Move On... don't Put Your Life On Hold If Its Meant To Be She'll Be Back But Who's To Say You'll Want Her...
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Move On... don't Put Your Life On Hold If Its Meant To Be She'll Be Back But Who's To Say You'll Want Her...
I hear you on that one
I think you played it perfect, keep it up! And just get out there with your friends even if it is hard to get the motivation make yourself and you will have fun. It is easy to focus on the negatives but I would say you have two have a good chance, so stay positive and for now move on.
Sorry... I meant to say "you two have a good chance" in my lat post.
Thanks itit yeah I think we do it just needs time... the big man has a plan for us maybe she is in the plan he has for me maybe not but I need to start living and be happy.
Yourve done OK. But come on I hear what you are saying by you will be fine without her but her wanting to date other guys. You should have told her if she needs to date other guys to realise what she wants then you tell her well I'm not interested in a girl like that...
She may come back but I doubt it once she starts dating other guys your out mate. You must make a stance before this occurs. Anyway don't listen to a word she's saying and if she rings again Don't answer she is slowly pulling away here, if a girl mentions she wants to date others she already knows she doesn't want you... I know its easy to tell yourself she needs to date others to figure out if she really wants me!! NOT TRUE... 100% not true if she needs to date others she already knows you are not the one but if she can fall back on you she will. If she calls again and you talk tell her yourve decided if she wishes to date others there is no futuire for the two of you and tellher you want someone who knows what they want and anyone whio wants to date others is not someone you see you spending your life with!!
SAY IT MATE AND SAVE YOURSELF THE HEARTACHE... If you werethinking clearly you would say it! THINk about it your girl wants to date other guys how disrepectful towards you is that yourve been there for her held her and now she wants to try out some other guy!! Get with the program flyguy you should have given her a piece of your mind and said if your thinking of day=ting others yourve got no chancve with me and hung up!!
That's telling her with balls that you don't take this crap...
There's no plan its over. She doesn't want you. End of! Big rejection and ego hit, but hey, next?
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But I need to be happy and not having her shouldn't destroy my ability to have fun if I am happy on my own then imagine how happy I would be with her.
Sorry guy, its time to deal with reality right now, and let this one go completely. For all the reasons you've stated and the facy that she is growing and changing, for your own health, you must move on, and not look back. Do not contact her, and don't hold out hope that she will be back. For now I don't think you should take her calls either as if you read the posts of others here, that's when the confusion and chaos starts and the misery and pain. Get healthy, and get over her.
No more contact till she says i want you back!! How simple is that flyguy!! If she messages you saying " WHY ARNTYOU TALKING" don't reply never reply you <ust wait she must say" I WANT YOU BACK" i miss you!!
Can't get any easier than that can it!! Do it!! Never talk again till you here those words...
I have to agree.Quote:
anyone who wants to date others, is not someone you see you spending your life with!!
That's a great point chances are she is going to go out date other people and she may or may not find better but I want to be with someone that knows they want me not with someone who wants me as a backup plan. I am not going to call her I have done good with that up to this point it is time to move on she will see what she is missing but hey to bad for her she took this gamble in the first place. Thank you for all of your help I will keep everyone informed on what happens and if she comes crawling back to me once she realizes that I am not going to be put on the backburner.
Exactly Flyguy!
Update - Sorry Long post
I called her yesterday - don't get upset but I needed to tell her that I am not going to take this anymore and she can't treat me like . So I said nicely with no attitude "this is how I am feeling and this break is your choice so I am not here to change your mind on it. But I want to tell you that I will not allow myself to be put on the backburner if you want to go out and date other people fine hope you have fun but I can't keep these feelings I have for you if you want to date others. I want to be with someone that isn't afraid to be with me and doesn't need to "make sure" I am the right one for her. Now if you go out and date other people find out that there isn't any better out there and decide you want me back I don't know if I can live with that. Because in the back of my mind I am going to be thinking was I really your first choice or was I just your backup plan because the person you wanted didn't show up at the right time, didn't want you, or wasn't available during this break. I will be thinking this person could show up at anytime and I would be thrown to the curb just like you are doing to me now." I needed to tell her this and I feel so much better it was a great step in my healing process... So glad I told her.
It is funny because she got really upset almost aggravated started saying how can you say this if you love me and stuff like that. I think it was the first time that she really got the picture that was she is doing will cause me to run away and not sit back and be walked all over. She eventually worked herself into a knot and said "well I can't believe you are saying this if I am the one for you then you will wait" I responded with "the girl that I have known the past two weeks, the girl that wants a break, THAT girl I am NOT in love with. Just remember you asked for this and this is the risk you are going to have to take but know that I may not be there or willing to take you back when you figure your out." She was steamed at this point and said she didn't want to talk to me I said fine Good-Bye!!
Funny thing is not 5 minutes later I get a text from her saying that I am just pushing her away and making her want to find other people. It was an obvious attempt to get me to say "no I don't want you to do that and I am sorry but I will wait for you and you can do whatever you want during this time" so I didn't say anything. I know now that this is going to eat away at her because what she thought would always be there is moving on and is going to be a bigger and better person then she has been the past two weeks.
Thanks to all of you for talking me through this I look forward to sharing my experience with people that come on this site and face the same situation. This is a great site that really helps you talk about your frustrations and start to see things clearly.
You did good... She just said that stuff because she is probably seeing guys already and wants to act like it's your fault. Oh please, with what you told her, she should've came back and realized she's going to lose you, not say that you are pushing her away and making her look for other guys... That's ridiculous. You should never contact her again...
Good work now what she asid was just a ploy, pushing her away what a load of crap it is doing just the opposite but she is trying to regain the power she has over you by saying that and I hope you realise this cause a lot of guys cave in. This is the best way and that bit about you may not be there well you show her that now. This will be eating away at her and you know what she WILL I guarantee she will call in the next five days. You do NOT under any circumstances answer you DO NOT answer the phone let the tension build you have told her your not waiting now it is time to show her you are not waiting for her!!
If you answer you are stupid and will be back to square one don't think for a minute she will call and say I want you back straight away she will test the waters and see where she is at if you do not answer she will have no idea what you are doing she will then probably text you and it will saound something like this " I can't believe you are acting like this i thouught you loved me"... She will definitely try and make you back down. Your best way to handle this ids to not talk at all. Not talking creates no confusion and doesn't leave you wondering what to say and when to say it and my not discussing anythingf it means she has to ignitiate contact if she wants you back. And I will tell you now if she doesn't contact you she doesn't want to be with you I guarantee this. Don't sit there and think if I contact her I may get her back.. NO WAY mate she must contact you and want you back... SIMPLE as that...
Don't call again please you have explained youir situation and your position you now WAIT it out it may take 3 weeks but you must wait it out!! O NOT CALL please and do not answer...
So if she does not contact me in the next two weeks then it is totally over? What if she is just very strong willed and won't cave in no matter how much it is eating away at her?
According to recent events it is over and its up to you to make a decision based on facts and not feelings. When a female wants a break, its over and I'm out. That simple. Sorry but anything that's not a sincere effort to rekindle the spark is irrelevant BS leading to drama, and confusion that only wastes time and gives false hope. Just my opinion. Take a stand in your best interest. Why is she entitled to control the relationship??Quote:
Originally Posted by Flyguy1784
Found out she has been hanging out with this guy from work for the past three weeks... you guys were right. So I went out have been having a great time even found a new interest one night out at the bars. We will see where is goes she knows my story and knows that I am a wounded soul right now. I think the ex got wind of it though because I got a text from her asking for me not to give up on our relationship she just doesn't want to miss an oppurtunity that might be out there. I hope it eats away at her what she is doing and I think she finally is starting to see that she has lost me. What other oppurtunity is going to come along in the future?? How could I be with someone like that.
Exactly, If she comes back don't give in. Heal and hopefully this new girl will be the one.
As I have told others in the same boat, if you can just have fun without expectations, and deal with your feelings maturely, you will get over those exes, just by accepting they are gone and letting go. All of us on this thread have freaked out because an ex gives us false hope and keeps us confused, while they explore and party their butts off. Of course we don't see that through all our emotions, but realise that it ain't that much love in the world to have me waiting for a bus that ain't coming. Life is to short to be stuck on stupid isn't it? Heal, get healthy, and find your own happiness. Is it a party going on?? Start one.
Reply with. Please stop contacting me its OVER. I don't want to be with someone like you now who treats peoplelike you. Show her yournot there she thinks you are. DO IT NOW>>>
I told her do what you need I can't keep holding on to you when you are gone you are the one walking away from a good thing. I am moving on finding someone that wants to be with me and isn't afraid of it. Have fun with the new person but I won't be waiting for you when he screws you over.
Nice... I think your well on your way know.
Nothing else I can do whatever happens happens this new girl came out of the blue this past week and really opened my eyes to other fish in the sea. I think its pretty sweet that she understands what I am going through but is willing to take it slow and just have fun for now.
Amazing the things we see when our eyes are open, Have fun and make double sure she does too.
The way I see it, she told you exactly how she felt---and when she said it, she meant it. I think you guys need to have a talk, though, on the phone, email, or whatever because you can't contact her directly. You need to ask her if its OK that you move on, because you should. It's selfish of her to hold you just in case she might come back. The girl has to come on down to earth and get real, if she wants to be away from you, then you don't need to waste your daytime minutes on her. I'm not trying to be harsh, I'm just trying to show you the reality of this situation. Obviously this girl needs some time to get it together, but that doesn't mean you need to slug around all day thinking about her. If she was a good friend, she would understand. You guys might have to officially break up, but I'm not sure. Hope everything goes OK :)
Now that's not right if she needs space like that then she's very very confused. I was in the same situation and I thought I needed space to but if you need space in a relationship then you don't need to be in a relationship at all hands down. If someone told me they needed space I would be like bye see you later. Because she should know if you're the one for her long distance or not. She should know if she's found herself, cause if you're the one for her then she will never think that way to ever need space from you.
I would like to add my story to this discussion as it is very similar yet a bit different. Well, I have dated this girl from my high school since 11th grade she had just turned 16 and I was 17. She broke up with me just a week ago after 3 and a half years relationship. The last two years we lived a 2 hour train trip apart, but we often saw each other on weekends and still spent our holidays together. Everything was great and we got to adjust to the change because the love was strong. Being apart actually gave us something to look forward to. Anyway, now we have summer holidays I went back to Germany (my home) for a while. I actually study in the UK. She is still in London where she studies. Only 2 weeks ago she was telling me how much she missed me. One day she brought up the question on marriage and started asking herself if I was the one for her. I got kind of angry and my reaction was wrong. I questioned her why she was having these thoughts, as if she was having second thoughts about being with me. The reason I overreacted is because our relationship was very rough the first two years and it just brought back memories of past events. To be honest I was the one who wanted her most and she wasn't really into me.. I think. Eventually, she said she "learned" to love me and she was happy. Anyway, getting to the point, after all this, she decided to cut the relationship. First she said she was confused and needed time especially as I had been gone for a month she missed me. Then it turned out she didn't want anymore, she wanted to experience the excitement of falling in love from the beginning etc etc. It is really weird, I don't understand, she said she loved me, she always wanted me to be with her and suddently she just turned around and didn't want anymore. She is 19 now and I think in a way she is confused, she is inexperienced and want cheap thrills. The thing is I was one of those guys who did everything for her, from dress, to take her out to the best restaurants, walk her home so she was safe, so many things that your average boyfriend would never do. I was like her father. I guess that was wrong, she said she wanted a boyfriend who is just a boyfriend. She wants an older guy she told me around 25 who is more mature. The thing is though, I had changed too much for her, I did everything she requested and changed my life the way she wanted it. She blamed me for many things at the end which she does herself and things that I did not do anymore for the last 2 years. It like she couldn't see the good in me. I always loved and respected her regardless of her faults and always saw her faults as part of being her and her age and that it could always be worked on. Anyway, cutting to the chase, I still always hope she calls me and asks me back. Its so wrong though to think that I know. I can't stand the feeling of another guy touching her because she was like my baby. It is hard for me to understand how she could be happy with a guy who does and gives less. It is so demoralizing for me after all I've done. Either way, I have to live through this. These few days I realize I am just going to stop calling. I just worry I will never hear from her again. I also told her to not ever contact me and I don't want to be her plan be after she realizes how good I was. I have so much more to say in this thread but it will go on forever.
Yeah I think the best thing we can do is just let go of the dumpers no matter how much we sit and try to analyze their every move on this site we never really know what they are truly thinking. The only thing we know at the moment is they do not want to be with us and no matter how much you fight to change that you can't and why would you want to guilt them into changing their feelings. The best way is for them to change their own feelings who knows what will happen she may find someone else who cares or she may realize that we had a good thing but the dumpers will always have to live with the risk they decided to take. Yes there will always be a spot in my heart for my dumper but I was ready to fix our relationship and she didn't want that so who knows down the road I might not be ready to give her a second chance if she comes crawling back. My dumper has said over and over again that she feels like she is making the worst decision in her life by letting me go and in the last conversation we had when she said that I told her well I hope that feeling never goes away because you are making the worst decision of your life. She got upset and she said "well I can't picture it ever going away" trying to give me a string of hope. That is when I told her well this relationship is over in my eyes I am moving forward with my life and right now you are not a part of my life and in the future I may want to keep it that way.
Flyguy, at least your girlfriend bothered to talk to you after and told you her feelings and at least showed some feelings. With my case, my girl didn't want me to call her or anything. I asked her, "how can you be so emotionless" she replies she was acting and it was for our best that she didn't cry. When I did hug her and say goodbye she started to tear but then again 4 years with good memories, regardless if you love the person or not anymore or if you are plain confused, is something not easy to not cry about. The really horrible thing right now is that I look at my phone everyday waiting for her to call, and after I wrote her a nasty email saying how mean she was and that I never want her to call or email ever or even dare say she wants me back, I am starting to think that was bad idea. I know I am wrong in my actions having hopes, then again, I have focused my entire time with her and now on just the good memories which were more than the bad memories which I just see as normal relationship problems. I don't know what to say, this experience for me has been and still is a horrible nightmare as I am one week into the breakup. My girl was my baby, Im so worried about her safety and health, I don't know I'm freaking out. But I know I can't I know I have to move on and think straight. But boy is it hard as hell. I sometimes wish to wake up and this all be a bad nightmare.
gmspitali, I know exactly what you're saying. Same thing happened to me after 4 years. It's been 4 months since the break up. But only 3 weeks since I last tried to get her back and was shot down again with that "emotionless" rejection. I keep looking at my phone too and hoping, hoping that maybe in time she will call, but the odds of that are next to nothing. It sucks and I'm still waiting for it to get better. Hang in their and don't do anything else that's harmful and won't make a difference (like the nasty email). You're doing it because you're frustrated and want to evoke an emotional response, but it's not going to help your situation or make her feel different. Wait it out. For how long I still don't know, but for now it;'s the only thing you can do in that situation
Ye seems that way. It is so weird, never in my life expected this to happen. Its one crazy experience for not only me but many people here. It is one of those things in life where you just look at and think wow I never knew things could be so bad and feel so bad. Your perspective on life changes and you start to see things about yourself and others in different ways. In a way it feels like I am going through an important stage in life, it is part of my maturity, it is a mechanism that god has created to protect me from similar future events. I see it as a disease which you get once and your body becomes more immune to it next time. Like chicken px in a way. As I said it is just really weird and sometimes I look at myself from the outside and observe my behaviour and just find it so interesting. Its all a bit dreamy, not real and overall just plain messy. Anyway, Im just going to hold off contact, if I really meant anything to her she will make an effort to call, then again as I said many times because of her personality, if she did want to call she probably wouldn't just to keep her dignity.
Don't do anything for her... do everything for YOU. You are right on when you say it is a mechanism that god has created but you must learn from it he is trying to teach us all something. We don't know what the future will hold but the one thing we know is that if we believe in him and trust in his plan he will bring us great things maybe not on this earth but defiantly in the afterlife. My religion has come back to me because of this and I am so thankful for this I still hurt inside each day because I did loose someone I love but I have gained so much by coming back to my faith.
Everyone gains something from these experiences but you won't learn anything if you are not willing to listen and open up your mind. By dwelling on the "what if" and the "why" we cloud our thoughts and are not giving ourselves the time we deserve to learn from this. In the big picture having a loved one leave you may seem like a major blow now but we will look back and say I am better off because of that I learned so much about myself.
Not pushing anyone out there but if you are people of faith I encourage you to read the book of Job it has helped me. Job went through way more then I have in my life but he never doubted and the Lord blessed him for that. There is a lot to learn in this book and this is something that has helped me each day.
I don't get it she called me tonight it has been over a month since the "break" she wanted to tell me again that she kissed this same guy but that that she was only attracted to his personality and even that they didn't click like her and I did but she thinks it is because she has not let herself look at him like this. I don't know what she is trying to do her I want to get over her so that I can get over this pain inside but I keep getting these voicemails, calls, and texts form her. As soon as I tell her I don't want to be with someone like this I get the text "don't give up on us".
Tell her I've given up. Stop contacting me its too late... Simple
To be honest I'm in a relationship where we are having some time apart but it is him that wants it and to be honest although I love him I think if he did the same thing to me that your girlfriend has done to you then I would have to say that he has lost his chance with me as I wouldn't be able to trust him any longer and a relationship without trust isn't a relationship. If she really loves you she wouldn't have done that to you in the first place.
I think you should ask her to stop texting and calling and you should delete her number and start fresh, your only 23 and there are definitely better women out there for you.
When you ended the game she realised that she made a mistake and now wants to correct it, which you will see just leads to more games of desperation. Stay on your path, and it may seem rude to ignore her, eventually she will accept that its over, and YOU have moved on.Quote:
As soon as I tell her I don't want to be with someone like this I get the text "don't give up on us".
Part of me still doesn't want to move on but I don't want to give into her game and give her back the control of the relationship. I think I have to keep ignoring her and move on with my life until I hear the words "I made a mistake I want to try again" and at that point I need to look at where I am at in my life and make the call if it is worth it.
One thing that I have found just amazing in the experience is how much you think you know someone and then BOOM complete 100% change. I am trying to figure out how to overcome this in the next relationship I am in. Yes we never know what is going to happen but I have no urge to have this happen again I would at least like to see it coming maybe I was blind I don't know. How do you keep them so interested in you and your relationship? How do people that have been together for 50 years keep the spark going? What is it that I can do to make a girl never want to run from the relationship? Just some questions that I have been thinking about thought I would throw them out there.
I've been married 33 years and conclude it take s a lot of hard work, and a lot of LUCK!
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