Ask Me Help Desk - My heart walked out the door

Wow, dear - what a bad dream!

I hope it will not take you too long to get over this. Investing 7 years really hurts and I wish there was a way to zap it away, but it will take you time.

The last time I went through something similar to this I fed myself with comedy shows to all hours on TV and it did help. I learned that I was not the only one and that I was able to make a joke out of many instances that I remembered.

No matter what you choose as a lever, just try not to dwell on the past too much and look forward to the future - there is one, I promise.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

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Sorry to here that missing I know the pain your going through. BUt I would tell all your friends and son not to mention anything about him, EVER. I asked about my ex about a month and half ago. Worst mistake I made I heard she has someone new. The biggest punch in my face during the breakup was that day. Sometimes it's better not to know what an ex is up too. I learned the hard way.

He is half your age and half your maturity and you may not believe it but a dumb skank is just his speed right now. Don't dwell on what he is doing, or why. Worry about you and your future.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

He is half your age and half your maturity and you may not beleive it but a dumb skank is just his speed right now. Don't dwell on what he is doing, or why. Worry about you and your future.

Normally talaniman I would agree with you but he is very different. He is acually one of the most mature people I know and this girl represents all the things he hates. She's sleeps around with anyone and everyone and she is really stupid and can't carry on a good conversation among other things. Those are the qualilies or lack there of that he always said totally discusted him.

You talk a lot about how stupid she is and she certainly does sound that way but how stupid is he for hooking up with a girl that has children the courts took from her. I mean you seriously have to be one F-ed up woman for the courts to take custody from you... they just don't do that no matter how great the father is compared to the mother. That is a hugggggggggge red flag to me when I meet a woman that doesn't have custody of her own children.

After 7 years I can't just say quit caring about him but I think why it makes you feel better is because this decision on his part is really, really, truly incredible stupid. There's probably a part that wants to see some revenge and the reality is your getting it and he is helping give you that revenge by doing this to himself and you don't have to do anything.

After 7 years I can't just say quit caring about him but I think why it makes you feel better is because this decision on his part is really, really, truly incredible stupid. There's probably a part that wants to see some revenge and the reality is your getting it and he is helping give you that revenge by doing this to himself and you don't have to do anything.[/QUOTE]

Your right about that Chuff. I kind of do want revenge because he hurt me. But I also think this is the fastest way for him to see just exactly what he gave up... its human nature to compare new with the old and she can make him see there is no comparison. And who is better for him.

I'm totally guessing here, giving what I would feel if I were in your shoes.

You could be getting a little satisfaction from knowing that you are way better than this other woman he is getting himself involved with.
Could be that you can foresee the events that will take place leading him to no where.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side;)
And he will soon find that out...
If it were me, I'd be chuckling under my breath too.

Shame on me:D

Right on akaetrue. I think you hit that one dead on... Thanks

Hi, sorrry to hear about yr situation... im going through some things also, read my posts.. exspecialy my last one, found out the ex (we ended 6 weeks ago) total of 12 yrs, is seeing a bisexual, 3 yr recovering drug addict, and is moving in with her after 5-6 weeks!
Also know she slept around quite a bit with a lot of drug users... scary!! lol.but the last 3 yrs I guess has been OK.

I know how you feel, I asked kind of the same question yesterday. They are so opposite, that is why we are so shocked. Its so confusing and hurts a lot too, I know.

In my opinion it seems he is going on the road to self-destruction.
You say that 'she' is everything he hates. He left a good 7 year relationship.
Could he be doing drugs, have a disease or tumor, received some really bad news that he cannot handle... Maybe his plate is stuffed with so much crap that he is dwelling in trash on purpose.
People don't give up the good and go for the bad without a reason - you are not that reason or he would have told you. And, whatever it is, he is not willing or able at present to share it with anyone - hence - spending time with a 'brainless' warm body.
Unless and until he gets his life back to 'normal' don't let him drag you down to his level.

Yeah, life sucks, but it should not stop you from setting new goals and achieving them.

Good luck dear.

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Thanks hair I feel your pain... I was told by a few people that he chose this girl so nothing about her would remind him of me. That must mean he's having to try pretty hard not to think about me... TRUE?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chery

In my opinion it seems he is going on the road to self-destruction.
You say that 'she' is everything he hates. He left a good 7 year relationship.
Could he be doing drugs, have a disease or tumor, received some really bad news that he cannot handle.... Maybe his plate is stuffed with so much crap that he is dwelling in trash on purpose.
People don't give up the good and go for the bad without a reason - you are not that reason or he would have told you. And, whatever it is, he is not willing or able at present to share it with anyone - hence - spending time with a 'brainless' warm body.
Unless and until he gets his life back to 'normal' don't let him drag you down to his level.

yeah, life sucks, but it should not stop you from setting new goals and achieving them.

Good luck dear.

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Wow Chery that's exactly what I told my family... I said he seems like he has a brain tumor because this is so out of character for him and it was so sudden

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much

thanks hair I feel your pain...I was told by a few people that he chose this girl so nothing about her would remind him of me. That must mean he's having to try pretty hard not to think about me...TRUE?

Hi, not quite sure of the answer to that... I want to believe that for you and me, but then I say why the hell did they want someone else to begin with... my situation of course a little different, I was married then divorced to him, but always stayed together on and off because of him, so I say if we had all those chances and he messed up AND ended up with someone like her it blows my mind.. again, I don't want to blow my own horn, but I have never been down the road she has, not to say she isn't a nice person now, but I personaly would never be with someone with or had so many hangups.

In yr case too she is or sounds like a real loser, she has children and she is a mother so she is no good to live the way she does. And for him to be with that is crazy, you know that won't last and he will be back knocking on yr door, just be careful, with all the sh!t out there you can catch in general with someone is enough, but when you put yr self with a person who lived or lives like that you up yr chances big time!!

For whatever reason your exes are gone, you both should look at it as a chance to find your own happiness. Much luck to you both.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

For whatever reason your exes are gone, you both should look at it as a chance to find your own happiness. Much luck to you both.

I agree talaniman. Its just all so fresh and the pain is still so raw, but I'm taken it day by day and I don't contact him so that helps also. Thanks

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

For whatever reason your exes are gone, you both should look at it as a chance to find your own happiness. Much luck to you both.

Thanks tal ( ;

Am i insane

My boyfriend and I have been brokeup for 3 weeks now and I feel like I'm totally losing touch with realily. I just can't get my mind right. I am constantly playing all of these senerios over in my head. I think he's going to call and beg me to let him come home. The next minute I'm thinking he's going to show up a my work and say he wants me back. I play these over and over and over and over. My God am I completely insane. He said he wasn't coming back and he's made no attempt to contact me so why the hell can't I get a grip on reality?

Start here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

Then answer these:

1) how old are you?
2) how long did you go out?
3) is this your first break?
4) what did you fight/disagree about...

You WILL get your sanity back...

It's not EZ - but getting a reality check will help you get started.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ash123

Start here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

Then answer these:

1) how old are you?
2) how long did you go out?
3) is this your first break?
4) what did you fight/disagree about...

you WILL get your sanity back...

it's not EZ - but getting a reality check will help you get started.

1. I'm 43 he's 25
2. we lived together for 7 yrs
3. this is our first break
4. I can't really remember why we were arguing it wasn't even a big fight.. we had a wonderful relationship and rarely ever even disagreed

43 and 25.

That's a risky one...

Still, First breaks always need further closure.
That said, it sounds like you were one of his first girlfriends and he just may need a
Little time to see if this is it. Sorry.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ash123

43 and 25.

That's a risky one....

Still, First breaks always need further closure.
That said, it sounds like you were one of his first girlfriends and he just may need a
little time to see if this is it. Sorry.

I know our ages sound risky but we had everything in common and loved doing things together. Trust me I know it was'nt our ages. You would have to see us together and you would know that was'nt an obsticle. Before me he had one serious girlfriend of 2 yrs and before that he had about 6 sexual experiences with different girls . What did you mean by first breaks need further closure?

Most people don't go to 100% silence on a first break.

So, I think you will talk more.

Not sure when.

I honestly think that he needs to be sure of his place in the world. He was only 18 when you met and he is developing emotionally still - but good news is 25 is considered entry-way to the age of adult thinking/behavior... (see also insurance rates ) :-)

Thanks Ash you always seem to make me feel better. Most people just say ITS OVER get over it. I'm not trying to be a total braindead idiot but I think when love is that deep and you haven't spent years ripping each other apart like so people do there has to be some chance at the breaker realizing that you are the one..

Missing, What you are doing is natural. I did the same thing playing out senerios and analyzing what went wrong. You are in the first stage of healing process. You will probably be in this stage for at least 3 months. That is about how long it was before I started feeling a little better. But once you let go of him it becomes a lot easier. I know how hard it is but you have to ask yourself one question why would you want him back after hooking up with that skank girl.

I don't know the name of the song but the lyrics go something like.

" I have to know what I have done wrong, did I always start the fight, did I never treat you right. You can tell me in a letter or the phone, but either way I have to know because I am going out of my mind"

We have all been there !

Everyone does that especially within the first month. I know how badly you are hurting but I really do believe that he is going to come around. From everything you said it really sounds as if he is trying to find out who is as a man separate from you. It also sounds as if he is trying to become the man he believes you need and the man that he wants to be. Give it time. Don't beat yourself up. It will come together the way it is supposed to.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Everyone does that especially within the first month. I know how badly you are hurting but I really do believe that he is going to come around. From everything you said it really sounds as if he is trying to find out who is as a man separate from you. It also sounds as if he is trying to become the man he believes you need and the man that he wants to be. Give it time. Don't beat yourself up. It will come together the way it is supposed to.

Thanks Glinda, Its nice to know that I might actually get my sanity back. As for your answer about him trying to find out who he is as a man, that sound very logical. Thanks again you are an inspiration to people in pain.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much

Thanks Glinda, Its nice to know that I might actually get my sanity back. As for your answer about him trying to find out who he is as a man, that sound very logical. Thanks again you are an inspiration to people in pain.

We have all been there. I'm glad I can make you feel a little better. :)

I can't believe I saw him

As you all know I lived with my boyfriend for 7 years and we were great together. He left me 3 weeks ago today. He didn't give me a real reason he was leaving. I talked to him once the day after he left and asked him to come over and talk to me and tell me why he really left. He said he couldn't come see me because it would be to hard for him to see me. I ask him what happen to the strong bond we had. He said its still there, ( YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND ) He said. He told me that he would help me out with bills and rent because he knows I can't make it on my own. Now I hear he's seeing a girl at work that's a real mess. She has a bunch of kids with several different fathers and doesn't know who one of thems father is.. anyway not his type at all. Total opposite of me. Ok now all the sudden he won't help me out with the bills and I'm in real financial trouble. He's starting to form almost a hatred for me. He's now trying to buy his way out of our apartment lease so he doesn't have to help me pay rent. Now to top things off I was at Wal-Mart about an hour ago and I ran right into him at the jewlery counter. Buying something for his new girl I would imagine. We just looked at each other but nither of us spoke a word. I just walked away. How can you be deeply in love for 7 yrs and for him to just leave? Then tells me I'm his best friend and our bond is strong. To this hatred kind of behavior he's displaying all in just 3 weeks time. How can he say those things but now seems to hate me?

Hi missing, sorry for yr troubles you are having... I don't think he hates you, he is just guilty right now for his actions towards you. If you don't mind me asking does he or is he using drugs? Please don't take it the wrong way, its just his behavior. Having such a great bond, then to leave and be with someone so out of character for him... just wondering

Quote:

Originally Posted by hair2007

hi missing, sorry for yr troubles u r having...i dont think he hates you, he is just guilty right now for his actions towards you. if u dont mind me asking does he or is he using drugs? please dont take it the wrong way, its just his behavior. having such a great bond, then to leave and be with somone so out of charecter for him... just wondering

No hair he's not using drugs but I sometimes think he has a brain tumor. This just isn't him, I can't explain his behavior. I know him better than anyone on this earth and now he's like a total stranger. It's breaking my heart to see him this way. I'm very worried about him.

Hi missing , I have read some of your post's and to be honest I really think it is time you stop worrying about him and start worrying about YOU. I have a broken heart at the moment too but I am getting better due to the good advise I have been getting from people on here. Really I think you need to let go of this guy even if it is just for now. You will not start healing until you make that decision to yourself. The longer you hold on to the thought of getting back the longer it will take for you to START your healing process. Look after number 1 and that is YOU. Having a broken heart is bad enough without all your financial problems and the fact that he is now not even willing to help you out with this now just shows how much he cares about you at the moment. Don't let this person dictate the way you are feeling , forget about him , and I know it's hard but like I say the sooner you do and the sooner you start worryying about YOU the sooner you will start to feel better in my opinion. I really hope you start to feel better soon.

I agree with friend4u1978,

I, along with many others on this forum who have read all your posts, have started worrying about you.

U need to take a break and just relax, you have a life of your own. Take care of yourself, stay busy and move on.

Thanks friend4u and nicespringgirl,

I totally agree with you about me moving on. And that's just what I plan to do a.s.a.p. I think my biggest problem is that I'm so mystified. I spent 7 yrs with this man 24/7 365 days a year. We were never apart in all that time and I thought I knew him inside and out. Now I'm wondering who he even is. This can't be the man I love. The man that said he loved me with his whole heart just 3 short weeks ago. I feel like he just lied to me for 7 years and this is the real him. How could he fool me for so long?

I hate that you had to see him. My GF of 12 years has left 3 weeks ago. We knew each other inside and out. It was me and her against the world, we were going to fix what are families had messed up. Now I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know if she has someone else but it is a possibility I have to look at. But one thing is for sure she is running from HER problems.

It seems like you are having a tough time, mabye a little to hard. Have you though about therapy or medication. I was already in therapy and started medication today. I refuse to let this take me all the way down so I can't get back up. I have to keep in mind that someone else might need me one day. I owe it to them and myself.

So take care of yourself and don't let this drag on for ever, it can happen.

Yup, advice is always easy to give, but as I'm typing I wish I could take my own advice and move on. My girlfriend left a month ago without telling me why(not joking she just left). And yes I believe the sooner we accept the fact that they aren t coming back the sooner we will start healing. Pray and read your bible it helps

Quote:

Originally Posted by stilllearning

I hate that you had to see him. My GF of 12 years has left 3 weeks ago. We knew each other inside and out. It was me and her against the world, we were going to fix what are families had messed up. Now i dont know what is going to happen. I dont know if she has someone else but it is a possibility i have to look at. But one thing is for sure she is running from HER problems.

It seems like you are having a tough time, mabye a little to hard. Have you though about therapy or medication. I was already in therapy and started medication today. I refuse to let this take me all the way down so i can't get back up. I have to keep in mind that someone else might need me one day. I owe it to them and myself.

So take care of yourself and dont let this drag on for ever, it can happen.

Thanks stilllearning, I definitely think he is running from his problems also. But we always solved our problems together. Now he's went from this sweet, loving, affectionate, wonderful person to someone I don't even recognize in less than a month. Where did that other guy go??

Quote:

Originally Posted by oscaratalegra

Yup, advice is always easy to give, but as i m typing i wish i could take my own advice and move on. my girlfriend left a month ago without telling me why(not joking she just left). and yes i believe the sooner we accept the fact that they aren t coming back the sooner we will start healing. pray and read your bible it helps

How long were you together? And how was your relationship? Were you close or was it a rocky relationship? If you don't mind me asking

Missing
You really need to stop thinking of this guy , remember you will not start your healing process until you accept he's not coming back. And if he ever was he is no longer a sweet , wonderful person because a sweet wonderful person wouldn't do what he has done to you. Please star yor healing process now , this is for YOU , nobody else. And remember we are all here for you :)

One for the guys

How tempting can another woman be? Say your in a loving, content and seemingly happy realationship all be it finacially stressed. Can another woman tempt you away from your girlfriend?