue when you need someone to talk to or need help of any type. I changed jobs for a reason, to get away from you and that's the way it will stay. Have a nice life!

Great letter confused1145

Dear C,

Looking back, I could never have imagined finding someone as amazing as you. I love your smile, and your beautiful blue eyes. I could stare into your eyes for hours, feeling your deep love for me refecting back. You will always be in my heart, you were my first in many things and I wouldn't take it back for a second. You taught me so much about myself and I am deeply grateful for that. You were my night and shinning armor and I truly thought that we were going to be together forever. But I don't think it was in Gods plan for us. God wants us to work on ourselves now and to move on and find the people that are right for us. I wish you luck my love, I will never stop loving you.

N

Dear ****,

I thought I knew what it was like to miss you, but I had no idea.

It's been one month since you ended us. Some days it feels like a lifetime since I was with you, but most days I can still picture your face smiling before me, your voice in my ear – I loved your voice, it was so comforting to me - and I can still imagine your arms around me when I lay in bed each night.

I'm so sorry for off-loading all my issues on you. I've never been one for talking to my friends – I've always been the one giving the advice and help - but you **** you were truly my best friend for those 7 months we knew each other, and I think it's so sad that I'll never get to talk to you or see you ever again. I know I never really talked about my issues and all even when I wrote you that letter months ago letting you a little bit into my mind – but I thought someday you would be the one person to truly know me and support me.

I never had a real relationship before I met you – you know that. I have always been the single one in my group of friends, and I've always had lots of male friends. There's obviously something about me, which most men don't like - but whatever that is, thank you for overlooking it enough to be with me for seven months. After a year on match.com, I lost count of the number of dates I went on and never heard from the guys again. I always was curious why they would say they had a great night – but then never contact me. I'm obviously missing something that other people are seeing. Maybe you eventually saw whatever it is too.

However, when I was with you, I felt special. I felt beautiful for the first time ever. When I was with you, I believed that you thought I was beautiful and attractive and it didn't matter that I didn't have the slim body that all my other friends have (which is why I suspect most guys don't like me). You helped me feel normal for the first time ever. I felt comfortable being the real me for the first time. I didn't feel like I had to pretend to be anything other than myself when I was with you. I was comfortable being with you, being naked with you – which I never thought would ever be possible for me. Even with the guys I had been with before you I always felt like I was pretending, and I never felt totally comfortable with them. When I met you, I finally found out what it was to be happy, and normal.

I miss you every day, and I guess it does not help that I have to pass your house twice a day and I can't help but look up at it and remember the many happy times we had together there.

My grandfather died the week after you finished with me (which I think you'll agree makes the month of July 2008 a pretty sh1tty month for me!). All I wanted to do was call to your house for a hug, for some company. I miss that. I miss being with you. I miss having someone to give me a hug, someone to kiss me, someone to call before I go to sleep at night. I miss lying on your bed, and falling asleep in your arms – because I felt so safe and comfortable with you.

I hope that I am on your mind and that when you look at things you are reminded of me. The only reason I hope this, is that this is how it is for me. Everything in my life reminds me of you.

Where I work reminds me of our first date, reminds me of sitting in Starbucks and you giving me my Christmas present, and reminds me of meeting you for lunch all those times. My job reminds me of all the many emails I got from you. The silly pictures or stories you sent, and the many emails where you told me how much I meant to you. I have deleted all your emails to stop myself from reading them every day, but I still remember them. Especially the ones so early in our relationship where you told me that it felt right, that you were crazy about me, that I made you feel special, even stupid comments about you liking my lady garden(!), and that I'd do just the way I am.
When you wrote "I think you'll do just the way you are", you have no idea how happy that made me. I have spent my entire adult life wondering what I'd have to change to make a man love me - and you just accepted me as I was.

Being in my flat reminds me of you. It reminds me that I wanted nothing more than to be close to you – that's the only reason I moved there. Possibly that's a bit stalker-like – but I loved you and wanted you to be close (and you said you didn't mind! Hehehe). The flat reminds me of the times I attempted to cook food but you had to take over. It reminds me of the laughter we shared when you would slag me for my lack of cooking skills – I loved that. It reminds me of lying on my sofa wrapped in each other and you saying how much you loved just being with me. It reminds me of my birthday and opening my presents. It reminds me of your birthday when I spent a day wrapping presents for the first person I ever loved. It reminds me of falling asleep with you and waking up with you – and how much I loved that. It reminds me of how happy I was when my days began with you waking me up by kissing me.

My flat reminds me of you taking away the only thing in my life that made me happy. Every time I am in my room, I'm reminded of you sitting in my chair trying to justify why we could not be together. Now when I lie in my bed I am flooded with the remembrance of the shock and utter devastation of the moment you said we were over.

I spent so much time in the first few weeks after you finished it questioning our entire relationship. I have so many questions that I know I will probably never have answers to, or even if I got answers, I probably wouldn't understand them. I kick myself - which is impressive given my history of injuries :o) - because maybe I should have seen it coming. Maybe if I could convince myself that the relationship was not as great as I thought it was, then maybe it would be easier to get over.

How long before the night you ended it had you been thinking that it was coming to an end?
How long had you been contemplating the possibility moving cities without telling me?

I wish you had just been honest with me. I wish you had been able to drop even the smallest hint that you were so unhappy with your life. I wish I knew why you stayed with me as long as you did if you knew it wasn't going to last. I wish you knew how much you meant to me. I wish you had ended it much sooner – instead of letting us become my longest relationship, before letting me fall so in love with you. I wish I knew why I loved you more than you loved me. I wish I knew why I could'nt be a part of your life. I wish I knew how I could be so oblivious to what was going on in your world. I wish I had realised that I was not important to you, and evidently wasn't part of your world. I wish you hadn't made me love you. I wish you hadn't gone on holiday with me a week before dumping me - and given me all those memories which once happy are now so sad. I wish you had considered the fact that every day we were together I loved you more and more.

I still do not understand, and to be honest I do not think I ever will. I want to believe that you did love me. I think you did for a little while at the beginning, but whatever bit of love you did have for me clearly faded. Because if you loved me the way I loved you, you could not have just deleted me from your life.

I feel so stupid and naïve for falling for you, and believing that what we had was special. I feel stupid for thinking that we were a good match. I feel stupid for believing you when you said at New Years that this year was going to be good because we were together. I feel stupid for gloating to all of my friends the weekend before we went on holiday that we were going great, that we had no problems and that we were so in love. I feel stupid for going on that holiday with you. I feel stupid for taking pictures of you and me together. I feel stupid for telling everyone when we got back from holiday that it was great, that we didn't fight once – and I feel incredibly stupid for thinking that was such a great thing. I feel stupid for believing that the fact that we could spend all that time together was a great sign. I feel stupid for being so blind to what we really had.

Maybe it's because I was 24 when I met you and had never been in love. Maybe I wanted to be in love so bad that I invented this great relationship in my head. Maybe it is because of my depression that I convinced myself I was happy with you – maybe I thought I needed something/someone external to pin my happiness on. Maybe it is because I had 4 years alone before you that I fell for you so hard because you showed an interest – which was so unusual to me.

Maybe you could tell me that my view of what we had was not just in my imagination. Maybe if I knew that you thought we were good together, that those seven months were not fake, maybe I'd have some comfort knowing that what we did have was as real as I believed it to be.

Though, on the other hand, knowing that you thought that what we had was as great as I thought and that you were still able to throw it away would be hard to take in. It makes me sad that you might have just been using me to pass a few months of your life until you decided what to do. If I think of us that way, a little piece of me dies.

Having been single my whole life, I knew that I would have my heartbroken eventually. I did not expect my first love to be the person I spent the rest of my life with – that only happens in Hollywood films. Nevertheless, I had sooooo hoped that I would get to spend more that seven months with my first love. I never trusted anyone enough to let them in my life. I trusted you with my whole heart, and you broke that trust.

I remember how much I missed you last December when I was with my family for Christmas – even though we'd only known each other a few weeks. I was so convinced that we would last that when I booked flights home for Christmas 2008 in June I only planned to go home for a couple of days because I knew that this Christmas I'd miss you even more than last. That is how blind I was! I was so convinced we would last a year! How mental is that!

I guess that's also quite pathetic and sad on my part! I had such a different view of what we were. You were the most important person in my life. You made me feel special and beautiful for the first time in my life. I honestly thought I was important to you. I don't think you really know how happy you made me.

I know relationships end and people move one. Break-ups happen every day all over the world. So I'm not unique in the way I'm feeling. And God I've been the shoulder to cry on for enough of my friends to know that time is a healer. But all logic and reasoning goes out the window when it's you. I will get over you ****, and I know our lives are separate now. It is sad, but it was your decision. And however much it kills me, I have accepted that.

I wish I could know if you have missed me at all since you ended us.

Even though I'm heartbroken, I can say that I'm kind of glad that I can now say I've been in love. Finally, at 25, I know what it's like to love someone. Unfortunately, I also now know what it's like to have that love taken away. Hopefully I will learn from this. Maybe when I meet the next guy (in another 4 years or something like before I met you! Hehehe) I'll not jump in headfirst like I did with you. I'll not wear rose-tinted glasses and think everything is great. I will hopefully learn how to view relationships realistically. I guess I never thought you could just walk away from loving someone, but now that you've shown that's possible, next time I'll be aware that it could end at any moment.

There is a point to this rambling other than repeating how I feel about the situation, and this is it... I do hope that wherever you have ended up that you are happy. You kept saying on the night you ended it that you hadn't made any decisions. I guess I would be interested to know what decisions you did make. Did you find a new job? Did you move up north? If you did move up north, I hope you are seeing your family and friends often - seeing as that was apparently your main reason for moving.

I'm going to believe that in some way, at some point you did love me ****. If that is true, then thank you for loving me. Thank you for letting me love you. Although in the weeks after you ended us I was at the lowest I'd ever been, in the seven months we were together I was the happiest I'd been in all my life.

I'd like to hope that at some point in the future be it in a few months, or even years, that you'll get in touch to let me know how you're doing and what's happening in your life, because I'll always care about you.

I honestly did believe that loving someone was enough – but apparently, life is more complicated than that.

Bye ****, take care of yourself.
Love always,
M

Well said, mdornan.. . how do you feel after writing it?

I guess it was a little bit of relief - just to get it all out of my head.

Jeez! I never thought I could write soooo much! I'm surprised anyone bothered to read it all!

I actually spent today writing it with the full intention of sending it to him. But then I thought "what's the point"... so I found here to leave it.

I guess if I'm truly honest with myself, if was to send it to him my hope would be that he replies saying he's sorry, that he didn't mean it and that he wants to be with me again.

But I know deep down that that's not going to happen. I know full well that if I did send it to him he wouldn't reply.

Hopefully by putting it out here other people going through something similar can get comfort from knowing that they're not the only one feeling that way - as that's what I felt when I read some of the other posts on here.

It's still taking all my will power not to send it to him - because the night he ended it I was too shocked and emotional to say anything. He just said his excuses and left and I haven't seen or heard from him since. I never got to say what I felt. I wish he could know how I feel.

Everyone should write a letter like this - I think someone else on here referred to it as "free therapy" - and that is a great description!

:o)

I won't even attempt a letter! LOL
a) too much to say
b) too much thoughts/feelings

To the lying, cheating, pathetic, insecure, controlling, no good, manipulative, heartless, inconsiderate, waste of space, scum of the earth, loser that came into my life and didn't leave until he had turned everything upside down...

I can't thank you enough. But I am sure Karma will. :D

Me

Dear *****,

I wish within my heart of hearts that things did not have to end like this. I never meant to put you second in this, but I did. I was selfish and didn't think about how my actions would affect you. I remember the days of old. The days when we were happy and never hid anything from each other. I remember when you would look into my eyes, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that you loved me. With you, I felt like I could rule the world. You held me up when I wouldn't walk, and picked me up when I had fallen. I never really knew what it meant to love someone until I met you. I remember when we met for the first time, you had me from hello. You took me and made me into the person I always wished I was.

I know it's not always possible for everyone to live their life and find their absolute heaven, but I know I sure did and I thank you for that. You loved me like no other, and you never stopped until the end. You believed in me when no one else did. Every time I looked up, you were there beside me. Whether it was good, or bad. I want you to know, that I'm next to heaven when I'm next to you.

If I must do this, I will, but please know that I can't come back like before. This is the end, and as much as it saddens me, I have no other way for this to play out.

Dear S,

You said you were my family, you and Mister Nin. Do you know how heartbreaking it was to watch you walk away? No, you don't, and now you are gone, and Nin is gone, and my family is gone. And I'm here, because you left me behind, when I never left you behind. Remember when you had no job or friends and you said I was on the lifeboat and I was sailing away? And I said, don't worry S! I'll never sail away! Jump on the life boat with me! I said that to you. And then when you did get a nice job and some nice friends... you left. You left and you blamed me for everything. And I took it to heart, I believed you when you told me it was all my fault, even though everybody who heard about it told me that was dumb, that it took two people to mess things up, I still took it to heart.

Sorry for the things I did wrong. But you did still leave me behind. I hope you make it worth it.

I don't want to be found anymore. I used to be. But you would never find me in the way I wanted you to, you would just find me and bring me pain. And since you'd never find me like that... I guess I don't want to be found at all. I don't want anymore pain from you. I just want to be free.

There hasn't been a day gone by when I haven't missed you and that sucks. But I'll never tell you that, and I'll never let anyone else know it either. And I'll keep my head up knowing that the day will come when I won't. I do wish you the best, but I don't think I can see you again.

Goodbye S

Jai

Dear Britt,

I remember the first time I spoke to you. How shy I was and nervous. Looking into your eyes and feeling my heart flutter. How you would bring a smile to my face by just looking at me. Those feelings I felt were the best I have felt so far. You looked me in the eyes and told me how you much you loved me and how I was the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. If I was then why did you leave me? Why did you kiss that guy and say sorry I have stronger feelings for him? Do not answer because the answers I seek will only proceed to hurt me.

I gave you everything and anything without so much as a hesitation. I was there to take you to your friends when you and your father fought. I lied to your father's face because you begged me not to tell him you had sex.

The signs appeared rapidly and I did not have time to realize them. You were kind enough to let me go before I was hurt worse. You tore something from my soul that day something I thought I would never be able to regain.

I have thought so much about you and kept myself from pouring those feelings out to you. I do forgive you and do still love you from the bottom of my heart but I know we can never be as you do not feel the same. To see you now would set me back and crush my slowly mending heart to pieces again.

You gave me a year and half of nothing but great memories as I hope I did you. I will hold a place in my heart for you always. Britt thanks for the memories and I know it was not all a lie but people change as I have in the past three weeks. I wish you the best in life and hope you never deal with this pain. I wish you to stay with terry and be happy for the rest of life also wish your family the best.

Goodbye Britt.

"D.B"

I went out with you against my better judgement, forgave you for abandoning me when I was pregnant to dillydally with your ex and as I'm sure you remember we were so happy in our honeymoon phase. I was all too happy to be with someone I'd dreamed about being with and you were so happy to be with someone you liked so much-that was so grateful to be with you.

I remember the first time we fell out like it was yesterday, I remember telling you about how to communicate properly, I remember you telling me that you felt a weight had been lifted because I showed you how to effectibvely deal with problems. You called me your sunshine. I thought that was the end of silly arguments and break ups but you didn't stop.

You kept causing arguments and breaking up with me for silly reasons. Apologised and told me you'd do better. I was naïve enough to believe you-up and down we went. Me crying, you apologising. I remember the day you told me you were thinking about getting back with your ex- I told you I'd understand if you did. You said you didn't mean it. We argued about her so much and you convinced me it was me you wanted me I guess I really believed it that time you said "I love you Lola" in your sleep.

But you didn't stop, remember before we went out you said if I brought any drama you'd end it straight away? I never did it was always you. You're 21 I'm 17 but I was always the mature one, the reasonable and rational one. You acted up so much, you were posessive, you were aggressive. I had enough. You humiliated me that night on new years eve in the club. How could you break up with me like that in front of everyone? Then the next day we met and I saw a change in you, and that is the only reason I decided to give it another shot, it's like it finally hit you what you had with me,

It wasn't to last though was it babes? The next day who talks to me? Your ex. What does she say? You'd been cheating on me with her. AGAIN I left you, you proved to me you meant what you said and you hadn't been talking to her. I guess I thought and wanted to believe you've changed. You didn't.

I remember June the 2nd when you said you "didn't feel the same anymore" I remember how much it hurt that I'd stuck by you through ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING just for you to say that to me. Most people's pain ends there. Sacrificed so much for a relationship not worth it-they break up and it hurts but that's that. No it gets worse for me doesn't it babe, that was barely the beginning of my heartache.

I find out you'd been seeing your ex for nearly a month before you split with me and THAT'S why you brokeup with me. Found out you still love her and NEVER loved me. All the time I thought you did- I still ca't believe it. I told you so many times to tell me if its her you wanted you didn't, you strung me along knowing I was in love.

Then I find out from HER you'd slept with someone behind my back. You didn't care how much it broke my heart "get over it" you said when I told you I knew. I didn't ever talk to you but it wasn't enough for you to know you broke up with me, broke my heart by cheating on me, being with your ex all the time during and straight after our relationship. You talked about RESTRAINING ORDERS for NO REASON, other than to HUMILIATE ME. THIS IS ME YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO MARRY, ME THAT YOU LOVED??

It gets worse. I miscarry our baby I didn't even know . Do you care? No. Of course you said I'm an attention seeker. When you found out it was really true after faffing about for weeks we meet up and I thought you'd really look after me then. But you couldn't be arsed, that was as much support I got from you who I called my best friend, who called me his BEST FRIEND. Do you know how much that HURT AND STILL DOES?? I literally gave you my world and didEVERYTHING to make us work, FORGAVE you through my pain and I lose our baby and you sit around your ex that you sworrrrrre you didn't loves house eating chinese while I lay in hospital, alll the times I was there you never came to see me. All the things you said about me, telling everyone I'm fat when I'm a 34" 28" 37". Your ex always asked me what I did to you for you to behave abhorrently, I give you the answer you always gave me when i used to ask you what id done to you for you to treat me so abhorrently.

NOTHING.

Now i'm alone, I hate you but I love you, I think of you all the time, dream of you all the time, I miss you so much it takes my breath away. I talk about you sometimes, people laugh at all the things we did together, we're such funny people, they laugh at our jokes and everyone agrees we are so compatible. But you ruined everything. Turned my world upside down. Remember when you wanted to date me and you said "you should get with a nice guy like me for a change" because I told you about my unkind ex. Look how nice you were? I put myself through so much for you to be happy. I have to watch while you parade around with your ex, I've seen the converstaions you know, "you know you're the only girl for me" do you know how that FEELS? Instead of asking me if im ok when i miscarrired you were saying that to her and despite EVERYTHING you've done, there's nothing I want more than to have you back. To see your family, to get the number 5 bus to come and see you, It hurts when i see that BUS. You've let me down so badly, and unlike most people. YOU.JUST.DON'T.CARE

I've lost 2 of our babys and you said "no point crying over spilt milk.

I never want to see or talk to you again. Most days I don't want to crawl out of bed because you've made me feel so bad about myself :( like I'm unlovable. I trust no one now. I hate knowing you're with your ex all the time I HATE IT. You took her on holiday with the money you saved for us to go. You've emotionally and mentally abused me you've neglected me and I am SO . HURT. I look fine, no one knows how much you've destroyed me though, least of all... you

I don't know why. I guess I never will

Goodbye

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boristheblade

"D.B"

I've lost 2 of our babys and you said "no point crying over spilt milk.

Im sorry babe. =(
I'm so glad you reached me on myspace though.
you know I'm always here for you if ever need to talk to me!

... me thinks I write a letter to my ex now...

"Bebby."

It amazes me sometimes how good people like me and BorisTheBlade get hurt.
And we get a respone like "no point in crying over spilt milk." when we lose a baby...
I never wanted to hate a person I loved so much. I'm always doing things to better myself. College.gym.work. And I'm just waiting for one thing for you to better yourself. But you haven't. The only bad habit that I picked up, was smoking again. But that's just something small that I can always quit. Something I can't quit, is you.. I guess.. I have great friends, and an amazingly bright future. Why would you drop that for some bimbo? I laugh, because I know, I KNOW, I can do the same things those girls do for you, but even better. I know I sound conceited, but after two years, I know what can make you sing, and what can make you cry. And I don't use it against you... you've emptied my closet, and threw out my skeletons for the whole world to see. I've lost friends.. but I finally am free. My soul is clean. I still have something to thank you for, even after all the crap you've put me through. Thank you. a$$hole.

Sorry to hear about the pain ladies, but trust me, it does get better.

Here's a second one...

Dear *****,

I left on Saturday, just as you asked. I get back to this place that we used to call home, and it's awful being here. Everywhere I look, there's another memory that I have to try and drink away or burn down. You tell me that you don't want to be with me anymore, but then send me messages saying how I should be there with you, holding you tight, instead of being here. How mad you are that I am no longer there with you... but yet you continue to tell me that this will never work.

I moved over 500 miles away from anyone I know so you could be happy with your family. I gave you a ring, which is something I said I would never do again. You were elated and eagerly accepted my proposal... just to throw the ring back at me three months later because I'm not making enough money for us to be comfortable without your income, and you can't handle the job I do.

But yet, you continue daily to send me these messages, telling me that you miss me and love me and wish I was with you still... and then tell some friends to help me move on, and others that you're a wreck without me and can't live without me there. You tell me that even if we did get married, you would choose your family over your husband and divorce me if that's what would make your family happy...

You rip my heart right out of my chest, killing my spirit and soul along with it... then you feed me false hope by telling me these small things. I know you hate this, but live with your choice if you are going to make it. Don't treat me like I'm a toy or a yo-yo. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to you.

It's been a little under 4 days since I last seen you. When telling me good bye, you hugged me and wanted me to hold you tight in my arms. You kissed me and told me that you will always love me, and will never be able to love someone else like you love me again. If this is true, then why is it that you have to do this? I try so hard to put a roof over your head and your left hand wore a ring... I told you my deepest, darkest secrets... you're not just my lover... you're my best friend... you're the one person that I can tell anything to, and NORMALLY not worry about getting judged for it.

I asked for chances over these last few days. I have broken down, wanting to scream your name down the hall... praying that you'll come back to me... but I didn't. I have tried to give you everything you have ever wanted while we have been together. Now I'm trying to give you what you want by leaving, and apparently that's not good enough either.

You need to make up your mind. I refuse to move from one state and back to another, and then again just for you to be happy. Unlike you, my personal happiness is more important than what my family thinks... they don't like you, that's their problem... I don't have to come around. If they accept me, then they have to accept you. It's like having my arm cut off... I can't quite reach and do what I used to be able to. I know this is hard for you too... I can actually take your feelings into consideration... but I know exactly what you are doing... you're already trying to fill the void of me leaving... and baby, no matter how hard you try... you'll never fill that void again... just like I will never be able to fill the void that is in my heart either.

I would have followed you to the end of time, not ever second guessing my choice. I stuck with you during your times of being ill, where we had to live off my salary... it was hard, but we were happy before we moved. You told me that everything you do is in hopes of making our lives better... well, do you believe me now when I say moving was an awful idea?

All it has done is cause pain and suffering. I'm sick of pain and suffering. I'm ready to be happy. I'm happy with myself, and while I'm not complete without you... I will go on. I will be strong, because I believe in myself...

Goodbye *****, maybe I'll see you in another lifetime...

Here's a little something I wanted to share... it's something that was pretty special to me, before I got over it...

We woke up without our clothes of virtue
Holding on to each other and the fleeting time
We both knew that an otherwise perfect moment
Was spoiled by shame and sudden lies

But I guess I can take the pain
God knows that I will take the blame
For all the things we had to hide
I know I can take the guilt
But I can't take her off my mind

Well, I made this bed so that's where I'll lie down
Another lonely night in a cold house
I could dream and just confess
So wake me up when things go back

I guess I can take the pain
God knows I will take the blame
For all the things we had to hide
I know I can take the guilt
But I can't take her off my mind

There's no easy way to say it
We should go our separate ways
But I can't keep holding on
I know she'll haunt me just the same
I should have never played the game
But it's time that I let go

I guess I can take the pain
God knows I will take the blame
For all the things we had to hide
I know I can take the guilt
But I can't take her off my mind

To Alice:

It happens every time
You've given me the sign
We start to get it on but then you stop me
You know I've had it up to here
You need to be more clear
Cause you're the one that led me here
So take me...

Cause you said that you would
But then you changed you mind
How could you do this to me??
It's just so unkind
And it's cruel if you say that you'll go all the way
I can't wait for the day
That you don't change your mind...

You've got to understand
Things are getting out of hand
You can't just leave me sitting here unseen to
You know I don't know what to do
Or how long to wait for you
You said you needed time so I won't rush you

I'll never let you down
I'll always be around
When you need someone
To catch you when you fall down
I'm waiting here for you
If you decide you want to
If you want me to stay
Then I'm only a phone call away

I wanted to send her this one so bad but I didn't

I feel so sad the pain that I have in my heart hurts more than any physical pain I have ever expirenced. It hurts so much because the reason she is no longer by my side is all my fault.

I would give up everythig just to wake up next to her in the mornings again.
I pray over and over again for god to give me the strength and wisdom to either let it go and accept it or teach me the way to be a better man.

She is so sweet and kind and loving. She even blessed me with a wonderful little boy. So why is she not here, because I didn't show her the love and the affection she deserved. I stopped telling her how much I loved her an how much I appreciated her. My hugs and kisses turned into foul words towards my wife.

Instead of telling her thank you I asked her to do more. She had the whole weight of the relationship on her back and I wasn't helping her carry it.

But now it's too late and I lost the only person that ever truly understood me. Will she ever see that I really understand what went wrong with us, I don't think so.

I wish I knew all the right things to say to her so that we can fall in love again and start our family over on a new leaf.

But she doesn't believe I can be the man she is looking for. She lost my trust after many broken promises I made. That's the hardest part trying to gain back the trust that I lost, and knowing again that it was all my fault.

Alejandra
Leaving me will be the biggest mistake in your life, and you will regret it for the rest of your days. You told me you couldn't give your all to me, and that a relationship isn't what you want right now. But you held your head up high after using me to pick yourself up, after I treated you so well, you pursue someone else. You move on to this other person so fast with only lust in mind, but I know this isn't the life you want. So for you to suddenly start giving your "all" to someone else and putting more effort into finding him and knowing him than working on the small problems we had to make it work, and saying you couldn't do it for me, hurts me significantly. You should be ashamed of yourself for treating me this way. I am a person with feelings and not some stepping stool for you to feel good about yourself. Shame on you!! How dare you treat me this way, after all I've done for you. I was there for you and helped you through your darkest times and this is the thanks I get. . I am suffering emotionally and physically, while you think this crazy world of not working and being with someone new is happiness. You have lost your f_cking mind and need to fix your life, and stop living in this fantasy world of being young. You are 28 with an 11 year old, start acting like a mother. A new relationship will bring weird and new feelings that will get you excited, but its just a rebound, and they usually never last. I curse the day I first saw you and fell in love. Karma will get the best of you, and you will soon feel the pain and agonizing suffering I do. I have never been ill-willed till the day you destroyed everything that was me by making selfish decisions. You are the coldest iceberg I have ever met. Cold hearted and emotionless. I wish nothing but the same pain,misery and destruction you have brought onto me and my life, and for the rest of your days and nights to be lonely.

Quote:

Originally Posted by heartbroke

Alejandra
Leaving me will be the biggest mistake in your life, and you will regret it for the rest of your days. You told me you couldnt give your all to me, and that a relationship isnt what you want right now. But you held your head up high after using me to pick yourself up, after i treated you so well, you pursue someone else. You move on to this other person so fast with only lust in mind, but i know this isnt the life you want. So for you to suddenly start giving your "all" to someone else and putting more effort into finding him and knowing him than working on the small problems we had to make it work, and saying you couldnt do it for me, hurts me significantly. You should be ashamed of yourself for treating me this way. I am a person with feelings and not some stepping stool for you to feel good about yourself. Shame on you!!! how dare you treat me this way, after all ive done for you. I was there for you and helped you through your darkest times and this is the thanks i get. . I am suffering emotionally and physically, while you think this crazy world of not working and being with someone new is happiness. You have lost your f_cking mind and need to fix your life, and stop living in this fantasy world of being young. You are 28 with an 11 year old, start acting like a mother. A new relationship will bring weird and new feelings that will get you excited, but its just a rebound, and they usually never last. I curse the day i first saw you and fell in love. Karma will get the best of you, and you will soon feel the pain and agonizing suffering i do. I have never been ill-willed till the day you destroyed everything that was me by making selfish decisions. You are the coldest iceberg i have ever met. Cold hearted and emotionless. I wish nothing but the same pain,misery and destruction you have brought onto me and my life, and for the rest of your days and nights to be lonely.

Sorry to disturb your venting, Now this is just my opinion, but I think that having these feeling are no good for you. How do you expect to move on when you harbour all these ill feeling towards her. It is normal to feel some hate towards our ex's for hurting us but we need to learn to let it go-FOR OURSELVES. Doing this will help you move on. Life's a B**** but it goes on and we can't always have what we want. And it might be her loss for losing you, but oh well like you said its her loss. Wishing that she has misfoutune will make you feel good for a while, but tell me how long does it last??

I've read some of your advice that you have given me and others on previous threads. Listen to what you say because it is good advice!

Quote:

Originally Posted by MiSSsy111222

Iv read some of your advice that you have given me and others on previous threads. listen to what you say because it is good advice!

I know its good advice, but its difficult for me when trying to deal with my own situation. It is easier for me to sit here and listen to someone else's problems and give them advice then it is to make myself believe my own. In short it is easier said to someone else than done for myself.

I have a lot of hatred for her because she lied a lot to get me to let her go easier. I would have thought she had enough respect to tell me the honest truth instead of stringing me along and feeding me bullsh_t lies for a month. And I really thought that because when we were together she was always honest, and all of a sudden she's this completely different person. She gave me every excuse in the book. I want to be alone. I don't want to be in a relationship. I want to focus on me and my son. I want to focus on getting a job and I can't give you the attention you need. I want to sort out my feelings and my life. And I did nothing wrong in this relationship. She made a poor choice to break up with me because she was depressed about losing her job. She said she wanted to be alone and not in a relationship, yet here she is now aggressively pursuing someone 6 years younger than her age, and she criticized me for being 2 years younger than her. Instead of trying to work on the feelings we had, she purposely fought them off and went off to find fresh new ones. Of course these feeling are no good for me, but that's the fact of feelings they are emotions that emerge, not artificially created so to speak. Like we can't say... hmmmm I want to feel happy... or I'm going to make myself angry. I was probably more invested in it than she was, (which is partly my fault, but I feel so hard for her and blinded by the love and beauty she fed me) but she manipulated me into thinking she was the person I wanted to be with. And then to turn around and say "ok im finished", just wasn't fair to me. Its like a friend running beside you and telling you to keep running and training with them, and all of a sudden you realize you're friend gave up a half a mile ago. If I had a switch to turn these feelings off and move on I would have done it the day she said "this isnt working". I would have flipped the switch and walked right out the door. I harbor strong feelings. Its my nature. If I could erase her from my mind and everything from her I would. Because now I feel this outcome really wasn't worth the happy times we had as great as they were. This bad outcome is defintely outweighing all those good times. And its killing me. I would rather have never met her than to go through what I am experiencing right now.

I was in the same situation as you was. He fed me all the lines, he said he card, loved me and wanted me, we even talked about marriage. It was even worse because marriage is big in my religion. When he left me he gave me every excuse, he couldn't handle a relationship, he was in trouble and he didn't want to drag me down, he wanted to be alone. And now? The last words I saw from him was him declaring his love for someone else. I know how it feels to have that one person we love hurt you. I couldn't handle the pain either, I have never experienced anything like it in my life. But it is getting better.

People change, maybe she was honest when she was with you, but she is a different person now, and so are you, but unfortunaly you're the one who is suffering whilst she is doing her own thing. Don't give her the satisfaction of dragging you down. Make yourself bigger and better. Overcome her bulls****.

I think your at the stage of anger, lucky for me mine didn't last that long. I can see you like going to the gym, well use your anger in there. These feeling will pass and soon. Chalk it up as an experience, just make sure you learn from it.

A.

Well, where do I start. From the moment I saw who I knew our future was bright. The way you came into my life was incredible. High school sweethearts and first loves, what else could you ask for. The past 5 years have been the best of my life, and you have helped me become who I am today. I became close with your parents and family. The amazing memories we shared will never be forgotten and you will always have a piece of my heart. After 5 years you have decided that you are in a routine and wanting to see what else is out there, yes this happens because we only know each other. For me, you would have been the world and the only one for me. What hurts me most is that after we broke up, you sat me down and told me how much you loved me, grabbed my hands and we stared into each others eyes. Hearts pounding and the feeling of soul mates where we don't have to say a thing to understand each other. You began to cry and I told you that everything would be okay. We then said our parting lines and held each other one more time. What I don't understand is how you met someone so fast and invited him into your whole life. Yes I called you and told you I was upset and I might have said some things I should'nt have, but the way you handled it was unacceptable, especially since this was on valentines day. The way you made me out to be in order to make the new person look good was uncalled for. I would not wish this pain upon anyone. I did everything for you and I guess this was too much. Two months later I think about you every day. I wish that one day we will find each other again. Yes I am angry, yes I am hurt, but as long as you are happy, I will accept the outcome. You mean the world to me and I will always love you. I know in my heart you know we are to be together, yet feel as though you need to be sure for yourself. I will not wait around because of the pain, but I will be open to life and everything it has to offer. Even after everything and how everyone tries to tell me that there is something better out there for me, I love you forever and a day. Good things happen to good people. So long

Alejandra, my life feels empty without you. I wish you'd realise that I was the best for you. I miss you a lot and wish you would wake up from this dream you live in, you think is happiness.

Hey Alice, wutcha doing? Do you even remember who I am and everything we've been through. The times we fought hard for our relationship. Even when we thought it was over things always gotten better. I never knew you were the type that would quit. What happened? Does this new guy really mean that much to you? He just popped out of no where and destroyed our relationship.

Well its been a while now, I'm kind of used to you not being around anymore yet I still love you and miss you. I also know I deserve to be treated better than this. The mean things you 've told me do you really mean it? Is this guy really better than me? Are you really too good for me? Why do you always listen to your friends? Just because they told you they would be disappointed in you if you picked me?

I want you back, and I want things to change but I know it can't so what now? You tell me? Should I really move on with my life without you in it? I want you in it. We were each other's first everything and I want us to be each other's last everything. What about all the promises we made to each other. I guess it never really meant anything to you.

If you can hear me out there, I love you and I want you to be happy even if its not with me but I won't want to live my life without you. If only if we could have our happy ending. Ill be waiting for you to contact me if you love me which I know you do. I can still feel you do because I know we had much more than this. I just hope things get better for us soon no matter what life takes us.

Hey B----,

How are you doing.SO what happened, you could not call me on birthday in January? Even though I called you on yours.How long would it have taken to pick you the phone and say hi and happy birtday. After 8 year.Come on really.I heard you called our ex roommate.I know you liked him and told me I needed to be more like me.Well you know what, I am me ,I don't want to be like him.
Tell me this the last time we broke up why did you keep me as a back up.Did I really deserve it? I was there for you when you were scared at 4 in the morning and you would call me I would talk to you for hours until you would go back to sleep.I would get up in the middle of the night to get you your medicine when you were sick.I did all I could Be--- and you know what.I am moving on.That's it .I hope some body does to you what you did to me.

Thanks for doing me a favor by breaking up with me, I'm having the time of my life. Oh and my last words to you?. Eat sh_t! Who is laughing now!?