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And you know what I find funny... she calls her new boyfriend all the pet names she called me like babe, babie, cutie, sweetie, hun, baby boy. I find it pathetic because she is with him because she can't stand on her own two feet. So it is nothing but a rebound guy! Doesn't matter how long it lasts, that's all he is. And eventually I am going to come back into the picture and we will love each other again. For now I wish her the best of luck and on with my life.
Wow... guess what? You are no where near healthy enough to contact her. She is "pathetic" and "cant stand on her own two feet...
You are a complete jerk. You need to stay far, far away from her since you seem to be the one who is "cant stand on her own two feet...
You are a complete jerk. You need to stay far, far away from her since you seem to be the one who is " and "cannot stand on their own two feet" and "babe" it doesn't mean I'm carrying it over its just the only term of endearment I use most people are like that.
I never said she was pathetic, the situation is... she is only with him to feel better about her self and I think good for her. I want her to be happy not miserable.
How do you know? The bed has been made you got to lie in it and face the music! Don't be so jealous. Concentrate on you and your life not anyone else's.
I'm not really jealous... just hurt... and I am def. no jerk. My next girlfriend whether it is her or not I plan to cherish and love and appreciate like there is no tomorrow.
I know now that I have to move on and get over my ex. Does anyone have any tips on how to keep busy, what to do, what not to do? How to deal with it?
If you want to keep busy I am sure there is a local food bank in your area, meals on wheels or any other charitable organization could use a kind and lovly soul like yourself to lend a hand
Good answer above! It is very important to be involved in something with people in order to better help with taking your mind off your ex.
I have done that, I am in a school club, but I can't stop thinking about her! Time will take that away, but how long?
Hey, life chucks real bad stuff at us at times. But life isin't easy, change is what its all about. The sooner you realize this the better. You're the only one who can change your present and future. Its real hard to get up sometimes and face the day but do you really want to waste anymore time?
For a start you could join the gym, or go for a run. Plan some trips away, do something fun, go see your fav band. If your having problems sleeping etc try Valerian, st.john's wort, 5-htp - Also these may help with mild depression. After a while of keeping busy your realize you have more memories of after your ex than with. Your wake up one day and you won't think of it all. Ill post a list of things you could try in abit. Ah ha here we go (it applies to both sex) :
I got a mix of some of my posts people liked, hope it helps? I can say to you I have had contact with my ex and it has knocked me back a hell of a lot, so stay no contact for your own benefit. You only have one life so live it for yourself:I think its time to accept the harsh truth that its over and start the transition to single life. Its hard but
Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? More wary in the future and aware what we are looking for in a
Relationship and a person.
Treat your relationship as a life experience, you might not be able to treasure the memories you had right now but
One day you will. Do not regret but learn and move on, as someone much better is just around the next corner.
You must try follow these: (be strong)
1) Abide by no contact, ignorance is bliss so don't go near the 'grape vine'
2) Work on yourself entirely - hobbies, work, gym
3) Ever wanted to do something in your life? Nows the time
4) Spend more time with your friends and family and renew old social ties
5) Box every memory away and stay away from your fav songs for now - when you can look at it without feeling ill -
Ur halfway there!
6) Time does heal :P It just takes a god dam while, but don't mope at home, go out, party, exercise - helps a hell
Of a lot
You don't need anyone to be happy.
The best revenge is to be happy yourself :]
Forgive and move on.
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Pay no attention to the faults of others,
Things done or left undone by others.
Consider only what by oneself is done or left undone.
Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't
Learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be
Thankful.
You got to accept it. Delete everything and keep yourself busy. Here are things you can do right now:
1) Delete all his contact details + block him
2) Have a hot bath with nice scents
3) Listen to some of your fav music
4) Read a book - maybe about love/self improvement or anything
5) Watch a film
6) Go out and party
7) Spend more time with your friends and family
8) Have a good laugh + watch a comedy
9) Go out for a drive with your best friends - put all the windows down and put on some loud music and SING - I
Love doing this
10) Don't SIT AROUND AND MOPE
11) Get out of the house - Go for a walk, anything
12) Join the gym + workout + have a sauna
13) Book a holiday
14) Try new things - meet new people, sign up for a course
15) GO NO CONTACT NOW - STAY AWAY FROM THE GRAPE VINE, in time it will get easier but for now you need to keep busy and block him
16) Go watch a new tv-series, maybe you can watch an episode a day
There are two great posts on the Help Desk about moving on:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-123862.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html
I had recently posted a question on this website, just in case u didn't read it... [I]I dated this girl for 2 and half years and I verbally abused her, without fully realizing it. She broke up with me a month and a half ago. I have tried at least three times since then to get back together with her and I have honestly not given her space. I just found out a week and half ago she has a new boyfriend...already!!!! (They go to separate colleges) I know deep down she still has feelings for me. She told me recently that she is happy and she really likes this guy and that he treats her right, but it has only been a week or two. She has given me a chance to prove myself, to show I can change.....but she said that doesnt mean we are getting back together. For now we are not speaking. So, is this a rebound boyfriend to fill the void in her heart and make her feel better or is she really over me????....I have been doing a lot of thinking and I am willing to do ANYTHING to win this girl back. What can I do?
Your question has been answered over and over hunny.
Give her time! If you keep bothering her she may never speak to you again. If she wants to talk to you, that is her decision, so don't push her.
Continue with therapy. After one year of therapy and a proven track record of not being an abusive such and such maybe she might consider speaking to you again. However I believe that you will in fact never get her back.
I realize I'm obsessed, sorry, I understand why she needs space, but I'm just worried about her new boyfriend... its a non-stop struggle with my emotions, I can't stop thinking about her. I just want her to love me again and if I have to sacrifice time I am more than willing to do that
Its not your problem anymore. You need to get over the fact that she finally grew a backbone and is no longer under your thumb. What's there to worry about with the new boyfriend? She's happy right? Don't you want her to happy?
Of course I want her to be happy and I don't want her to be under my thumb anymore. I don't want to be like that ever again. Im worried about her new boyfriend because she likes him a lot and Im scared its going to turn into a serious relationship. I understand that the odds are not stacked in my favor, but to me its worth it, even if I have to wait for her. I know its not healthy, but I am doing as much as I possibly can to better myself for me and eventually hopefully her. I actually wasn't going to call her what-so-ever, because there is no point, if she wanted me, she would call me. Time will solve all.
Its just scary for me, I have never been through a heartbreak before.
Hi hottrodder this is my first heartbreak too and believe me it's rough. I know what you are feeling because my ex left me for someone else and now they live together. And honestly if this website wasn't here I don't know what I would've done. The people here have saved what little sanity I had left after my breakup. Just keep coming back anytime you feel like you're losing it. It helpsQuote:
Originally Posted by Hottrodder246
Well, I do go insane a lot during the day thinking about her, I know I have to rechannel my thinking in a positive direction. Even if she came back, I don't think it could be the same, I would want it to be, but I don't think that is possible. Im having so much trouble accepting that is she gone because part of me wants to be believe that she might come back and that part of me needs to see the truth. I mean lets look at the facts... she really likes her new boyfriend, I know for a fact that she is happy and not thinking of me, she doesn't even want to speak to me, and even before we broke up she had planned on it. In two or three months nothing will change... they will most likely still be together and me calling and bothering her won't make a difference. I don't want to turn into a stalker. Deep down I am happy for her and I wish her the best of luck with everything. I have to look at like this; nothing will change and if her and I are meant for each other it won't be for another couple years. This hurts more than anything I have ever done in my life, I sometimes find myself short of breath, but this is what I got to do to become a better person.Quote:
Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much
It's no secret that most of us want them to come back ( including me ) but I think that's somewhat normal, at least at first. But if you are happy for her deep down then you are a much better person then I am. I'm not happy for my ex one bit. I think he made a destructive choice with a girl that's life is a mess not to mention how dirty he did me. I hope he's unhappy and regrets what he did for a long long time. And what keeps me strong with N/C is he has absolutely no idea if I'm crying my eyes out over him or if I've moved on to someone else. I know it has to cross his mind sometimes.
Let me tell you something, part of me hates her for moving on so quickly and getting a new boyfriend so damm quick!! Part of what gets me through my day is hating her for that. But, I finally realized I am better than that, I don't need to hate her for what she did... I didn't treat her right... and I hope she can find someone better. I will always love her and like you said it is normal for me to want her back and I still do. You're a better person, he did that to you, nobody derserves to be hurt like that. We just have rise up and stay strong no matter what life throws at us.Quote:
Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much
I think if I could actually hate him I would be a lot better off but I don't hate him. I hate what he did but not him. I still love him as pathetic as that is. I just don't want him to know that. He doesn't deserve to know how I feel.
Its not pathetic, and I don't hate her, I hate what she did. Sometimes hate can be good and bad, mostly bad. Don't let him have the satifaction of knowing how you feel and most importantly prove to yourself that you don't need him. These situations are soooo tough to deal with, because it runs through your head all day, every day. Try your absolute hardest to focus on something else, go work out, hang out with friends, and talk to other guys... I promise you it helps tremendously. And Mr. Right is waiting for you as we speak, in time you will meet him.
I try not to think about him all the time but its tough. And as far as doing other things to keep my mind off him well I'm a female and we are multi-taskers so actually I can do all of those things and still think about him. But I do hope Mr. Right is out there. Somewhere.
Of course it is tough, I still look at me ex's myspace and hurts really bad, and of course mr. right is out there waiting for you, its only a matter of time. Everything happens for a reason and heartbreak is meant to teach us something about ourselves and with that knowledge apply yourself to the next relationship. Eventually you will be ready to get married. Learn from your mistakes (I should take my own advice!) try not to think about the future too much either, because I'm sure there are about a million different senario's running through your head right now (same with me). It sucks all the time and at times it hurts to the point where you don't know what to do with yourself. Just got to get through it.
Ok I completely understand that... I haven't spoken too her in almost a month. How much time is this going to take? I know that question is impossible to answer, but what do you think? I don't want to sit around forever and if and when she calls I don't want it to be too late for us.Quote:
Originally Posted by nauticalstar420
How is your therapy going? Are you making any progress? You need to think about bettering yourself first and foremost. I know you want help, otherwise you wouldn't have gone into therapy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hottrodder246
I don't know how much time it will take, or if she even will come back around. You are stressing yourself out and the best thing for you to do at this point would be to focus on your therapy and move on.
Its only been a month. How long did you abuse her for? Take that time and multiple it by 50. If she finds it in her heart to bring you back into her life before that time then she is a freakin Saint.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hottrodder246
Until then focus on YOU. YOU have issues that need to be worked on and resolved. Stop fixating on her and shift the focus to fixing your life.
Well you have known her for the past 2 1/2 years so try to win her heart over by doing the things she likes, tell her that your sorry and buy her a pound of her favorite chocolate, and ask her to give you another chance.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hottrodder246
You should read his other posts. Being with her isn't the best thing for her or him, and at this point she doesn't want to be with him.Quote:
Originally Posted by yourman64
Therapy is going very nicely and yes I am making a lot of progress these past couple months... my mom and I get along better than we ever have and this has brought me a lot closer to my family than I ever was... it feels good. I know bettering myself is first and foremost. As each day goes on... I feel a little better and I don't know I'm still about her as much as I did two months ago. Now by moving on, do you mean completely move on like she never existed or move on but at the same time wait and see what happens?Quote:
Originally Posted by nauticalstar420
I'm glad therapy is going well. Good job to you for making progress!
When I say move on, I mean find other things to think about. I personally don't think you are quite ready for a relationship with anyone yet, because you should keep going with your therapy and not focus on anyone but you.
When I say find other things to think about, I mean get a hobby, volunteer, etc. Do something that keeps you focused. I know you care about her, but you should care about you more at this point. I always say that when I'm feeling sad, I turn my sadness into happiness for someone else. I have volunteered for my old church, I have volunteered at a thrift store and I have done gardening for neighbors, all when I am feeling sad. I like turning my sadness into someone else's happiness.
I'm very glad you are feeling better and keep it up! :)
I really like that idea and I am going to give that a try! I know I should care about me more and that's that. I was doing some thinking and I realized that part of why she is with him is to get her mind off me. Their long distance relationship gives her the space she needs on her own but at the same time it makes her miss him. I think eventually she will realize that I can be good to her and I think deep down she will miss me. But as now, no chance and on with my life.Quote:
Originally Posted by nauticalstar420
Good job! Get on with your life and find other things to think about and care about. I know you can do this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hottrodder246
Heyyy my friend and his ex girlfriend broke up about a year and a half ago and I just try to make sure he doesn't forget about her, but gives her so distance apart. He really wants her back and will do anything me can go be with her again and hold her hand. They broke up cause he went and risked his life hick hiking just to see her for her birthday and to give her a good night kiss on her specail day. They had never really meet each other in person but they once had meet so much to each other. When I bring up her name they be times where he'll sit there a almost cry cause he isses her that much , yet she doesn't seem to realize or even care. He sends her e-mail and she never replay but she'll talk to him on the phone. Your not the only one that is going though hard times
-kat
OK I appreciate that, but I didn't understand a damm thing... please read over what you write before you submit.Quote:
Originally Posted by katringette22
Thanks for all your advice!! GO NY GIANTS!!Quote:
Originally Posted by nauticalstar420
My ex and I started to kind of talk again, I called her a few days ago and we talked a little bit about how we are doing and college. We both told each other that we are doing great. I want to start talking to her more and more and eventually I want to ask her out for something simple like ice cream or lunch, something very casual. I don't want to force anything, because I know that will push her away and I will only hurt myself. How should I approach this situation? Should I be forward with her about how I really feel? (I still love very very very much) or should I play it off like I don't need her?
I wouldn't push anything. I think that you should wait and see how things go. I would not start bombarding her with phone calls especially since I'm still not convinced you fully grasp the extent of the psychological damage that you inflicted upon your ex. You seem to have a "devil be damned" attitude about the whole thing and don't seem to care how it happens but are dead set to the point of obsession in getting her back.
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