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Originally Posted by jeffatl

I think this is the best piece of advice I have heard on here yet! This makes TOTAL sence! Take it from me, I spent 2 months trying to win back the EX and it got me no where. Now I just feel defeated and broken, and I plan to just turn the tables when she gets back. The way I think of it now is, SHE broke up with ME. Therefore SHE should be the one asking for ME back. I thought that she wanted me to "open up more" so I did, and it solved NOTHING. I will no longer call her, text her, or email her, and I will wait to see what happens. I know this girls is still in love with me, she is just acting REALLY stupid right now. She is on this whole "I need to see the world and find out what makes me happy" BS, but the thing is, you can't find happiness, it has its way of finding you. As much crap as this girl has put me through over the past 5.....well......3 years, I still love her with all my blah.......blah.....blah. I dont know if I blew it already, but everytime I think I have, she comes right back. I am DONE with the games, and I am going to make that VERY clear to her when I see her again. I dont think it is too late for me to save face on this one, I just need to "man up" and get back to the person I was before all this crap. The thing I have learned is, girls can't play games with you if you dont let them. Sure, you miss her and all, but dont give in to the calls and BS. Let her go on her marry little way and see whats out there. When or if she does come back, who knows, you might not even want her back. After all the crap I am going through, I really dont think I will want my EX back. I saw a really EVIL side to her, and I dont think I will ever get past that with her. I say, just move on. This is all just a big waste of time and energy.

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Good start, now you just need the practice. Good luck.

Hi people I'm back. So here is an update.

Well I'm been keeping my ex at arms length at work. Not too much contact, and if there is any contact, its usually jokes and making her laugh(I kid around with her).

Well last night, We were on the phone together, and I kiddingly asked her if she was seeing that other guy. Well keep in mind I was laughing my *** off so was she when I asked her. Well she refused to answer the question at first. So I said to her what if I was one of your other friends and they asked you the same question. She said that she would tell them she has not yet decieded. So I left that topic there, and started to talk about something else. Once again she wasn't nervious or mad about that question. We ended the call with a good note.

ANy suggestions from my update.

It sounds to me that you're doing just fine. Stick to your guns and keep working on your attitude and go from there. P.S. you've been giving some pretty good advice yourself, so you're on the road to recovery. Congrats!

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Like I said before - she has NO interest in that guy. None. Woman KNOW almost instantly IF they have a romatic interest in a guy or not. There are no future decisions. She's just trying to make you jealous. That guy is just a massive dumbass for giving her all the attention.

BUT, HUGE mistake... WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING THESE DUMB QUESTIONS ANYWAY?? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY??

Those are massive 'friend zone' questions. You are her gay friend in her eyes with dumbass questions like that. Never ask a woman those questions again. You just took several steps backwards.

YOU DON'T CARE WHO SHE IS SEEING. YOU SOUNDED INSECURE AND JEALOUS BY ASKING SUCH DUMB QUESTIONS OF A WOMAN.

If she brings it up - you don't care - say "that's boring, I don't care" - "You can see as many guys as you like, I just don't ever care to hear about it"

She sees you as jealous and inssecure AND it's a huge turn off to woman. HUGE.

Just another major mistake with this gal.

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Like I said before - she has NO interest in that guy. None. Woman KNOW almost instantly IF they have a romatic interest in a guy or not. There are no future decisions. She's just trying to make you jealous. That guy is just a massive dumbass for giving her all the attention.

BUT, HUGE mistake..........WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING THESE DUMB QUESTIONS ANYWAY???????????????????????? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY???

Those are massive 'friend zone' questions. You are her gay friend in her eyes with dumbass questions like that. Never ask a woman those questions again. You just took several steps backwards.

YOU DON'T CARE WHO SHE IS SEEING. YOU SOUNDED INSECURE AND JEALOUS BY ASKING SUCH DUMB QUESTIONS OF A WOMAN.

If she brings it up - you don't care - say "that's boring, I don't care" - "You can see as many guys as you like, I just don't ever care to hear about it"

She sees you as jealous and inssecure AND it's a huge turn off to woman. HUGE.

Just another major mistake with this gal.

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No wildcat, trust me it is not like that at all. She does not see me as insecure or jealous. It is something between us. I've known this girl all most all my life and two years of a serious relationship. I did not want to say it, but I see I have no choice. The other guy she is seeing is kind of guy that she would not go out with (let me just say that). So I was just making fun of her but not in too many words. She knows me well, and she knows I'll poke fun at her.

That is why she fell in love with me in the first place, I treated her as a lover and also teased her once in a while. She once told me in the biggining of our relationship, I was the very first guy that did not only shower her with compliments and fancy stuff but also made it fun for her(you know how is it, guys go out of their way to impress the girl and once they get the girl, they stop doing those things).
I knew when to be romantic (when she wasn't expecting it) and also teased once in a while.

Wlidcat if she was trying to get me jeolous with this other guy, then why would she look like she is hiding the relationship? Would she not make it known to me? That is the thing I don't get, if she was over me, then why try to hide this relationship.

By making it known to her that I know about them, maybe she can relax and feel comfortable with this new relationship. She does not need to hide it from me. Can I get a women's perspective on this (why is she hiding it?).

Nope. That's not how it works with women. You're in the friend zone with that woman.

You don't care about other guys.

It's not logic with women. Those were dumbass questions.

To answer your question about her hiding it from you: Maybe she did not want to hurt your feelings, or is embarrassed about her choice. No matter what her reasons were, she chose her road and she has to be dealing with it. I would not worry about this anymore if I were you. Don't stress yourself out again, OK?

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Onlife - why are you talking with this gal on the phone? And why are asking her those questions?

It's sounds an awful lot like you're her gitlfrined(just the truth). Friend zoned you.

You can't keep calling her OR answering the phone. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh - you blew that one. Move on.

You say one thing that your going to do - then you're communicating with her.

Agreed, I think it is too late for me... but who knows. You REALLY need to stop talking to her NOW! If she wants you back, she will come to you. Its hard, I know but JUST DO IT! I STILL want my EX back, even after all her crap but you have to let her come back and then take it from there. My EX sent me a message syaing "I have been thinking about you alot lately" and I didn't even reply, just to let her think about me even more. Dude, you can't be her lapdog, I know this all sounds stupid, but do you really want to know about other guys she is dating? Also, do you really want her to think you don't care if she is? I think not. DO NOT TALK TO HER FOR AT LEAST A WEEK! All of this is just going to drive you MAD! I felt like a dumb f$% for sending my EX a message saying "thinking about you" yesterday because I knew is was DUMB DUMB DUMB. This will be VERY hard, I have good days and bad. Yesterday was a bad day, but I made it 3 days without having ANY contact at all. Someone on here told me to put a rubber band on my wrist and snap it whenever I thought about her, and funny enough I have been using that in a way. Whenever I feel like contacting her, I snap the hell out of it (think of it as me slapping my own hand). This whole situation will turn you into a big baby, and it sucks. Do something to get yourself out of the house and clear your head. Don't play their games, take your power back and MAN UP. I am on AIM if you want to know my story, it might help you out. s/n FISHY7B.

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Originally Posted by jeffatl

Agreed, I think it is too late for me....but who knows. You REALLY need to stop talking to her NOW! If she wants you back, she will come to you. Its hard, I know but JUST DO IT! I STILL want my EX back, even after all her crap but you have to let her come back and then take it from there. My EX sent me a message syaing "I have been thinking about you alot lately" and I didnt even reply, just to let her think about me even more. Dude, you can't be her lapdog, I know this all sounds stupid, but do you really want to know about other guys she is dating? Also, do you really want her to think you dont care if she is? I think not. DO NOT TALK TO HER FOR AT LEAST A WEEK! All of this is just going to drive you MAD! I felt like a dumb f$% for sending my EX a message saying "thinking about you" yesterday becasue I knew is was DUMB DUMB DUMB. This will be VERY hard, I have good days and bad. Yesterday was a bad day, but I made it 3 days without having ANY contact at all. Someone on here told me to put a rubber band on my wrist and snap it whenever I thought about her, and funny enough I have been using that in a way. Whenever I feel like contacting her, I snap the hell out of it (think of it as me slapping my own hand). This whole situation will turn you into a big baby, and it sucks. Do something to get yourself out of the house and clear your head. Dont play their games, take your power back and MAN UP. I am on AIM if you want to know my story, it might help you out. s/n FISHY7B.

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I thought you learned something, but oh, well...

No further comments, I think all has been said. Now it's your choice to make and go from there.

Jeff... what don't YOU get?? You don't want that woman back. SHE CHEATED ON YOU. She is playing you now. Move on.

I know, I don't think there is really anything else to say about my situation, I was just trying to help this guy NOT make the same stupid moves I have. Its hard to just let go of someone that you have spent soooooo much time with, but that's what you have to do. All of this will drive you MAD if you don't. I am getting better, and you will too. You just have to take things one day at a time and find your strength in yourself, not her. Ive got it in the WORST way right now, but I did meet a nice girl the other night and we are going to hang out this weekend. :cool:

Jeff: make this weekend quality time and don't mention one word about your addiction to this other chick - not one word! If you do, your date will be over before it even started. The last thing you want to do is show your weakness the fist time you meet someone.
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Now, to the original post, sorry about getting off the track, but maybe this will give you an example of what NOT to do and you'll learn a little from it.
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One_Life, Wow, What can I say that hasn't already been said? I can feel it in your posts how much this girl meant to you once. I'm not truly clear on why you two broke up in the first place but your current situation seems a little awkward. When a girl goes back and forth like that with the signals it seems to me those signals should only serve to be red flags. It sounds like she's not even sure what she wants. If she does want you back and is going through all of this eye contact and smiley face stuff only to turn around and flip the switch then I would steer clear of that one for a while. Your feelings for her are interfering with your intelligence and you can't allow that to happen. In a perfect world you would ask her how she felt and she would be honest and straight forward but as you know life is not typically perfect. The problem with us following our feelings versus our brains is that they often get us into trouble. If she was brave enough to break up with you and bold enough to make so much eye contact and the other stuff then she should be brave enough to come clean and let you know she wants you back without you having to tell her how you feel. Don't do that. I have a feeling it would backfire on you. Don't sweat this other guy, I don't think she is seeing him or at least not with any serious intent. Just keep yourself busy with other stuff. Consider taking up kickboxing. I have been kickboxing for 3 years now and I love it. It taught me something that to me, applies in most levels of life, when to use defensive and offensive techniques. It taught me discipline, balance, and to breathe so I can focus on anything and everything. Keep your balance. Don't ignore her but don't call her or go out of your way to talk to her either. If you see her, wave casually and keep walking. If she comes up to you to talk, spare a minute, maybe two and excuse yourself to make an important phone call. If she asks you to lunch, pause for a second and then ask for a raincheck. She's not going to know what hit her. P.S. If all else fails, don't forget you asked me to marry you too! LOL :D

Wrong thread, sorry!

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Originally Posted by Chery

Jeff: make this weekend quality time and don't mention one word about your addiction to this other chick - not one word! If you do, your date will be over before it even started. The last thing you want to do is show your weakness the fist time you meet someone.
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Now, to the original post,, sorry about getting off the track, but maybe this will give you an example of what NOT to do and you'll learn a little from it.
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UPDATE: That "date" was BS, this girl was OBSESSED with my freaking car... I was shocked. "you drive a lexus!?......OH MY GOD!" I just looked at this girl like are you kidding me! I just laughed and said "yea, its just a car". She wouldn't stop talking about all these material things with me like prada this, gucci that. CHRIST girl, is that all you have to talk about! She called me like 5 times the other day wanting me to come pick her up... riiiiiiiight. Sigh, some people. Im lonely, not desperate. :cool:

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Originally Posted by momincali

One_Life, Wow, What can I say that hasn't already been said? I can feel it in your posts how much this girl meant to you once. I'm not truly clear on why you two broke up in the first place but your current situation seems a little awkward. When a girl goes back and forth like that with the signals it seems to me those signals should only serve to be red flags. It sounds like she's not even sure what she wants. If she does want you back and is going through all of this eye contact and smiley face stuff only to turn around and flip the switch then I would steer clear of that one for a while. Your feelings for her are interfering with your intelligence and you can't allow that to happen. In a perfect world you would ask her how she felt and she would be honest and straight forward but as you know life is not typically perfect. The problem with us following our feelings versus our brains is that they often get us into trouble. If she was brave enough to break up with you and bold enough to make so much eye contact and the other stuff then she should be brave enough to come clean and let you know she wants you back without you having to tell her how you feel. Don't do that. I have a feeling it would backfire on you. Don't sweat this other guy, I don't think she is seeing him or at least not with any serious intent. Just keep yourself busy with other stuff. Consider taking up kickboxing. I have been kickboxing for 3 years now and I love it. It taught me something that to me, applies in most levels of life, when to use defensive and offensive techniques. It taught me discipline, balance, and to breathe so I can focus on anything and everything. Keep your balance. Don't ignore her but don't call her or go out of your way to talk to her either. If you see her, wave casually and keep walking. If she comes up to you to talk, spare a minute, maybe two and excuse yourself to make an important phone call. If she asks you to lunch, pause for a second and then ask for a raincheck. She's not gonna know what hit her. P.S. If all else fails, don't forget you asked me to marry you too! LOL :D

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Thanks for the advise, I was wondering when you would get to my post. Lol
Yeah, I'm taking it one step at a time. It been 5 months now, since the break up. I tell you, its been very hard, and till this day I feel it sometimes. I was doing better with the no contact. You know out of sight out of mind. Since she moved to our dept, it been kind of difficult but I still go to work and do my job.
Maybe I read too much into it. I don't believe she really wanted me back, just her way of testing the waters. Besides if she really wanted me back, she wouldn't start seeing this other guy.

You are right, she does not really know what she wants, she always been wishy washy.

OK, we've all gone off the track. This is one_life's thread, can we get back to helping him out with his issues instead of Jeff. Jeff has his own thread and we should kind of stick to who's who in this zoo. - Just my opinion...

Let her stay as wishy washy as she wants as long as she does not get you involved again.There will be others. And at this point, you don't need to stick to one gal, just be casual and learn what others have to offer you, not the other way around. This might not be your 'style', but you need to try some new things in your life, as Momincali said, try kickboxing, there are some pretty independent women who know what they see and like there - you might just be the right one some are seeking. Good Luck, and keep us posted.

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Sorry, I agree. I got mixed up with this thread and mine. I didn't mean to thread jack.

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Originally Posted by jeffatl

Sorry, I agree. I got mixed up with this thread and mine. I didnt mean to thread jack.

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OK, dear, you'll only get three lashes with a wet noodle this time! C.U. on other posts and Happy Halloween!

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One_Life, if she was 18 years old when you first hooked up, you may very well have been her first REAL love and those are loaded with emotion. Its normal that she will always see you and have a special place in her heart for you and maybe those were the signals you were reading early on. Why did she leave? Was it a clean break, no contact? Did she blame you for the break up or did she say she needed space??

Well, now here you are 5 months later, working in the same department and she just might be sending you those looks to see how far she could take it. I don't think she kept from telling you how she felt because she was nervous, I think she did it to keep the upper hand, you know, control, which is also a way to avoid rejection.

I can understand you feeling a little off on this one, that's normal, just don't let her see it in your face, on the contrary, let her see pure joy and fun. Fun, fun, fun. While on the phone, smile, even if you're only calling in your lunch order. Let her see you in a good mood all the time. Upbeat, not a care in the world. After a while, she's going to wonder exactly what or who is making you so damn happy all the time. You're not playing games, the truth is if you don't behave happy, you won't be happy. :D

Let her beat around the bush until she turns purple, she'll live. :( You said you didn't believe that she wanted you back, that she may have been just testing the waters, who tests waters that they aren't interested in dipping into?? Remember, she likes to keep it low key, to allow you to make the first move. Well I say when a woman decides she wants a second chance, she needs to acknowledge that she made a mistake in leaving and she will do whatever it takes to get it, even if it means she has to do things that are difficult and out of characater for her, it's called working for it. Women in love will do that and more if the guy is worthy, and I have a feeling you are. Until she does, you're not captain assumption, you do nothing. No more asking about that guy in the office or any other. You know, just like in boxing. You don't want to chase your opponent around the ring, you want him to come to you, always. If she starts talking about this guy or that guy, just say "wow", "really" and "that's nice".

2nd chances can be good cause they let you do things right the next time around. You said you believed in forgive and forget. I believe in forgiveness too in some instances but only if it's asked for and depending on the offense I rarely forget. I'm glad you're keeping your nose to the grindstone, that helps.

Happy Monday and Happy Halloween! :eek:

"No more asking about that guy in the office or any other."

Yes - PLEASE stop that. Tell she is boring you.

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Originally Posted by momincali

One_Life, if she was 18 years old when you first hooked up, you may very well have been her first REAL love and those are loaded with emotion. Its normal that she will always see you and have a special place in her heart for you and maybe those were the signals you were reading early on. Why did she leave? Was it a clean break, no contact? Did she blame you for the break up or did she say she needed space???

Well, now here you are 5 months later, working in the same department and she just might be sending you those looks to see how far she could take it. I don't think she kept from telling you how she felt because she was nervous, I think she did it to keep the upper hand, you know, control, which is also a way to avoid rejection.

I can understand you feeling a little off on this one, that's normal, just don't let her see it in your face, on the contrary, let her see pure joy and fun. Fun, fun, fun. While on the phone, smile, even if you're only calling in your lunch order. Let her see you in a good mood all the time. Upbeat, not a care in the world. After a while, she's gonna wonder exactly what or who is making you so damn happy all the time. You're not playing games, the truth is if you don't behave happy, you won't be happy. :D

Let her beat around the bush til she turns purple, she'll live. :( You said you didn't believe that she wanted you back, that she may have been just testing the waters, who tests waters that they aren't interested in dipping into??? Remember, she likes to keep it low key, to allow you to make the first move. Well I say when a woman decides she wants a second chance, she needs to acknowledge that she made a mistake in leaving and she will do whatever it takes to get it, even if it means she has to do things that are difficult and out of characater for her, it's called working for it. Women in love will do that and more if the guy is worthy, and I have a feeling you are. Until she does, you're not captain assumption, you do nothing. No more asking about that guy in the office or any other. You know, just like in boxing. You don't want to chase your opponent around the ring, you want him to come to you, always. If she starts talking about this guy or that guy, just say "wow", "really" and "that's nice".

2nd chances can be good cause they let you do things right the next time around. You said you believed in forgive and forget. I believe in forgiveness too in some instances but only if it's asked for and depending on the offense I rarely forget. I'm glad you're keeping your nose to the grindstone, that helps.

Happy Monday and Happy Halloween! :eek:

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I don't believe I was her first love, well you can say I was the trully the one that showed her love. When she broke it off with me, yes she did blame me for the whole thing. I never believed she took responsbilty for what she did, instead she used a lousy reason to leave me. I let her go that day. In the first weeks that followed I tried to stay in touch through a few calls and e-mails, but it was too painful, so I initiated no contact.

To be continued...

Good, continue with the no contact - this might hurt, but the wondering and bouncing back and forth is just as painful, so pick which you'd rather have at this time. There is no perfect solution to anything when it comes to emotions, but survival is the key here and your's is important now. Try to stick to your 'guns' and contact us for help when you get confused again. Let her do the wondering now, it'll do you some good for a change. ;)

People, I think I made a mistake. Today at work, my ex and I got off work at the same time(first time that happened). It was quite late into the night, so I waited up for her around 10 mintues to finish up work so we would catch the public transport together (we were also going the same way and catching the same public transport). While leaving the office, she turned towards the parking lot, so I asked her where she was going, she said some guy from work(He is not the same guy she is seeing from work) was waiting for her at parking lot to drop of her home. So I said to her I'll catch her later.

I know how you guys are always telling me to not show any sort of concern for her. She knows I waited up for her (even though I did not indicate to her I was going to wait up for her). Did I show her anything by waiting up for her instead of leaving the very second I finished work? I feel stupid and burned by the fact I waited up for her. Did I do the wrong thing?

One_life, don't worry it's not so bad. You just waited, that's all. I hope you didn't miss the transportation. And your reply of OK, see you later, was OK also, as you did not cause a scene, and were cordial, that's all. Don't read too much into it yourself. Now, go on with your life, and stop thinking you are doing something wrong every time you take a breath. Next time, just leave on your own, no matter how late, she's a big girl and can take care of herself. Remember you wanted to play it cool, do it!! :cool:

It wasn't a big deal. I wouldn't worry about it, but I also wouldn't be giving her the time a day either.

Well, yes. Tell her she is annoying you now. She shouldn't just 'play' friends every time you talk with another women at work. Tell her these ladies think it's weird as well. Maybe in nice, short, tactful e-mail - she' will GET the hint that you've moved on - absolutely don't be rude... and you know, she just may come back.

"I don't want you, but no one else can have you ethier" - women do this a lot.

People want what they can't have. I know it sounds weird. But, you creating your independence may just bring her back - OR, if anything, help you totally get over her.

Dear, be kind - as the saying goes, killing with kindness is best. Don't remind her she broke it off, just say that you've got a new life and would appreciated it if she would not be so intrusive- that it only makes her look bad and you don't want her to get a bad reputation, for old time's sake.

Wildcat - tried to rate you, but got the stupid 'spread it message again'. Thumbs up again. Chery

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One_Life, Why am I the only one that slightly disagrees with my buddies Wildcat and Chery?? Oh no, I hate being the odd woman out, but here is my never to be humble opinion. I think, no I know she knows exactly what she's doing and it's beyond wrong, it's disrespectful, especially when she's already dating someone else and you know what else, I know she knows you know about it (did you follow that?). I think that whenever possible you should behave like a gentleman around a woman because you come off smelling like a rose, however, there are those few instances where the circumstances just don't give room for that. I think you should tell her that her behavior is less than appealing and that it is darn right rude to butt into ANY of your conversations, whether with a man or a woman. I don't think this is a time to walk on eggshells with her. You need to inform her in a gentle but firm tone that whenever she see's you speaking with anyone, especially a woman, she needs to back off. If you tell her this in a really nice way, she won't get it. She'll figure, "oh, he doesn't really mean it, he won't be too upset, at least not for long, after all, I'm the one he really wants." Now, I'm not telling you to rip her a new one, but I am saying be VERY serious and firm. Approach her in a calm almost friendly manner and tell her something along the lines of.. "Hey listen, I've been wanting to talk to you about something that's been bothering me lately. We're cool and all, but I need you to stop with the hugging and interference when I'm speaking to someone..." Yes, that straight out. If you're not direct, she won't take you seriously. She needs to know that you're not up for that, you would never do that to her.

Monincali - you are right. I am not sure he has the balls to do it though. I would do it. It WOULD be great though if he would - IT SHOWS HE HAS A FREAKING SPINE TO HER, which I feel he did not show her in the past as much as he should have.

Onelife... it WOULD go along way with her, believe me. Not immediately... but in the long run, something would click in her. No more gettng walked on.

Dude, you don't always have to be nice to women. As matter of fact, that's one of theirt tests. Stand up for yourself, tell her what's bothering you and walk away. Women don't ASLWAYS want you to be nice to them, especially when they behave badly - sometimes, and the women here MUST agree with me on this, they behave badly (emotions, feelings) and you have to put them in their place.

Hear her response and say this in response "Ok, Bye" and smile and walk away. Seriously.

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Originally Posted by momincali

One_Life, Why am I the only one that slightly disagrees with my buddies Wildcat and Chery??? Oh no, I hate being the odd woman out, but here is my never to be humble opinion. I think, no I know she knows exactly what she's doing and it's beyond wrong, it's disrespectful, especially when she's already dating someone else and you know what else, I know she knows you know about it (did you follow that?). I think that whenever possible you should behave like a gentleman around a woman because you come off smelling like a rose, however, there are those few instances where the circumstances just don't give room for that. I think you should tell her that her behavior is less than appealing and that it is darn right rude to butt into ANY of your conversations, whether with a man or a woman. I don't think this is a time to walk on eggshells with her. You need to inform her in a gentle but firm tone that whenever she see's you speaking with anyone, especially a woman, she needs to back off. If you tell her this in a really nice way, she won't get it. She'll figure, "oh, he doesn't really mean it, he won't be too upset, at least not for long, after all, I'm the one he really wants." Now, I'm not telling you to rip her a new one, but I am saying be VERY serious and firm. Approach her in a calm almost friendly manner and tell her something along the lines of .."Hey listen, I've been wanting to talk to you about something that's been bothering me lately. We're cool and all, but I need you to stop with the hugging and interference when I'm speaking to someone..." Yes, that straight out. If you're not direct, she won't take you seriously. She needs to know that you're not up for that, you would never do that to her.

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Dear momincali, there is no need to feel bad about your opinion as we (the three of us) are on the same wavelength and only want to help and give him alternatives on how to handle the situation he's in, so keep up the good advice as seeing things from different perspectives will help him make the choices only he can make as he's near her and knows her a better than we do and his bells will ring and remind him of this fact. I am quite sure that he know that we are not in any aspect in 'competition'.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_11.gif

Well, here is an update. Not much has changed. She is still sneeking around with this other guy at work. Makes me laugh, it is really amusing. Doing this because of me. Sometimes I just feel like telling her there is no reason to sneek around, then I remember the office gets boring sometimes, so I need something to keep me entertianed.

I wonder if she is ashamed of him? Or just does not want to hurt my feelings. Then I ask myself, why go out with a guy you are ashamed off, so it must be the latter. If that is the case, she not doing a good job of hiding it, so she can spare my feelings. What do you guys think?
I tell you, I find this whole thing strange.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by one_life

Well, here is an update. Not much has changed. She is still sneeking around with this other guy at work. Makes me laugh, it is really amusing. Doing this because of me. Sometimes I just feel like telling her there is no reason to sneek around, then I remember the office gets boring sometimes, so I need something to keep me entertianed.

I wonder if she is ashamed of him? or just does not want to hurt my feelings. Then I ask myself, why go out with a guy you are ashamed off, so it must be the latter. If that is the case, she not doing a good job of hiding it, so she can spare my feelings. What do you guys think?
I tell you, I find this whole thing strange.

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Grrrrr. She's still under your skin and DOES not belong there anymore, and if you let her stay there, she'll win - don't let her get away with this and don't worry about her hiding the other guy - she'll always have some mystery in her life, that's her nature, but let her play her games with someone else from now on. Go out and do something else, and THINK about something else, please. Stop wondering what, where, and whys of anything she does, just if she irritates you in front of other's tell her off and that's that! You have not found a girl yet to get her off your mind, so go out and do so for your own sake.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_3_35.gif Wear heavy armor against her from now on!

One_Life, I say, sit back and enjoy the show! It's normal to still be preoccupied with your ex's antics, especially since she's in your face constantly, as long as you let it go when you walk out that door. I look at it this way, if she wants to make a fool out of herself by attempting to hide her relationship with this guy, that's her problem. It will at minimum give you something to chuckle about with your pals. It's pretty flattering wouldn't you say?? FUNNY!! :p

Here's the deal I really forgot to tell OneLife:

"Don't dip your pen in the company ink" - office romances rarely work. AND now you are learning WHY.

It's a really bad idea to date some one you work for precisely for what you are going through now. It's Always gets messy. They rarely work for MANY reasons.

My advice is for no one to date people you work with. Just a bad idea. Plus there is resentment from co-works.

Now this gal feels it necessary to sneak around.

Let this gal go. Find someone from outside the office.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Here's the deal I really forgot to tell OneLife:

"Don't dip your pen in the company ink" - office romances rarely work. AND now you are learning WHY.

It's a really bad idea to date some one you work for precisely for what you are going through now. It's ALWASY gets messy. They rarely work for MANY reasons.

My advice is for no one to date people you work with. Just a bad idea. Plus there is resentment from co-works.

Now this gal feels it necessary to sneak around.

Let this gal go. Find someone from outside the office.

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It is true office relationships don't work, but we were together way before she even started to work there.

So what you really saying is, it is not a good idea to work at the same place as your ex. Well I had no hand in it, she is the one that moved to my dept. She had a second job at the time, but she choose to quit that job and move to my dept.
It is hard to find a decent job in my field, but I'm still looking for a new job. The no contact was working for me (I was healing), until she had to come and spoil it.

Just today, some I don't know (just started working there) was asking me to help him hook up with my ex. I'm usually blunt, so I told him to stick it where the sun does not shine. Do I look like a dating matching service.

Ethier one of goes from the work place and I rather have her leave.

Glad you told that guy that.

Sucks she works there.

Please concentrate on your job! Let her play her games and slack off and make mistakes, not you! Remember, you need your job, and others don't count. If you are not careful, you'll wind up not sleeping well, eating properly, and losing your concentration because she's still under your skin - don't let her do this to you or she will win. Change your routine, go somewhere else during your lunch time and meet new people, or go to a park nearby and just talk to strangers, anything but don't stay at work-place in free time. After work, go to a gym and work out those angers so you can sleep well - this is important to your mental and physical well-being. Like I stated before, wear heavy armor or you'll wind up the one going crazy! The other guy does not know what she did to you, so it's not his fault either, now you might have lost a new friend, if you would have told him about how she is, he might have sided with you and you would have had support at the job, but that's under the bridge now. Just don't let your anger and frustrations take the upper hand from now on. I know how it feels to be 'mobbed' and it hurts like heck, and in a way this is what is happening to you, and you must not let it. I remember way back when you first posted, that I thought she might be feeling you out positively, but it could also have been a kind of competition, and to wait what her moves would be, well you now have proof that she means you harm, and must guard yourself against this and face the fact that there will always be people like that around you for the remainder of your life, so learn how to read the warning signs - but you have to place anger far away from you or you will not feel the future warning signals. Don't distance yourself from other co-workers, but keep a stable cordial relationship with them. They all know what's going on, too bad not one of them has talked to you about it, but maybe your wall is so high that they fear you might snap off at them also. Think about it, please and get your stability back.
No smileys, not wishing luck, just want you to keep your cool and keep us posted. I CARE!

You are fun to be around. She enjoys you.