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Chris, I'ts been 9 months since my ex fiancé broke up with me. The first 3 months were hell but focus on you and hang out with friends and family. What ever you do do not contact her, it will only bring you back to square one. Trust me, I did this 2 months into our break up and hurt even more. One more thing you may want to do for a while is stop hanging around her friends, this will only make you think of her and you may here things you may not want to here.
Im pretty good when I'm with friends or family but like I said I have become close with all her friends since we stayed with them all the time I lost contact with my friends but it was a good thing cause my friends were on a bad path. I t was great while we dated but now that were not 2gethor anymore it sucks. Its such a big change now and that's what makes it even hard the people I stayed with were her friends first so nothing I can do about it and since there still friends ill probbaly wind up hearing things that id rather now no. Like new friends she makes b/f's so on. I think the worst part is the feeling of emptyness tthat I'm having now. And the feeling of loss its been 12 dats shoudnt the emptyness be leaving?? Ughhhhh this sucks/.
Hi today makes 13 days no contact. I was doing pretty good about not contacting her until yesterday I stood with her close friend and her mother. In the begingin she was not showing any emotion at all. Recently her friend has been telling me she's been pretty upset about the whole breakup and is taking it pretty hard now. I think that could have gave me the false hope I was looking for to hold onto. And now its killing me I want to call her so bad just to say hi and see what happens from there. I no once I break the NC its over from there. Buut after finding out that she's upset and she's is hurting it made me think there's still a chance. I asked her friend if she thinks there was a chance and I shold just move on she said I don't no but I do not she's not 100% sure. How do I get past this feeling of calling?? What should I do??
Hi there
If you read my posts from yesterday I said I was almost up to a full month of no contact with my ex or whatever he wants to call himself. I have been so strong, and even in times where I've wanted to pick up the phone or something, I've managed to work around it.
For me, one of the things which has kept me going is having some pride... why should I contact him? I am devastated, yes, and still love the guy of course, but from the start I decided if he wanted no contact, then no contact was what he was going to get.
If she's upset and hurting, then let her hurt, let her stay upset, she needs to deal with her own thoughts and issues. Do you want to look like all you're doing is sitting around thinking about her? Yes you may be (hell, I'm there with you at the moment) but she doesn't need to know that. Let her wonder what you're doing. I don't know the details of your split, but if you're hoping she will come back to you, making some contact now would just undo all the good you've done so far. If she wants you back, she'll come to you (something I have told myself over and over)
I know its hard, but when I've always found myself in the place where I want to call him, I've just occupied myself... called someone, anyone, have a chat with them and you'll feel better.
Think of how well you've done going 13 days... before you know it you'll be like me, just days off a full month. It gets easier. Not much, but it does.
And always remember, if you keep a dignified silence you know you have done everything you could do. No matter what happens, you can't look back and say "oh man if only i'd kept away".
Keep your chin up... there are plenty of us in this boat right now, you're not alone.
Well my ex I think more then anything is confused she's not the one who said nc it was me she said she would like to try to be friends and all that but I didn't think I could nor do I think I can now either. The 13 days were hard your right but since I found out she was upset it made it worse now I just be thinking about that and only that. I started to tell myself its nmot worth it unless she calls but then I think what if I don't and she was saying if he wanted to make it work he would have tried to call. I think my imagionation part of my mind is taking over o man I thought I was past that point... ughhhhhhhQuote:
Originally Posted by Gingerkid52
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris28
Grrrrrrrr going min by min dammmmmmmmm this is hard...
Im going to go out on a limb and say that you were and probably are suffering from the breakup. It is only fair that she has to as well. I know it has got to be SO tough right now to not pick up the phone, but think back to the last 13 days. Do you really want them to be in vain? Im sure those days went by so slowly, why waste them? I just hit 40 days and every day picks up speed and it feels better and better.
Yea I no exactly what your saying but could there be the slighest chance that if I do call or text it will make things better or is it already written that no matter what I do or try I will not succeed?? Is there really any rulles or is this just the normal thing not to do..Quote:
Originally Posted by madaman
Chris NO CONTACT... Dude chasing her will only make you look desperet and needy.. Basically MOVE ON.. not tyring to be a but thatwas theadvice I got when I first came on here.. When you move on and heal yourself then and only then " she might be back" until then better yourself as a person. Deal with emotions that are natural to have.. You can't make some one love you..
Dam I no your all right its just sooo dam hard this is killing me thanks for all in my time of need... I feel a lot better and hope I can get through this day without a call. I made it this far because all of this support I want to thank everyone and hope for a better afternoon... Why did I have to pry and find out she was upset only to make me feel worse dam that was dumb...
Well your mistake was definitely asking how she was doing. Since this girl is your ex best friends she is of course going to give you a big sob story if only to make you feel as if you aren't the only one feeling hurt - keep that in mind.
The fact is that its done. If she is not 100% sure then why end the relationship to begin with? The fact is its done and she has to live with her decision. No, you can't be friends at least not until YOU are healed. You have the right thinking but your willpower is wavering which is totally normal. You are 13 days in - dude that's awesome! Give it another 13 and see how you feel I bet it's a lot easier at that point then it is now.
you are doing good - remember that. Most people feel weak. I remember when I first went no contact with my last ex and I decided that I would not call until x date well when x date rolled around I didn't even want to call him and just kept chugging forward. You will get there.
Man.. I have a child and we were engaged and she cheated on me. Dude let her go. If it was meant to be it will be.. Just improove yourself. Make her see that you are better then what she thought and when she comes back you won't want her I promise.
Chris you have her RIGHT where you want her.. she's hurting and she's seeing it now... CONNECT HER... nothing big but just a hi and make sure she knows your still there... That's it... really man.. think about it.. if you Don't connect her.. she will probabyly think you will reject her and won't even try to connect you.. same time... girls are AFRIAD to admit they are wrong.. so in that case.. she probably doenst want to look stupid in connecting you after what she did... but you.. Don't chase her.. just text her saying hi or something that's IT. After 6 days.. I texted my ex just saying HI.. then she started texting back wth questions and things... meaning she wants to talk... trust me man.. deep insdie I know you want ot just say HI to her.. so do it..
Forever, its easy! You just don't contact them.
Why are you wasting your time on such an emotionally immature girl?
Why are you wanting to be such a spineless person? Jeesse, two weeks is practically yesterday, If you don't have the backbone to stand up for yourself then surrender your gonads at the door.
She was wrong, and if she is so immature she won't admit it then you want nothing to do with such a self centered arrogant girl. Save yourself from a ruined future now. If you don't get the respect from your partner you expect and give then its time to move on to someone else that will. Why waste more of your time on her. Count your blessings you found out now, and not after you got married or had kids.
Dude, when you get that urge to use the phone, get online and rant instead. It's WAY BETTER. Or go for a drive, or a jog, or if you're up for, call a friend. And as hard as it is to accept, HER FEELINGS ARE NO LONGER YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
Letting go of someone close is very hard. But remember, it's all ABOUT YOU now. She may feel sad, BUT SO DO YOU. DEAL WITH YOURSELF.
Good luck.
--Cali
Hmm I actually shocked someone is telling me to contact her... Most people say do not but finally someone things I should lets take a vote here who thinks contact is 100% wrong?? And is a text really that bad or what to come after that text is worse??
Don't contact her.. Like some one else said 13days is like yesterday and do you want the 13days to be for nothing. Dude get out of your house go out with your friends. Show her with out contacting her that you are happy with out her. Be seen out on the town. Go hang outwith your friends. AND DO NOT SPEAK OF HER WHEN YOUR OUT HAVING FUN... If it is a buddy and you then mabe, but when your going out , your going out to have fun not talk about her. Look at it this way.. Give yourself half a hour a day to really think about it. Then that's it.. Any more of then that she isn't deserving of your time. If you truly want to get her back then listen..
Ignore her with no contact. Do not speak to her friends, don't ask your buddys what she has been doing.. Concentrate on you. It might not make sense but if you want to get her back you need to let go.. Im not making any promises but if you ask people out her by you wanting nothing to do with her it will drive her crazy. And I mean it. Go out, hell go out on a date if you can. Show her that you are moving on. If she wants you she will stop you from moving on and that's when you say to her, Im sorry but you just ant give me what I want and nothing more. Let her eat her decision and keep that up for a while. Just accept she is gone. How old are you and her. Im preety sure you're a young guy and there are plenty of other owmen. For myself I know there are plenty of others but I still only want one.. BUt just because you only want this one doesn't mean you can't go out on dates.. The best thing to do is let her have her space, let her make her own choices and mistakes and she will respect you for letting her be. If she wants to come back she will find a way. But enjoying your life to the fullest and not thinking twice about what she is feeling or caring.. She does Not Not care what you fee like. Face it. Sorry but it is true. She might care in a few months but as of now she doesn't. Chris your obsessing over her. Make a list of what you have to offer her and what she has to offer you. I bet you offer her a lot more then what she brings to the tabel.
Ur probably find you learn so much about life and relationships, specially if you go NC. Your be sat here in many months maybe less saying was that all about?
If you call her you are a bigger loser than she is...
Listen I already feel like a loser hjust going through all of this as well as thinking so much about it. I just not sure what to do the advice is all great and I appreciate it. I just guess Its like I started over after finding out this information about her and it could be because I think she might be re-consideringn things while in fact she might not even be thinking about it... ughhhhhh what to do...
Put it behind you or you will be reliving it all over again down the road. You already know she's capable of it, and that's reason enough to be a winner and not be sucked a second time.
Remember the old saying.
Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me.
Repeat those words when you think about her. She shafted you once... go back and the next time its your fault, not hers. You know she's like this now.
Those words mean learn from your bad experience... and don't repeat it a second time.
Okie so I'm officially a loser I signed on to myspace and coudnt help checking hers and on it she had the song wich she added today jorden sparks tatooed. So I caved in and texted her and said that I understand were from different world and I don't refgret anything but I miss her and she said she missed me back yada yada and she said she just thinks it's the best for both of us right now. So I agreed and said take care... What have I done am I a idiot??
You can check your gonads in at the closest women's center.
If you can't stand up for yourself then what can you stand up for.
Yea your probably right but the conversation through text didn't go anyway there were only 5 and I feel relief not sure if it was tempory but I feel relieved
You
So everyone I broke down I heard she was upset, I heard her new interenet song jorden sparks tatooed I cracked I text her. It was long text just said Hi she answerd hi back told her I now we are from different worlds and I miss her she responded miss you to. I told her I no I could love w/o her but I never thought we wouldn't be 2gethor she agreed and then said that she things its better for both of us right now so I agreeed and told her I had to get that off my chest and ended it there... I feel like I got it out and I'm okie... did I just ruin the 14 days we didn't contact each other and that song just set me off if anyone knows what its about ull no y
Okie so after all that I contact her. She texted me back earlier tonight and said she don't want to call cause its to hard and that she's loves me and cares for me but she's young and wants to live a little bit. And how its better for the both of us I kind of think this was the closier I was looking for now I no its over and that's the way it is so as she hung up she said love you again and used her old pet name... Sooooo I kind of feel at ease hope this feeling stays around...
False hope is a bad thing my friend. Move on... Just wait till she is dating some one else which she probably has her eye on some one already.. Harsh reality but tough love is what I'm giving you. Let it go.. Be a man. Let it go , if she matures and comes back then sweet but you can't count the min. Go to the gym #1, #2 go out with friends and be yourself have fun. # 4move on #5 move on #6 move on #7 see where I'm going with this.. Where here to talk about moving on and letting go. . No waiting for her to come back.. I'm having the best two days of no contact where I'm thinking clearly.. open your eyes
Yea I woudnt that what your saying false hope was running my life I guess its out of sigh out of mind and when in mind forse it out you her being with someone would drive me nuts ughhhh I don't want to even think of it but its going to happen sooner than it will for me probably sucks o it sucks but keep the positive enforcement coming thanks for the support all...
Like I said... be a man, stand up for yourself and walk away from her, or be a wussy and be her doormat.
If you want to be a doormat you give up your rights to complain about it because you were warned and choose to do it. You therefore wanted to be kicked around because YOU made the conscience decision to go back to her.
However if you don't then stop crawling back to her... take charge of your own life and shut her out of it.
There are plenty of women out there that don't treat others like that, and that are a better match for you.
The more I read these threads the more I think divorce should be outlawed. Because people insist on picking the worst people and know it, yet insist on ignoring common sense and advice by sticking with people that are emotionally, or physically abusive to them. So they should be forced to stay in those relationships. They deserve each other.
I can't fathom why people keep doing this.
There are a LOT of women out there... they aren't all alike. Why do people keep insisting on staying with others that don't respect them or worse. If you are fighting, needing a break from each other or are just unhappy, then that's a flashing NEON sign that you aren't a good match much less a perfect one. Leave, move on, find a new partner. If you waste time with losers you will never find that perfect partner.
Abosulty correct, I was just scared cause I didn't think I was good enough to get another good looking girl that was nice most of the time. Im starting to think different and feel better about myself that had a lot to do with it. Im scard of meeting new people but that will be a new leaf for me to introduce myself to the new me... im working on myself so I can do these things easier we will see what's happens no she's not right for me I was just scared to walk away
Keep in mind looks aren't everything. Most women lose their looks with age... then what do you have if they didn't have a personality to match? Not much, right.Quote:
Originally Posted by chris28
There are plenty of perfectly decent looking women with great personalities... if you look for a trophy wife, that's all you usually end up with, a trophy, but not much of a wife.
A lot of serious hotties have this mindset, they think they are gods gift to man, and as such they are perfectly justified to do whatever they want.
Wait till the looks fade and the realities of life hit her. Payback can be a B1tch. By then you are happily on your voyage of life with a far better woman. She ends up settling for a drunken troll that beats her because unlike her he has a real job.
Smoothy, I will tell you one thing you do make a lot of sense. Was this all from life experience?? I am not 100% on looks personality is very important as well. Perfect example is that my ex thought she looked better then all her friends as well as most people and always told me how lucky I was. I new she was beautiful as well anyway. But to be honest as pretty as she was I still found the uglyness in her and that's the truth. Like I said before I'm not the best looking guy but definitely not the worst. So id be happy with the perfect match no matter what the looks really were on her outside...Quote:
Originally Posted by smoothy
Some it was the school of hard knocks... others was from observation and friends that went that same route. I'm in my mid 40's so I've had a lot of years to learn these lessons. Most of them long before places like this existed. I like to watch people and see what they do and how they act... sort of bet myself that something is going to happen, and started to notice many times I was right. You can learn a lot by just sitting back and watching people sometimes. You can pretty accurately judge someone's character from how they behave. You don't even have to know them if you can watch them long enough.Quote:
Originally Posted by chris28
And yeah, I've known quite a few of these women that think they are gods gift to mankind... they can also be refereed to as "high maintenance" women.
If you constantly have to spend money on them to keep them happy then its time to open your eyes. Many date guys just for the stuff, I've had them actually tell me this. The right woman wants you to be with her, she doesn't want you to buy her.
Many of these women are really not all that much to look at when you really take the time to look. And No woman is gods gift to man. Nor any man gods gift to women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by smoothy
Yea I hear you experience is key... Life is so short and I want to live it and have fun this is a stepping stone that I had to start with I appreciate your time as well as everyone else and anymore advice feel free to lay it on me...
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