Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend Thinks I'm Playing Mind Games Blew $170,000 on her

Wow how she could just could just tell me changed her number and sounded so happy about it and jolly. But I'm done with her. I almost guarantee she WILL call soon... But I won't answer. I mean come on, she JUST broke my phone in HALF last week because she got mad that an old friend who is a girl text messeged me. She read it when she was trying to make a call, so she broke it and half and apologized the next day. Now she says she can't take cycles of being happy and unhappy so she changed her number... hmm we'll see how long THAT lasts. Not that I care, but just an observation as for the last 3 years that's been the dynamics of our relationship. Its been like a boomerang effect

When you start to heal you will see her for what she is. I do with mine and you will start to get happy before you met her. I am starting too.

Ok

And she will see me for what I am

Yes, she will see how good she had it and one day regret breaking up with you. But the best revenge is get happy without her

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

Doug its been 6 months since she dumped me, Although I still think of her when I go to bed those dreams do fade away. Instead of 5-6 dreams every night its down to about 3-4 a week now. But your in the first stage and once you let go it gets easier. It took me about 4 months to start feeling good and and about 5 months in I wasn't thinking of her 24/7. Now 6 months in I think of her when I decide. It's alot eaiser to think of other things now then her.

1) Now would you say the dumper will go through a grieving process as well?

2) and the second question is I went to the gym yesterday, that got here off my mind a lot... then I used music to put me to sleep... But THEN when I got up at like 6am to use the bathroom, That's when I start to wonder what she's doing etc.

3) Am I right to say that no matter how much you keep busy, you will STILL have times where you wonder

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

1) Now would u say the dumper will go through a grieving process as well?

Yes, She probably prepared herself before she dumped you, But she will go through some grieving. Not as bad as you will since you where the one who got dumped.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

2) and the second question is i went to the gym yesterday, that got here off my mind a lot....then i used music to put me to sleep....But THEN when i got up at like 6am to use the bathroom, THATS when i start to wonder what she's doing etc.

This is normal, 4 months ago I woke up from a terrible dream I had of her. This is when I contacted her and we started taliking again. I was living on false hope of us getting back, but when I woke up at 3:30 in the morning I drove past her house to see if their was a new guy their. I am soooo much better now but I still wonder what she's doing and if she still thinks of me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

3) Am i right to say that no matter how much u keep busy, you will STILL have times where u wonder

Yes I still do, but when you accept that it is over you will start to heal faster then you think. If you have any more questions I am here to answer them. Iv'e been through h*ll the past 6 months.

I know when I dumped somoeone 4 years ago, I felt worse than them, and GRIEVED worse than them. I just knew it wasn't right for me

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

I know when i dumped somoeone 4 years ago, i felt worse than them, and GRIEVED worse than them. I just knew it wasn't right for me

I do know for a fact when my ex broke up with me those other 5-6 times she was in just of bad shape then I was. The reason she was in the same boat and couldn't let go because she new she always made a mistake by breaking up with me. So I believe a dumper can hurt just as bad as the one who was dumped but only if the dumper really wanted the relationship to end.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

I do know for a fact when my ex broke up with me those other 5-6 times she was in just of bad shape then I was. The reason she was in the same boat and couldn't let go because she new she always made a mistake by breaking up with me. So I believe a dumper can hurt just as bad as the one who was dumped but only if the dumper really wanted the relationship to end.

The 5-6 times when she broke up with you, how long was the break up typically, and how long was the No Contact period doing those 5-6 times

Moving on from a relationship that you have invested so much time (and money) in is very hard. Sometimes it is really hard to realize how messed up a situation is because your standing right in the thick of it. Go back and read your post as if you are not associated with the situation at all and see if it sounds as messed up as it truly is. You need to move past this girl.

Yeah I know. And I was being verbally and emotionally abusive. Well we were both doing that to EACH OTHER quite frequently

So 3 years, I figure I'll be over it in a month. What's going to suck is our anniverary is September 19, 2007

Verbal and emotional abuse never grows into anything good. Its unhealthy for both of you and will turn you into someone you don't want to be.

Well plan something awesome for that weekend with your buddies. Make it like a really fun guy's night so that way you aren't at home wallowing in self pity ;)

It will take time. Just let yourself work through the process. Definitely listen to SAB he has been through it. His ex was similar to yours. You can lean on us here.

But please do not beat yourself up. I find it helpful after a break up to not take any blame until I'm over the relationship. When my ex broke up with me I focused on HIS problems and how HE ruined the relationship. Now all this time later I can say yeah, we both made mistakes. Doing that made it easier for me to move on. Maybe give that a try?

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

The 5-6 times when she broke up with you, how long was the break up typically, and how long was the No Contact period doing those 5-6 times

1st one lasted a little over 3 months, I never contacted her once. She always contacted me.

2nd one may 2-3 months, again I never contacted, she always contacted me and wanted me back.

3rd one 1-2 months and again I never contacted her she contacted me.

The 2-3 other breakups where small ones anywhere from days two about a week.

And this final breakup its been a little over 6 months. Since we were engaged I wanted us to be together. So I contacted her 2 months after that and a couple samll emails since then. She has not come back this time. I believe she want to come back but this time I ignored her after she turned me down for wanting for us to be married in first couple of months of being broken up.. (Long story) But usaually when she contacted me she had a lame excuse to talk to me On the 4 major break ups I usually told her to leave me alone or don't call no more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

so 3 years,. i figure i'll be over it in a month. Whats going to suck is our anniverary is September 19, 2007

Don't set a time when you will be over her because you still have a long process to go. I was with my ex for almost 5 years. I am getting better but it's been been a little over 6 months and I still miss and hurt sometimes. But not as bad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

Don't set a time when you will be over her because you still have a long process to go. I was with my ex for almost 5 years. I am getting better but it's been been a little over 6 months and I still miss and hurt sometimes. But not as bad.

See that's whay I'm thinking about dating someone else. Because although it may7 be a rebound, by the time that ends... if it does... she will be WAY out my memory. Ort even casual fling sex. Because really in all honestly is was really the great sex that kept us together

When I am out and about and talk to women or make out with them etc. I did help to not think of her but it's was and still sometimes is when I'm alone. This is why I believe my ex is doing a rebound relationship to get over me.

But lets be really careful here in recommending rebound relationships. We are not out to intentionally hurt anyone and if you go into a relationship with the premise that its just a "rebound" and your sort of using that person to get over the other you need to be honest with the person your involving.

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Originally Posted by kanicky73

But lets be really careful here in recommending rebound relationships. We are not out to intentionally hurt anyone and if you go into a relationship with the premise that its just a "rebound" and your sort of using that person to get over the other you need to be honest with the person your involving.

I agree with you. I would think it might be better to casual date a few girls who know that you are just casually dating them and not looking for a relationship. That might keep things easier. However, I think that Doug is sort of incapable of being a jerk to a girl considering all the things that happened with his ex.

I agree with you Glinda. DougE you seem to be one of those "nice guys" and I don't mean that in a bad way at all, it just seems as though the men with the big hearts always end up getting used, which says a lot for us women. You be true to who you are and just be honest to anyone you decide to casually date.

Thank you both for the compliment I will... WOW I'm shocked I haven't heard from her. VERY interesting . You just have to know the dynamics of this relationship. Well I mean, its only been 2 days, lol... But I couldn't care less... Its when I'm alone that I see these visions of her having sex, and it just makes me sad and jealous at the same time

I think we have all been there at some point or another. Just find something that takes your mind off it when your alone. Or better yet just try to focus on the fun times you had with her and smile about then rather then let them get you sad. I wish you lots of luck.

Well like we all said get out with your buddies and have some fun.

One of my girlfriends and I have a "rescue me" clause with each other. That no matter what is going on I will drop everything to be with her, stay on the phone with her, go out with her whatever it takes to help her not wallow in an ex. We found it really helpful last summer when we both went through really bad breakups at the same time. Its really helpful and it really works. It helped us to stop focusing on them so much and we would just have so much fun. I don't know if guys do that but its an idea.

Yeah guys do... But no matter, how much fun you have, no matter how much time u occupy, you are STILL going to go through process, and it STILL will be hard

It's true the process doesn't go away but who says you can't have a few beers, laughs and nachos along the way, right?

Lol true... we'll see how this weekend goes... She works with my cousin, just them 2 at one store... should be interesting. I'm just going to tell her not to bring my ex up

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

lol true......we'll see how this weekend goes.....She works with my cousin, just them 2 at one store.....should be interesting. im just going to tell her not to bring my ex up

Doud, definitely tell your cousin not to bring her up and tell her if you ask about her not to tell you. You say you don't care anymore but trust me you will ask about her. I did, I'm friends with my ex's son's step brother. He came over (which I believe she sent him over) and I asked about her, he said she has new boy friend. Talk about a slap in the face, I was very hurt, jealous and cried all night. I couldn't believe she moved on that fast.Although a few days later I jumped back where I was in my healing process but sometimes it's better not to know what an ex is up too. And make sure your cousin doesn't tell her any thing about what your up too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

Doud, definetly tell your cousin not to bring her up and tell her if you ask about her not to tell you. You say you don't care anymore but trust me you will ask about her. I did, I'm friends with my ex's son's step brother. He came over (which I believe she sent him over) and I asked about her, he said she has new boy friend. Talk about a slap in the face, I was very hurt, jealous and cried all night. I couldn't believe she moved on that fast.Although a few days later I jumped back where I was in my healing process but sometimes it's better not to know what an ex is up too. And make sure your cousin doesn't tell her any thing about what your up too.

You know, remember when I told you all I knew eventually she would call. Well I kept getting call "restricted" all night at like 2am Saturday night. So finally I answered as it couldve been anybody, and I do get restricted calls sometimes. And it was her sounding all down, and then asking if I had $20 because she spent $200 to get her car fixex, blah blah blah, but you have the NERVE to call me restricted (*Shakes head back and forth).. . So I hung up... how you gon change your number because of me, and then call me... for cash...

GOOD FOR YOU!!

You know I was thinking maybe you should be the one who changes your number...

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!

you know I was thinking maybe you should be the one who changes your number....

That's what my mom said. She changes her number, tells all her friends, family etc, it was because of me. You go hrough all 80 of your contacts in your phone to tell them, and THEN you call me 3 days after you change your number. Do you know how UNSTABLE that IS? That is such a turn-off

I agree with your mom. What she did was nuts and if she is going to keep calling you and trying to weasel back in it may be best for you. Only give the number out to people who you know will not pass it on to her. As time winds on you will no longer have to be concerned.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!
you know I was thinking maybe you should be the one who changes your number....

Its not convenient, but it would be a reasonable step to take. I'm not completely convinced you are ready to write her off (meaning doing something more drastic like this), though I hope you are, but when you get there, changing the number is one way to show you mean business. My wife had to do this when a prior relationship bottomed out and she just had to get his noise out of her life.

I doubt I'm the only one here who expected her to call about money... I even went back through the thread cause I thought id warned about it, but apparently I didn't. Anyway, not a big revelation.

At this point id expect vengeful behavior next. Once she sees she can't manipulate you through guilt or fear of losing her (changing number) and that she can't use you for money, well that's when she should start lashing out at you directly and indirectly.

The bad news is that it sucks. The good news is that it drives the stake all the way in, meaning you find it a lot easier to step back when the person is clearly acting intentionally to hurt you.

I'm hoping this doesn't happen... but she sure seems like she's headed this way. So just be on guard a little. She might talk lies and noise to friends or people who both know. She might try to make you jealous concerning a diff guy. She might do anything that she can to throw your balance off.

She might also have a genuine change of heart and be nice about it all. Wouldn't wage my money on that bet. But she still has a choice in how to proceed, even if her past choices have been questionable.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kp2171

its not convenient, but it would be a reasonable step to take. im not completely convinced you are ready to write her off (meaning doing something more drastic like this), though i hope you are, but when you get there, changing the number is one way to show you mean business. my wife had to do this when a prior relationship bottomed out and she just had to get his noise out of her life.

i doubt im the only one here who expected her to call about money... i even went back through the thread cause i thought id warned about it, but apparently i didnt. anyway, not a big revelation.

at this point id expect vengeful behavior next. once she sees she can't manipulate you through guilt or fear of losing her (changing number) and that she can't use you for money, well thats when she should start lashing out at you directly and indirectly.

the bad news is that it sucks. the good news is that it drives the stake all the way in, meaning you find it a lot easier to step back when the person is clearly acting intentionally to hurt you.

im hoping this doesnt happen... but she sure seems like shes headed this way. so just be on guard a little. she might talk lies and noise to friends or people who both know. she might try to make you jealous concerning a diff guy. she might do anything that she can to throw your balance off.

she might also have a genuine change of heart and be nice about it all. wouldnt wage my money on that bet. but she still has a choice in how to proceed, even if her past choices have been questionable.

Thanks for that advice. That is interesting, she wouldn't seem the type to go THAT far, but then again, nowadays you never know

Desperate (for attention), irrational people do stupid, stupid things.

I'm sure she never seemed like the kind of person whod hide a guys name in her phone, treat you like she has financially, or accuse you of plotting to screw with her mind.

Hopefully I'm wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kp2171

desperate (for attention), irrational people do stupid, stupid things.

im sure she never seemed like the kind of person whod hide a guys name in her phone, treat you like she has financially, or accuse you of plotting to screw with her mind.

hopefully im wrong.

True

I know she's irrational. What kind of attention can you expect someone to give you by changing your number?

Ok, she just left a message on my voicemail saying "Please dont think I was trying to use you this weekend...Its just been really hard us not being together, and I felt you were treating me disrespectfuly"... (in which I did when I cussed her out so bad last friday)

Not your problem. She is grasping at straws trying to get you to call her. DELETE. End of story.