Maybe she is missing you, but the friend you. At any rate, I wouldn't go for it. If you're comfortable being friends with her, go for it. Otherwise, if she calls have a casual conversation but don't call her.
Continue moving on with your life.

Yeah I feel like it's a lose lose situation. It sucks.

If I don't even respond she will see that as rude and I will be the bad guy.

If I do respond saying I can't be friends with her it will seem like I'm still not over her.

If I respond saying I want to be friends too, then it's me giving in to her and allowing her to not miss me.

I will tell you what, I will keep my life going, that much is certain. There is no way in heck I will allow myself to be derailed by her again. It just won't happen. I'm much stronger now. I also see the games we as people play now adays. I'm much more prolific. It's taken me a while from being completely socially inept to being at least allright with myself. I'm still pondering.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Homegirl it's been 6 months. I haven't seen her and I hadn't heard from her in 5 months. We both have already said it's over. It's a given she doesn't have to let us down easy because we let each other down the hard way. I remember she had said it's over straight up with no compassion. And then I had said, look we can't live with each other. Why come back 6 months later and say "I just want to be friends"? I will tell you what my suspicions are. I think she is having difficulty finding a guy who can reach her intellectually. She's a bright girl. A little on the crazy side, but bright nonetheless. She can get any guy she wants, but I think the guys she is getting are probably not stimulating her, so she comes to me for that now. She doesn't want a physical or romantic relationship, but through friendship she wants me to be the intellectual stimulant. That in a sense is like a crutch. What is driving me bananas is the potentiality of being incorrect. What if in fact she has moved on but had valued me as a person in her life who was influential, and wants to try and actually have a friendship? I will agree with you that there is a better chance of it dying down. Because I have to face that whatever her intentions are if she, or I, find a person that blows our minds away we would let go to a certain extent. :o I think I effed up her ability to buy into mens bs lines and tactics. All through our relationship I taught her (to my own detriment) the different bull tactics men employ in order to get into womens pants. The question that I have for her is "what does she get out of this?". That's really what I'm pondering asking her or looking to be answered. Don't worry homegirl, what you are doing is breaking the bullsh!t immature dream wandering, illusions that I've held. I'm very skeptical at this point.

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You are torturing yourself. You are worrying about things that are 100% irrelevant:
"I taught her tactics men employ..."
OR
"The potentiality of being incorrect..."

You have 2 options:

1) Accept her as a platonic friend

2) Leave her out of you're your life.

In time (several more months) the decision will be more lucid for you I hope.

Let time do its work.
And if there is a silver lining here, it's that you may be able to see that you need to work on yourself... working on her and "teaching her" are the easy way to avoid working on yourself so the next person you fall in love with, you can share more with.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

You are taking the romantic's view of it. You have to ask yourself, much like I am asking myself now, does accepting her proposal to be friends mean that you are giving into her? Women don't want weak men.

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1. You think that she didn't saw your weak part during the relation? What are you trying to do now? To take your "power" back, be "strong" and cut her off your life? Well, why do you cut her off your life? Because you can't deal with your feelings. So, you take that path, because of your feelings? Because you are weak and afraid of your feelings?

2. Here is all about interests and compromises buddy. What is your will? To have her back. Deep inside you, you would want to come with her again in a relation, and maybe in the future. Right? Now, how can you do this, if you stop being her friend? You ask yourself a question. She asked you (like mine did) if I want to stay friends with her. Do you think she really mean this "friends" relation?? Even if she really means "friends", there will be always a "sexual" attraction toward each other. Remember, you had sex with her, and both of you, will have problem ignoring this attraction. Deep her, there will be always a "what if", as long as you stay friends. "what if i try again with this guy...?". You need to cultivate this question to her mind, by being the attractive and sensual guy you were in the beginning. They are not robots buddy, but human beings.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

If one gives into their ex's desire to be friends, while that keeps the idea open that we might someday actually become friends or more, it also means we are doing what she wants. Think about it, in all reality she wants you to be friends with her because she misses you or has an inability to accept someone disliking her. Once she (and this also applies to my situation) says it is over that's a final heartbreaking decision she made. She lost you, so then does she get the privilege of having your presence around? It's a delicate situation. Because alternatively, if you do try and become friends, maybe that is what you were meant to be in the first place. You could also be missing out on a lot. Then again, keeping contact really only slows down our healing and may even prevent us from finding someone else who may be better for us because we hold on to the past and it clouds are present and future. Brain is hurting right now, must rest. ARGH

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Listen buddy. I had an ex of mine. We broke up, and because I didn't felt like before, I mean, it was boring, I was not affected to the girl anymore, because she didn't knew how to make me fall for her. Anyway. We didn't spoke for 3 years at all. After 3 years, I called her. It was weird, because I saw her every 4-5 days during this years, and without speaking it was difficult for me to understand if she really changed something in her behaviour, or if she cultivated in herself, what I was looking for and make me feel attached to her. Well, we spoke, and I told her I would like to be friends. Guess what. She wanted to come in a relation again. That was not what I was asking for. I couldn't said to her that I want to see if you have changed, and you are better, etc, but indirectly, through the "friendship", I wanted to see if it was worth and she can make me fall for her. In somehow, I was looking to give myself "a chance" with this girl. I was not loking to give her that chance. Egoistic? Maybe, but feelings are egoistic at this point. I can't make myself fall for someone, this depends on the other person. She didn't wanted that, so still that day, we still don't talk anymore. You get my point? You can't see the changes in a person, or being attracted to that person, if you don't have contact. No contact means lost, means no contact, nothing, nada, no miss or such things. In your case, your ex, though this "contact" (which depends on the way you do this contact, the way you talk to her, things you do, etc) may be asking herself for her chance with you. You get my point ? I say, "be friends" with her, work on yourself, and every time you two speak to each other try to build the attraction again on her, through flirts, teasing, etc.

Well, I found out today my ex is with someone else. I emailed her today saying that sure we could try being friends. Then I got a message from an old friend coincidentially. He told me that she has a relationship with some guy. Apparently for some time now, which is why she prompted the whole friend thing. In a way my situation resolved itself. I didn't run back, I didn't try again. I said sure to the friend thing but I kept my dignity. I'm shocked that it hurt somewhat though. I guess I never really let go fully. I am glad that it's done though. Now, I think I can truly move on. No more what if's and no more maybe's. No more alarms no more surprises. Let this be a lesson to anyone that seeks peace. Peace has to be gained from within. No one should have to give you peace. It is one's choice to attain it. Relying on others to get it for you is building your house on sand and not rock. Realization of this is step 1, it is only then that we can give peace to others. I've found my calling. The past has been resolved. Now I can try and gain my future.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Well, I found out today my ex is with someone else. I emailed her today saying that sure we could try being friends. Then I got a message from an old friend coincidentially. He told me that she has a relationship with some guy. Apparently for some time now, which is why she prompted the whole friend thing. In a way my situation resolved itself. I didn't run back, I didn't try again. I said sure to the friend thing but I kept my dignity. I'm shocked that it hurt somewhat though. I guess I never really let go fully. I am glad that it's done though. Now, I think I can truly move on. No more what if's and no more maybe's. No more alarms no more surprises. Let this be a lesson to anyone that seeks peace. Peace has to be gained from within. No one should have to give you peace. It is one's choice to attain it. Relying on others to get it for you is building your house on sand and not rock. Realization of this is step 1, it is only then that we can give peace to others. I've found my calling. The past has been resolved. Now I can try and gain my future.

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Fantastic insight and a very fortunate person. Best wishes.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Peace has to be gained from within. No one should have to give you peace. It is one's choice to attain it. Relying on others to get it for you is building your house on sand and not rock. Realization of this is step 1, it is only then that we can give peace to others.

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Simply beautiful. This is where we find happiness and strength, then we find the good relationship.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Well, I found out today my ex is with someone else. I emailed her today saying that sure we could try being friends. Then I got a message from an old friend coincidentially. He told me that she has a relationship with some guy. Apparently for some time now, which is why she prompted the whole friend thing. In a way my situation resolved itself. I didn't run back, I didn't try again. I said sure to the friend thing but I kept my dignity. I'm shocked that it hurt somewhat though. I guess I never really let go fully. I am glad that it's done though. Now, I think I can truly move on. No more what if's and no more maybe's. No more alarms no more surprises. Let this be a lesson to anyone that seeks peace. Peace has to be gained from within. No one should have to give you peace. It is one's choice to attain it. Relying on others to get it for you is building your house on sand and not rock. Realization of this is step 1, it is only then that we can give peace to others. I've found my calling. The past has been resolved. Now I can try and gain my future.

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Well done , I'm glad your through the worst of it and moving on. Good post!

Very wise words.

Thanks everyone. Now, I must combat becoming a cynic heh. My ego is bruised, but in a way I feel empowered. Almost like I must become even better. C'est La Vie.

Enigmagnetic, I'm glad that you have found peace and closure. I've found myself in a similar situation, finding out that my ex is seeing someone. My feelings and self image has also been bruised.

Having read the different circumstances for everyone who has lost someone they care about, a lot of advice is to keep busy and improve ourselves. I've come to this realization, there's nothing wrong with any of us, that we need to improve upon. Sure we might have made mistakes in the relationship, who doesn't. We are who we are, and we just weren't with someone that appreciated us for who we are. Each of us are unique with characteristics, and it should be a privilege for someone, when we share our lives with them. This is also true for the other person. When we find ourselves in the next relationship, remember to chose wisely, appreciate the other person, and don't let petty things get in the way.

Going off what enigmagnetic said about building your house on sand... We must not find security by depending on someone else. The only person you can truly depend on is yourself. Dependence on anyone else is weakness. Stay strong everyone.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I feel empowered. Almost like I must become even better. C'est La Vie.

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(I'm so glad you made it through this! )

Now, of course, you are going to be on call to help others resolve romantic breakups!! You are AMHD's "designated driver".

You're going to be very busy!

Happy to hear that you have figured everything out and that your ready to leave the past where it is supposed to be and get ready for a brighter future.

Hello all,

I've been struggling with my mind lately. My past relationship has been finalized, and I'm no longer accruing emotional "escrow". In the previous months I've increasingly becoming well acquainted with all my past transgressions and imperfections, and acts that inspire shame. All the mistakes I've made through, not only the period of my last relationship, but overwhelmingly throughout life, have hit me like a tsunami. I'm indivisible now, as I'm completely alone and without social stimulation. I did this to myself. Pushed away all the people in my past one by one. Then with the last relationship the ties that binded me have been severed. I accepted it, and in fact, I anticipated it and once it arrived I realized I need to be alone. This has truly opened my eyes to the significant maladjustments of myself and, not unnoticed but rather postponed, the flaws within my family and my past. Without a therapist I've encountered these things on my own and I feel, quite frankly, rather exhausted and at times at war with moral questions. The reality of my generation is one that has been criticized as rather selfish and more so inclined to look at the self rather than the community. I do all I can to focus on others and help, but it's rather hard when I feel I have these seems that are not sown and will not be repaired easily. My question to all that can stand this self conscious plight, is this; Can it be possible after making so many wrongs in life and toward others to find redemption merely by doing the best you can to be the best you can (ie helping others in need, being as selfless as possible, giving without expecting anything, giving advise, teaching) without repairing those things that one has left behind?

Can I just forgive and forget without repairing those wrongs I've caused? Lord knows, I've tried to move on. My ex has, and she's happy now and all I feel is relief that she is happy and that for the time being that perhaps she doesn't hate me for all the mistakes, and that I don't hate her for her mistakes. That's all well and sugar but how can I ever know that I have in fact improved, without fear that I haven't. I can't date yet, because I feel I would possibly repeat the same mistakes. How does one know that they have changed or are ready?

I think this venting always helps.

Time.

That's what's still needed buddy.

You are only a couple months into this. 2 months from now you will be that much better.
A relationship comes to us when we are ready. You are not ready yet.
But it will happen.

Al l you can do is your best. If you recognized your mistakes your faults and now seek to improve yourself, that is all you can do.
I'm a believer and I believe that when I have done wrong to someone or against God I can repent, ask forgiveness and move on. That does not mean I will never face the consequenses of what I did in the past, but I am forgiven. Then you just pray that the mistakes you made will not be repeated.

It's hard to answer your question without knowing some specifics. Your post is very vague and global. But to attempt to give you some sort of response I'll say this ; it is certainly possible to change. You may not be able to make good on all of the wrongs that you've done (nobody can) but you can learn from them and vow not to repeat them in the future. Where you've done wrong in the past you can substitute doing right in the future. Anyone has it within them to make those types of changes. If you do, you'll come out being all the better a person for it and the rewards will realize themselves.

Anyone else having as much of a hard time getting through your first holiday season without the "other"? Man I tell you, going home to a slightly dysfunctional family, where you are one of the last to not have a relationship (if it wasn't for my 14 year old sister I'd be the only one) is excrutiating. While my old "princess" is probably hanging stockings with her new significant other next to a roaring fire while sipping on egg nog and talking about their future children, I'm trying to get the family dog to stop humping my leg. Although Fido's affection is appreciated I'm sure I could find better uses for my leg, and as for my head, well that's the problem. It is the constant mental struggle. I'm spending the season pretty much alone. New years It will be me and my conscience. Can anyone tell me that I'm not special for having no one? To all those that are struggling with a breakup I hope you find yourself with a friend or a family member to be there with you during the holiday season. I'm doing it alone and somehow surviving and not going completely mental. Cheers.

Hey, at least you have a family to go home to over the holidays. Lots of people don't.
Get involved in making the holiday a good one for all of you.
Live for today. Find good things happening all around you or make them happen.
Stop thinking everything is great for her, chances are there is no roaring fire, but a stuffy forced air furnace. Eggnog will make her fat, too. Cheers to you!

Boo hoo right Cerisa? I was looking to feel connected. Like I'm not the only one completely alone this holiday season. I know I have my family (to a certain extent, I actually wasn't invited for Christmas, but showed up anyways), and believe me I'm thankful, but I wanted to hear how others are spending their holidays and how they feel. I wanted to feel human I guess, I don't know. I've been acting like a robot for the last 20 days or so and I wanted to feel normal for a bit. I'm being silly probably. I'm not sure.

You will always have us, enig. And don't forget--a person can feel lonely in a room full of in-laws. (Welcome to my life... )

Dear Abby says to find one or more people who will spend the holidays alone and get together with them for punch and cookies or a movie and dinner or a walk around the block. Better, visit a nursing home or a hospital or an animal shelter and even become a volunteer there. If you can give a little from your heart, you will get back tenfold. You need to be needed; volunteering will do that for you. Sit and chat with an old person about who they used to be in the world they used to live in, play Checkers with a hospitalized teenager, brush a few homeless cats.

Hey enigmagnetic,

I had a very difficult Christmas myself, very similar to yours... I kept zoning out, imagining what my ex was up to. She broke up with me about 7 weeks ago and finally moved out 10 days before Christmas. I almost skipped out on the whole family thing to stay at home and get drunk instead, but I'm glad I didn't, as difficult as it was. Not sure what I'm doing for New Years yet, but I recommend you try to find a party or something instead of being alone with your thoughts.

Cheers, things will get better for us both in the new year.

Well.

My ex and I broke up 2 weeks before christmas. We actually planned to spend the holidays at a ski lodge. I already booked the room.

As for christmas, I had to work on christmas eve + christmas... I was alone. At home. By myself. Digiorno (microwaveable pizza) and a movie.

My ex is spending it with the new guy (after 3 days of us breaking up)

As far as the ski lodge, I already invited a few friends to go with me. The hell with relationships!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

well.

my ex and i broke up 2 weeks before christmas. we actually planned to spend the holidays at a ski lodge. i already booked the room.

as for christmas, i had to work on christmas eve + christmas...i was alone. at home. by myself. digiorno (microwaveable pizza) and a movie.

my ex is spending it with the new guy (after 3 days of us breaking up)

as far as the ski lodge, i already invited a few friends to go with me. the hell with relationships!

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Man I feeling you... I was trying to make a perfect christmas... so I ask this girl out I likes a lot and also thought she likes me too... but turn out

"Sorry Steven...i love you as a brother....."

So it sux big time and here I am spending time with my family my friends... over the holiday... hell that all we have and all we needed right?.

I saw her tonight. Looking radiant. She was with her other. I can't seem to catch a break. It hit me hard. Why has it hit me hard? It's been 7 months. What's wrong with me?

It's back. The confusion, the jitters, the fears and the dreams. She left me 7 months ago. A woman that many have told me was unique and amazing. I can't replace the void. I was doing fine for months. I felt stronger, faster, like I was reborn. I've volunteered to charities, gained much recognition at work, read book after book, gone back to school. I had accepted that someday I would die and that it would be without her by my side. Tonight I'm a mess. I saw her again and I've broken down. I ran to this site because I have nowhere else and no one else to reach for. I'm alone, and I was OK, for a while but then came the holidays. It seems like my depression started in late November. I've begun to have these wild dreams, of all my past relationships, past loves, past mistakes. I don't really sleep and when I do I dream those painful dreams of things I can't have. I'm craving alcohol again and I have no sponsor. Why is this happening? What's wrong with me? It's been 7 months and she's moved on. I actually saw her at a restaurant with her new man. I merely was getting take out for myself. She's radiant as ever and I'm in jeans with a stupid look on my face. When will it end? What's worse, is that I'm only now starting to realize that my whole social existence was always amplified by her. Everywhere I went I would be recognized and now I'm like a leper. I see others on this site, who move on so quickly. I see others where it takes years. I don't want it to be years.

She emailed me wanting to be friends a couple months back. I was cryptic and aloof. Her last email was praising me telling me how she saw me as a great individual but that we couldn't be together. She just wanted to be friends. I wrote back saying much but agreeing to little. I basically told her that I didn't have time for childish games and that it would take much time and effort to ever be friends. I was far from desperate and needy. I dare not seem like I miss her, I dare not seem like I'm weak, not to her. I'd rather die. I haven't heard from her. Is it consequential? I was tactically taunting her slightly. I even started the email off by saying "see I can still push your buttons" because I had slightly annoyed her. I had sent her a happy holidays message, much to my own chagrin, and haven't received any sort of reply. Now I'm talking like I want her back. The life I live now is so hard compared to when I was with her. When I was with her it was so easy and for some reason I was unhappy. I complained and I became a pathetic loser alcoholic. I didn't know better. I work so hard now. I try my best, even when my mood turns sour. What can I do to get rid of this feeling? I can't seem to make friends. It seems no one can understand me, and I wind up saying the wrong things, even though I try and be polite. I know everyone can't be an ahole, so that just implies I must be anti-social. I mean I try and be nice, witty, but it seems my charm has been reduced to rubble. I used to be the speaker at my company. I would attend high level meetings and not break a sweat. Now I'm a nervous wreck. When I was with her I never got sick. I've been sick a half dozen times including once with pneumonia. What's going on? Can someone relate?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I saw her tonight. Looking radiant. She was with her other. I can't seem to catch a break. It hit me hard. Why has it hit me hard? It's been 7 months. What's wrong with me?

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Wow! 7 months?

You need to get rid of everything that reminds you of her. You also need to start doing physical exercise, as it helps you relax your mind. You don't need to join a gym, but if you do, there are usually TONS of single females there.

She's getting jollies knowing you are in agony and not moving on because of her. She is loving it. Your agony is making her life even better. Doesn't that bother you?

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Originally Posted by EuRa

Wow! 7 months?

You need to get rid of everything that reminds you of her. You also need to start doing physical excercise, as it helps you relax your mind. You don't need to join a gym, but if you do, there are usually TONS of single females there.

She's getting jollies knowing you are in agony and not moving on because of her. She is loving it. Your agony is making her life even better. Doesn't that bother you?

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There is no way she will ever know that I am in agony. I'd rather die then let that be known. I take it from your shock, that 7 months seems to be a bit extraordinary when it comes to moving on. Not only am I working out like a machine, I'm running miles every day. I'm finding it hard to meet anyone that can even be held near the same league as her. It sucks.

I said it in the other thread but I'll say it here too: This chick is absolutely loving the fact that you can't get over her. Seeing you miserable and alone is making her stronger with every passing day.

You need to block her from your lists. Delete her numbers and emails. Throw away anything that you own that reminds you of her. Get rid of her completely.

Then after you do all that, you need to start running or doing ab excercises or something. Or join a gym! You won't be alone that way, and there are several people you will meet that will become friends or even more!

I am working out. I have my own private gym. Perhaps that's the problem. It's an office gym, and not many work out there. She doesn't know I'm in agony. Nor does she know anything more than, I've had much success in everything I've done since her. I don't let her see the awful truth. I don't know if she saw me at the restaurant. I just left. I didn't care to find out.

I can relate. There are some people who touch our lives in a very intense way. Then, they go away. In fact, we have been that person, or will be in our lifetime. It can echo in our souls for a long, long time. The worst it ever happened to me involved a guy who just understood more than I did at the time. I talked to him once on the phone later, what he said really helped. "Simone, we're just rookies in this life."

You are not alone! Dealing with the holidays, winter darkness and being outnumbered, (alcoholics are, whenever we are alone with ourselves) are all together a huge pill to swallow. Read page 449. Go to a meeting, as often as you can. Get a new sponsor. Do service work. Be supportive of newcomers.

"This too, shall pass."

I can relate, I've been there. I know that I'm just now really starting to heal after almost 9 months, but I also know that if I would run into my ex and his girl I would be in the same boat you are in right now.

I know that the holidays are bad enough, but I know to run into her the way you did made it worse. It's normal to feel that way, but you have to just try to keep moving forward with your life. This was only a stumbling block, don't allow it to ruin all the progress that you've made. Keep doing what you've been doing as far as charity work, and reading, and going to school. Those are all great things to do for yourself.

As far as craving alcohol, just keep telling yourself that it only serves to mask the pain for a brief amount of time. You don't need it! Work through the pain and you will come out the other side a much stronger person.

I never thought I would ever get over my ex, but I'm doing it now, and believe me as messed up as I was over my breakup, if I can heal ANYBODY can. Just keep hanging in there, it WILL get better, and We're all here to help you with that.

You ever hear the phrase... putting the p*ssy on the pedestal?

Well... you're putting her on the pedestal.

It's been... 2 weeks, almost 3 since my ex and I broke up. Being a college student, there's... really no end to single women, so that's not a big issue. Big issue is, yes... there is NO ONE that's as pretty as her, or as complete or perfect as the ex.

This is due to your emotional attachment. Make a list. It sounds shallow and childish, but at least make a mental list. Think of the good things she used to do, and think of the bad things she used to do. Trust me... there are others out there... that'll weigh out the same or better.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I'm finding it hard to meet anyone that can even be held near the same league as her. It sucks.

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Was she really that perfect? Try thinking about some of the things you didn't like about her, stuff she did that irritated you, OR stuff that she wouldn't let you do or didn't like you doing. I remember I thought my ex was perfect after she left me... but looking back now, she was probably the worst mistake I've ever made, and seeing recent photos of the b***h has only proved me right :D
Which brings my next point, So you saw her and she looked 'Radient', That doesn't mean all is well in her life, Could have just been a hairstyle or new makeup . She could be miserable with that guy she's with. How do you know that her life is going well?

I never thought I would get over my ex, I thought she was perfect and that no one would ever compare... lol how wrong I was! Its been a good 5 months now and the only thing I regtret is getting into a relationship with her in the first place, I could have saved myself a lot of time and hurt. The thing is though when your in love with someone you cherish evrything about them... even there faults. Its been awhile since you guys have broken up, you should look back at not only the good things but the bad things about the relationship too, Cus now you've had more time, you'll see things differently.

As for the alcoholic bit, I was drinking nearly a whole bottle of JD's a day after she left me. And boy did that stuff mess me up, I became even more depressed and it hurt even more, to the point where I wanted to message her and message her till I got a response.

And I'm sure her life can't be going perfectly. And after my ex left me and I saw her a few weeks later, she looked good and happy which screwed me up even more. And my ex tried to tell me that she was having the perfect life after she left , BUT it turns out, the guy she left me for threw her out, she had abortion, lost her job and her house and now she's living with a friend in an un-decorated house without a computor :eek: . Then I get a message from a friend of hers telling me that my ex thinks I was the best thing that ever happened to her, which was a HUGE Ego boost :D point is, I spent months wreking myself thinking she was having the perfect life when really... she was being tattered and torn.

It is hard when your alone on holidays but alcohol won't help you, it only makes things worse, and it will eventually ruin all that you have worked hard for. Is this woman really worth all this pain?

Much luck to you dude!

No, she isn't.

Make yourself interesting so someone will appear who will know immediately and forever that you are the best thing that ever happened to her.

Radiance... could also be faked. Did she see you? Women love faking happiness with the new guy just to try to show that they're happy... to see if they can get a reaction out of you. Also, they fake happiness to tell themselves that they made the right choice with the new guy.

Don't sweat it. Just think. You're better off.

Also, don't try to "look" for women to take your mind off her. That can only end badly. Instead, look for other things to get your mind off her. And when you're not looking, that's when that brunette at the local coffee shop wants to talk to you... mainly because women are attracted to single guys who are confident on their own... and are turned off by raggedy guys that look somber that look around to see if anyone'll notice him.

Go join a gym, or get a buddy to join with you. Working out with friends leads to going out with other friends leads to meeting new people. Go for it.

EuRa said it: "You need to block her from your lists. Delete her numbers and emails. Throw away anything that you own that reminds you of her. Get rid of her completely."

Fight your old flame with a new flame. Get into group activities, book clubs, dance lessons, hiking/field trips; develop a social calendar and enhance your coping strategies; one day at a time, and you will become stronger with each day. Read and review the stickies at the beginning of "Relationships". Spend some time writing and commenting on this site about your experiences and those of others. It will help you.