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I agree with what your saying and I know that in time the heartbreak will pass, but that's another thing that makes me sad. The less and less I think about her or not talk to her I start to feel worse. I guess I hold on to this hope that I can get her back which I know is stupid to do so. That's why I am wondering if her calling me up after finding out I had a date is just her way of finding out if I still love her or if she really just wanted to know? From what I hear a lot of girls do this
If you still want to her back! Just ask her directly,talk with her!since you have been together for 6 years,but broke up! What could be more worse even rejected by her again! Talk with her again,then I think you will know clearly what to do next!If she does not want to be with you any more,don't waste your time! Even she said only friends,don't take any positive action to her!
It's an ego trip she is having much like your question. She can't believe you are moving on and getting over the amazing being that is her. The last line was sarcasm if you didn't catch it. It doesn't make her a bad person it's only natural for her to have that reaction. You guys had a long relationship. Bottom line is you shouldn't have to convince her to be with you, the best way for it to work out in all situations is for things to flow naturally. Which is why you have to distance yourself. It's the best course of action, for your mental health and because the other option will probably lead to a dead end. Good luck.Quote:
Originally Posted by mik2007
You wouldn't be having this confusion with NC.
I know that no contact would be the best thing but its just really hard to let go and not have her in my life. I was with her for a long time and it just really hard to go no contact cause she has always been there and now she isn't. She wants us to be friends but I am not ready for that right now nor am I ready to be with anyone right now. She is with someone new right now and that breaks my heart more than anything. My feelings for her make it hard to move on and when I meet someone new all I do is think about her. I am clearly not ready to be with someone else
We all know how hard and heartbreaking it is for you now, we all have gone through it. Read the links in my signature and let us know if they help.
Me and my ex dated for almost 6 years and she broke up with me 5 months ago. If you need more insight take a look at my previous posts. Recently, My life has been turned upside down with the news I have just received. She has started dating someone new since October and seems to be happy with this new guy. I sent her a text message wishing her a happy new year and didn't get a reply until 2 days later where she wrote asking me if we could get together and talk sometime. I didn't reply because I didn't want to seem desperate to talk to her and still haven't yet. Just last Friday I went on Facebook and to my heartbroken surprise she changed her profile from in a relationship to ENGAGED! After 4 months of dating she is now engaged? When I read this I broke down and felt my heart break into a million pieces. Her boyfriend is 7 years older than her and doesn't even live close to the same city. Many of out mutual friends all called me and told me how shocked they were to hear this and think this is just horrible. I haven't talked to her since but just last night when I was on the phone with a friend of mine I got a call on my voicemail. It was her and saying that she has been trying to get a hold of me and was wondering if we could talk when I get this message. She sounded really nervous on the message but I just deleted it cause I don't know what point of talking to her would do for me.
Just before we broke up she would tell me about how she has commitment issues and how she is afraid of taking the next step in our relationship. If she felt like that so strongly after 6 years together, how could 4 months with a new guy be any different. How can she change that easily? I know speaking with her will just bring me down more and I am very pissed off at this whole situation but also very heartbroken. Am I doing the right thing in not returning her phone call or text messages? Or should I confront her? Or what should I do?
Leave her alone. You're already doing the right thing.
I was in this same situation. I was with my guy for 2 years, and he was married to someone else less than a year later, to a girl whom he knew for a few months. Listen, it's their issues, their mistakes. Let her go, and let her live her life. Obviously, she doesn't have good judgement... so ask yourself why you would want someone like that. That's what I had to do, I kept telling myself: "Why would you want someone back that made such a stupid choice?" All you can do is just do your own thing, make smart choices, and just do right by you.
Same thing happened to me actually. I was with a girl for 4 years. We broke up (mutual), and she met someone else. Not even 2 months later, they were engaged.
Fast forward, it's been 2 years. They are still married, had a kid together, got a house... unreal. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I really care for her and I want her to be happy. I thought it was a HUGE mistake at first, but now I can see that maybe it's not so bad. She's REALLY happy! I'm glad that I never once said anything negative to her.
You never know.
Unreal at how often this happens, isn't it? I, too, was in this situation little over five months ago.
I was in a long term/long distance relationship with an Airman - we dated for about 2 years with plans to marry and all that good, romantic stuff. Long story short, it went sour (I'm leaving it at "went sour" for sake of brevity!) and we broke up the end of August. The end of Sept rolls around and I get a text... "I need to tell you something. I'm engaged."
Needless to say, this broke my heart, and I know your pain. What helped me? Realizing that what we had when we had it was beautiful. It ended and rather than choose to deal with the hurt and pain of being alone, he chose to rebound with a woman who obviously didn't care that she was the rebound.
That may sound harsh or snobby, but its what helped me. He chose to move on. Yes, I've had to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart alone, but it does get easier. Shakespeare helps, lol. I can honestly say to him now... even after just a short four months... that "When you do dance, I wish you A wave o' th' sea, that you might ever do Nothing but that." (The Winter's Tale~Shakespeare~) I still do love him, but for my own sanity and healing emotions, I have to wish him well...
Immerse yourself in others - it's the only way to help the hurt.
I wish you well!
Fade into the sunset, and disappear from her life, and pick up the pieces of your life. That's the best thing to do.
Hate to say it, but do what is best for YOU. If meeting with her will help find some closure.. then meet with her. If it will only make things worse for you.. then I have to agree.. move on. Try to focus on YOU for now.
This girl has no idea what she's doing or where she's going. I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out but move on to someone better. Don't talk to her at all she doesn't deserve it. Come on it took her six years to realize she didn't want to marry you? You're doing exactly what you should do.
Sorry to hear I truly feel your pain. I think closure in this situation is needed and if you are up for it I would meet with her to let her air out the truth if that's what she is going to do. Running from her in my opinion will not help. She is offering you closure I would take it. If you can't handle it then fine but if you can handle it and you need that closure take it. Sounds like she has something to say to you. Hope you can see that she is doing you a favor and there is someone out there that will not put you through anything like this!
GOOD LUCK!
Thanks for the advice everyone.. I have yet to figure out for myself if speaking to her is the right thing to do. I think she is making a huge mistake and isn't really in her right place right now. I don't want to run her out of my life but either speaking with her or not speaking with her won't make me feel better so I just have to decide what will be best for me
Actually, I just re-read the whole thing. In my situation, she left me, fell HARD for this new guy, totally in love, and it was happily ever after. She never tried contacting me after she met him. She was so heads in heels in love with this guy, she never thought twice about me.
In your case, it's not the same. If I was you, I think I'd go for it. I mean, not to win her back, but just to talk. Get your ducks in a row (thoughts organized), and have 1 pow-wow with her. Tell her your feelings, how things with this new guy could have been the same with you, and that's it. If she doesn't waver, doesn't budge, nothing like that, then that's it. Don't make her feel guilty, just let her go. But if you do it, and she does waver a little, then keep talking.
I'd meet her in person to do this by the way. Not over the phone. Not the internet. I can see a lot of verbal communication going on here that you may need to see. And if she really wants to go through with this, you need to support her, wish her the best, and let that be the end of it.
Ooohhh... lotta people going to disagree with me, but I think you need to do it. You shouldn't be sitting around going "what if" for the rest of your life. And the fact that she tried to contact you could be a sign. HELL, there's a third situation I never thought about. Maybe she fell too fast, too hard, and she wants to get out, but she doesn't want you either. She just wants to use you to help talk her out of it.
At any rate, be careful. You are walking in thin ice. I think you can do it because it sounds like you have a strong head, but you really need to be careful.
I agree with you she is reaching out sounds like she wants you to understand what is going on. I don't think this is the same as some more negative situations. You still need to focus on you and if you want to go through with it. I think you do! Good Luck!!
Wow man, umm I don't know about most but your story is basically like mine. You will get over it trust me. I did, my ex is supposed to be married to a man 15 years older then her in the end of feb. She cheated on me with him. Trust me you will get over it. Sure I still think about it... But dude just laugh it off. Are you kidding , how stupid is someone to get engaged after for months. Mine did it after 2-3. I know it is hard, I was preety devastated when I found out. Tell your friends not to tell you stuff about her. It just makes it harder. I hope you decide to go No contact, now more then ever, I would have nothing to say to her. Ummm 6 years then 4 months later. Not to give you false hope but her and him won't last, once the novelty wears off they will split. Don't take this as a chance to get ack together take it is a chace to be free. YOu better not go back. I know my ex is already starting to play games with me from me having NC. But I'm not going to cave because I choose not to have her in my life. YOu should do the same. So make a choice! She isn't even worth your attention.
I am agreeing with all the advice I am getting. Thanks everyone! Some tell me that meeting her will give me closure and answers to a lot of questions that I have while others tell me that she is not worth my time. I agree with both! She isn't worth my time anymore but I also would like answers to what gave her 6 years to realize she didn't want to be with me but only 4 months with someone else to get engaged. I also want to know from everyone if you were invited to the wedding would you go? And would you be happy for that person if you just recently broke up with them?
Wow... would "I" go to the wedding? Personally, from my own experience with all of this stuff, I couldn't, but maybe that is because I'm an emotional female. They say that sometimes, when you love someone so much you have to let them go... it doesn't change your own feelings for the person, you still love them and want the best for them... so, I guess, one day, yes. You will be "happy" for them and their happiness. Its not going to come right away, but someday your phoenix will rise from the ashes...Quote:
Originally Posted by mik2007
(wow... feeling rather literary-cheesy this morning! LOL! Please excuse that!)
BTW: I also agree with a previous post about living with the "what if." You don't want that. So, whatever you decide to do, best of luck! :o
My ex, while we were dating, had asked me, "if we break up later on, and we go our separate ways, would you come to my wedding?"
... my answer was no. granted, if I had gotten over her, and we really did go our separate ways, then possibly. But if she had gotten married within a year or two of us breaking up, not a chance.
It's too cliché of an opportunity for me to say I OBJECT TO THIS WEDDING! In hopes that the bride will jump off the altar and run away with me.
... yeah. Couldn't give that one up... just for poops and giggles.
No.
My ex's mom gave me a call asking me what the matter was and I told her that I just found out about everything. She told me to hang in there and things will get better and if I need anything she is there for me. My ex probably now knows that I know about her engagement... even though I was bound to find out from someone. Because of her knowing already she probably isn't going to try and call me back anymore so is it still a wise decision to talk with her like she wants or just leave it as it is?
You should have nothing to say to her. She is engaged and doesn't even care how you feel about it. Selfish. Im sorry she doesn't care about the last 6 years. Dude you can do better. Trust me, she loves the fact that she knows it bothers you, Mabe ust act civil. She isn't with you so don't worry, But her and this guy WILL NOT LAST. Im sorry, not trying to give you false hope of her return, but just so you know this new relationship won't last. . Things that move this quik die out just as quik
People do not get nervous unless they still have feelings, otherwise she would have just avoided you. None the less, my take is that she is infatuated with the new guy, its new, fun, exciting, where after 6 years in any relationship things slow down and either you mature and become best friends (love) or you search for new excitement.Quote:
Originally Posted by mik2007
But unfortunately, she's in a position now where it could impact you for a long time if you pine after her. I would simple tell her that I hope that you are happy and I need to back off and heal, may be in a few years we can be friends again.
Then NC, and take the time for you to heal. Sorry for your loss, I had one of those too.
You could just be honest?
Send her an email, tell her you got her message but have been reluctant to call back because you still are hurt and not ready to deal with that conversation emotionally. Tell her you also saw the new engagement notice and wish her all the best. If she's the pushy type, then ask her to "respect my decision to not converse in person at this time".
That may be enough to answer any question she has. And no harm done on your end, but you get a bit of closure.
Knucklez
If I decide to email her what is the right way to do it. Do I lie and act normal or should I be honest with her in how I feel about all of this. She has tons of people congratulating her and finds no problem with this and then there are some people who think she's crazy and tell me that there is no way this engagement is going to work. Even her mom took it in as a shock but that's what she tells me that probably not her. I think I want to contact her but I don't know how to do it right or what good it will do for it or me for that matter
If your unsure about what's right, and what's best, do nothing.Quote:
Originally Posted by mik2007
Well, I did something that a lot of people will give me crap about but maybe not I don't know. When she got engaged she texted me asking if we could get together, after a week of feeling depressed about it I took the advice of meeting with her to gain some closure in the my soul. What I got was no improvement and I feel the same and maybe a little worse.
We meet and I soon understood that this was maybe a mistake. She first told me that she was surprised that I wrote her because she thought that when I received the news of her engagement she thought that I hated her. I told her that I don't hate her I just hate this situation. Like how does someone end a 5 year relationship, dates a new guy in a month and then gets engaged 4 months later? She said that she wanted to get together so she could tell me the news in person and that she is sorry that I found out on Facebook and not her. She told me that she is just confused on how to handle this break up and is upset knowing that I am upset and wants me to tell her what I want her to do to make me feel better about all of this. I told her that if the roles were reversed what would she want me to do... she said she doesn't think she would know what to say. I said what I want I can't have so I don't know what to say. I told her that I still love her and there hasn't been a day since we broke up that I haven't thought about her. She told me that she knows that I feel this way and that it hurts her to see me like this. She told me that she has nothing negative to say about me, that she wouldn't have changed the 5 years we had together for anything, and that I made her what she is today. When I would ask her why she did the things she did she would just say that she doesn't know why she did them and that she is confused on how to handle all of this. We left our meeting and she said that she was happy that we met and that if I need anything I can call her and then she gave me a hug. I went home very upset and cried a little bit thinking that maybe that meeting was a mistake cause it didn't make me feel any better. I said what I wanted her to know but she already knew how I felt already.
I am sure she loves him cause she wouldn't be engaged if she wasn't but everyone I talk to all believe that she is making a mistake. They think she will soon find out that mistake and will regret it. She looked sad when we had our meeting so I know she cares but pretty much nothing I said to her probably did anything and I kind of expected that. Friends think she seems like she is wanting to keep me on the backburner in case this doesn't work out and probably loved hearing that I still love and care for her. This just hurts so much and I I hate feeling like this. I just can't feel happy or excited about anything anymore and I don't know what else to do to make this better. I told her that when I talk to her it makes me sad and when I don't talk to her I feel any better either. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I guess maybe I should have taken some time to think it through and shouldn't have gone to meet her so fast. I guess I am wondering why it gets harder than easier to stop feeling this way?
You must take one day at a time, something is stuck in your ' gullett ', that is the place where deep feelings are held. It will not be easy but depending on your situtation, maybe you should take one HOUR at a time by keeping yourself busy. Keep your mind busy. Do things for others. Keep very busy, and go to sleep tired. Find a person that your trust, and DON'T TALK ABOUT HER. You thought that I would say TALK ABOUT IT, no! Don't keep very busy.
Dude, you said you think no contact is the best thing to do, so why are you still contacting her and trying to get her back? The best way to stop the pain is no contact.
Do that for yourself, it ll get easier slowly. You said she doesn't care anymore, so let her go and move on with your life. I know its hard but you have to do what's best for you now and not her.
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